second thoughts

[Guest michelle]

hello everyone,well the application is finally in and i have totally lost my bottle please tell me this is normal after everything that we have gone through,the heart ache of telling the family i feel like i cant go through with it i feel physically sick ,i still have the odd day when i think no we are doing it to give are kids a better life ,then i feel like i am being cruel taking them away from everthing they know please someone tell me they have had these feelings and it is not just me ,am i being stupid?

[Guest Bet]

I know exactly how you feel, we are leaving on 19 Feb which was all fine and dandy. My dad died suddenly 6 weeks ago, leaving my mum all on her own, my two sister who live in England are moving back to Northern Ireland, and my brother is there as well, I just think I will be on the other side of the world from them all as they live there lifes and grow old, as you say it makes you feel sick some times.

 

I have however been honest with myself and my partner Mark (been together for nearly five years, totally in love) and said "well I can live with what if" I don't know how I will feel when I get there, but hey if it all goes tits up and I am really depressed what is there to do "buy a flight and come home", what have I lost, nothing, I am taking it as it comes.

[Guest michelle]

thanks for your replys i know your right and like you say we can always come back ,just hope we get it right so we dont have to ,it really is better me knowing that it is not just me that feels like this thanks again for your thoughts.michelle

[Guest michelle]

thanks jo really nice of you where are you planning to go when you get to australia ?i think we are heading for brisbane nerves permitting, our kids are 6 and almost 4 by the way.will keep in touch thanks for your reply.

[Guest Angie]

Hi Michelle

 

You are not being stupid, but a caring mother.

 

I was fine about going to Oz really excited, but now we have applied I'm going through the same emotions you are, my kids are 14, 12, 9, and 4. Its a roller coaster of emotions but Oz is only a day away.

 

I'm really going to miss family and friends but we will all make new friends we've done it before we can do it again.

 

As for taking them away from what they know I've told my kids we are going for a years working holiday and then we will review, it if we love it we stay if not we come back. Worse case scenario they have a years fantastic experience.

 

With web cams and emails we can keep in touch with family and friends every day.

 

lots of luck

Angie

[Guest michelle]

hi angie thanks for your reply,that is a good way to look at it telling them and myself it is a working holiday and a great experience for them,hopefully things will start to get exciting rather than feeling the way i do hopefully i will look back at this and think what was all the worrying about thanks again angie. michelle

[Guest bob and ginnie]

Michelle and other troops!

You're not unusual in thinking that way about the tug that families have on our hearts.

I've been here 33 years now, married a 4th generation Australian girl, have three great kids all born here in Australia and am taking early retirement in May (34 weeks away . . . but who's counting??)

I'm feeling fragile at the moment which is unlike me. I came here on own in 1972 and consider myself a survivor . . . a "battler" as Aussies like to call them.

The trouble is, the older I get nowadays, the more I just want to check out where I came from, catch up with my old mum who is now in her late seventies and probably doesn't have many years left and see old mates that I knocked around with before I headed Down Under at the age of twenty.

You just have to live with the fact that half of you is on the other side of the world and half here in Australia.

I've worked with a lot of blokes but one in particular was from Belfast, coming out in the mid 1960's with his young wife. He retired after 26 years with us in August 2002 and died last week. I went to his funeral today. His wife, Gladys, mentioned that John had felt homesickness a year or so ago, and they'd gone back to Northern Ireland for 9 weeks before realising that their two daughters and their kids were back here in Adelaide, so they came back.

You really don't know which part to hang with . . . the part of you as a youngster and all your brothers, sisters and their families (nephews, nieces, etc.). . . or your own kids that have now grown up in Australia and have their families and see you as Grandad and Nan.

It's a tough call.

Don't think you will get over it. You get busy bringing up your kids, running them around and paying mortgages, but when you retire and have time to reflect, many folks from the Old Country take a trip back for old times' sake and see things once again.

It never leaves you. . . . . .

. . . . . . but we do things for the betterment of our kids and Australia is a great spot for kids to be brought up in.

[Guest michelle]

hi bob and ginnie, what you have wrote is really interesting it sounds great out there but like you say the feeling never leaves you,it really is a hard one understandably we are going to do what we think is best for the kids at the end of the day,still trying to take are feelings in it really is hard,i think the best way for me to look at it is to take a long working holiday and see how we go from there,thanks very much for taking an interest and getting back to us we really appreciate it i hope what ever we decide it will be the right decision. michelle

[Guest JC]

I have so many second thoughts it's untrue. Good to hear that I'm not the only one feeling this way. So many of you doing this with kids in tow and we are not so I should stop all this worrying and try to enjoy it! Our family arn't happy at all, but hopefully will be better once they know that we are happy over there..try to stay positive.

[Guest Hunters117]

Hi

 

I can really relate to what you are feeling. I am an Australian who has lived in Scotland for 16 years. I am planning to return home next year, along with my husband and 2 kids.

 

Despite feeling excited about going home I am also very frightened. What happens if my husband and kids don't settle? Will we find work, a decent home etc?

 

It is very scary to give up your job, sell your home and completely change your life. My husband has only been to Australia once and is more keen than I am to return, but I worry for him as I know how bad homesickness can be.

 

At the end of the day, I know that Australia will give my family a better quality of life - and I don't just mean money wise, it is very true to say that Australians work to live they don't live to work.

 

Good luck to you and remember, life is for living!!

[Guest michelle]

hi thanks for your reply,everone keeps telling me i am doing the right thing and that we will all have a better quality of life but like you say feeling homesick has got to be one of the worst feelings,you have been there so you know what it like, it is much better talking to someone going through the same emotions because you know they really do know how you feel as a pose to someone telling you they know how you feel when really they cant possibly know what that feeling in your stomach is really like,when you left australia for scotland how long did it take you to get over the homesickness that is if you ever did and do you advise us to go out for a holiday first or to just take the plunge and give it a go because i think a holiday your going to love it and want to move there anyway and the money we spend on a holiday could be spent on something else ,we just dont know what to do for best,we are heading for brisban by the way had so many good reports about it i think this is the best place for us all,thanks again for your thoughts we really appreciate it . michelle

[Guest Hunters117]

Hi Michelle

 

I would say that you never really get over homesickness. Sometimes I can go for a couple of months and not think about home and then something is on the TV and then it all kicks in again. I think the main thing to remember is that it only takes a day to get home and with the internet and webcams it is very easy to keep in touch with friends and family.

 

Only you can decide if you want to visit on holiday first, personally I would say just to go for it. I know it is especially scary as you are a mum and need to do the right thing for your kids. We have 2 boys (neither have been to Australia) and I am worried about taking them away from their Gran/Grandad etc. But kids are very resilient and I am sure they will adjust very easily.

 

I am originally from Sydney but have visited Brisbane a couple of times - it is really lovely with excellent beaches.

 

I found a programme on one of the discovery channels last night called A Place Down Under, think it is on about 9.30 on Tuesdays and Sundays - it is quite interesting as it is about different families who have moved to Oz -one of them to Brisbane. All the Best. C.

[Guest michelle]

hi hunters ,thanks for that will look out for that program ,i think we will just go for it it is quite alot of money to spend just for a holiday ,at the end of the day if we dont like it and come home at least we can say we tried and it will be a great experience if nothing else.

[Guest JC]

My husband and I went to Spain earlier in the year to do the same thing. We'd never been to the south, unfortunately it didn't work out for us and we came back but don't have any regrets at all. And everyone was v supportive when we came back.

Didn't put us off though, now we're being sponsored to work in Perth. Funny how things work out.

 

Good luck!

[Guest James]

Hi Michelle,

 

Just reading through the reply's to your message, my wife & I & our 2 kid's, Son 18 & daughter 14 have recieved our visa's and are hoping to settle in Melbourne in early Feb, we have never been to the country and have no-where to go when we get there, our sponsor (my uncle) died while our application was being processed and my aunt is in such a bad way as they were married for nearly 50 years and in Oz for 43 of them that she cannot put us up on our arrival, we have 2 friends in Melbourne but they have family staying with them for 2 month's at the time of our arrival so they can't help either...so we are hoping to stay in a backpackers hostel until we can get something more permanent when our goods arrive. We are up and down like a roller coaster on a daily basis as somtimes we think we are crazy to contemplate this huge a move but we are also of the mind that if we don't take this opportunity then we will always wonder 'what if'. At times my wife gets very nervous about it as we are both in our mid 40's but again if we don't make a go of it we can always come back although I hope this is not the case, we are all hoping that when we get there everything will fall into place if we are willing to work at it. As for family & leaving all we know we just can't go there...

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings there are others out there going through the same thing. Good luck!

[Guest michelle]

hi james ,thanks for that ,the more of these replys i am reading is starting to make things a little easier for me knowing that i'm not alone other people know just how i feel is such a help,sorry to hear your story and after all that you are all still going for it just shows its going to be worth it and hopefully it will work out for you all good luck to all four of you from all four of us.

[Guest ironmaggi]

at least I'm in the right place for feeling scared stiff. I'll be leaving my Mum behind although she's fighting fit with my sister only few hours drive away. Hopefully she'll come on holiday and want to stay with us. My question is really for my better half who's children from the first marriage still live with their Mum and would stay here. Has anyone else experience of that [sounds like everyone else is taking kids with and ours will be born out there!] I know it will be VERY hard but...just want some reassurance I suppose!

[lynniep]

We've been here (Sydney) about 6 months now and its growing on me all the time, and although I generally don't miss the UK hugely, I miss my family and friends every day and I can't wait till I see them again. Which is probably not going to be for another 6 months :-(

 

Whilst I don't think those feelings are going to change even with time, you just get on with it day by day and try to look forward to when you can see them. I worry about my dad, who is knocking on a bit (70) and hasnt been on top form for a long time now. My sister is about to have her first child, and I won't be around for the birth :-( My mates are also irreplaceable, and I constantly find myself thinking 'oh I should show L___ this' etc and then realising I can't.

 

I told dad on the phone the other week though after a particularly bad bout of fretting, that we were thinking about coming back after a year, and he told me not to be such a wimp, to stop worrying about what might happen and get on with it because it doesnt have to be forever. He said of course he missed me, but its not like we saw them (the folks) that often anyway, which is true. I'm so lucky to have a dad who will still give me good advice ;-)

[Guest JC]

To Lynniep

Thanks for your posting. Good to hear from someone who is out there living the life. I'm sure the time that you and we all will spend with our families will be much better quality time rather than the rushed half hour here and there. The way I look at it is that I've lived at home with family for the best part of 30 years and we have been fortunate to have that time together. I have decided to stop worrying and start looking forward to it all, I know it will be so sad when the time comes to say goodbye and I don't imagine homesickness eases up but there are so many good reasons to go and find a better quality of life. And it's only a days trip away. I already have a lot of friends planning trips out there and we haven't even been approved for the visa yet!

Another month before we hear....!

[Guest bob and ginnie]

When I first came to Australia, I was single, footloose and fancy free and landed with 10 quid in my back pocket. Australia was excitement PLUS!

I never missed home. I was too busy doing all the stuff I could never do in London . . . surfing after work, having barbeques and looking at all the good looking girls that Perth seemed to have when I was 21.

I eventually married and shifted from Adelaide (where I'd been living for a few years by then) to the Eastern States. I remember missing my old surfing mates who I'd shared houses with and had great times with for 5 or 6 years. I remember going up the pub, feeling sorry for myself and drowning my sorrows. I was "homesick".

I missed everything I'd had previously in Adelaide.

I could easily have gone back.

You will always get good times and bad times in your life. If you chuck in the towel in the bad times, you will have nothing when the good times eventually come along!

You have to go through it.

Eventually, I spent 13 years in the Eastern States, had 3 kids born there and went back earlier this year for my first visti in 10 years. I had made heaps and heaps of friends in the years my wife and I were there. We spent 3 weeks in January and had engagements all the time seeing old mates. We came back to "relax" after our "holiday".

You have to get over the blues. You have to say to yourself that only YOU can do anything about life. You have to let go of the past.

You have to throw yourself into your new life.

The children's school is a great meeting point for parents and you can meet lots of interesting mums and dads with their kids in your kid's school. Go to school events and helpout in the local school's programs that they have going on . . . a Parents & Friends Association.

Australia is sports mad. If you can kick a ball, you are in the right place. Play for your local team . . . soccer, rugby, Australian Rules, whatever . . . . just play.

Play tennis . . . play croquet . . . play cards . . . play tiddleywinks!!! . . . . but just play!!! You meet people that way and end up having barbies together.

My wife and I went to our local Church of England and met lots of great people there who helped us and guided us in parenting our kids, invited us to their barbies and parties, beach trips in summer, etc.

What I'm saying is that you will have the "blues".

Prepare for it. . . .have a few beers and drown your sorrows, but don't let it shrink you from throwing yourself into life in Australia.

You only get out of life (or a relationship!) what you put into it.

Life will offer many options at times. . . . some equally appealling. Chose one and stick to it. If Australia is your option, then go for it!

You will never never know, if you never never go.

[Guest Ian & Sarah]

Hunter & Michelle,

 

I've enjoyed reading your posts.

 

I'm Australian and moved here nearly 2.5 years ago. My husband (English) and I are planning to go back next year (if his visa is approved). We're gonna go to Melbourne.

 

Michelle, Don't go for a holiday coz it's just gonna be harder. Jump in the deep end. Initially it will feel like a holiday anyway. I arrived in London never having been to the UK ever and I knew I was moving over for a while (My father is English - arrived in Oz in 1969 on the £10 flight thingy, hence the dual nationality for me)

 

Hunter is right. There is nothing worse than home-sickness. I got it about 2 months after my arrival, and I guess the main reason being my lifestyle was completely different. I'd also just left an Aussie winter and come into an English one - not recommended. 12 months of sh&t weather is not fun. My homesickness lasted for a few months (on and off days) but I'm over it now. I speak to my family and friends all the time and email is awesome. To me, you're never far from home. The times I thought, right, I'm going home (Oz).....I KNEW that I'd have 24 hours think time before I even landed and then I'd land be happy to see everyone for the day and then think - sh&t, I didn't give it enough time. The hardest thing for me was making a social network here in the UK and I guess it's not much better but I guess I've held back knowing I'll be heading home soon.

 

That is the ONE regret I have and that's not joining in with groups/events/etc on my initial arrival or keeping with it. You must join in otherwise you do get very sad and lonely, even if you have a partner.

 

My family are now living all over the world and the best thing is - I've always got somewhere exciting to visit and they have too with visiting me. Dad's now in Canada, Brother 2 in Qatar, Mum in Nth NSW and Bro 1 in Sydney.

 

And here I am going to go back to Melbourne. You'd think after all that misssing friends etc etc that I'd move back to Sydney! Nope. I think it's fair on my husband if we move back to a place either of us have lived in - then we can experience the same thing together.

 

Good luck Michelle and please let us know if you need a chat - it is the worst and scariest thing but it's so worth it.

 

Sarah x

[Guest michelle]

hi sarah,thankyou very much for your reply we have decided now to just go for it ,i think a holiday will be a mistake and alot of money we could do with saving,friends of ours were all for emigrating they went out for a holiday and came back with mixed feelings now they just dont know i think they are going for a trial run for 6 months with there kids, i am scared that if we do that we could end up coming back and as hard as i am finding it leaving the family and all of our friends , i really do want to give this a go and hopefully make a better life for our kids,because at the end of the day we are doing this for them but it does'nt stop my feelings i still have good days and bad days. our 6 year old daughter can't wait which helps because i do worry about taking them away from everyone they love she has been very grown up about it more than me in some ways,hopefully our son who is almost 4 will adjust ok we have'nt gone into any detail with him he is so happy with school and his little group of friends that i feel terrible doing it to him,but i know he will love it and hopefully he will even 1 day thank us for it.i am really sorry if i am boring you all with this but it really does help listening to people and talking to people who really do know just how i feel,thanks again for your reply sarah and i will keep in touch.

[Guest scoop]

Hi Michelle

 

Hope all is well?

 

This site is great when you are having a little wobble on your conviction to migrate. :? I have been planning to migrate back to Aus since returning from a years working holiday in 2000! Family issues kept getting in the way and now I am just going for it, there will always be something too put you off if you let it!

 

I have been told it make take another year but that is another topic!! :shock:

 

Hope it all goes well for you and your family. I am sure they will appreciate it all when your on the golden beaches.

Sharon

[Guest mandymoo]

Hi Michelle,

 

I'm feeling exactly the same as you. One minute I think yes, this will be a brilliant move - just think of the lifestyle for my 2 year old daughter, then I think but my social life is so good here, what if I get there, and I don't fit in, have no friends and just stagnate!!!!!

 

We have had my husband's trade recognition come back as an accept, and will be sending off the visa app by the end of October. By the sounds of it, you are one step ahead of us!! Personally, I feel that if I don't go for it I will never know, and I don't want to look back in 10 years time and say I wish we had've gone for it.

 

We are hoping to get to Brisbane too - we went there on holiday for a month back in February. I thoroughly enjoyed it there - I loved Brisbane itself, and the beaches and sea were lovely.

 

Don't worry Michelle you are not alone in the way you are feeling, and just hang in there - I'm a great believer in fate, and think that things will work out for the best whatever the decision is.

 

Would love to hear how you get on, so please keep me posted.

 

Amanda

[Guest bob and ginnie]

With all the new comers coming from the U.K. nowadays, it's the kids who seem to sail thro without any problems.

The younger they are, they more they just seem to fit into Australia's lifestyle like they were made for it. Older teenagers will find it more of a struggle, but still cope better than the oldies.

I have to smile when I hear mums stating how guilty they feel "tearing little Johnny away from all his mates".

The truth is, little Johnny's going to be playing with his new mates from day one here, and you will be the one feeling torn away from all your family and mates.

Little Johnny should be feeling guilty that he's putting his mum thro' all this instead!

Don't kid yourselves . . . . . little Johnny will survive better than the lot of you put together. Kids just need their mum and dad . . . . and they need them happy.