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I know no one will care but...........

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On 30/03/2020 at 23:15, Marisawright said:

Got myself in a bit of a pickle here - thought I had replied to something Marisa had said but obviously I hadn't and now I cant delete what it looks like I might have started

Funny how you share odd things with total strangers on the internet but today I got the call.  After being here more than 40 years and having dreaded it for many years, today it came.  My dad died early this morning and to say that I am still somewhat stunned is understatement.  As most of you know, we spent most of the last 9 years in UK supporting my ageing parents.  Mum died in 2017 with dementia and we had kept her at home for a long time but eventually she needed more care than we could provide. We cared for dad after he had a severe stroke in 2017 and he needed 24/7 attendance so we had very disjointed lives there for a couple of years.  We encouraged him to go into respite for periods so we could get some time for ourselves and eventually he decided that he rather liked the care home and in August last year he decided he didnt want to come home with us, he would stay there.  So then followed the clearing out of 30+ years of acquisitions in their home (mum had been a hoarder plain and simple) and we gradually sold/gave/donated everything in the house but we still left ourselves with just 2 days to do the final clearing out - bigger task than we thought but we did it.  Dad's house sale completed last week after lots of toing and froing and a substantial covid hit and today dad passed away.  He was 96 and had been in hospital since Saturday but when my son spoke to his specialist yesterday it was an optimistic chat, nothing indicating anything imminent so getting the call was a bit of a shock.  Of course, Covid means that attending a funeral is nigh on impossible and I have come to terms with that and I thank my lucky stars that my eldest son is there and seems to have a handle on things, we've dumped a lot on him.  

I am sad that we arent able to really celebrate those 96 years.  For a lad who started with very little, he survived a war and saw some horrific sights which he kept shut in boxes in his mind for the most part, he wasnt enthused about education and didnt read his first book until he was 68 (but then he became a voracious reader, thank you Dick Francis!) but he was a very successful business man, an excellent golfer and he saw the world.  When he was born they thought he wouldnt survive because the midwife was too busy trying to save his mum to attend to him.  But despite all of that, he outlived all his siblings and I think he went out of this world happy.  He will be very happy to see mum again and to be able to walk without a frame, to be independent and not reliant on others for personal things.   I am immensely sad of course but happy for him that he really did do things his way.

As I said, it's weird the things you choose to say to a load of strangers on the internet!

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What a beautiful eulogy Quoll. You do not need to be at the funeral to commemorate his life and your love for him as it shines through the words you have written. Take care. T x

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3 hours ago, Quoll said:

Funny how you share odd things with total strangers on the internet but today I got the call.  After being here more than 40 years and having dreaded it for many years, today it came.  My dad died early this morning and to say that I am still somewhat stunned is understatement.  As most of you know, we spent most of the last 9 years in UK supporting my ageing parents.  Mum died in 2017 with dementia and we had kept her at home for a long time but eventually she needed more care than we could provide. We cared for dad after he had a severe stroke in 2017 and he needed 24/7 attendance so we had very disjointed lives there for a couple of years.  We encouraged him to go into respite for periods so we could get some time for ourselves and eventually he decided that he rather liked the care home and in August last year he decided he didnt want to come home with us, he would stay there.  So then followed the clearing out of 30+ years of acquisitions in their home (mum had been a hoarder plain and simple) and we gradually sold/gave/donated everything in the house but we still left ourselves with just 2 days to do the final clearing out - bigger task than we thought but we did it.  Dad's house sale completed last week after lots of toing and froing and a substantial covid hit and today dad passed away.  He was 96 and had been in hospital since Saturday but when my son spoke to his specialist yesterday it was an optimistic chat, nothing indicating anything imminent so getting the call was a bit of a shock.  Of course, Covid means that attending a funeral is nigh on impossible and I have come to terms with that and I thank my lucky stars that my eldest son is there and seems to have a handle on things, we've dumped a lot on him.  

I am sad that we arent able to really celebrate those 96 years.  For a lad who started with very little, he survived a war and saw some horrific sights which he kept shut in boxes in his mind for the most part, he wasnt enthused about education and didnt read his first book until he was 68 (but then he became a voracious reader, thank you Dick Francis!) but he was a very successful business man, an excellent golfer and he saw the world.  When he was born they thought he wouldnt survive because the midwife was too busy trying to save his mum to attend to him.  But despite all of that, he outlived all his siblings and I think he went out of this world happy.  He will be very happy to see mum again and to be able to walk without a frame, to be independent and not reliant on others for personal things.   I am immensely sad of course but happy for him that he really did do things his way.

As I said, it's weird the things you choose to say to a load of strangers on the internet!

Oh hun, I am so so sorry. Reading your posts over the last 13 years I know how much your mum and dad meant to you and how much you and your hubby  sacrificed to be with them. You went above and beyond and rest assured your parents knew how much love you had for them.  I am sorry that you weren’t there for those last few days it must have been a total shock to get the dreaded call but please be at peace knowing that he is with your mum now. Huge huge hugs to you. ❤️

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If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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4 hours ago, Quoll said:

Funny how you share odd things with total strangers on the internet but today I got the call.  After being here more than 40 years and having dreaded it for many years, today it came.  My dad died early this morning and to say that I am still somewhat stunned is understatement.  As most of you know, we spent most of the last 9 years in UK supporting my ageing parents.  Mum died in 2017 with dementia and we had kept her at home for a long time but eventually she needed more care than we could provide. We cared for dad after he had a severe stroke in 2017 and he needed 24/7 attendance so we had very disjointed lives there for a couple of years.  We encouraged him to go into respite for periods so we could get some time for ourselves and eventually he decided that he rather liked the care home and in August last year he decided he didnt want to come home with us, he would stay there.  So then followed the clearing out of 30+ years of acquisitions in their home (mum had been a hoarder plain and simple) and we gradually sold/gave/donated everything in the house but we still left ourselves with just 2 days to do the final clearing out - bigger task than we thought but we did it.  Dad's house sale completed last week after lots of toing and froing and a substantial covid hit and today dad passed away.  He was 96 and had been in hospital since Saturday but when my son spoke to his specialist yesterday it was an optimistic chat, nothing indicating anything imminent so getting the call was a bit of a shock.  Of course, Covid means that attending a funeral is nigh on impossible and I have come to terms with that and I thank my lucky stars that my eldest son is there and seems to have a handle on things, we've dumped a lot on him.  

I am sad that we arent able to really celebrate those 96 years.  For a lad who started with very little, he survived a war and saw some horrific sights which he kept shut in boxes in his mind for the most part, he wasnt enthused about education and didnt read his first book until he was 68 (but then he became a voracious reader, thank you Dick Francis!) but he was a very successful business man, an excellent golfer and he saw the world.  When he was born they thought he wouldnt survive because the midwife was too busy trying to save his mum to attend to him.  But despite all of that, he outlived all his siblings and I think he went out of this world happy.  He will be very happy to see mum again and to be able to walk without a frame, to be independent and not reliant on others for personal things.   I am immensely sad of course but happy for him that he really did do things his way.

As I said, it's weird the things you choose to say to a load of strangers on the internet!

I’m sorry for your loss Quoll.  From everything you’ve said over the years, it sounds like your dad had a wonderfully long and happy life. Both your mum and dad were so lucky to have you, a daughter so caring that she spent the last 9 years living there looking after them. They never had to worry in their ageing years, you were there keeping them safe. You did them proud Quoll and I hope that brings you comfort. 

We may be strangers on the internet but we’re also friends that just haven’t met in person. 
 

Take care x

Edited by Tulip1
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10 hours ago, newjez said:

My mother in law's family fell out over the will of an unmarried aunt forty years ago, and the family have only just started talking to each other again. They can be very disruptive.

Yes, that’s why I knew I had to speak up. I’d taken early retirement and moved back to my home town to do the lion’s share of the caring.If mum’s money had run out, it wouldn’t have bothered me, but for anything left to have gone to the grandchildren, I would have felt very resentful - particularly as none of them were in financial need.


103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

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7 hours ago, Quoll said:

Funny how you share odd things with total strangers on the internet but today I got the call.  After being here more than 40 years and having dreaded it for many years, today it came.  My dad died early this morning and to say that I am still somewhat stunned is understatement.  As most of you know, we spent most of the last 9 years in UK supporting my ageing parents.  Mum died in 2017 with dementia and we had kept her at home for a long time but eventually she needed more care than we could provide. We cared for dad after he had a severe stroke in 2017 and he needed 24/7 attendance so we had very disjointed lives there for a couple of years.  We encouraged him to go into respite for periods so we could get some time for ourselves and eventually he decided that he rather liked the care home and in August last year he decided he didnt want to come home with us, he would stay there.  So then followed the clearing out of 30+ years of acquisitions in their home (mum had been a hoarder plain and simple) and we gradually sold/gave/donated everything in the house but we still left ourselves with just 2 days to do the final clearing out - bigger task than we thought but we did it.  Dad's house sale completed last week after lots of toing and froing and a substantial covid hit and today dad passed away.  He was 96 and had been in hospital since Saturday but when my son spoke to his specialist yesterday it was an optimistic chat, nothing indicating anything imminent so getting the call was a bit of a shock.  Of course, Covid means that attending a funeral is nigh on impossible and I have come to terms with that and I thank my lucky stars that my eldest son is there and seems to have a handle on things, we've dumped a lot on him.  

I am sad that we arent able to really celebrate those 96 years.  For a lad who started with very little, he survived a war and saw some horrific sights which he kept shut in boxes in his mind for the most part, he wasnt enthused about education and didnt read his first book until he was 68 (but then he became a voracious reader, thank you Dick Francis!) but he was a very successful business man, an excellent golfer and he saw the world.  When he was born they thought he wouldnt survive because the midwife was too busy trying to save his mum to attend to him.  But despite all of that, he outlived all his siblings and I think he went out of this world happy.  He will be very happy to see mum again and to be able to walk without a frame, to be independent and not reliant on others for personal things.   I am immensely sad of course but happy for him that he really did do things his way.

As I said, it's weird the things you choose to say to a load of strangers on the internet!

Sorry to hear that Quoll, but you can feel proud of the way you looked after both your parents. That generation were such a bunch of toughies, and it doesn’t matter how much you may know that death is imminent, it’s still a shock when it happens. Oh, the memories involved in clearing out the house. I sorted my dad’s shed out when he died and it was so full of him that I kept expecting him to walk in the door. Wishing you comfort. 

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103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

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sorry to hear about your loss Quoll - thinking of you.

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I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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Condolences Quoll. A very emotional time for you.

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I want it all, and I want it now.

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So sorry Quoll.  Your Dad had a long and happy life but you will still miss him very much even though you are so far away.

Thinking of you xx

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So sorry Quoll to hear your sad news. The loss of a parent is hard, it doesn’t matter their age, it hurts.

What a wonderful daughter you have been, it will be hard not to be there for his funeral, but you have been there caring for both your parents in the latter part of their lives, what comfort that must have given them.

Sending you love xxx

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Sorry to hear your news Quoll but your dad is in a better place now.

Never nice seeing someone you love suffer but as I watched my father in law turn into a skeleton 4 months ago from cancer you now it is for the best when they pass and they dont have to suffer anymore.

Our thoughts are with you x 

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(((((hugs))))) to Quoll.  It's never easy, even when you know it's coming.  At least you were there when he really needed you, and you left him where he felt happy and safe.

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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18 hours ago, Quoll said:

Funny how you share odd things with total strangers on the internet but today I got the call.  After being here more than 40 years and having dreaded it for many years, today it came.  My dad died early this morning and to say that I am still somewhat stunned is understatement.  As most of you know, we spent most of the last 9 years in UK supporting my ageing parents.  Mum died in 2017 with dementia and we had kept her at home for a long time but eventually she needed more care than we could provide. We cared for dad after he had a severe stroke in 2017 and he needed 24/7 attendance so we had very disjointed lives there for a couple of years.  We encouraged him to go into respite for periods so we could get some time for ourselves and eventually he decided that he rather liked the care home and in August last year he decided he didnt want to come home with us, he would stay there.  So then followed the clearing out of 30+ years of acquisitions in their home (mum had been a hoarder plain and simple) and we gradually sold/gave/donated everything in the house but we still left ourselves with just 2 days to do the final clearing out - bigger task than we thought but we did it.  Dad's house sale completed last week after lots of toing and froing and a substantial covid hit and today dad passed away.  He was 96 and had been in hospital since Saturday but when my son spoke to his specialist yesterday it was an optimistic chat, nothing indicating anything imminent so getting the call was a bit of a shock.  Of course, Covid means that attending a funeral is nigh on impossible and I have come to terms with that and I thank my lucky stars that my eldest son is there and seems to have a handle on things, we've dumped a lot on him.  

I am sad that we arent able to really celebrate those 96 years.  For a lad who started with very little, he survived a war and saw some horrific sights which he kept shut in boxes in his mind for the most part, he wasnt enthused about education and didnt read his first book until he was 68 (but then he became a voracious reader, thank you Dick Francis!) but he was a very successful business man, an excellent golfer and he saw the world.  When he was born they thought he wouldnt survive because the midwife was too busy trying to save his mum to attend to him.  But despite all of that, he outlived all his siblings and I think he went out of this world happy.  He will be very happy to see mum again and to be able to walk without a frame, to be independent and not reliant on others for personal things.   I am immensely sad of course but happy for him that he really did do things his way.

As I said, it's weird the things you choose to say to a load of strangers on the internet!

A wonderful way to be remembered. 

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RIP Les from Aussie outback opal hunters.

Gutted.

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