Leaving your child in Oz and going home

[LucyH]

Hi Everyone. I’ve just joined today! Can’t believe I’ve been here 17 years and never found this site! I’m really looking for some advice or other people’s experience of having lived here a long time and then moving back to the UK when you have a child/children. 
My son will be finishing school in 2 years so will officially be an adult. Despite being here since 2005, I have always missed home desperately. He was born here and has been back to the UK on holiday a few times with me but I am seriously considering going back there to live once he finished school. Ideally I’d like to live there for 9 or 10 months and then come here for 2 or 3 months to visit him. I’m a PR so there wouldn’t be a visa issue. 
Has anyone done this and how hard was it to leave? My heart is being split in two and I just don’t know what to do for the best. Any advice greatly appreciated. 

[Quoll]

First, get your citizenship, you've been here long enough for that and it will make things a whole lot easier without having to bother with RRVs etc. 

I have one son in UK and one in Australia.  Son #1 went to UK for a post Uni gap year - in 2002 and hasn't come back and nor will he, now married, own home, child and good career.  DH and I went to UK in 2011 for an 8 week holiday and returned almost a decade later so I have been on different continents to one or other of my sons for the last 20 years.  How easy is it? Quite easy really in this day and age - there is FaceTime, sms and a one stop airflight, albeit 24 hours + travelling door to door.  However in some ways it was easier for me back in the day to leave my mum and dad and go to Australia - almost an out of sight out of mind thing with phone calls costing a fortune and airmail taking a week - 10 days.

There is no telling what your son will decide  to do - he could be like mine, go back for a holiday and not return or he could go anywhere else in the world from Arizona to Zambia, you never know - so will you be trekking around the country or world after him once he gets his adult wings?  I am a firm believer in letting them fly once they have got to that stage and then you are free to do what you want to do with the rest of your life! 

For me, the near decade in UK was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.  My health - both physical and mental - improved out of sight, I belonged, made friends, saw my country and generally had a great time whilst doing the hard yards caring for my then very aged parents (now both dead).  I think, had I known then what I know now, I would have pushed for  a return to UK while we were still young enough to have established ourselves there and been comfortable in retirement.  However, we went past the point of no return and we had to come back to Australia where our pensions and paid off home were.

Give it a go and see what happens, it'll either work or it wont but, as I said, get your citizenship before you do it - so much less faffing about!!!

[Saurer Pfirsich]

I'd echo Quoll's advice on this. Our children are only on loan to us and sooner or later will need to strike out on their own. Your son will have the option of having two countries that he can call home, quite apart from other new horizons that might open up to him elsewhere. Can you really be expected to stay put here when he might take off for pastures newer at any time?

You've got a life to lead too!

My oldest (16) is dead set on living in the UK (her country of birth) when she's able to, whereas our youngest (11) looks appalled at the thought of ever leaving Melbourne. At some stage my wife and I are going to have face the prospect of at least one of them living somewhere that's a long-haul flight to get to. I came here to give them a better life than we could back home, and part of that was the chance to explore what this region has to offer or to go wherever the travel bug takes them. That's up to them, but there's no way I'm going to stay here on the off-chance they might come back to Melbourne for a time. I've made sacrifices to ensure they have a good life here, but you do reach a cut-off point when you conclude "well, this is my time now." 

[ramot]

As someone who has actually done this, our story is.

When my husband retired, after being expats for 10 years, we decided it was our time to do what we wanted to do, so we decided to live in Australia for a few years, rather than return to England. Our 3 children were in England, but all had finished university, and independent, which is I think is very relevant. Youngest was 22, but also they were used to us living in another country and joining us for their holidays. It was much harder for them to be apart from us when they were younger though.

So after 19 years, we are still happily living in Australia, 2 of our children followed us to live here, and have absolutely no intention of moving back to England. Our oldest stayed in England and will never consider leaving. Like so many of our friends, our children have chosen where and how to live their lives. Our only grandchildren are in UK, we have visited annually pre covid, but that’s life, you make choices and some good, some bad, and have to accept them.

I wonder if history repeats, as I went to live in Zambia in my mid twenties, never giving much thought about the effect it had on my single mother, and then in retirement, my husband and I did what we wanted to do, but did make sure that our children were independent and had somewhere to live, what they did after that was up to them.

[rammygirl]

Definitely get your citizenship it is easier and cheaper in the long run than RRVs and who knows when rules might change etc.  Apply now!

Then you can travel and live abroad for however long and always return without issue.  Do think carefully about the financials. The UK will tax your super as income and exchange rates can be an issue too with foreign income. Get some advice on this.

We moved in our 50s to Aus for good after two attempts!  Both our adult sons are also now here and thriving but I have no illusions about them staying forever it is their life after all.

 

[paulhand]

11 hours ago, LucyH said:

I’m a PR so there wouldn’t be a visa issue.

As others have said … this is an issue if you intend to be away for 9 months a year. Your permanent residence does expire and it will become increasingly to maintain it if you are only spending a couple of months a year in Australia. Citizenship will take some time, but is the best option. 

[Marisawright]

16 hours ago, LucyH said:

 I’m a PR so there wouldn’t be a visa issue. 
 

As Paul mentioned, do you understand how PR works?  While you are a PR holder, you must renew the 'travel facility' on your visa every 5 years. I'm sure you're aware of that -- it's called a Resident Return Visa (RRV).  

One thing you may not have noticed is that there is a minimum residency requirement.  If you're not living in Australia, you can't just keep on renewing it, because you're not a resident any more.  

You may have been resisting the idea of citizenship because your heart is with the UK.  I say, don't think of it like that. You're not giving up your British citizenship, you're just getting a piece of paper to acknowledge that you have a second home in Australia.  It's an essential safety net IMO.

Edited October 3, 2022 by Marisawright

[paulhand]

13 hours ago, paulhand said:

As others have said … this is an issue if you intend to be away for 9 months a year. Your permanent residence does expire and it will become increasingly to maintain it if you are only spending a couple of months a year in Australia. Citizenship will take some time, but is the best option. 

Which, of course, should have said “increasingly difficult to maintain”. 

[scousers]

On 03/10/2022 at 16:52, LucyH said:

Hi Everyone. I’ve just joined today! Can’t believe I’ve been here 17 years and never found this site! I’m really looking for some advice or other people’s experience of having lived here a long time and then moving back to the UK when you have a child/children. 
My son will be finishing school in 2 years so will officially be an adult. Despite being here since 2005, I have always missed home desperately. He was born here and has been back to the UK on holiday a few times with me but I am seriously considering going back there to live once he finished school. Ideally I’d like to live there for 9 or 10 months and then come here for 2 or 3 months to visit him. I’m a PR so there wouldn’t be a visa issue. 
Has anyone done this and how hard was it to leave? My heart is being split in two and I just don’t know what to do for the best. Any advice greatly appreciated. 

This could well be me in the next few years. We have lived in OZ 35 years and loved it for some of those years. Aus born daughter now 24 will not leave Melbourne. I however have been wanting to return home since she was about 8. I think i enjoyed my so much more in the UK than i ever have in OZ and i miss the lifestyle back home. My very elderly parents are here in OZ and most of my time is looking after them no but i feel i don’t  really live anymore. So, yes in a few years it will be do i stay or do i go and start a new life that i will feel energised by. It is a very hard decision. I feel for you