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peeka

Flights booked - son dropped the bombshell !

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Visa granted 3rd July and we're full steam ahead - flights booked for 17th September, getting quotes from removal companies, working notice periods etc etc

 

My 19 year old son (who lives with us) has said he no longer wants to come...he has girlfriend etc etc. Not getting anywhere with him - trying the softly softly approach, trying the sweetening approach and now moved on to good old plain bribery! We have asked him to commit to two months - he can come back if it isn't for him (he doesn't know but he will have to pay for his own flight!)

 

OH has told his children - took it really well to be fair, followed it up with a letter reinforcing love etc etc.

 

Now I'm scared.....my son has to come with us as I just can't bare the thought of leaving him behind! I'm getting nervous but know we have to make the move as we won't get the opportunity again!

 

 

Paul (39), Cheryl (36), James (19) & Francis (13)

Submitted to AIM by post - 19 Dec 08

AIM acknowledged receipt by email - 5 Jan 09

Further info requested by email - 21 Jan 09

Submitted further information via email - 23 Jan 09

AIM acknowledged receipt - 27 Jan 09

Positive skills assessment result emailed from AIM – 9 Feb 09 (letter dated 4th)

State regional sponsorship form posted to Queensland Government – 9 Feb 09

Email from QG confirming receipt and aim to give result in 3 weeks – 18 Feb 09 (agents advise 6 week – 23 March)

Email from QG requesting research of our chosen area, accommodation, school, transport etc – 17 March 09

Submitted research document – 17 March 09

Letter from QG confirming state regional sponsorship - 28 March 09

E-application submitted to DIAC – 29 March 09 (over three days uploading evidence/documents)

Application showing as ‘commenced’ – 1 April 09 (status shows documents still required i.e. not met)

Medicals booked for 29 May 09

Letter received confirming outstanding documents required – 22 April (status changed to application being process further)

Email letter from DIAC requesting further information incl. confirmation when medicals are – 22 April 09

Uploaded all information – 11 May 09

Email received asking for status on police checks – 12 May 09

Sent off police checks – 22 May 09

Completed medicals – 29 May 09

Medicals posted – 8 June 09

House on the market – 11 June 09 (first viewing 17 June)

Police certificates arrived, scanned and uploaded – 17 June 09

Medicals finalised (except one!) – 19 June 09 (all showing finalised on 24 June 09, status shows documents still required, i.e. not met)

Emailed DIAC to say our medicals show finalise and documents still required (2 July 09)

Email back from DIAC confirming all requirements are met and that CO will be in a position to grant our visa in early-mid July 09 (2 July 09)

VISA GRANTED - 3 JULY 09

Plans to depart the UK late September 09

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Hi

You havent said where you are moving to not that it makes any difference

I have 3 children 14 18 and 21 eldest didnt come with us initially after 10mths we went back to uk for hols 18yr old decided to stay in uk but has since realised oz is better for him and returned with my 21yr old in tow on saturday I never forced them but said come and try they have made the decision now for themselves to be here i wish you all the best

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It is almost as cheap to buy a return as it is to buy a one way so why not get him a return ticket - if you trap him here then you are asking for him not to go along with your plans.

 

Take a chance, he has agreed to go to validate so you are winning there but he is 19 and you cant live his life for him - he has to want to be here and if he doesnt want to be here then you have to let him go or risk far greater problems with your relationship.

 

Of course you will live if he decides that he prefers UK, it wont kill you. He may decide that he likes Australia - you have a 50/50 chance that he will decide your way but the more you hassle, bribe, threaten and generally MAKE him do what YOU want then you are going to get less of what you want in the end. Just ask him nicely to validate and get him an open ended return. If he doesnt use it you win. If he does use it then make the best of it - he will have the capacity to come back if he wants to.

 

It isnt easy having a kid on the other side of the world but it happens and as long as they are happy and healthy and making their way in the world then we have done our job as parents. Remember that you are moving away from your families so he has the right to do the same to you - sad but there you go.

 

:hug::hug: I am totally sympathetic but have learned that you have to let them go and they may find their own way back.

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Thank you.....you are so right in what you say but it is sooooooooo hard ! Kids.....

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We too are taking a reluctant 16 year old girl :wubclub:

Whilst we were crying and celebrating the visa email at 7am one morning - she was crying her eyes out on the settee! After consoling her, we explained she would need to come for 2 years (and we hope she makes loads of friends/loves lifestyle etc) and will not want to return to the UK. She then realised when school ended in June that not everyone is sat in the village every evening like before.... and a light *switched* on and she was more positive about the move saying she was looking forward to it !!

 

We should have sorted the house sale by the end of August and want to go in September and she came home last night and said she has a new boyfriend!!!:confused:

Quoll has offered some good advice which i have also taken onboard and just like you dread the day they want to return to the UK but at present she is still young enough to have to be with us.

 

I hope everything works out for you. xxxx


47SV Special Migrant Former Resident Visa Applied 15.9.08 Granted 10.3.09

Arrived 19.9.09 Lovin' it!!

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Guest 1010ozzy

Hi

we know exactly how you feel, we were going as a family of four, have a 17 and 19 year old, then 17 year old son said he didn't want to come and was going to live with his Nan and Grandad, but telling everyone we were leaving him and how could we do it!!

 

Then after flights booked 19 year old daughter said she didn't want to go yet wanted more time with Nan and Grandad and then come out in a years time!!

 

So its just Him, Me and the dog going now, they are both comming with us to validate thier visa's and then we just hope they both miss us and decide to follow us out.

 

So we are going with mixed emotions but determined to give it a go as this is our time and they have to live their own lives but like I said hopefully they will miss us and join us soon.

 

Best of Luck

Dawn and Nigel xx

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James won't even validate visa with us - can't believe it.....absoutele nightmare! Flights booked and paid for, accommodation booked and paid for.

 

We have to go as Dawn/Nigel say as this is now our time and if we don't go am sure we will live to regret it. I'm too hoping he will miss us and that he will come and joins us.

 

Good luck to all in same situation!

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Hi peeka

 

i have been that 17 year old!

 

I was 17 when my parents told me that they were emigrating to oz and i was adament that i was not and would never move to oz!

After banging doors,shouting and lots of silence and tough times they left and i stayed in the uk.

 

It was the hardest thing either me or parents have ever done or had to do and if i am honest i wanted to go with them by the time they were leaving but was a stubborn teenager and so i kept quiet.

 

I am now 35 and i desperate to get into oz and finding it really difficult where as if i had listened to my mum i would be there now and not be going through the hassle i am now!

 

My advice would be not to push it too much and hopefully before you go they will change his mind and see what a fantastic opportunity they have been given!

 

Good luck

emma

x


Lang may yer lum reek!

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James won't even validate visa with us - can't believe it.....absoutele nightmare! Flights booked and paid for, accommodation booked and paid for.

 

We have to go as Dawn/Nigel say as this is now our time and if we don't go am sure we will live to regret it. I'm too hoping he will miss us and that he will come and joins us.

 

Good luck to all in same situation!

 

Maybe it's because you didnt get him a return ticket - you could try that perhaps?

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Guest Chobi
James won't even validate visa with us - can't believe it.....absoutele nightmare! Flights booked and paid for, accommodation booked and paid for.

 

Perhaps being a 19 year old myself gives me a unique perspective on this situation... here goes!! :)

 

Without knowing you very well, I can only give general advice.

 

I would say that shouting & screaming is not going to work. My mum and older sister have been there and bought the T-Shirt, and in the end it only causes pain and hurt for all parties.

 

That said, you have to let him know that this is happening, and it's for real.

 

The perfect situation would be for him to come and validate - hell, bring the girlfriend as well, even offer to pay for her ticket. When he validates, it gives him a number of years (not sure how many off the top of my head) to come over: in other words, you've won half the battle.

 

Sometimes, all that's needed is time. Maybe he'll be ready to make this enormous move at a later date.

 

Have patience, understanding, offer help & guidance with him setting his life up in the UK, and let him know that whatever his decision, your not about to disown him.

 

Best of luck with the move,

 

Chobi

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James won't even validate visa with us - can't believe it.....absoutele nightmare! Flights booked and paid for, accommodation booked and paid for.

 

We have to go as Dawn/Nigel say as this is now our time and if we don't go am sure we will live to regret it. I'm too hoping he will miss us and that he will come and joins us.

 

Good luck to all in same situation!

 

We are taking 19 and 16 yr old boys and I honestly don't know what I would do if the eldest turned around now and said he didnt want to go - i feel for you bigstyle - the 16yr old has been "up for it " since we first went to visit oz but 19yr old initially didnt want to come but i did "bribe" him somewhat because i wanted us to all go as a family else not at all. I asked him if he would give it a year and if at the end of that year i would pay for him to come home - i hoped he would love it but if not at least he would have given it a go.

 

Over the last year and seeing alot of his friends unable to get work here i think he now believes he could have better opportunities out there and a better lifestyle - he did come to this decision by himself and for that i am pleased (although we are not there yet and it could change once we are living there) but i am happy as long as he gives it a go. If he wants to come home after giving it a shot that is a risk i have to take but am pleased that he is gonna at least try it.

 

Do you think it is the girlfriend situation that is making him want to stay here - if you could take her with you for a few months intitially do you think he would go?.

 

It must be much easier to emigrate when the kids are young!!

 

I hope you get sorted out and even if he doesnt come straight away i guess he will at least come over for a good holiday and probably realise what he is missing out on.

 

good luck

val x

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Guest snow white

we had the same problem 2 years ago at the time my eldest was 17 and devastated at the thought of losing her friends and having to move to a strange place so far away from everything she had ever knnown we sat down and talked to her about if she didnt validate before she was 18 and the visa ran out she would then have to come and apply for her own visa we asked her to think of it as an extended holiday come for at least 6 months adn if you still really dont like it we will pay for you to return as long as their is somewhere for you to stay in uk

anyway she agreed to this and we came august o7 to the gold coast we have had our ups and downs as im sure so have many others but my eldest has more friends than ever before is out enjoying her life all weekend has a job and spending money and her confidence and love of her life here hass grown so much to the point she says if we ever go back to the uk she will never come.

if you can at least persuade them to try you have done the best you can the rest is up to them to try and see what they make of it at the end of the day they are now old enough to live their lives how they want

best wishes

lesley x

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