Guest shawgorbys Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 hi i think if you read all yhese posts hun you might feel a little better life is what you make it were ever you are in the world and who ever with take care and i hope things get better for you andrea,&family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 If you love something let it go...if it comes back it is yours, if it doesn't it never was. You have to think about you too, there has to be a compromise somewhere, otherwise you will end up resenting him so much it will break your relationship anyway. I think a great deal of talking is needed here. I wish you all the best jxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guruju Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Its best to marry from the same culture, whatever it is and from the same country. My father thought this too. I was strongly brought up in a different country, race, culture and religion to my husband who is an Australian. None of this mattered, maybe because we met in our 30s and had evolved enough to know who we were as individuals etc. What has mattered more to us is shared values on a range of matters and the fact that we both blessed with the same sense of humour. We do not even share a common framework of things like music or TV or politics as he grew up in a remote area of Australia and missed the 1980s completely (some may think that is a good thing):laugh: and I in the UK. Yes, we do have odd times when the foibles of each others' country/culture etc its annoying it does not surmount the core of the relationship we have. So I would say that it can work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cruella Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Oh wow, sweetie, have some ((((hugs)))) No magic answers from me because I am in just the same place as you except for me the longing to be where I belong is getting worse not better as time goes on. I know just what you mean about the love of your life - I've had mine for 35 years now so am not going to trade him in but he is an Aussie and wont move back to UK so I am stuck here. Much as I hate it here, it has all come down to the fact that this is the choice I have made - confronted, as you have been, with life here with him vs life there without him, I know that life without him is absolutely unbearable. I can live here - sure I can, it's just a place, I dont have to be over the moon about it I just get on with it (sorry, if that sounds rather glib, it isnt meant to be). For you, the difficult thing is making the decision - once you have made the decision one way or the other it will be easier to cope. You may still loathe Australia but there are things you can do to make living here more bearable - get a job would be the first thing and if you cant get a job, go and do volunteer work (SES, Lifeline, other charities spring to mind). Join a gym - aparently the endorphins released by serious exercise are antidepressants and can make you feel a whole lot better about yourself. Try and find a community group which focuses on something that interests you - lace making, novel writing, whatever. Basically anything to get yourself out there in the community and making connections. Dont expect them to replace the strong family and frienships you have back home but try and find a network that can be your support in Australia. This is going to sound really daft but try and ration yourself to contact with your folk at home. Your mum is probably beside herself with worry because she will know that you arent happy so perhaps not to talk to her everyday but maybe just once a week may give you time to try and be yourself in a new land rather than picking at the scab of homesickness. I maybe call my aged rellies once a month if they are lucky - I email them most weeks but the more enmeshed I am with their lives, the more difficult it is for me to live my life here. I survive by going home for a month once or twice a year all depending on what is going on for my family. I absolutely hate leaving each time but in the interim I get to be "me" rather than the role I play in Australia. Just knowing that I am going home (and I plan for the next immediately I get back here - April is next for me) keeps me going. Dont be taken in by the guilt statements - life is better in Aus, the kids will have a better life in Aus blah blah - all bollocks! Life is what you make of it wherever you are and there is absolutely nothing inherently better about living here - for me a "whole" life includes the people and how you can say that you are having a better life without the significant people in it is just plain silly. However the bottom line is that it is your life and you have to live it, you have to make decisions and live with them - sometimes they are absolutely horrible decisions but at the end of the day, you cannot live in limbo. I also disagree with those who say that 2 months isnt long enough - if you know how you feel after 2 months the chances are that you will still feel the same way after 30 years. You can ameliorate the situation by making accommodations but first impressions are often the best. I would suggest that you maybe try and find a therapist who can help you work through what is currently a circular argument for you. If you can find someone in Adelaide who does ACT Therapy, give them a go - they can help you manage the negative thoughts and allow yourself to move forward in whichever direction you want. Personally I use CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) strategies and they help me but some people do find them difficult. Failing that, try and find a book called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, he's a top bloke and his strategies do help. I wish you were closer to Canberra, I would love to have coffee with you but in the meantime please feel free to pm me if you want to chat! Take care of yourself! Dear Quall, I just read your message to Mismo and I wanted to say what a lovely message- straight and to the point. I have similar issues as you, aussie hubby, kids and grandkids here but am terribly homesick and have been ever since I arrived. As you say, you have to make the best of what you have especially if you can't change it so I try but hey it's tough. Thank you for your words of wisdom even though they weren't directed to me. Cruella Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Hi Kiriforge, I'll move this to a thread of it's own and close the original thread as its from 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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