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Guest Perth Princess

how on earth do people cope with going back?

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Guest Perth Princess

We have been in Perth 6 months now and during that time i have had intense moments of anguish re missing friends and family. However I now wonder how anyone could go back. Isn't life here infinitely better? Maybe that's just me 'cos I hate the UK grey so much. That grey alone is enough to keep me here. It's like I spent 37 years of my life in black and white and now I live in colour:cute:

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Hi

I too felt like you after living in Perth for 6 months but around that time, various family died and others became ill, it was really hard and missing funerals etc was difficult. We decided to return to the uk after a year due to this and i decided that people close to you are more important than blue skies. I am very close to my mum and sister and I love seeing my mum having contact with her grandchildren. My dad died suddenly not long after we returned home and when he died I remember thinking how important it was that I was with him as he died, I'm sure this made his death easier to handle. But we really miss Perth, the weather, lifestyle etc so much so that we have just returned from perth after validating our visa, the strange thing was that even though we had a great holiday I didn't feel as desperate to be back there as I thought I would and actually felt happy to come home to Edinburgh! So goodness knows what will happen we might stay here or we may still return to Perth but I definitely realise now that there are more important things in life than just blue skies.

All the best

Arlene

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Guest guest17301

It's not just about a selfish desire for 'blue skies' though. For some it's about sacrificing your close geographical proximity to parents and other family for the good of your children and husband (as well as yourself!)

I myself have forged even stronger bonds with my own parents since leaving as everyone has been very honest about their feelings and we have come to realise just how much we actually love eachother! I think the time we spend together on the phone/skype etc and when they finally visit is far more 'quality time' than the fleeting rushed visits in England.

 

Overall staying or leaving is a very individual decsion and one that no-one takes lightly.

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I think alot depends just how close you are to your family in the first place because my children see my mum all the time and we have lots of quality time. Even though I love Australia I'm not convinced that it is such a massive improvement in quality of life for children compared to time spent with family. It is definitely a great cheap life going to beaches and parks etc but I think the novelty wears off for a lot of people and friends we met with in Perth recently say that they hardly ever use their pool now or go to the beach. A lot of children spend time on the playstation and computer etc because of the hot temperatures.

When we lived in Perth we met a lot of people who loved it all aswell in the first year or two but a few years down the line family etc became more important.

After saying all this I think if we weren't such a close family we would definitely try to move back to sunny Oz!

 

Arlene

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Guest guest17301

It annoys me when people infer that people who move away from their parents/extended family are therefore 'not as close'. Closeness to ones family has little to do with geographical location and much to do with mutual respect and love. I used to get people saying to me 'Oh I would love to move to Australia but I'm just too close to my family- I'm sorry thats bull- I too felt like that a few years back till i wised up'got selfish and thought about my own kids future. My parent s applaud me for it and look forward to the times when they can visit. They also have secret plans to retire to the sun and just think of the holiday opportunities!

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I do think people can still have close relationships even though they are miles apart but from my personal point of view i would rather see my mum and children together than through a webcam. I have great memories as a child with my grandparents and i also like my children having a lot of contact with their cousins. I work in an intensive care unit and whenever I go to work and see people dying and their relatives can't make it back it makes me feel glad to be here near my relatives. It is difficult to judge fully until you have in a situation when your loved ones have become ill or died and you really feel like you are on the other side of the world when you cannot be with them.

I am just not totallly convinced that it is a better life for our children being so far away from loved ones.

Arlene

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a place is only beautiful if your happy there,if your not happy why would you stay?

Australia isn't for everyone

better be for me because i'll be telling my boss where he can stick his job very soon lmao


Living the Dream in Baldivis

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I myself have forged even stronger bonds with my own parents since leaving as everyone has been very honest about their feelings and we have come to realise just how much we actually love eachother! I think the time we spend together on the phone/skype etc and when they finally visit is far more 'quality time' than the fleeting rushed visits in England.

 

.

 

I never thought of that but you are absolutely right! I'm American and married a Brit so been in the UK for 13 years. I do really appreciate my parents and when I see them spend proper - real talking about life times with them. I'd be lying if I said that they were pleased with me going another 11,000 miles but they see it as an adventure and another place to visit/share for even longer than the normal 3 weeks they are here.

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Interesting point about the greyness of UK. I was just there for a month and when we arrived there was the soulcrushing greyness of winter. During those 4 weeks though the change was mindblowing and no one could possibly describe the UK of last week - or last month - as grey. The colours you just do not see here, the blinding green of new shoots and leaves, the pinks and whites of the blossoms, the yellows of a million daffodils planted along the roadsides that no one ever nicks and now being replaced by the carpets of lemon yellow cowslips and delicate bluebells. The sky was blue with some typical fluffy clouds on occasion. There were red tulips in gardens and iridescent yellow rapeseed fields as we left but I know by the end of this month there will be red poppies in the hedgerows along with the white of the cow parsley. There was also a corresponding change in the people - sure they were greyly wandering around on that first weekend we arrived, by the second weekend they were thronging at the seaside in happy family groups - lots of laughter and obvious joy which I sometimes feel that Aus families dont display to the same extent because the beach and the sunshine are the norm for them and after a few years you get fed up with sand between your toes and in your lunchbox.

 

I never see those colours in Australia especially now that the South East has been in drought for so long. Flying into Melbourne everything looked drably yellowish brown and Canberra, whilst a bit greener was drably greener. The sun was shining to be sure and the sky was that nice deep blue that you only get down here but it was harsh and there was none of the mellowness you get from an English spring sunshine - it wasnt a sun you wanted to be out in because even though it was cold you knew it was the kind of sun that tans your skin (and I mean in the cow hide tanning way not the gentle glow way). The tropics dont have that same blinding English green either - even though tropical green is definitely far better than drought green at the moment. Walking around town today it was boringly blandly bright but the colours werent there in their vibrancy of last week in Cambridgeshire and apart from Floriade we just dont get that range of colours ever.

 

I guess it is interesting because when you are used to one thing you notice the changes and sometimes they are changes for the better that you never knew while they were contemptuously familiar. It's easy to remember the UK as grey because that is what the media tells you it is but in actuality it is far from grey all the time.

 

As for the family thing - you really do have to be very self centred and self contained to be a successful migrant. I left my family without a second glance and I am an only child and took the only grandchild (at the time) away from my parents who thankfully were resourceful people who made the best of their lives and came here for every summer so the contact wasnt lost. My heart did break for them the other day though when having tantalized them with a visit from their first adorable great granddaughter we took her away from them (and that was a two way street, she had a ball with great nanna and granddad) probably never to see each other again. No amount of skype, video calls, phone calls, videos and pictures will make up for those interactions and they will be living on those memories they have of her. She will have a gap in her life where they have been but she has her mother's family here in Australia and my DH and I so wont really feel the impact of losing great grandparents, great grand aunts and uncles etc. As I get older, I regret more and more not having had my very close extended family as much bigger parts of my kids' lives. Here in Aus we had my husband's family but they were 10 hours away so they grew up very isolated from that big supportive network of family. It probably didnt do them any harm, they are strong resourceful men now but I do worry that perhaps they are too selfish in their strength and resourcefulness and I should have battered some sensitivity into them which would probably have come from the experience of being part of a large close family group:wacko:

 

If I wasnt knackered and I had more money I would go back tomorrow - oh yes, and had a bit of a cluebat for the DH to knock him out and drag him off with me:yes:

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Guest Magnetic6

Hi Quoll

We're still in the uk and can't wait to move to Australia having lived there years ago when i was footloose and fancyfree!! I just wanted to say i LOVE reading your posts and find your views on the Uk really well balanced and refreshing.

Thankyou from a very sunny Manchester!

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Quoll,

England does look nice in spring, flip everywhere does - have you been to a desert or the top of a mountain in spring - whichever country you're talking about, spring is a fab season.

But why not come back to England in November, or better still in January, when we've had months of winter and a few more to go, IMO not so pretty.

 

Arlene,

If you're not there when a loved one dies, you're not there (not you specifically) - you could be 6 minutes away in the hospital canteen, 6 miles away driving to the hospital, or 6,000 miles away on a plane itching to get back. You can't be at everyone's death bed at the precise moment they expire, and you shouldn't feel guilty if it has happened to you or if it might happen to you.

 

About family - well, we live in the Uk without much family and most of them live in another country, we and our kids aren't going to miss what we've never had, that's our lot, we don't get sad about it we get on with it. I think if you lived in a small community where every family lived close to every family member, then, yes moving from that would be bad - but let's face it we don't in today's society do we? So are we trying to miss something we don't have???

 

Be happy everyone!

 

Sue x


IELTS, ACS RPL, Feb 26th 09 175 online lodged

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Interesting point about the greyness of UK. I was just there for a month and when we arrived there was the soulcrushing greyness of winter. During those 4 weeks though the change was mindblowing and no one could possibly describe the UK of last week - or last month - as grey. The colours you just do not see here, the blinding green of new shoots and leaves, the pinks and whites of the blossoms, the yellows of a million daffodils planted along the roadsides that no one ever nicks and now being replaced by the carpets of lemon yellow cowslips and delicate bluebells. The sky was blue with some typical fluffy clouds on occasion. There were red tulips in gardens and iridescent yellow rapeseed fields as we left but I know by the end of this month there will be red poppies in the hedgerows along with the white of the cow parsley. There was also a corresponding change in the people - sure they were greyly wandering around on that first weekend we arrived, by the second weekend they were thronging at the seaside in happy family groups - lots of laughter and obvious joy which I sometimes feel that Aus families dont display to the same extent because the beach and the sunshine are the norm for them and after a few years you get fed up with sand between your toes and in your lunchbox.

 

I never see those colours in Australia especially now that the South East has been in drought for so long. Flying into Melbourne everything looked drably yellowish brown and Canberra, whilst a bit greener was drably greener. The sun was shining to be sure and the sky was that nice deep blue that you only get down here but it was harsh and there was none of the mellowness you get from an English spring sunshine - it wasnt a sun you wanted to be out in because even though it was cold you knew it was the kind of sun that tans your skin (and I mean in the cow hide tanning way not the gentle glow way). The tropics dont have that same blinding English green either - even though tropical green is definitely far better than drought green at the moment. Walking around town today it was boringly blandly bright but the colours werent there in their vibrancy of last week in Cambridgeshire and apart from Floriade we just dont get that range of colours ever.

 

 

 

Great post Quoll. I agree that when the sun comes out in the UK it makes a hell of a difference. We have spent the past couple of sunny weekends taking some great photos of all the things you mention and we are going to have them printed on to canvas and put them up on the walls of our new home in Australia. :wub:

 

Mandy


Vetassess paper app sent 19/11/08 (passed 12/12/08), Practical 16/2/09 (passed 19/2/09), Applied WA SS 26/2/09 (granted 08/04/09), Applied for 176 visa 10/4/09, meds 16/4/09, CO 23/4/09 VISA GRANTED 21/5/09!!! Flying 13/09/09

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Guest Aldo
Quoll,

England does look nice in spring, flip everywhere does - have you been to a desert or the top of a mountain in spring - whichever country you're talking about, spring is a fab season.

 

My experiance of Queensland was it looked pretty much the same all year round (brownish, yellowey green)

 

But why not come back to England in November, or better still in January, when we've had months of winter and a few more to go, IMO not so pretty.

Some people delight in the crisp bright January mornings in the uk the same as some delight in humid, wet, stormy Australian summers. Vive la différence

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you say crisp bright I say damp grey soggy - who's wearing pink shades???


IELTS, ACS RPL, Feb 26th 09 175 online lodged

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Guest Aldo
you say crisp bright I say damp grey soggy - who's wearing pink shades???

whoever had the least crappiest time there i suppose:cute:

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Guest Aldo
I was having a lovely time cycling back from work tuther evening along the Tyne Valley; fragrant coconut smelling shrubs (the spikey ones), nice bit of sun peeking out from the clouds, feeling fit and healthy then two bloody teenagers on their 50cc chav mobiles came bombing along the cycle path, no regard for anyone, got such a shock I swerved and came off the bike - Took the fall nicely though, in one of those spikey bushes. Ouch!!

Thats awful, get out to Australia quickly!

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Guest Aldo
Well Ibiza was my first choice but my Spanish is a little ropey and my dancing days are over so Australia it is!

Balearic islands and Australia are like 2 different planets, hope you know what ur doing.

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Guest Aldo

well best of British to you,:hug:

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Guest boomerangpommie

Leaving friends and family is always a real big struggle and I think it's harder when you have children and have to feel responsible for altering their relationships as well - this played a large part in my decision to return to the UK. But since coming back, I've really learnt so much about myself and my OH (us as a unit -no family involved, quite difficult with our lot), our friends and our families and how important everyone's OWN lives are to THEMSELVES.. In many ways, I feel a bit let down, considering we came back - this is, of course, silly, but there you are. To elaborate...on my son's birthday, one of my closest friends - who I really missed in Oz, known her my whole life (our moms were friends before we were born) couldn't come because she had to take her son to football training, another close friend of 10 years, who was emailing me when I was wobbling in Oz saying just come back, has met a guy from Sunderland and has moved up there now(she never made the birthday either - was visiting him). My brother who I am really close to and missed terribly has gone travelling with his girlfriend for a year and they've been gone 6 months now (missed the birthday as well) and are saying they will never live in the UK again, already planning to move to Canada or something and my sister who finishes uni next month is planning to to live in Spain where we have family and my Mom's always threatening to do the same.

 

I know I'm labouiring the point with the birthday but my son's previous one had been in Oz and like many others on here, it was quite difficult being far away for it. Basically what I'm trying to say is, yes, we do have these very important relationships and they're hard to leave behind. Probably most of your friends/families are more settled than mine but what about if THEY do decide to do something different or move away, where does that leave you? I've come to realise I can't live my life for others, I've only got the one life and need to get what I want out of it, just like I have discovered others do, without a second thought.

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So true about not being there when loved one dies. My Dad died here in Melbourne at the Alfred Hospital in the middle of the night and we might as well have been in the UK makes no difference. They phoned us to tell us.

 

I hate the fog in the UK its horrible, we do get fog here in Melbourne at times but not anything like I experienced in the UK.

 

I find that my memory has played tricks with me over the years. When I returned to live in the UK it was not like I remembered. When we go on holiday there its not like I remember and I am always disappointed. Same with Australia I suppose but the difference is we have made this our home now.


Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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I'm completely aware that you cannot be at everyones death bed but I was only talking about my personal experience. I felt so relieved to be at my dad's death bed and I never felt any guilt or regret at all. It was very difficult for my husband when his mum died when we lived in Australia and it can be hard trying to get flights home etc.

I do definitely agree that we should all do what is right for our immediate families and we should not feel guilty about this. But after living in Oz it can be difficult being away from close family.

Arlene

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Thanks Quoll, that was a nice post. I have never personally seen the UK as a grey place, as I feel that, as is the case in Melbourne, the seasons bring with them their own beauty (especially at the moment here, as I drove through the bushfire affected areas last week to visit friends, and amongst all the blackness of the trees, there are green shoots hanging from the treetrunks and ferns blooming on the ground - eerily beautiful). The UK weather never really worried me, apart from a few nights in February which got the better of me if out late! I always enjoyed wallking in the parks in London or looking at the gardens in the countryside, with all the different flowers and trees. When I was there in November 07, it was crisp and sunny and it didn't even rain much, and then I liked to snuggle up in a well heated house (or pub fire) at night. For me family is very important, especially having that extended family, it is something I realised was the centre of my life when I came back home here, my mum told me that they were afraid I was going to meet a Brit and settle in the UK (I nearly did). I came back home to Aus after an extended stay in the UK to be closer with ageing parents and my sister, and I am not sorry I made that decision, as my kids have grown up with their cousins and have had doting grandparents. I am also glad I came home because I only had a few more years with Dad when he died quite suddenly. My dad wasn't so lucky with his timing when he went to visit his family. He had emigrated in 1947 and made his home here, but then decided when he retired that he would finally make the trip 'home' to London to see his two brothers. His brothers were also brimming over with excitement to have him back finally after 40 years. The night before Dad got on the plane, one of the brothers fell ill and died before Dad arrived there. There is always that worry if you have family whether you can get back quickly enough in an emergency. I know you can't let this rule your life, but the worry is there nevertheless, so I understand where some PIO members are coming from regarding family ties.


If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

John Quincy Adams

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I agree with Fiona that sometimes the move can increase the bonds we have with our families. From a personal point of view, our relationship with my OH's family has grown stronger since we moved to Aus, we feel so much more closer to them emotionally than we ever did before when we were living in the same town and saw each other fleetingly or on special occassions because everyone was busy.


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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Thanks Quoll, that was a nice post. I have never personally seen the UK as a grey place, as I feel that, as is the case in Melbourne, the seasons bring with them their own beauty (especially at the moment here, as I drove through the bushfire affected areas last week to visit friends, and amongst all the blackness of the trees, there are green shoots hanging from the treetrunks and ferns blooming on the ground - eerily beautiful). The UK weather never really worried me, apart from a few nights in February which got the better of me if out late! I always enjoyed wallking in the parks in London or looking at the gardens in the countryside, with all the different flowers and trees. When I was there in November 07, it was crisp and sunny and it didn't even rain much, and then I liked to snuggle up in a well heated house (or pub fire) at night. For me family is very important, especially having that extended family, it is something I realised was the centre of my life when I came back home here, my mum told me that they were afraid I was going to meet a Brit and settle in the UK (I nearly did). I came back home to Aus after an extended stay in the UK to be closer with ageing parents and my sister, and I am not sorry I made that decision, as my kids have grown up with their cousins and have had doting grandparents. I am also glad I came home because I only had a few more years with Dad when he died quite suddenly. My dad wasn't so lucky with his timing when he went to visit his family. He had emigrated in 1947 and made his home here, but then decided when he retired that he would finally make the trip 'home' to London to see his two brothers. His brothers were also brimming over with excitement to have him back finally after 40 years. The night before Dad got on the plane, one of the brothers fell ill and died before Dad arrived there. There is always that worry if you have family whether you can get back quickly enough in an emergency. I know you can't let this rule your life, but the worry is there nevertheless, so I understand where some PIO members are coming from regarding family ties.

 

thanks olly

Arlene

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Guest mackemsok
It's not just about a selfish desire for 'blue skies' though. For some it's about sacrificing your close geographical proximity to parents and other family for the good of your children and husband (as well as yourself!)

I myself have forged even stronger bonds with my own parents since leaving as everyone has been very honest about their feelings and we have come to realise just how much we actually love eachother! I think the time we spend together on the phone/skype etc and when they finally visit is far more 'quality time' than the fleeting rushed visits in England.

 

Overall staying or leaving is a very individual decsion and one that no-one takes lightly.

 

I agree Fiona,

I am so close to my friends and family and the moments I feel down and miss them - i think of my girls and their future and know we made the right decision - our life is about them and their future as well as our own.

Sharon

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