nurse sue Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 HI am having a really bad day Today is 16th anniversary of my baby daughter dying and reality has hit home today that I am not able to visit her grave and do flowers etc or see the church flood lights put on in her memory,I really thought it wouldnt be a problem when i left the UK what was important that she still had a special place in our hearts and would be where we were I even had my niece appointed in charge of flower duties but evry little thing has set me off crying even just sitting in traffic listening to the radio. I have tried to be stiff upper lip at home as not to upset anyone but have to keep nipping to the loo to wipe my eyes and put cool packs on my eye lids Maybe Im over reacting because i am still struggling to settle and a bit fragile Im not sure will this pain Im feeling go Thanks for listening xx
Guest taffy 62 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I really feel for you sending you a big hug. Maybe dont hide away let people know how you are feeling and get a real hug!!!!!!!!! Then you can cry even more on somebodys shoulder and let it all out then you will feel better. You will never forget but then again no one would expect you too. Sometimes when I think about people I have lost and I feel so upset it helps to go to a quiet place and talk to them, pour out all your feelings say about how you think of them and how you picture how things may have been it will make you cry more, but once you physically release your thoughts it does help. It helps to compose yourself and then later you can think without crying any more. Maybe plant a rose or some thing near by in rememberence. I hope you feel better soon x
Guest Wenders Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Im so sorry to hear your sad news, it cant be easy being so far away. My thoughts are with you, I hope it gets better as time passes. Will it help to say a private prayer for your daughter, somewhere quiet??
Jackboots Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 hi there , just a thought is there a church you can go to nr by , or a special place you can go to and light a candle , just some where for you and your thoughts , all the best for this difficult time x
Kabroom Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Oh Sue I was nearly crying as I read your post. I can't speak from experience thankfully and I hope I never will but I imagine you never fully come to terms with losing a child. I think your behaviour is totally rational under the circumstances and I hope you feel better tomorrow. Wendyxx
caramac Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Oh, you poor thing. I can only begin to imagine your sadness. There's nothing I can say that could possibly make you feel better, except that you're right, she is in your hearts always and that's the most important thing. Let yourself cry. Caroline xx
ali Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hi Sue, so sorry you feel so down ... understandable rather than over-reaction in my book. In your mind you must have an idea of what sort of person you hoped your daughter would become, the things she would like etc., I wonder if you could find a special place here that you think might appeal to the young woman you think she might have been and one where you will be able to visit, lay flowers, sit and remember her in a way that will be able to bring you comfort. It's not the same obviously, but something that may work for you in the years to come Thinking of you Luv Ali xx
Guest Andy and Tracy Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Sue - sending you a cyber hug. Please don't try the stiff upper lip thing. It is natural to grieve and cry. You are no doubt grieving for the life she would have had, too, as well as your own feelings of loss. Maybe try this - go out and buy the prettiest pink candle you can see, get down your favourite picture of your daughter and light the candle next to it in a quiet place, where you can think about the service going on back home. Over the next few days, when you are feeling sad - and you will - light it again. There are so many caring people on this site thinking of you. Tracy x
keily Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hi sue ...try not to be too hard on yourself ...today would have been hard even if you were still in uk....let it all out and worry about the swollen eyes tomorrow ...as said before perhaps you could find a special place near to where you are and place flowers and light a candle ...and then in following years you will be able to do the same ...im sure your niece will attend to her duty with much pride and hopefully she will be able to send you some photos .....it is times like this when you wish you were back home with family ...but if you can get through today ..the pain might be easier to deal with in future years ...sending you hugz ....and you are in our thoughts today mrs keily
Guest Andy and Tracy Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I find comfort in this poem. It is not quite appropriate for you Sue, but you never know. I hope it brings you some comfort too. Tracy Death is nothing at all I have only slipped away into the next room I am I and you are you Whatever we were to each other That we are still Call me by my old familiar name Speak to me in the easy way you always used Put no difference into your tone Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow Laugh as we always laughed At the little jokes we always enjoyed together Play, smile, think of me, pray for me Let my name be ever the household word that it always was Let it be spoken without effort Without the ghost of a shadow in it Life means all that it ever meant It is the same as it ever was There is absolute unbroken continuity What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind Because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you for an interval Somewhere very near Just around the corner All is well. Nothing is past; nothing is lost One brief moment and all will be as it was before How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again! Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral
Guest OldiesRUs Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Sue, I understand exactly where you are coming from as we will be leaving our son's grave when we go. Your pain is still a lot fresher than ours as our son died 36 years ago (he was our firstborn). The pain never goes away, you never get over it but you learn to live with it. You still cry on birthdays, anniversaries and any other old time that it catches you unawares. I still do, not as often, but it's still there. My youngest son gets married soon and I know that part of the reason I will be crying in the church is because Matthew is not there with us. Don't try and fight it. Cry, darling, cry. God bless Jean:wubclub:
Guest __TJ__ Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 you will never het over it hun, best you can do is try and move on and know that she is with you always
Guest Bag End Bunch Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Very moved by this post by all the caring and sensitive replies. I think the idea of planting a rose or something pink that could be your 'special place' of remembrance is a good idea. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers that you will be comforted. Alex xx
Guest KP Nuts Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Oh Sue, I'm so sorry to read this post... Sending you ((((( HUGS ))))) Thinking of you at this difficult time. KP Nuts
Guest HONEY Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hi sue - i think i know a little bit about how you feel - i lost a baby 12 years ago, feels like yesterday, and i still keep her ashes in my house. The thought of leaving her behind is very upsetting, but i know my life has to go on. I really hope that you have a really good cry if you need to, and understand that everyone is thinking of you at this time. Best wishes, lynne
Guest sanders family Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hi Sue Sending you lots of hugs and thinking of you today, I too have thought about leaving my mum's Grave and not being able to go to her grave and putting flowers there, So when i go I'm going to the sea with flower petals and throw them out to sea so they can flood back to England. It may sound silly but what ever gives you comfort. God bless Kim
nurse sue Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 HI am having a really bad day Today is 16th anniversary of my baby daughter dying and reality has hit home today that I am not able to visit her grave and do flowers etc or see the church flood lights put on in her memory,I really thought it wouldnt be a problem when i left the UK what was important that she still had a special place in our hearts and would be where we were I even had my niece appointed in charge of flower duties but evry little thing has set me off crying even just sitting in traffic listening to the radio. I have tried to be stiff upper lip at home as not to upset anyone but have to keep nipping to the loo to wipe my eyes and put cool packs on my eye lids Maybe Im over reacting because i am still struggling to settle and a bit fragile Im not sure will this pain Im feeling go Thanks for listening xx I would just like to say a big thankyou to all the replies from my thread to many to list you know who you are the suggestions have been helpful. along with the hugsand Love I had a retail thereapy day yesterday I brought a ring with pink stone a wind chime and a wooden angel all felt important to me. thank you again you wonderful people xxx
Guest Andy and Tracy Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Been thinking about you, Sue. All sounds very comforting. Thanks for letting us know how you are doing.x Tracy
Guest taffy 62 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 i lost a baby 12 years ago, feels like yesterday, and i still keep her ashes in my house. The thought of leaving her behind is very upsetting ( Quote by honey ) My grandad died last year he had been to Oz on holidays and it was his wish to have his ashes scattered here. My dad went over and got permission to bring his ashes back to Oz, where we scattered them over the mountains where he used to like looking at the parrots. Maybe you could bring your daughers ashes with you.
nurse sue Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 i lost a baby 12 years ago, feels like yesterday, and i still keep her ashes in my house. The thought of leaving her behind is very upsetting My grandad died last year he had been to Oz on holidays and it was his wish to have his ashes scattered here. My dad went over and got permission to bring his ashes back to Oz, where we scattered them over the mountains where he used to like looking at the parrots. Maybe you could bring your daughers ashes with you. Rachel's ashes are in the local church yards garden of remembrance we did think about bringing them but did not want ot disturb her grave and it would only have distressed my other daughter. I received photos today from my eldest son in Uk of the church flood light son to commemerate her anniversary my little niec had brought a rose tree my parents had potted some pansies and there were lots of flowers from friends and family so it was lovely to see unfortunetely flowers we ordered arrived late but what she had was beautiful.
Guest Angelcake Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Ah hun, it must be incredibly painful, of course you are going to feel like that! To not be able to visit the grave must be so tough. Don't keep a stiff upper lip, have a really good cry, you sound like you need it (and a big bar of chocolate!) You've probably seen this before, but I hope it helps and brings you some peace in some way... Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die. When my dad died when I was 20 this poem really helped me. Sending you a big hug! Angelcake
joetrac Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Hi Sue just seen this post and want to say how sad for you. The thing is they will always be i your heart and that will be with you where ever you go. :wubclub:
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