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l1sa

I'm sure I can feel People physically withdrawing from me!!!

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Hi Folks

 

I'm having a bad day, please bear with me!

 

Well I'm not sure if I'm just imagining all this, being a neurotic woman and all!! But I can't help but think that just lately, my friends and family are beginning to withdraw from me. And I'm really beginning to feel hurt. (But then I suppose its nothing compared to what I'm puting them through.) I try really hard not to talk about Australia and the Visa when I'm with them. But thats difficult when they're the ones that bring it up! As you all know, this process throws all sorts of unexpected emotions at you as it is and I'm finding having to deal with this one is really tough. I'm beginning to feel alone, and alien in my own country. (well if nothing else its good training for when I really am an alien!)

 

I'm really not sure how to handle it, does anyone else feel this kind of thing happning to them?? Or am I truly alone :cry:.

 

I dear.... i do sound pathetic don't I!!

 

Help......


Steve 47, Lisa 39, 2 Kids 16 + 11

PR VISA GRANTED July 09 , Validated Visa Nov 09. Living in Adelaide

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Have no fear, it isn't you , or if it is its me and you ! lol I think this is something that happens to most of us,i cant say why it happens,

I came to this conclusion when i was in your position,,

maybe its your friends way of adjusting for when you have gone. When we move over here, its like starting life all over again, you are so busy for the first few months its hard to know who you are and what your doing,lol, , your friends on the other hand will still be doing the same day to day things they do now except they will have a big 'gap' where you were.

I wouldnt take it personally and definately dont feel bad about yourself.

keep smiling

Cal x


If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place...

If you get a chance,take it, If it changes your life,let it. Nobody said it would be easy they just said it would be worth it...

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Guest toria

Hi Lisa

i know what you are saying, we feel that too and we havent even lodged the visa yet! My father-in-law practically lived with us since my mother-in-law died in 1995 the children (6,9,11) were so used to him being here all the time, since christmas, when he met someone, we have only seen him 6 times, usually a birthday or a haircut as I am a hairdresser. it isnt so much us that are bothered too much but the kids are suffering as they dont know why they dont see him anymore, when I confronted him about it, he said "you are taking them away anyway!" So I guess I just have to pick up the pieces when the kids get upset and ask about him but at least as you say it might not be as bad when we do go as the ties will already be distant.

 

Toria

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Hi Lisa!

I'm sure most people have been through this and no matter what anyone says to you you will still feel upset by it.:hug:

I have 1 friend inparticular who has deinately backed away since we started this journey. I haven't spoken to her about it as I just think it's her way of dealing with it. I have the odd comments from some other friends about leaving them and their children who will not have the relationship with me that they wanted - I reply with yeah but I'll be their best mate when they're 18 and wanting to backpack round oz!

It is tough but I guess it's tough on them too!

If you need a moan or cry there are a lot of supportive people on here who understand what you're going through and why you want to do it!

:wubclub: Jo xx


Jo (33) Craig (33) and Ruby (4)

 

Flight booked ... 18th August!!!

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Some members of my family definately backed away from us when we first started the process of applying for a visa a year ago. I have kind of got used to it now, but I did find it very hurtfull at the time. I think it is their way of coping with what they feel is a rejection, by in turn rejecting you..........I think the hardest part was trying to explain to my son who is 5 why he doesn't see much of Granny. My mum has been the person to take this the hardest, and we don't really see her now, unless I iniciate contact first, even then, she often finds excuses not to see us, and is cold and untalkative. We get one word anwsers to questions and it really is hard work. My brother has never mentioned it to me, but apparantly has told my mum how hurt he feels about us going. We used to see each other weekly, with our kids playing togethed, and this has all but stopped.

 

For us though, our friends have been an absolute tower of strength. Every one of then has been understanding, supportive and interested. They have celebrated with us, and talked us through the lows. They all say they intend to visit when we get out there. Leaving my friends will, I think be the biggest wrench for me. You are definately not alone Lisa, so take heart in that, Amanda x


176 online sent 09/07/08, CO 29/01/09, Police Checks 26/02/09, Meds 10/03/09 VISA APPROVED 18/05/09Amanda 31, Matt 35, Charlie 5 and Ethan 1....Heading to Perth!

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Hi guys

 

Thank you so much for your replies, Its amazing how much better I feel knowing that I'm not alone. I was beginning to think it was just me and that nobody liked me anymore!!

 

I guess I can kind of understand why it happens, but it certainly doesn't make it any easier to deal with. If nothing else, this process has taught and continues to teach me so many new lessons!

 

Thank you everyone.

 

Best wishes to all on this long and involved journey!:hug:

 

Lisa


Steve 47, Lisa 39, 2 Kids 16 + 11

PR VISA GRANTED July 09 , Validated Visa Nov 09. Living in Adelaide

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Guest jpr parker

wow , weve been through the mill also with family and as i leave on wednesday for adelaide theyve come round to the idea that this is our life,and they have their`s.course we will miss each other but its a small world now(internet,flights,etc.)and everyone`s now getting `booked in`for a holiday.(i feel like billy butlin)so after tears,tantrums,silence and every other punishment they can hand out were going . remember THE PAST WAS YOUR`S ,THE FUTURE`S OURS.

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Guest The "legdes"

Hi lisa,

 

Well just look at it as you said - its preparing YOU. It won't be long now til you go and if this gradual seperation ends up making it easier for you bring it on !

Chin up petal ! It just shows what a nice and feeling person you are.

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Didnt have this problem with my family and friends at all but you can see how it happens. They are beginning to heal over the hole that your departure will leave in their lives and for many it is a self protection mechanism - you would probably be just the same if you were in their position. The less enmeshed you are with someone the easier it is to part from them. For a grandparent watching a grandchild head overseas can be heart breaking especially if you have a close bond. Dont kid yourself, skype, photos, phone calls and emails are not going to cut it for them. Sure communication is a whole lot easier than it used to be but there is no getting over the fact that you are going to be on the other side of the world and cuddles dont translate very well via email - dont knock them for being less than enthusiastic about it.

 

Rule number one for being a successful migrant - selfishness and self sufficiency are fundamental pre-requisites. Sad but true.

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Its weird- so glad everyone else has had this- me and my OH worked out this is what is happening last week as very close friends of ours have started being really distant and off with us.

Funny cause one of them wants to emigrate also but his wife doesnt so dont know if thats the root of it.

Also a couple of others have been off with us for a few months now when they realised we were serious and actually applying for visa. My brother is upset but understands it so think he ll be ok.

My best friend on the other hand is brilliant- she is sad but knows my reasons for going and totally supports me which is when you know its a real friend !


Posted Vetassess paperwork 17/10/08. paper based assessment passed on 07/11/08, practical assessment passed on 16/02/09, 175 visa lodged on line 26/02/09, SS in WA online 23/03/09, SS approved 08/07/09, medicals and PCCs 10/08/09, visa granted 15/09/09 !!

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my best friend also has been great and my mom (although devestated!) but in-laws never mention it (feel like were off to butlins for the week in their eyes!!!) other in -laws just as bad!! nice to know were not alone with this, its abit unnerving to be cold shouldered at a time like this!

but like has been said should make it easier once over there!!

cant wait.. x:)


neilo

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Guest gjt1975

My situation is a little different,

my husband is hoping to transfer from the british army to australian, we have our interview in july and i'm crossing everything i have it goes well.

A few of our friends have completed the process and are either already over there or due to leave but for the remainder i've found that far from ignoring us they actually try to make it sound like the worse thing in the world.

We're not naive, it is a huge move for our whole family but having moved around with the army we see it as an adventure, if it doesn't work out we'll come home - not with our tails between our legs but having tried it and found it not for us.

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Guest Shreen

Thanks so much for starting this thread, I have been having the same thing with my friend and its nice to know we are not alone. She too now acts really distant with me and excludes me from social occassions, it started when we started our application when she realised we were leaving. Its horrible, I'm bridesmaid too for her wedding this year. I'm not great at dealing with these things as my reaction is too distant myself too which doesn't help!

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Guest siamsusie

Shreen, my Mother used to react like this as well when I was going off to distant shores. We were fine until a week before then she with drew. I think it is a kind of bereavement for them as well, in their eyes you are with drawing something precious, near and dear to them, I am sure when you are settled, they will just love to have a place to come and visit you. x

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Guest woo

bless you its hard and i know how that feel s and the closer it gets to us getting our visa s the more i feel alone friends are finding it hard so we dont talk about it..we spend time together but it dont feel the same :-(( think its more me the guilt is kicking in with us leaving...Feel like crying most days just been a stressful process and i worry about everything send you all a big hug you got to move forward and try living your own dream life is short xxx

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Just to point out that this thread was started in 2009


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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