Homesickness

[Quoll]

46 minutes ago, Ceebs-x said:

Thanks to both of you. I am a girl though, who isn’t much into football/rugby (or sport generally haha). I wish I was, it would certainly be easier! 

Maybe it’s cause I’m seeing it from the other side, but I feel like being a guy makes it easier to make friends. 

Best place to make friends is amongst interest groups - if you are into knitting (I am) then find a knitting group, kick boxing then find a kick boxing class, Fine art appreciation then sign up for a fine art appreciation workshop - you get the idea.  Going "just" to make friends, in my experience never works.  Work acquaintances are often a good avenue but if you are single and all about you are married, then you are at a disadvantage right from the word go.  Volunteering is another vehicle for meeting folk - sign up to be a Lifeline counsellor or join the SES or similar.  Think about the kind of people you generally gel with - are they the gung ho, hang from cables and abseil kind or are they the lounge around in coffee shop kind and target those sorts of environments.  However, you may want to revise your idea of what constitutes a friend and aim a bit lower than the "call at 4am for a whinge" buddy and just go for an acquaintance who might like to have the odd coffee with you.  I dont have the same kind of friends as I have in UK even after 40 years - most of my acquaintance are just that.  I barely see any that I used to work with and go for months without interacting with any of them at all beyond Words with Friends!  I see my knitting mates at meetings each week but have not been to the home of any, had lunch with any or anything outside the knitting world.  

[Bulya]

5 hours ago, Ceebs-x said:

I’m in Sydney. Don’t get me wrong, I have been going out and doing things. I wouldn’t sit in and do nothing. I quite like being near the airport in Sydney. It’s only like 10-15 minutes on the train to the CBD and like 30-40 minutes to beaches. Location isn’t too bad. I came here on my own though, I never realised how hard that would be. Especially during the day when the UK are sleeping. 

Not the best city/state to start in Australia.  It’s a tough, high attitude location. 

[Marisawright]

18 hours ago, Ceebs-x said:

I’m in Sydney. Don’t get me wrong, I have been going out and doing things. I wouldn’t sit in and do nothing. I quite like being near the airport in Sydney. It’s only like 10-15 minutes on the train to the CBD and like 30-40 minutes to beaches. Location isn’t too bad. I came here on my own though, I never realised how hard that would be. Especially during the day when the UK are sleeping. 

I lived in Sydney for over 30 years and it's not an easy place to make friends, especially the Eastern Suburbs and North Shore.   You would've been better off finding a place in the Inner West:  further from the beaches but people are a bit more approachable, I found.  

The ONLY way I made friends in Sydney was through my hobbies.  Dance classes and art classes. I decided to try sailing when I came to Australia and that was a good way to make friends.  If you don't have hobbies, could you take one up?   You need to join something, whether it's a swim club or learn stand-up paddle-boarding or painting or macrame?

[22B]

On 27/02/2023 at 10:15, jvb473 said:

I’ve been here 6 months and in the same boat.  I’m trying to stick it out and hope it gets better as my mrs (she’s an Australian and the reason I’m here ) does not want to go back to the UK so me going home would be the end of the relationship.

Feel your pain, and hope it gets a little better. We left for a job and life change, as some family members had moved over. You would have thought it would make it easier. But I can't bare it here, all I want to do is go home and after many years there's absolutely no chance my relationship would survive.

[Ceebs-x]

1 hour ago, 22B said:

Feel your pain, and hope it gets a little better. We left for a job and life change, as some family members had moved over. You would have thought it would make it easier. But I can't bare it here, all I want to do is go home and after many years there's absolutely no chance my relationship would survive.

I’m sorry to hear that. Seems like it’s a lot more complicated when more than just one person is involved. For some reason I thought it would be easier.  

It is reassuring to know that others feel this way. I’m looking into jobs both home and in Australia now just in case. I had to leave my old job cause it was so toxic, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I would never go back. Everyone who is still there now is trying to leave. It was a necessary change, even if it comes at a cost of unemployment for a while if I move back to the UK. 

[Guest]

On 27/02/2023 at 06:18, Ceebs-x said:

Thanks to both of you. I am a girl though, who isn’t much into football/rugby (or sport generally haha). I wish I was, it would certainly be easier! 

Maybe it’s cause I’m seeing it from the other side, but I feel like being a guy makes it easier to make friends. 

Hey, 

If you're on Instagram try following Sunrise Social Sydney. I started following the girl who started them and they run throughout Australia for people just like you and meet every week. 

I've already looked up Brisbane for when we arrive. 

I hope you find some comfort soon and can embrace an opportunity you have worked hard for. 

Not much changes at home, so give it a good go and then you can go home if you want. It's always there

[Cobs_Ahoy]

Hey @Ceebs-x

just wanted to send a quick message of solidarity- we arrived in Queensland at the start of November and by mid December I was contemplating getting on the next available flight home. It’s a horrible feeling when that loneliness and panic kicks in, I still remember how it felt.

We are currently in the final stages of our plans to return to the U.K, and will have been in Oz about 6months by the time we get back. I’ve got an active thread in Aussie Chat at the min “Having a Wobble” that might be worth a read, I found it helpful to talk through some of my feelings with people on this board , even if it was just figuring out that I disagreed with what was being suggested. I am glad we didn’t jump on the first flight home, but only you know long you can stick it out for. I probably could have held out here for 1-2 years, but my husband was having a rougher time than me and we also had other stuff to consider like what timings worked best for kids.

A good friend of mine and her partner moved from Barcelona to a small town in WA when we were in our twenties, she lasted three weeks before ending her relationship and moving back to Spain. She never regretted sacking it off so quickly,  sometimes you just know! Conversely, my sister hated moving to Melbourne from Bangkok, but she battled through it and now loves living here, so I guess sometimes you don’t actually know. Totally unhelpful ending to my post, but just giving you a variety of stories so I dont seem so biased!!!!

I hope things have improved for you since you last posted, whether that’s feeling less homesick or having booked a flight home. 

[Ceebs-x]

4 minutes ago, Cobs_Ahoy said:

Hey @Ceebs-x

just wanted to send a quick message of solidarity- we arrived in Queensland at the start of November and by mid December I was contemplating getting on the next available flight home. It’s a horrible feeling when that loneliness and panic kicks in, I still remember how it felt.

We are currently in the final stages of our plans to return to the U.K, and will have been in Oz about 6months by the time we get back. I’ve got an active thread in Aussie Chat at the min “Having a Wobble” that might be worth a read, I found it helpful to talk through some of my feelings with people on this board , even if it was just figuring out that I disagreed with what was being suggested. I am glad we didn’t jump on the first flight home, but only you know long you can stick it out for. I probably could have held out here for 1-2 years, but my husband was having a rougher time than me and we also had other stuff to consider like what timings worked best for kids.

A good friend of mine and her partner moved from Barcelona to a small town in WA when we were in our twenties, she lasted three weeks before ending her relationship and moving back to Spain. She never regretted sacking it off so quickly,  sometimes you just know! Conversely, my sister hated moving to Melbourne from Bangkok, but she battled through it and now loves living here, so I guess sometimes you don’t actually know. Totally unhelpful ending to my post, but just giving you a variety of stories so I dont seem so biased!!!!

I hope things have improved for you since you last posted, whether that’s feeling less homesick or having booked a flight home. 

Thank you so much for your message. I have actually booked a flight home now, it’s in a couple of days. I’ve left Sydney and came to Perth to visit some family friends. I’m not saying this is goodbye forever, it’s definitely not. I just don’t think I’m quite ready yet. But I’ve learnt a lot since being here. One thing being I’d never live in Sydney, it’s good for a holiday though. And some things about how I want to advance/change my career. 
 

I do think I’m having a wobble, but it’s fine. I’ll do what my body is telling me to do and figure it out after. I’m more than happy to go home and realise I’ve made a big mistake, and fly out again a week later. It’s all good. I do have a couple of things pulling me back at the moment too, totally unrelated to my feelings about this move entirely. So I think I just want to, for my own peace of mind, be there to sort these things out. Be there in person to support those who need it, as you can’t tell how someone is actually doing without seeing their actual face. 
 

It is not the end of my Australia story! 

[Cobs_Ahoy]

Good luck with it all @Ceebs-x hope you are feeling the sense of relief that I felt since booking our flights! And while it definitely is the end of our Australia story (I don’t think you could pay my husband to come back!), I hope you get a more fulfilling second shot at it! 

[Ceebs-x]

1 minute ago, Cobs_Ahoy said:

Good luck with it all @Ceebs-x hope you are feeling the sense of relief that I felt since booking our flights! And while it definitely is the end of our Australia story (I don’t think you could pay my husband to come back!), I hope you get a more fulfilling second shot at it! 

I’ve felt homesick since coming here. But I do also feel sad in a way that I’m leaving. But as I said, it’s okay. I’m happy to go now and I may return later. It’s all fine. I had to enter within a year to activate my visa anyway. I have it for five years before I have to apply for a resident return. That gives me five more years to come back and try and make it more successful if I want to. 
 

What I will say is, I have heard so many stories of people in your husbands position. Where they leave cause they don’t want to be here. They get back to the UK and they are hit with this regret, wondering why the hell they came back. My family friend did the same thing. Came over for a year, thought she wanted to leave with her child. Went home for 6 months and she felt it was a massive mistake. Came back and she’s been here since. Again, a friend of mine had the same problem. Was here for three months, went home for only three weeks and was back after it, as she realised it was a massive mistake. Has been back ever since. 
 

You never know, you might be in the same position one day! It could also be that Queensland maybe wasn’t for you. I’ve been in Sydney and I know it’s just not a place I would live permanently. And that’s okay! 
 

Migrating is a massive learning curve in so many different ways. I’ve never been this emotionally challenged, but it’s also given me a lot of learning and growth. I’m happy for the experience. 

[Cobs_Ahoy]

That’s interesting @Ceebs-x I’ve lots of stories about people who were here for ages and then had brief stint in the U.K. before returning, I’d not heard of anyone who did it after being here a short time. I like to think the door is open for us to come back, not sure I could put my kids through the disruption again though! 

Good luck with your plans, however they unfold! 

[InnerVoice]

14 hours ago, Ceebs-x said:

Thank you so much for your message. I have actually booked a flight home now, it’s in a couple of days. I’ve left Sydney and came to Perth to visit some family friends. I’m not saying this is goodbye forever, it’s definitely not. I just don’t think I’m quite ready yet. But I’ve learnt a lot since being here. One thing being I’d never live in Sydney, it’s good for a holiday though. And some things about how I want to advance/change my career. 

I do think I’m having a wobble, but it’s fine. I’ll do what my body is telling me to do and figure it out after. I’m more than happy to go home and realise I’ve made a big mistake, and fly out again a week later. It’s all good. I do have a couple of things pulling me back at the moment too, totally unrelated to my feelings about this move entirely. So I think I just want to, for my own peace of mind, be there to sort these things out. Be there in person to support those who need it, as you can’t tell how someone is actually doing without seeing their actual face. 

It is not the end of my Australia story! 

That's a great attitude to be moving forward with.

I spent my first 9 months in Sydney back in 1995. Got a job straight away and loved it initially, but it didn't take long before the novelty wore off. It was a rat-race even back then and I always seemed to be in a rush, stuck in traffic etc. Even though I was on a good wage, I was never going to be able to afford a property anywhere near the city. I also found Sydneysiders to be rather snooty, which I've never found elsewhere in Australia - not even Melbourne.

A good friend was getting married in the Lake District that summer and I was invited. I'd ummed and erred about going given the cost of the flights and that I'd use all my annual leave in one go, but then he asked me to be his best man so I had no option! I knew that I didn't want to return to Sydney so I jacked in my job, and headed home. I had the best summer ever; the wedding was fantastic, the Olympics and Euros were on (and not in the middle of the night). I spent lots of time with friends and enjoyed doing touristy stuff in the UK, which I'd never got around to when I lived there. But by the end of the summer I'd had my fill and I knew wanted to return to Oz.

When I arrived back in Australia 4 months later, I drove up to Brisbane and have been in Queensland ever since. People would say 'hello' to you in Brisbane when you walked by them in the street back then, even in the CBD. Sydney isn't Australia just like London isn't the UK, so keep that in mind should you decided to return. I hope it all works out for you.

[Quoll]

13 hours ago, Cobs_Ahoy said:

That’s interesting @Ceebs-x I’ve lots of stories about people who were here for ages and then had brief stint in the U.K. before returning, I’d not heard of anyone who did it after being here a short time. I like to think the door is open for us to come back, not sure I could put my kids through the disruption again though! 

Good luck with your plans, however they unfold! 

I have a friend who came, went, came back, went home, came back and went home again and has been there for nearly 10 years quite happily now. I think we all tend to compare the good of the then with the bad of the now if we are unsettled and that's never a fair comparison. It really is a matter of whether you feel you "belong" and that's a very ephemeral feeling. 

Good luck with whatever you do. 

[Marisawright]

58 minutes ago, Quoll said:

I have a friend who came, went, came back, went home, came back and went home again....

There's a phrase that psychologists use about alcoholics.  It's called "pulling a geographic" or "doing a geographic".  It's a belief that moving to a new location will solve all your problems, when in fact the problem is the alcoholism, and that just moves along with you.

I think that belief is a very common human trait, not exclusive to alcoholics.  Most of us, once we've made the mistake once or twice, learn the lesson: moving isn't the answer.  We've got to settle somewhere, whether it's back home or in a new place, and work on getting rid of our baggage some other way.   I feel a lot of Ping Pong Poms have difficulty  learning that lesson.  They just keep on "pulling a geographic", thinking that one day it's going to work.  

[Quoll]

8 hours ago, Marisawright said:

There's a phrase that psychologists use about alcoholics.  It's called "pulling a geographic" or "doing a geographic".  It's a belief that moving to a new location will solve all your problems, when in fact the problem is the alcoholism, and that just moves along with you.

I think that belief is a very common human trait, not exclusive to alcoholics.  Most of us, once we've made the mistake once or twice, learn the lesson: moving isn't the answer.  We've got to settle somewhere, whether it's back home or in a new place, and work on getting rid of our baggage some other way.   I feel a lot of Ping Pong Poms have difficulty  learning that lesson.  They just keep on "pulling a geographic", thinking that one day it's going to work.  

Yup, wherever you go, there you are!  For this friend, at least, it was more a case of trying to appease others and believing the hype that its a magical place. 

[Bulya]

37 minutes ago, Quoll said:

Yup, wherever you go, there you are!  For this friend, at least, it was more a case of trying to appease others and believing the hype that its a magical place. 

It is. 

[InnerVoice]

4 hours ago, Quoll said:

Yup, wherever you go, there you are!  For this friend, at least, it was more a case of trying to appease others and believing the hype that its a magical place. 

I think it is pretty magical here. There's so much to love about this country, but I appreciate it isn't for everyone.

[Blue Flu]

21 minutes ago, InnerVoice said:

I think it is pretty magical here. There's so much to love about this country, but I appreciate it isn't for everyone.

I guess one just needs to pick the magic that suits. Many countries seem to possess it. Ireland, UK, Africa, India, and so on. I've heard it said about all the latter plus others. As anywhere there is much to appreciate and equally a lot to abhor. 

[ramot]

1 hour ago, InnerVoice said:

I think it is pretty magical here. There's so much to love about this country, but I appreciate it isn't for everyone.

I’ve lived and spent time in quite a few countries, on different continents, I have no intention of ever moving from Australia, definitely the best place I’ve lived in, had a slight wobble when we retired here 20 years ago, as at that stage it was to be an adventure for a few years and we had no close family here, but that didn’t last long at all, two of our children followed us here, reconnected with family that had left Africa, made good friends, and  love our life here.

Having said that, most our UK friends haven’t  moved since we last lived in UK over 30 years ago, and are equally happy with a static existence. 

[ramot]

1 hour ago, Blue Flu said:

I guess one just needs to pick the magic that suits. Many countries seem to possess it. Ireland, UK, Africa, India, and so on. I've heard it said about all the latter plus others. As anywhere there is much to appreciate and equally a lot to abhor. 

If you’ve lived in Africa, it is said ‘Africa will never leave your heart’, so some of my family  always homesick, but the reality of life and a future there has to be given careful thought, All but one of my family has left, it was not an easy decision. Safety, quality of life, stable government(?!!!) all important considerations, in determining where to live.

Edited March 21, 2023 by ramot

[Bobj]

"Where you are happiest" is the term. Since the age of 5 when I first met my D.O.D  when the war ended and the Japanese prisoners of war were released. Dad would regale me with the stories of Australians' exploits and their attitude so much that the seed was planted. In the 60 years I have lived in Australia,  I have always had a feeling of "this is home" and never regretted a second of that time.

Cheers, Bobj.

[Bulya]

4 hours ago, Bobj said:

"Where you are happiest" is the term. Since the age of 5 when I first met my D.O.D  when the war ended and the Japanese prisoners of war were released. Dad would regale me with the stories of Australians' exploits and their attitude so much that the seed was planted. In the 60 years I have lived in Australia,  I have always had a feeling of "this is home" and never regretted a second of that time.

Cheers, Bobj.

Same here after a couple of years.  Couldn’t pay me to go back to Blighty!