Mongrel Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 300 flying foxes are rescued in storms Monday, December 1, 2008 300 flying foxes are rescued in storms The future of a colony of fruit bats has been put at risk after hundreds of pups were abandoned by their mothers in heavy storms. More than 300 infant grey-headed flying foxes are being cared for at a bat hospital since they were left to fend for themselves in the last week. Most are suffering from hypothermia and deydration, and many have been attacked by swarms of flies. . Plagiarism whose nicked our younguns pics mally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ozcans Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 I was into home brew and got a recipe for a brew out of a book egyptian beer made with chicken bones its yonks old did not try it but I`d give it a go suppin this wombat piss here Mally Just remembered I went to Egypt years ago and they had a local beer I think it was called Stella(!!!!!) Anyway its moto was `That which does not kill you makes you stronger` :wacko: !! Needless to say I got dysentry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongrel Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Just remembered I went to Egypt years ago and they had a local beer I think it was called Stella(!!!!!) Anyway its moto was `That which does not kill you makes you stronger` :wacko: !! Needless to say I got dysentry! Typical blame the beer not the iced water and other gubbins . Fact the phrade small beer comes from the middle ages when because the water was virtually undrinkable a beer was brewed which was very weak, the brewing process killed off the bugs and people drank it as water . Research shows that people from foreign climes carribean africa , well not so much due to migration there tolerance to alcolhol was very weak due to the anglo gene pool from the early modern period and the small beer making anglos more tolerant to alcohol ( think its skipped a couple of generations) Mally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 THIS DEVIL HAD A HELL-OF-A-TIME In February of 1987 two men on their way to a debate were practicing loudly while walking along a street in Bergen, Norway, one dressed as Jesus, the other as the Devil. Their verbal rehearsal caused a citizen to call police and, even though the Devil was arrested and fined, Jesus was allowed to go free. In court the Devil refused to pay on the grounds he was discriminated against. DURING THEIR TIME-OUT THEY "COOLED IT" On September 30, 2008, The Associated Press told of Renee Bowman, 43, of Lusby, Md., whose 7-year-old daughter was found alone on a street, starving, covered with blood and feces. While, at home, Bowman kept inside her freezer two adopted daughters, ages 9 and 11. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tomatohead Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 hi guys this a bit different from most of the tales on here but completly true , a few years ago a coachload of us went to Dublin on a stag party, we set off on friday and arrived in Dublin early evening and duly went straight on the lash the next morning me and a pal were sent out to find some throw away cameras to record the rest of the weekend so off we set , we eventually found a chemist`s shop went in and there on a shelf were some cameras one was £ 7.99 and one was £ 9.99 ( with a flash which we hadnt spotted ) we picked one of each and went to the counter a young assistant asked if he could help us and we said " these cameras ones £ 7.99 and ones £ 9.99 whats the difference " and he said with a straight face "two quid " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 HOPEFULLY, THE DRAFT DIDN'T GIVE HER A COLD? The Courier-Mail reported from Brisbane, Australia, that on September 26, 2007, about 4:30 pm local time, a 23-year-old woman, walking away from Newmarket train station, was robbed and a very personal item taken right off her body. After grabbing her bag, and just before running away, the thief raised the victims dress, and stole her underpants. THEY NEEDED www.polarbeardating.com Wire services reported November 29, 2008, officials at Kushiro Municipal Zoo, in Hokkaido, Japan, had finally figured out why their two polar bears had no sexual interest in one another. That's because, after a close inspection of both animals, it was determined Tsuyoshi, age 4, and Kurumi, age 11, were both females. PERHAPS THE TERM "KISS MY ..." STARTED HERE? The part of the body kissed during the Middle Ages depended on one's status. Generally, an equal received a kiss on the lips, a superior the hand, knee or feet, depending on how superior they were. The lower the inferior person, the less they were kissed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 HE WAS A WELL GROUNDED INDIVIDUAL Lawrence Baker, 47, was convicted of murder in 1983. On appeals, he managed to avoid death by electrocution for 10 years. But, one day inside a Pittsburgh jail cell, Mr. Lawrence made the mistake of wearing a set of faulty TV headphones, then sitting down on his cell's stainless steel commode. The autopsy made notation of the large horse-shoe-shaped burn on the corpse's thighs and buttocks. THEY COULD SOLVE THIS PROBLEM WITH SUPER GLUE Eric Rabkin, in his book It's a Gas, writes about the Canelos Indians of Ecuador saying, quote, "(These Indians)are particularly scared by their flatulencies because they believe the soul escapes the body along with the smell." HE DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES BEFORE BEING SHOT? According to The Kansas City Star, February 27, 2009, the body of Anthony Crockett, 49, had been discovered, allowing city police and the medical examiner's office to determine his death occurred from natural causes. But several days later, while the body was being embalming, three bullet holes were discovered, two of which were on the dead man's head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 OTHER WORDS, IF YOU'RE DRUNK, JUST "SHUT UP!" Ever wonder where the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's' came from? According to some, in Old English pubs, where ale was served in both pints and quarts, if a customer became intoxicated enough to be unruly, the bartender would yell at him, 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' HOW IT ALL BEGAN Thomas Lipton (1850-1931) of Glasgow, Scotland, advertised his grocery store by dressing up young pigs and leading them in parades. Soon popular, these porkers became known as "Lipton's Orphans." This idea, and other successful advertising schemes, produced him enough profit to buy a tea plantation, and the Lipton Tea Company was born. (In 1881, Lipton announced 800 U.S. dairy cows would be milked for 6-days, by 200 milkmaids, to make and import from New York, the largest single cheese in the world. Don't think he ever did, though?) WELL, THAT DID SHORTEN THE LINE A LITTLE BIT The Associated Press reported December 18, 2005, from Madras, India, while 3,000 flood victims stood in line to receive relief vouchers (i.e. 1,000 rupees ($US23), 10 kilograms of rice, and some kerosene), a human stampede broke out, leaving 42 dead and 37 injured. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 NO CROWD CONTROL REQUIRED The Ottawa Citizen reported January 4, 2000, Canada's new spy museum had finally opened. But the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, who oversee this confidential collection, said the location would not be disclosed to the general public. A PERVERT ON THE BENCH Fox News reported a Montgomery County, Md. judge had, just before sentencing a convicted rapist of an 11-year-old girl, said "it takes two to tango." "The judge blamed the little girl and not the defendant,'' said Doug Gansler, the state's attorney. THEY CUT-THE-CHEESE FOR ALL OF MANKIND In 1991 three scientists (Robert Harman, Karen Chin, Simon Brassell) published a paper postulating the atmosphere we breathe today developed as a result of the methane gas created millions of years ago during the Cretaceous period, by dinosaur flatulence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 PERHAPS HE'D DO BETTER AT HOLDUPS,... OR TYING HIS SHOES? When Carlos Carrasco, 24, broke through the roof of a San Antonio, Texas, liquor store in 1992, he was already so drunk he cut his hand badly crawling down through the hole. Once on the floor, he tried throwing whisky bottles up through the hole in the roof, but they fell back and broke at his feet. Next, he tried crawling back up through the hole, but lost his grip, and landed back on the floor on the broken glass, cutting himself on both hands and arms. Finally, on his next try he did pull himself up through the hole, only to have his wallet, containing all his ID, fall back inside. After police arrived, they found Carrasco's wallet and tracked a trail of blood several hundred feet right to his door. SHE'D STOLEN HIS HEART, BUT HE'D STOLEN SOMETHING ELSE A Tennessee man, Winston Swaggerty, 32, wanted to get married as publicly as possible, so he and his lovely bride held their wedding on the lawn of the Newport County Courthouse. When the preacher declared, "If any man knows reason this couple should not be united, let him speak now or......." that's when a deputy sheriff recognized Mr. Swaggerty, walked up and handcuffed him on an outstanding theft warrant. A SQUIRRELLY WAY TO DIE Builder Seagan Dawe, 61, was working high atop a ladder in Quinton, Birmingham, England, when worker Patrick Dowling heard him shout, "Get away!" "Get away!", before falling to his death. A squirrel had leapt from a gutter and bitten Mr. Dawe on the face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 FAME, BUT AT WHAT A PRICE Judy Garland, a top film actress known for playing many parts, is probably best remembered as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Already 16, she was playing the part of an 11-year-old girl. So, to make her looking younger, MGM pasted her breasts flat on her chest with tape. Their constant attempts to keep Garland slim with diet and drugs shortened her life. She passed away in June of 1969, at the age of 47. HUH? HE GOT EVEN BY FREEZING HIMSELF TO DEATH Determined to cast the final insult, Cory Quinn of Sydney, Australia, committed suicide by locking himself inside his estranged wife's walk-in freezer, while she was away on vacation. The note he left for the 280-pound woman read: "Gorge on this, you fat pig!" HE SHOULD'VE CHANGED HIS NAME TO MR. DRUNK In April of 1994, after spending all his money on liquor, John Smart of Sunderland, England, hated to go home to his wife and kids broke, so he attempted to break a store window to rob his money back. Problem was, staggering around in the dark, Mr. Smart found nothing to break the window, so he removed a manhole cover, raised it over his head and..... losing his balance... fell into the hole he had just uncovered. Cut, bruised, and dripping sewage water, he was arrested while crawling home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 THEY NEED A SIGN: "NO ROBBERIES, PLEASE" On April 15, 1994, the Des Moines Register told of Ronald Albert Siedelman, who entered a Norwest Bank there, then handed a poorly written note to a teller, asking for "$19 trillion." Then, telling her to gather the money, he walked back outside, saying he craved a cigarette, but didn't want to violate the bank's no-smoking policy. THREE REAL NEWSPAPER ADS FROM UNCLE JOHN (1) Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. (2) Full-sized mattress, 20 yr. warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. (3) Free puppies: Half cocker spaniel, half neighbor's sneaky dog. THEY TOOK HIM FROM THE FRIDGE BACK TO THE COOLER Murderer Daniel Mitchem broke jail in April of 1995. Police immediately searched his home in Albuquerque, New Mexico, found no trace, and were about to leave, when Mitchem's 2-year-old daughter decided to help.....by pointing to a walk-in refrigerator, saying, "Daddy's in there." Inside, shivering, dressed only in his underwear, police found their man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 THOSE 'BUTT'INSKY JUDGES WERE, PERHAPS, OVER SENSITIVE In 2000, Parade magazine contained an article about swimmer Matt Zelen of St. John's University, a 100-yard butterfly contender for the Summer Olympics. During a competitive swim, according to the magazine, Zelen realized he'd forgotten to tie the waist-string on his swimming trunks, and they were slipping down. Determined to win, he kicked his suit free and swam on to finish 2-seconds ahead of all other competitors; moments late, disqualified for violating the uniform dress code. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 PARENTS CAN TAKE REPAIRS FROM THESE GIRLS' ALLOWANCES Two teenage girls had a car race in Highland Park, Texas, and wrecked both their cars. One vehicle destroyed was an exotic $280,000 Lamborghini Murcielago, driven by 17-year-old Courtney Shannon. The other, driven by 17-year-old Rebecca West, was a Ferrari Enzo, the world's rarest car, valued at $2,000,000. TWO MORE FUN FACTS (1) England was the 1st country with regular TV service (1936). The U.S. was 2nd (1939). (2) Between 1873 and 1880, some U.S. doctors gave patients transfusions of milk, not blood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 HERE'S A BIT OF LOTTO TRIVIA Although state run lotteries in the U.S. seem relatively new, in reality they go back to at least the 1700s. Not only were the original 13 colonies partially financed by the use of lotteries, the U.S. government used the same idea to help pay for both the Revolutionary and Civil Wars. OOPS, THEY MADE A LITTLE BOO-BOO On May 17, 1987, Iraqi war planes flew over the U.S. Navy frigate Stark, dropping bombs, killing 37 American sailors. (Iraq and the U.S. agreed the attack was a mistake.):mad: HE SHOULD'VE KEPT IT FOR HIS LAST MEAL After a 2004 arrest for killing his estranged wife, her 13-month old daughter, and their 4-year old son, Andre Thomas ripped out his right eye. In 2009, awaiting execution on Texas' death row, Thomas then pulled out his left eye......and ate it. :realmad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 DIDN'T THAT MAKE HIS SISTER HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW? On July 9, 2000, Rev. David Kingston, a leader of the Latter-Day Church of God, a polygamous Mormon offshoot in Utah, was sentenced to 10 years in prison for marrying his 16-year-old niece against her will, as his 15th wife. THAT'D BE PRETTY HEAVY FOR A LAPTOP "A calculator now has 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 tubes and only weigh 1 1/2 tons." That was according to Popular Mechanics, 1949. AH, SHOOT, HE MADE A MISTAKE A Guatemala gun salesman, thirty-two-year-old Paco Cazanga, made a bad mistake. While demonstrating a firearm, he accidentally shot a customer to death. Too remorseful to live with himself, Mr. Cazanga then went to the Guatemala City zoo and threw himself into a pit of jaguars. Rescuers had to use fire extinguishers to removed his dying body. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Chapman Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 THAT'S WHY TODAY WE ASSOCIATE "LEMONS" WITH POOR QUALITY Mills Novelty Company introduced a vending machine for chewing gun in 1910. It dispensed the flavors cherry, plumb and orange. The flavor purchased was selected by the random spinning of three wheels. If all three wheels stopped on "1910 Fruit Gum", extra gum came out. If a lemon appeared, no gum was given. From this, the modern slot-machine has evolved, with the fruit symbols still prevalent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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