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I know no one will care but...........

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Is he depressed Marisa? I don’t know how long he was retired before you went to UK, unsettled there, then back here to somewhere new.

Newjez makes some good points. Take him out of his comfort zone and gently force the issue.

I know I was worried how my husband would adjust to retirement, as apart from playing a bit of golf he had no hobbies, and we moved to a new country. It took a while to adjust to having to organise his own life in retirement. He does more than me now, but it took time. What are his interests? We joined Probus together and U3A has lots of good activities. Is there a men’s shed near you? He might need the company of other men. Men can find retirement lhard and feel a bit lost. 

I sympathise know it’s quite easy to get cross with them, but really it’s often because we are worried, let alone frustrated!! Have a few days away together it might help.

XM

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On 09/11/2018 at 06:04, Toots said:

I have even resorted to rubbing in the gel I got from the saddlery shop for our elderly horse.  😃

 

001.JPG

My mum was given ketaprofen gel for her bursitis and it worked a treat - ketamine is a horse drug too I think. 

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On 09/11/2018 at 03:38, Bulya said:

Head physio (top Yorkshire lass) told me I was done this morning and no more sessions.  On telling her I was I was shocked and not mentally ready to be fired, she said “graduated, not fired”.  Went back later and gave her and her two assistants $90 of Lindt special assortment.  Appears clients don’t give thanks and they were more than a little shocked.  Collecting a rowing machine this weekend, but I’ll miss the professional advice big time

I can recommend a top guy if you don’t mind paying for the advice - he’s all about building strength flexibility and fitness and will do a ripper sports massage if required. He’s down in Deakin and doesn’t advertise much because, as my DH says, he’s been beating customers away for 20 years. 

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1 hour ago, Quoll said:

I can recommend a top guy if you don’t mind paying for the advice - he’s all about building strength flexibility and fitness and will do a ripper sports massage if required. He’s down in Deakin and doesn’t advertise much because, as my DH says, he’s been beating customers away for 20 years. 

Going to try the rower which we collect tomorrow, and continue with the exercise bike and then look at how I’m gong.  Seeing the knee surgeon Wednesday and urologist Thursday.  The kidney problem will take priority for a while I guess.  Appreciate offer, will keep it in mind 

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Mowed the lawns.  Balancing on one leg using the other as a prop must have looked weird.  Now icing the bursitis and wondering why on earth did I do this....

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Really struggling to get motivated for second year. Finished my first placement of 2nd year now. I've got a 4000 word assignment that's due in 4 weeks, only just starting it now. Everyone says the 2nd year blues are a thing and I'm definitely feeling it! Looking forward to a much needed break at Christmas.
 
Hope everyone here is going good!


You can do it. One day at a time. x
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Trying to get to Aus since 2008. Finally the end is in sight and we are starting to really plan.

Hubby, Paramedic.

Me, Adult Nursing student starting Sept 2018. 

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Been told not to drive :-(. Cataract in left eye to be sorted on the 19th. $2500 for the one eye and a script for the eye drops pre and post op $54. I dread to think what they would have cost without a pensioners concession! You would think that they'd throw 'em in for free when they're already fleecing you for 5K


Hope it goes ok Johndoe, a lot of money but will be worth it.
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Trying to get to Aus since 2008. Finally the end is in sight and we are starting to really plan.

Hubby, Paramedic.

Me, Adult Nursing student starting Sept 2018. 

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9 hours ago, Marisawright said:

My husband is driving me mad.  I'm not expecting a solution, I just need to vent!

We've been back in Australia for two years, this time in Melbourne instead of Sydney.  We dithered at first about where we wanted to settle, as Melbourne was more expensive than we expected and Hobart was still on our radar.   I know my husband is VERY slow to make up his mind about anything,  and pressure makes it worse, so I sat back and let him take his time.   

It took him about eighteen months to decide he wants to stay in Melbourne.  House prices have now gone up in Melbourne by 40% in some places, making areas we could have bought in unaffordable.  

It's very difficult for us to find an apartment anyway, because he refuses to live in anything that isn't brand new.  It also must be totally private, quiet, inner city or bayside, with a view. When we do find something like that, it's too expensive. I can live with that challenge, I've lived with it for twelve years!  But here's the kicker - HE'S NOT TRYING.

The thing is, the flat we're renting meets all his criteria, apart from the fact that the fittings are shoddy and it gets blindingly hot in summer (which he constantly moans about), so it's obvious he doesn't really want to move.

I've done the sums and said to him, "If we buy a one-bedroom place as an investment, then we can afford to stay here renting, and then we've always got the investment property as a home in our old age, if we're stuck".   We don't have anyone to leave our money to, so it doesn't matter if we don't have much in assets when we die.   But he insists he doesn't want that, he wants the security of his own home. 

But then another weekend goes by and he hasn't looked at realestate.com.au or domain.com.au ONCE.    It gets to Friday, I sit down and find some places and make him sit down and go through them - he sits there for hours until he's found a tiny fault with all of them, and declares none of them are worth going to inspect.   

I wish he would have the balls to say, I don't want to move - then we could bring the rest of our belongings out of storage and I could make this rented flat a home.  But no, we go through this pretence that we're going to buy a place, then he does bugger all about it.

Rant over. Thanks for listening.

I feel your pain! My husband is a procrastinator too.

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103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

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On 09/11/2018 at 14:43, Bulya said:

Bursitis is a real PIA!

Rob had it in his shoulder he was in agony. The injection worked a treat. Although now he has severe neck and spine issues but he is trying to avoid the op.


If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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11 hours ago, Marisawright said:

My husband is driving me mad.  I'm not expecting a solution, I just need to vent!

We've been back in Australia for two years, this time in Melbourne instead of Sydney.  We dithered at first about where we wanted to settle, as Melbourne was more expensive than we expected and Hobart was still on our radar.   I know my husband is VERY slow to make up his mind about anything,  and pressure makes it worse, so I sat back and let him take his time.   

It took him about eighteen months to decide he wants to stay in Melbourne.  House prices have now gone up in Melbourne by 40% in some places, making areas we could have bought in unaffordable.  

It's very difficult for us to find an apartment anyway, because he refuses to live in anything that isn't brand new.  It also must be totally private, quiet, inner city or bayside, with a view. When we do find something like that, it's too expensive. I can live with that challenge, I've lived with it for twelve years!  But here's the kicker - HE'S NOT TRYING.

The thing is, the flat we're renting meets all his criteria, apart from the fact that the fittings are shoddy and it gets blindingly hot in summer (which he constantly moans about), so it's obvious he doesn't really want to move.

I've done the sums and said to him, "If we buy a one-bedroom place as an investment, then we can afford to stay here renting, and then we've always got the investment property as a home in our old age, if we're stuck".   We don't have anyone to leave our money to, so it doesn't matter if we don't have much in assets when we die.   But he insists he doesn't want that, he wants the security of his own home. 

But then another weekend goes by and he hasn't looked at realestate.com.au or domain.com.au ONCE.    It gets to Friday, I sit down and find some places and make him sit down and go through them - he sits there for hours until he's found a tiny fault with all of them, and declares none of them are worth going to inspect.   

I wish he would have the balls to say, I don't want to move - then we could bring the rest of our belongings out of storage and I could make this rented flat a home.  But no, we go through this pretence that we're going to buy a place, then he does bugger all about it.

Rant over. Thanks for listening.

I think that’s just men for you. You should see the arguments when we are just going out for a drive. No one in my houses ever makes decisions and I’m struggling to keep doing everything. In fact our house in Cairns I went to view and bought it without Hubby even visiting.

I would say he is wanting to make sure he has made the right move this time before buying. That may be why he is delaying. I’m very much like you though I can’t sit on the fence I need answers then I know what I’m doing.

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If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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On 09/11/2018 at 15:44, the bottler said:

I take magnesium for it and magnesium oil helps ... 

My neurologist had put me on magnesium and I went to buy some and I was told it was prescription only. I’ve just bought a mega complex one for now till I’m back In on Monday and find out why


If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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On 09/11/2018 at 16:04, Toots said:

I have even resorted to rubbing in the gel I got from the saddlery shop for our elderly horse.  😃

 

001.JPG

Everyone raves about this. I bought some for Hubby but he said I’m not using a pet med lol


If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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17 minutes ago, The Pom Queen said:

My neurologist had put me on magnesium and I went to buy some and I was told it was prescription only. I’ve just bought a mega complex one for now till I’m back In on Monday and find out why

this is the one I take ... 

IMG_6500.JPG

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Ive just found out I've got osteoporosis. Any one with any constructive advice to offer? Obviously seeing G.P. etc but am looking in every corner for information.

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103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

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3 hours ago, The Pom Queen said:

Rob had it in his shoulder he was in agony. The injection worked a treat. Although now he has severe neck and spine issues but he is trying to avoid the op.

Any idea what caused this?

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4 hours ago, Fisher1 said:

Ive just found out I've got osteoporosis. Any one with any constructive advice to offer? Obviously seeing G.P. etc but am looking in every corner for information.

Yes, came as a shock, was diagnosed after breaking my arm badly. Wouldn’t describe myself as fit!!! but I had regularly gone to a gym several times a week for years before breaking my arm

My level was very low, definitely well below borderline, and had almost no Vitamin D, crazy after living in a sunny climate for years.

I am on a Prolia injection every 6 months plus take calcium and vit D daily, have regular scans which show a marked improvement over the last 5/6 plus years. There are mixed reports about Prolia, but apart from everyone having to be careful when needing dental work, eg. having to have a tooth out recently, I have had no side effects. Your dentist needs to know if you are on Prolia.

I have to pay and claim for my scans, but as far as I know in Qld they are free on Medicare up to a certain age? Srcript costs $39.

If caught early meds do seem to help.

Hope that helps.

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21 hours ago, newjez said:

I would guess he is not settled yet, but isn't sure what he wants, or knows what he wants and is scared to tell you. I would suggest a weekend away while the weather is improving. Maybe to Tassie, and then bring out a piece of paper and start with pros and cons of current situation and where you want to go. Currently it's the sort of market where you can take a year to think about it, and it may be in your favour. Although I suspect Tassie may be rising, so if that is your ultimate destination, an investment property there could be a good idea.

He knows what he wants to do.  He wants to spend the rest of his life travelling around Europe, preferably on a cruise ship. He buys lotto tickets and "dream home" raffle tickets every week.

Failing that, he wants to live in trendy inner-city Melbourne.  The reason he rejects all the ones I suggest is that he doesn't want to move to an "ordinary, boring" suburb.  He's constantly sending off for information on  off-the-plan developments in Fitzroy etc, then getting all grumpy when the asking price for the unit he wants is nearly a million dollars - as if he expects that one of these days, some developer will feel guilty and build a reasonably-priced block just for him.   He just can't seem to face reality.

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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20 hours ago, ramot said:

Is he depressed Marisa? I know I was worried how my husband would adjust to retirement, as apart from playing a bit of golf he had no hobbies, and we moved to a new country. It took a while to adjust to having to organise his own life in retirement. He does more than me now, but it took time. What are his interests?

Actually, that's the reason he says he has decided he wants to stay in Melbourne.  We've discovered U3A, and now he attends a class nearly every day. They do have U3A in Hobart but obviously, with a smaller population, the variety isn't as great.   I'm happy with that decision, because I'm also enjoying the social life in Melbourne.  I'm still astonished at how friendly people are here, compared to Sydney.

The only real attraction of Hobart is that we could actually afford the kind of home he insists on, even with the recent rise in house prices. Whereas in Melbourne, it just seems like an impossible quest.

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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6 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

He knows what he wants to do.  He wants to spend the rest of his life travelling around Europe, preferably on a cruise ship. He buys lotto tickets and "dream home" raffle tickets every week.

Failing that, he wants to live in trendy inner-city Melbourne.  The reason he rejects all the ones I suggest is that he doesn't want to move to an "ordinary, boring" suburb.  He's constantly sending off for information on  off-the-plan developments in Fitzroy etc, then getting all grumpy when the asking price for the unit he wants is nearly a million dollars - as if he expects that one of these days, some developer will feel guilty and build a reasonably-priced block just for him.   He just can't seem to face reality.

In the words of Mick Jagger "You can't always get what you want".  🙂  

Maybe one of these days his lotto numbers will come up.  I know I shouldn't have but I did smile when reading your post   ...............................  you have my sympathy though.  😉  You must feel like shaking him at times.

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10 hours ago, Fisher1 said:

Ive just found out I've got osteoporosis. Any one with any constructive advice to offer? Obviously seeing G.P. etc but am looking in every corner for information.

I was diagnosed a month back. They said my bone density scan came back as having bones of someone who was nearly 80. I’m 46.

The specialist is really serious about it and I just laughed at him and said it’s least of my worries. He then tipped an empty cup on to my hand and said next year that will have broke your hand. Like I said I still don’t take it serious.

He told me there are meds he wants to start me on, but I need to have my teeth done first and two wisdom teeth out. He also said that the meds you can only be on for so many years and then they have to stop them and they usually stay in your body a little bit longer but because of my age he wants to hang on. My other issue is every time I have my treatment (admitted for a week every 2 weeks) I get meningitis and the only thing that helps is dexamethasone and you aren’t suppose to have steroids when you have osteoporosis. 

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If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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1 hour ago, Toots said:

In the words of Mick Jagger "You can't always get what you want".  🙂  

Maybe one of these days his lotto numbers will come up.  I know I shouldn't have but I did smile when reading your post   ...............................  you have my sympathy though.  😉  You must feel like shaking him at times.

Yes, champagne tastes and beer income.  I just wish he'd wake up to himself!

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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2 minutes ago, The Pom Queen said:

I was diagnosed a month back. They said my bone density scan came back as having bones of someone who was nearly 80. I’m 46.

The specialist is really serious about it and I just laughed at him and said it’s least of my worries. He then tipped an empty cup on to my hand and said next year that will have broke your hand. Like I said I still don’t take it serious.

He told me there are meds he wants to start me on, but I need to have my teeth done first and two wisdom teeth out. He also said that the meds you can only be on for so many years and then they have to stop them and they usually stay in your body a little bit longer but because of my age he wants to hang on. My other issue is every time I have my treatment (admitted for a week every 2 weeks) I get meningitis and the only thing that helps is dexamethasone and you aren’t suppose to have steroids when you have osteoporosis. 

Reminds me that my own whinges are so insignificant.

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

He knows what he wants to do.  He wants to spend the rest of his life travelling around Europe, preferably on a cruise ship. He buys lotto tickets and "dream home" raffle tickets every week.

Failing that, he wants to live in trendy inner-city Melbourne.  The reason he rejects all the ones I suggest is that he doesn't want to move to an "ordinary, boring" suburb.  He's constantly sending off for information on  off-the-plan developments in Fitzroy etc, then getting all grumpy when the asking price for the unit he wants is nearly a million dollars - as if he expects that one of these days, some developer will feel guilty and build a reasonably-priced block just for him.   He just can't seem to face reality.

Not being funny, but I do remember you making an awful fuss about coffee when you came back to the UK.

Some people just don't acknowledge the issue, even to themselves.

Maybe you and your husband are like that.

Maybe you both want different things and are fighting each other. Even subconsciously.

Do you need to find the middle ground?

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I’ve been stung in the neckby a bee.  Not unusual you’d say, but it bloody well is when it happens in the bathroom...

Edited by Bulya
Grammar
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