Leaving OZ decision?

[Jehwal]

Hi, its been a while since i posted so have created a new id. Been in Oz 35 years some of which where great but probably half the time regretting ever coming here, isolation, missing everyone , missing a very good life back home. I do go back often and speak to people at home weekly.

in the next 5 years i would like to head back home as i feel really isolated here not just in OZ but also family wise. 
parents are very elderly and sickly and cannot travel home and i think i am already mourning them tbh. I am the only one in the family who looks after them day by day, its hard but we have always been close so would not have it any other way. I know once they are gone i will want to go home.

my big issue is my daughter, aged 25, born here and will not go to live in the UK. Hubby happy to go, not bothered either way. Not sure how i feel about leaving my daughter here. Its not like we get on at all, no fighting she just has a horrible attitude towards me and i finally have had to not care anymore. We never ever do anything together. I feel she resents me and we could not be more different, every conversation ends in her being patronising. To me its very unfamiliar as mum and i are best friends and most of my friends back home are really close with their mums etc.

do i just make plans to go because its what i have always wanted or do i stay because i have a daughter here? If we where friendly it may be something to consider but i feel we get in the way of each others lives. She still lives at home, no partner.

what would you do in my shoes?

[Toots]

I think I know who you used to be as your post sounds familiar.  I can't make any decisions for you BUT if as you say, you and your husband are happy to return to the UK once your elderly parents are no longer here just go for it!.

Your daughter is 25 and an independent enough young woman well able to stand on her own two feet.  As for her not treating you with the respect you certainly deserve   ....   well, she may find that absence makes the heart grow fonder at the thought of you and her Dad leaving and decide to go with you.  If not, she will have to make plans to house share with friends and learn to look after herself.  

All the best with it all.  

[FirstWorldProblems]

2 hours ago, Jehwal said:

what would you do in my shoes?

No one is in your shoes.  Whilst our experiences could be similar, they won't be alike and so it's hard to offer advice.  Going purely on what you've written here, it sounds like your options are to stay in Australia where you are unhappy or move to the UK where you believe you will be happier.  

What's holding you back is a sense of obligation I think?  That's understandable.......but the people you feel that sense of obligation to are all adults and can make choices of their own.  It's not like you have dependants who literally need you to provide and care for them.   I think you have to live for you.

 

[Quoll]

Are you past the point of no return financially? If you would struggle financially if you left  Australia - no pension, taxed superannuation etc then i think you've possibly left it too late but if you still have some working years left, can take out your super as a lump sum before you go and will get a UK pension then I 'd say go for it. Once our kids get to be adults we have to let them fly solo, they can end up anywhere and we need to encourage them to live their own lives. 

I'd agree with FWP, don't let obligations to other independent adults hold you back from living your own life. 

[can1983]

After so long away from the UK is it a risk that you wont be happier there? 35 years, so late 1980's? Thatcher was PM? The UK (and Australia) are completely different countries now I think I'd be worried that i wouldn't fit it. That said if you genuinely still have friends there that's excellent, I have lost touch will all my UK friends after 5 years!

[Jehwal]

2 hours ago, Quoll said:

Are you past the point of no return financially? If you would struggle financially if you left  Australia - no pension, taxed superannuation etc then i think you've possibly left it too late but if you still have some working years left, can take out your super as a lump sum before you go and will get a UK pension then I 'd say go for it. Once our kids get to be adults we have to let them fly solo, they can end up anywhere and we need to encourage them to live their own lives. 

I'd agree with FWP, don't let obligations to other independent adults hold you back from living your own life. 

We have reasonable good super as both of us have always worked full time. Home is paid off and there will be a decent inheritance in the coming years. I am looking into the contributions gap payments for UK pension at the moment. I think for correspondence we need to pay about 6 years. 

 I had thought my daughter would have been more of a go getter tbh, but she is happy just plodding along and at the moment has no intention of leaving home. Lots of people she goes out with not sure how good friends they are as we have never met most. Hopefully she-fly’s solo soon as you say.

i need to get over feeling guilty that i want a life back in the UK i guess

 

[Jehwal]

37 minutes ago, can1983 said:

After so long away from the UK is it a risk that you wont be happier there? 35 years, so late 1980's? Thatcher was PM? The UK (and Australia) are completely different countries now I think I'd be worried that i wouldn't fit it. That said if you genuinely still have friends there that's excellent, I have lost touch will all my UK friends after 5 years!

I try to go over every year prior to the dreaded covid and i have a amazing time just being home, being back with everyone, i have also noticed that i never give OZ one thought whilst I'm there!

my sister in law actually said to me last time i was there that she had noticed i never mentioned Oz ever, i hadn't noticed but she did!

Some friends i talk to weekly others ever 3 months or so and communicate on facebook everyday with many family and friends. Definitely fit in much better there than i do here thats for sure. 

[Toots]

51 minutes ago, Jehwal said:

I try to go over every year prior to the dreaded covid and i have a amazing time just being home, being back with everyone, i have also noticed that i never give OZ one thought whilst I'm there!

my sister in law actually said to me last time i was there that she had noticed i never mentioned Oz ever, i hadn't noticed but she did!

Some friends i talk to weekly others ever 3 months or so and communicate on facebook everyday with many family and friends. Definitely fit in much better there than i do here thats for sure. 

I think that says it all really.  You are far happier and far more at home in the UK.  I've been in Australia 5 years longer than you and can't say I feel as you do.  I've always kept in touch with friends from "back home" and most of them have managed to visit us here in Australia especially one of them as she has a son who now lives in Sydney and comes over every two years to see him.  Over the years though, I have made some very close friends here and lucky for me, they (4 couples) have also retired to Tasmania so we see each other pretty regularly.  Three of them are quite nearby and the other couple are down in the south west of Tassie.  My sister (from Scotland) is here with us until March and one of these days I will get over to stay with her in Edinburgh for a while.  The thought of airports and flying puts me right off though.  Hate the whole palavar of airports and flying.  Absolutely loathe it. 

[Skani]

I think it's been obvious from your previous comments over the years that you are never going to be happy in Australia and returning home is the right move for you.  At 25 your daughter is an adult and old enough to make her own way of life.  You may well find that your relationship improves once she can no longer take your presence for granted.