Suddenly feel a massive desire to move back to the UK

[sorrento]

I'm Australian and we currently live in Melbourne. 

I moved to London in 2012. Met my now husband (married 2022) there in 2014 (He's from Surrey) and was convinced we'd be in the UK or at least Europe forever. 

I found my dream job in 2016 doing private home schooling (I'm a primary teacher) but not long after I also suddenly for the first time felt some sick. My husband was very open to moving to Australia so we started the process in Jan 2017 and moved in August 2018. We visited the UK once in 2019 and then covid hit and it kept us away until 2022. 

I was quite happy being in Australia but recently I've not been able to work much (we now have two kids and they're always sick or making me sick). 

For some reason I've started to reassess everything and have a STRONG pull back to London. 

My husband's whole family are there. His dad's health and mobility aren't great and he's getting old. 

Our two girls only cousins are in London and they barely know them (14mo hasn't even met them!) 

I think I want to go back but the difficulty is convincing my husband (despite him being from there!) 

If we came to that decision it's 

1. Expensive 

2. My whole family are here. My grandpa is 94 himself and I see him quite regularly and would hate to move and then something happen to him and not be around (in saying that organizing to move with two kids is a process that may take years)

3. Would absolutely be permanent this time. This move was meant to be permanent but also always had a "let's see how it goes" tag on it. 

I'm just VERY stuck. My girls are only 1 and almost 4. If we moved back I could try and get back into private tutoring and homeschooling again which I was so happy in and would be happy doing that for the rest of my career. I hate my working life here (when I actually manage to work). 

Sorry long post I'm just SO stuck

 

[Blue Manna]

3 hours ago, sorrento said:

I'm Australian and we currently live in Melbourne. 

I moved to London in 2012. Met my now husband (married 2022) there in 2014 (He's from Surrey) and was convinced we'd be in the UK or at least Europe forever. 

I found my dream job in 2016 doing private home schooling (I'm a primary teacher) but not long after I also suddenly for the first time felt some sick. My husband was very open to moving to Australia so we started the process in Jan 2017 and moved in August 2018. We visited the UK once in 2019 and then covid hit and it kept us away until 2022. 

I was quite happy being in Australia but recently I've not been able to work much (we now have two kids and they're always sick or making me sick). 

For some reason I've started to reassess everything and have a STRONG pull back to London. 

My husband's whole family are there. His dad's health and mobility aren't great and he's getting old. 

Our two girls only cousins are in London and they barely know them (14mo hasn't even met them!) 

I think I want to go back but the difficulty is convincing my husband (despite him being from there!) 

If we came to that decision it's 

1. Expensive 

2. My whole family are here. My grandpa is 94 himself and I see him quite regularly and would hate to move and then something happen to him and not be around (in saying that organizing to move with two kids is a process that may take years)

3. Would absolutely be permanent this time. This move was meant to be permanent but also always had a "let's see how it goes" tag on it. 

I'm just VERY stuck. My girls are only 1 and almost 4. If we moved back I could try and get back into private tutoring and homeschooling again which I was so happy in and would be happy doing that for the rest of my career. I hate my working life here (when I actually manage to work). 

Sorry long post I'm just SO stuck

 

Normally I would say brilliant. The UK is a brilliant place to live. But since the last few years I'm finding it harder to say that. I'm not saying don't. But think carefully. It's probably not the place you remember.

[Quoll]

First things first - get your husband's citizenship then, as a family you are free to come and go - never say never, things change and priorities change so it is nice to have belt and braces.  We always like to think decisions may be permanent but sometimes you get a better offer and things can change - as a negotiation point, it might be better to be flexible about that and you were homesick once, you may be homesick again, you never know, especially if the going gets tough at some stage, it is so easy to compare the bad of the now with the good of the then - aka the grass is always greener!!!!

You say you are Australian, I assume you have either UK citizenship or an Ancestry visa, otherwise, a spouse visa can be a bit of a faff.

You're right, your granddad wont be around forever neither will your husband's dad.  Sometimes we can be there when people we love pass away, sometimes we cant, there is nothing certain in this world. The most important thing in peoples' lives is what you do when they are alive, not what you do when they are dead but I am sure that none of them would begrudge you the chance for your own happiness wherever that may be.

Moving is expensive but what price your mental health? In some ways it will be a much easier process for you because you've done it before and you know what things might get flung at you in the process.  You have a family structure to return to although Greater London can be expensive - there are some lovely places in Surrey though and I would love to live in the area where my son lives.

Bottom line though, if your husband has to be persuaded then it may not work or even be an option.  Dont underestimate the resentment that can happen if one is (in their own mind) forced to do something they dont really want to do - we have seen many a relationship struggle with that stress.  Perhaps float it and see what his response might be - he may be busting to go home but fearful of what you might say!

Best do it sooner rather than later though, once your kids are in school it gets exponentially harder to move them away from their environments.  Good luck whichever way you decide to go.

[sorrento]

Thanks so much for your reply! Not just any reply but an incredibly detailed reply - I really appreciate it! 

Yes - we wouldn't leave until my husband got citizenship. He is eligible now just need to go through the process. 

I have British citizenship through my dad so that isn't an issue. Much easier than the move here as we had to apply for a partner visa for my husband first. 

I have no doubt that I would definitely become home sick again - last time though I became home sick and immediately said we should move back. One of us unfortunately will always have that. My husband is struggling here though and hasn't made many connections of his own, where as I already have connections when living n the UK that I made before I met him, or through work. So it does cross my mind frequently how little support he has. Here I have not only connections I used to have (so some 20+ year friendships) but also many connections through my kids, due to staying home with each of them for a year. I worry how he will continue to cope here with most of his support network being though me or my family.

You're right London is expensive - and I suspect way worse with two kids to consider! Would be absolutely happy moving to Surrey - his parents are very attentive of his brothers kids so being close to them would be lovely and also to have their support. 

No idea if my husband will need persuading. We have loosely talked about moving back for a few years when both kids are in school. But loosely. I now want to make it a reality because my older daughter starts school in 2 years and if we wanted to actually do it, I'd think it's worth thinking seriously soon. Especially because as you said he should have citizenship first. 

I dropped loads of light hints today hoping he would ask if I wanted to move but he didn't get the idea!

Edited November 29 by sorrento

[Marisawright]

4 minutes ago, sorrento said:

Thanks so much for your reply! Not just any reply but an incredibly detailed reply - I really appreciate it! 

Yes - we wouldn't leave until my husband got citizenship. He is eligible now just need to go through the process. 

I have British citizenship through my dad so that isn't an issue. Much easier than the move here as we had to apply for a partner visa for my husband first. 

I have no doubt that I would definitely become home sick again - last time though I became home sick and immediately said we should move back. One of us unfortunately will always have that. My husband is struggling here though ...

In that case, for goodness sake stop dropping hints and just ask him, "how wuold you feel if I wanted to move back to the uK again?"   He's probably trying to survive for your  sake.

[sorrento]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

In that case, for goodness sake stop dropping hints and just ask him, "how wuold you feel if I wanted to move back to the uK again?"   He's probably trying to survive for your  sake.

Haha thanks for the blunt post but totally get that I need to just work up the courage! I probably needed to hear it being said like that!

[sorrento]

3 hours ago, Blue Manna said:

Normally I would say brilliant. The UK is a brilliant place to live. But since the last few years I'm finding it harder to say that. I'm not saying don't. But think carefully. It's probably not the place you remember.

This I'm also worried about too - because I know it has changed a lot. 

We would absolutely need lots of research to actually work out if it's a reasonable decision. We left pre covid, pre finalisation of brexit. So I know lots has changed in the last 6 years.

[Ausvisitor]

1 hour ago, sorrento said:

... to make it a reality because my older daughter starts school in 2 years ...

Or indeed one year if moving to the UK system...

Edited November 29 by Ausvisitor

[lothar]

We moved back to Surrey in June this year after 6 years in perth. 

So far it had been awesome, we both landed nice jobs and have way more disposable income than we had in perth. 

Our 3 kids (12, 9 and 4) have all adapted well. 

I'm not saying you should do it, each family must make their own decision. I just wanted to say there are good news stories about the uk.

Although speak to me after winter maybe I've changed my mind

[lothar]

Maybe not such a big consideration for someone moving from Melbourne but moving from Perth to Surrey there is just so much more to do here lol.

[Ausvisitor]

Perth, the world's biggest village. I love the place but it really doesn't have a lot of culture, nightlife or decent sport

[HughD]

You could go back to UK for a few weeks as a test run. Despite all the negativity the UK is not so bad if you don't watch the news or moaning on TV etc.

But in the end, wherever you live, you need to focus on the good things and what you are grateful for, otherwise you'll be unhappy wherever you are.

[sorrento]

7 hours ago, lothar said:

We moved back to Surrey in June this year after 6 years in perth. 

So far it had been awesome, we both landed nice jobs and have way more disposable income than we had in perth. 

Our 3 kids (12, 9 and 4) have all adapted well. 

I'm not saying you should do it, each family must make their own decision. I just wanted to say there are good news stories about the uk.

Although speak to me after winter maybe I've changed my mind

This is really great to see your input since you just moved back! 

Melbourne does have a lot to do but I see my girls cousins and they seem to do way more - much more readily available activities for them. Where as everything for us is a big drive. They rarely use their car as they're in London so mostly walk/tube and get to things for the kids easily.

[sorrento]

3 hours ago, HughD said:

You could go back to UK for a few weeks as a test run. Despite all the negativity the UK is not so bad if you don't watch the news or moaning on TV etc.

But in the end, wherever you live, you need to focus on the good things and what you are grateful for, otherwise you'll be unhappy wherever you are.

We are actually back for Christmas so there in a few weeks. I thought my feelings were just because of that holiday but my thoughts have been here for quite a few months long before it was heavily on my radar with planning for it etc

Absolutely true about wherever you live, need to focus on good things! 

[Ausvisitor]

2 hours ago, sorrento said:

This is really great to see your input since you just moved back! 

Melbourne does have a lot to do but I see my girls cousins and they seem to do way more - much more readily available activities for them. Where as everything for us is a big drive. They rarely use their car as they're in London so mostly walk/tube and get to things for the kids easily.

To be honest if you compare things to do in any city (in the world) with things to do in London then you'll always be wanting.

If you compare ease of using public transport between London and any other city, again you'll be disappointed 

However will you be living in central London where 3 bed houses are a minimum of $5m or will you be out in the Surrey suburbs (or further afield) where Melbourne absolutely trounces those places for range and ease of doing things.

You have to compare like with like and unless you will be in London it's pointless comparing your life in Melbourne with what you feel the cousins are getting up to in London.

Equally when you catch up the chat is usually about the good stuff, the everyday crap gets left out so it always seems like they are having a great time, you probably do the same when you describe your life and they probably think Melbourne is a vision of heaven on Earth.

Edited November 29 by Ausvisitor

[Quoll]

1 hour ago, Ausvisitor said:

To be honest if you compare things to do in any city (in the world) with things to do in London then you'll always be wanting.

If you compare ease of using public transport between London and any other city, again you'll be disappointed 

However will you be living in central London where 3 bed houses are a minimum of $5m or will you be out in the Surrey suburbs (or further afield) where Melbourne absolutely trounces those places for range and ease of doing things.

You have to compare like with like and unless you will be in London it's pointless comparing your life in Melbourne with what you feel the cousins are getting up to in London.

Equally when you catch up the chat is usually about the good stuff, the everyday crap gets left out so it always seems like they are having a great time, you probably do the same when you describe your life and they probably think Melbourne is a vision of heaven on Earth.

Dunno, my son lives in Kingston in Surrey and the ease of accessing pretty much everything would beat Beaumaris or Melton any day of the week. I was gobsmacked at the public transport and sheer range of things my grandson can access. The only thing I think probably lacking in Kingston and that wider area is a wide range of swimming pools but that’s not unusual for U.K. across the board. 

[sorrento]

6 hours ago, Quoll said:

Dunno, my son lives in Kingston in Surrey and the ease of accessing pretty much everything would beat Beaumaris or Melton any day of the week. I was gobsmacked at the public transport and sheer range of things my grandson can access. The only thing I think probably lacking in Kingston and that wider area is a wide range of swimming pools but that’s not unusual for U.K. across the board. 

Kingston is actually an area we may consider! There's so much there! And not too far from my in laws. 

[Ausvisitor]

Kingston is an interesting anomaly, whilst it is in Surrey for postal reasons (and geographical) it is actually one of the 32 boroughs of greater London.

It is also lovely and a great place to spend time.

Edited Saturday at 08:49 by Ausvisitor

[SammyC99]

On 30/11/2024 at 08:28, Quoll said:

Dunno, my son lives in Kingston in Surrey and the ease of accessing pretty much everything would beat Beaumaris or Melton any day of the week. I was gobsmacked at the public transport and sheer range of things my grandson can access. The only thing I think probably lacking in Kingston and that wider area is a wide range of swimming pools but that’s not unusual for U.K. across the board. 

Don’t go back, just change states

[Marisawright]

36 minutes ago, SammyC99 said:

Don’t go back, just change states

This is why I say to new migrants, don't start out in Perth or Tasmania.   Each state is very different, and if you don't like the first state you try, it IS worth trying some of the others. However if you start out in Perth or Tassie, it's going to cost as much (if not more) to ship all your belongings to a new state, as it would to send everything back to the UK -- and faced with that cost, many people decide it's too much of a risk.    

Of course it's not cheap to move from Melbourne to the Sunny Coast either, but if you're not in a rush, you can get backloads which reduces the cost by a lot.

[Quoll]

2 hours ago, SammyC99 said:

Don’t go back, just change states

Changing states doesn’t help when the pull is family. At the end of the day it’s still a foreign country on the other side of the world from them.

[tea4too]

9 hours ago, Quoll said:

Changing states doesn’t help when the pull is family. At the end of the day it’s still a foreign country on the other side of the world from them.

Or that elusive 'sense of belonging', it shifts our sense of what matters and what is valued. Tx