Guest yorkshirepud Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I have posted messages on here before about my parents' reaction to us moving to Oz and I know it always provokes many responses as lots of you are in the same boat - but yesterday we got great news that we passed TRA and realised we didnt really have anyone to share with us how happy and relieved we were - and then today my sister has told me that my dad has now worked out how many times he would get to us before he dies if we moved to Oz next year!! I just cant believe I am causing so much pain. I think it will be unbearable...what can I do??:sad:
Guest *KAY TEE* Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I have posted messages on here before about my parents' reaction to us moving to Oz and I know it always provokes many responses as lots of you are in the same boat - but yesterday we got great news that we passed TRA and realised we didnt really have anyone to share with us how happy and relieved we were - and then today my sister has told me that my dad has now worked out how many times he would get to us before he dies if we moved to Oz next year!! I just cant believe I am causing so much pain. I think it will be unbearable...what can I do??:sad: Ah bless you, Im sure your parents will come around to the idea of you moving. You cannot be expected to put your life on hold for anyone. You have to do what you think is best for your little family. Your parents have had there life, sorry that sounds a little harsh, but they have and they have made there own choices in life and you have to make yours. We are going hopefull before christmas, and my parents dont know that yet. I havent said exactly when we are going, because I dont want the hasstle and stress, I'll get that from them later. I have said it could be weeks or months Iv just played it down abit, and dropped things in like the kids are really exited, and if we dont like it after 6mths, we're coming back. It is just a shock to them, they see it as if they will never see yous again, and the world probs seemed a lot bigger when they were young. Hope it all goes welll, Im sure it will. xx :yes:
Guest jewels1356 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 you have to live your life not a life someone else wants you to live hes just going to miss you just like you will miss him he just needs a bit of time julie xxxxx
jewatt Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I have posted messages on here before about my parents' reaction to us moving to Oz and I know it always provokes many responses as lots of you are in the same boat - but yesterday we got great news that we passed TRA and realised we didnt really have anyone to share with us how happy and relieved we were - and then today my sister has told me that my dad has now worked out how many times he would get to us before he dies if we moved to Oz next year!! I just cant believe I am causing so much pain. I think it will be unbearable...what can I do??:sad: Hi I know exactly how you feel as in the very same boat with my Sister we got our Visa about 2wks ago and I didn't want to tell them as I knew what would happen and I wasn't able to post a Thread so had very few people to enjoy the moment with, when I did eventually pluck up the courage all hell let loose and I felt so guilty especially as I work with my Sister which didn't help, the way i have dealt with it in between the tears is with the way she is carrying on it will make it easier when we do go and she has told everyone at work I can't be gone quick enough so now instead of not talking about it in front of her anyone who asks how its going I tell them, she has her life and if it was the other way round she wouldn't have given it a second thought and it has made me realise I definitly have made the right decision. My parents are Ok they feel well I,m not away yet and as the house has to sell but at least they ask how its going, its a hard road to be on but you have to do whats right for yourself as someone told me " you only have one live and you owe it to yourself to do the best possible things you can" so take each day as it comes and like me try not to feel guilty or selfish at doing it they will come round eventually Keep your chin up. Evelyn Big Hug xxx
Guest Andy and Tracy Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Sending you a cyber hug..... My MIL was so upset when we said we were emigrating. Told us she didn't want us to go etc.. etc.. , but then 2 months later, told us she had met some bloke off the internet and she was going to Oz as well! It didn't pan out (when do they?!) but she made us feel bad for months and all the while she was planning on making changes to her life that she wasn't even telling us about. Unfortunately, she had a massive stroke in January. We had to re-think everything, but we still decided to go anyway. I have sorted out all of her finances, got her back home with support and that is all I can do. Time now for the BIL to take over. I've done it for years and she is not even my mum. You just don't know what is around the corner. I don't think we should live our lives worrying about other people. I don't expect other people to change their lives to accommodate me and emotional blackmail is a terrible thing!! Set up a webcam, skype all the usual stuff. Get people to help him with it. If need be, pay people to help him with it. Live your life. Keep regular contact. Be thankful for the love of this lovely man, but live YOUR life. Accept that it will be difficult, but please don't let it stop you. You will still have a lovely relationship with your Dad...just a different one. My mum couldn't give a stuff if I go or not and that's tough too! Tracy
The Duds Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 My Mum wouldn't speak about Australia for months and she has now come around so hopefully your family will with time and realize that you doing the big move for you and your childrens future. Wishing you luck, Mark & family
Guest willdavis Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I know how you feel, my parents and siblings are very negative about us moving. My brothers and sisters just change the subject everytime I try to bring up our progress towards moving to Oz. You obviously feel Oz is the right move for you and your family as we do. You have to do what is right for you - imagine all the regrets you would have if you don't at least give it a try. Stick with it and let's hope they all come round in the end. Good luck!
Petals Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I agree with others its your life and I do not understand parents who put this on their children. I would never do that even though I would miss them I would give them my blessing. Because of this guilt you already feel the worry is that you may not settle as well as you would if people were supportive of you. If you know you are going to have this unhappiness in the beginning and decide how you will deal with it when you get here, then you will be ok. I hope the family will come around in time but that may not happen in time for you to move over. Forge some friendships with people who are already here that can help you and understand as it has happened to them and things will be fine. :smile:
Guest nareyclan Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I have posted messages on here before about my parents' reaction to us moving to Oz and I know it always provokes many responses as lots of you are in the same boat - but yesterday we got great news that we passed TRA and realised we didnt really have anyone to share with us how happy and relieved we were - and then today my sister has told me that my dad has now worked out how many times he would get to us before he dies if we moved to Oz next year!! I just cant believe I am causing so much pain. I think it will be unbearable...what can I do??:sad: This may not be the right word but we can't imagine the things that around going through your heads. The unbearable does become numb and will eventually fade to nothing. Living with a regret will be with you throughout your life. Tough decision are never easy but you should not shy away from them. You guys must decide what you want and support each other what ever the decision. Life is not a dress rehearsal, live it, enjoy it for yourself and most of all be honest to yourself. Do what you want because you alone have to live with your decisions. Good luck our thoughts are with you.
Guest sanders family Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 We were in the same position as you when we told hubby's parents, mum just walked away and wouldnt talk about wouldn't listen to anything we had to say. 14 months on we have told them we have the visa and we are going july, told them where we were going and everything. Now they are so different about it, I think it can be shock and worry that you are jumping into some thing and not looked into it. At the end of the day you are still there babies and they worry, I know i would be the same even when my kids are 40+ LOL Hope it works out for you give them time, I'm sure they will come round and if they don't you know why you are doing it. The best for your family
lizg Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I can understand parents being upset by you moving but putting the guilt trip on you must be unbearable. Personally I don't understand it. When my only son emigrated I fully encouraged him. He was more worried about leaving me behind (that's what he thinks cos I'm going to be following him lol!) but I was really proud and delighted that he was adventurous and willing to try new experiences (unlke his father who thought an outing to the local supermarket was a big adventure lol!) The great thing is I've had some fantastic holidays and am about to go on a big adventure myself! Don't worry, they will come round in time but even if they don't, live your life for you and your own family - life is too short. Liz x
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 My Mum wouldn't speak about Australia for months LOL! We were there too (werent we Mum!). Most of family said "we will miss you but good luck" , Some said "I think you`re stupid" and most said "you`re brave, we couldnt do that!" You do have to live your life for you and not others. you WILL miss people. Homesickness will get ya, still does me after nearly 4 years! BUT if you get yourself set up right here, and you enjoy life and you get out there and make friends...........life IS good
KazzE Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Well guys not sure this is the right place but this is our story...................... My sister moved due to her hubby's job 4 years ago, just before she went, in Nov 04, our Mum died, suddenly, my sister was very torn about going due to Mum's failing health but made the decision for the good of her family and with everyones blessing. Hubbies Mum died suddenly a month later and a very close family friend died of a brain tumour a few weeks later, my sister and I attended his funeral the day before she flew to Oz. Our Dad decided to go out to visit for Christmas and loved it so much he did not go back to the UK until the following April, went back to Oz in the Oct, stayed for a year (a couple of visits to NZ to reactivate his visa) and so on. He got a year tourist visa last Sept and has just been back to the UK for a visit before coming back to Oz last week with another year on his visa. We decided to follow and finally arrived in Oz on 14th Sept to start our new life................ And now the very sad, unfair and devestating news we have had this week............... Our Dad is in the process of being diagnosed with Asbestosis and the cancer that develops from this horrible disease. He arrived in Oz last Wed coughing a lot and got out of breath very easy, he has always been very fit, plays golf twice and week and bowls twice a week, dancing etc We made him go to the Doctor last Sunday, who prescribed antibiotics for a chest infection, he had an xray Monday, then back to the Doctor who told him he had fluid on his lungs, possibly pneuomia and sent him for a C.T scan which he went for the next day, took the results back to the Doc the same day and was sent to A&E supposedly to have fluid drained. We were told of the possibility that it was Asbestosis/cancer and an appointment was made to attend outpatients on Friday (today) We were told 99% sure that it is Asbestosis and cancer caused by asbestos exposure. We think he was exposed while sleeping under asbestos lagged pipes on ships while serving in the Royal Navey. It does not look good, a shortened life that's for sure, average survival is 18moths from diagnosis because it is not usually found until very advanced and there is no cure. Our biggest worry now is that his visa runs out next Sept, we have just put his CP visa application in, can't see that happening even IF he lives long enough for it to be granted. AND if he has to go back to the UK he will hate it - he will have no one to look out for him, he will have to live on his own or in a home and we will be in Oz - he has already said he does not want his body sent back to the UK :cry: So I suppose my message is - life sucks, you never know what crap it is going to throw at you. You have to do what is best for you, go, stay, whatever but don't let anyone hold you back from your dream or from anything that you think will be good for you and your family. If people are reacting to you in this fashion, not speaking, saying horrible unsupportive things they are being very selfish and why would you stop yourself doing something for the sake of a selfish person?? take care Karen
Guest gary12 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 When we told our parents my dad became terrible towards me. Not speaking to me, yes, no answers when he had to. We go in January 09, all booked. I have just booked my parents tickets to come out and see us at the end of March, 8 weeks after we land, yikes! So they do come round. I don't think in the majority of cases they mean to put added pressure on you, it's just their way of dealing with it. It's really hard, and now that it is getting closer it gets more and more difficult but I think you have to do what you think is best for your family ie husband/children/partners etc rather than turn down the opportunity you have been given and end up regretting it. If it doesn't work come back, it's not the end of the world yes you have to start again but so be it. If it works (and I hope it does) fantastic! It will be the right choice for you. best of luck Michelle
Guest Redaussies Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Yes, terrible decisions here on this issue. NOBODY can comment for YOU. This is the most personal issue you will face in the whole process of the move I think. You hear arguments both ways, "Don't put your life on hold for others" "It's your life" "You only get one chance at life" "Don't look back and say What if" Listened to all those things. But I tell you this, When you actually leave those you love way behind, and you don't see them for a while, and your the other side of the World, and You find yourself looking back on times gone bye from when you were a kid to the day you caught the plane to come here. The mind has a funny way of playing tricks on you. For me, I just can't wait to get back home next July and hug my Mum and Dad. The only thing Australia has done for me is made me realise What I left behind. Nothing can replace them, how can you trade your Mum and Dad against Sunshine ? I can't. REDDERS
Guest yorkshirepud Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Thanks to everyone who posted replies - such positive messages too - and it does make it easier knowing hundreds of other parents react the same way. Perpahs there should be a website for parents whose kids are emigrating? People they could talk to in the same boat as them and perhaps they would get reassurance that way!
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