Homesick after 18 years! Want a year in the UK...

[Safam]

Hello! I'm new and looking for advice/insights from people who have made the move back to the UK from Australia.

We've been in Adelaide 18 years. We have a 9 and 10 year old who were born here. Our parents have both been great and visited us lots especially when the children came along!  We went back to visit the UK in 2017 and had a great time but were happy to come home. Then covid happened, parents have got older, my dad had lots of health scares during covid (heart, stroke, breathing) and my perspective has changed. We went for a 4 week visit to the UK in June and had a wonderful time. I've struggled since we've been back. I want to go and live back in the UK for a few months to a year (ideally a year but High school for daughter is going to determine when we have to be back). I love what we have here in Adelaide but I can't shake off the longing to be with my family for longer. I want the kids to have plenty of quality time with the grandparents before it is too late. 

My husband hates the UK and hates the thought of going there (His parents are in NZ). He is trying to understand how I'm feeling but is a very logical thinking engineer and feelings are not easy for him! We have an appointment to have a morning together in mid September to discuss whether we would be able to have some time in the UK. I think it'll end up with me trying to talk him into it and him trying to talk me out of it! I want to gather some info to discuss with him. When we moved here we said we would have to play it by ear about what happens when our parents get older - now I know how I feel about it!  If we didn't have the kids, I'd be making arrangements to go on my own.

I guess some of the things I want to know are:

Is it possible to get 6 month furnished or unfurnished rentals (I've looked on real estate sites and haven't seen any - I can see we're looking at around 1200 pounds a month for unfurnished)?

What's the job market like? My husband is an engineer and runs his own business in Adelaide. We have to work out whether he could continue with that remotely or whether he would have to leave someone in charge and get a job in the UK (Peterborough area). I have just started back at work for a few hours a week (presenting in schools for a charity) after 10 years raising the kids. I'd do anything in the UK but my background is in libraries and education. 

Cost of Living! Wondering what sort of income we'd need to support a family of 4, renting at about 1200 per month and eating out once or twice a week. Kids would be in state schools and we'd run one car between us. 

I don't anticipate we'd have any issues renting out our house at this end, we'd put our stuff into storage and either sell our car or leave with friends. 

Thanks in advance  

 

 

 

[FirstWorldProblems]

You shouldn't find problems getting work.  The job market is buoyant with private sector salaries rising as employers compete for recruits.  Public sector vacancies are huge - crisis level in some areas, which is worth considering when taking a job - you could find yourself in an under-resourced team, run off your feet, working lots of overtime (NHS in particular).

Cost of living is rocketing.  Those at the lower end of the income range are struggling and are in for a very tough winter indeed.  I don't know what cost of living is like in Adelaide, but my comparison of UK costs with Sydney costs (where my wife's very large family are from) is that it's still cheaper here in the UK for pretty much everything.

Furnished rentals I don't have much experience with.  I don't believe they are very common outside of corporate lets.  Unfurnished rentals no-problem.

Those are the tangibles.  Regarding your husband's feelings, I'd suggest perhaps that his experience and enjoyment if you move back here for a while might really depend on where you live.  Like anywhere, a different county, a different town, even  streets a few miles apart can present a completely different life.  Our situation is the reverse of yours, my Australian wife wants to return to be near her family as soon as our kids have finished school and I am less keen.  When I find myself saying or thinking "I hate it there", what I really mean is that the lifestyle and living experience in the vast urban sprawl of Sydney really doesn't appeal or fit into the things I enjoy in life.   So maybe this is true for your husband also in which case careful selection of where you live could make all the difference.   Here in semi-rural Warwickshire works perfectly for the things that float my boat.  But put me half an hour away in the middle of Birmingham and I would be miserable.   Might be something to consider.

[Safam]

Thanks so much for your reply! Some food for thought..... cost of living is rising here too and we still found a lot of things cheaper in the uk (once converted into dollars) in JUne/July but the wages in the UK seem pretty low compared with equivalent jobs in Aus (the ones I've compared!).

I will talk to hubby about lifestyle and see if there's anything that he might be keen on.....  I think the biggest selling point for him is going to be family time for the kids. He saw how important it is when we visited in June.

I hope you can find somewhere in Sydney that's ok to live. It's a hard situation when you're on different pages to your spouse...

 

[Quoll]

Good luck! When you are on different pages it is incredibly hard. My DH absolutely hated  the thought of living in UK - his response to my very evident depression at being stuck in Australia with ageing parents in UK was that if he had to live there then he would be depressed! (He has since apologised!!!!) He really enjoyed being in UK for the 9 years that accidentally unfolded when we didn't return to Australia from our intended 6 week holiday. Both of us were offered jobs we never applied for even though we couldn't work because we were caring for two nonagenarian parents and a couple of octogenarian relatives as well.  Cost of living has shot up everywhere so I'm guessing that's going to be much the same, relatively. We were older though and able to retire on our Aussie super.

I'm not sure that Peterborough would float my boat but there are lots of nice places in the surrounding area as I'm sure you know (I'm Cambridge myself). Can't help with rentals, we squatted in my parents' back bedroom but I have a friend who visits for 3 months at a time and gets an airbnb for that period without hassle so it may be possible to get FF.  I would imagine you'd get a school place somewhere but if you didn't then you'd probably find that SA has  a distance Ed program they could do though you'd probably need to register them as being home schooled in UK.  From an Australian point of view, I don't think the kids would miss a thing of they didn't get back for the beginning of HS so that timing perhaps isn't imperative.

Neither of us regrets giving 9 years of our lives to support my frail elderly folks and, for me, despite the task of caring for them 24/7 it was the best 9 years of my recent life and I don't begrudge them one minute and I have no guilt that I could have done more for them.  At least you're in the situation where you actually like living in Australia, that's a bonus, I hate it, so coming back after spending time with your family shouldn't be too hard.

Good luck. Not sure that I fancy your chances of getting him to agree but compromise is key to all relationships so you both have to give and take! 

 

[Safam]

Thanks for the reply:) 

Glad your husband apologised! So he ended up enjoying the UK once you got back there? Are you back in Aus now though? I'd like to think my husband could be OK with a few months in the UK once the logistics are all sorted out but in reality he probably won't be. He didn't even want to go back for our first visit (after 13 years in AUs) and made it known to everyone while we were there that he was not happy about it. The second visit (June this year) he embraced it much more and started to see that whilst he doesn't want to be in the UK the relationship between the kids and my family is very special and worthwhile so there is hope there.... I have thought about going on my own with the kids for a few months and whilst he would probably agree to that I don't think it would be good for the kids to be away from him for so long. 

It sounds as it it is all totally doable if I can get him on board. He's very pro-active once he's committed to something but until then he's all about the can'ts. 

Getting back for High school is more about starting with friends rather then the education side of things. My kids aren't the bravest with things like that but that's something we would talk to my daughter about if we decide to try and make it happen. She's already said she wants to go to Primary school in Stamford with her cousin.....

I do like living here but I found when I was in the UK I felt more 'me' and it was relaxing. I'm sure things will be very different if we're back living there rather than holidaying but I'd love to give it a go.  

[Safam]

22 hours ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

You shouldn't find problems getting work.  The job market is buoyant with private sector salaries rising as employers compete for recruits.  Public sector vacancies are huge - crisis level in some areas, which is worth considering when taking a job - you could find yourself in an under-resourced team, run off your feet, working lots of overtime (NHS in particular).

Cost of living is rocketing.  Those at the lower end of the income range are struggling and are in for a very tough winter indeed.  I don't know what cost of living is like in Adelaide, but my comparison of UK costs with Sydney costs (where my wife's very large family are from) is that it's still cheaper here in the UK for pretty much everything.

Furnished rentals I don't have much experience with.  I don't believe they are very common outside of corporate lets.  Unfurnished rentals no-problem.

Those are the tangibles.  Regarding your husband's feelings, I'd suggest perhaps that his experience and enjoyment if you move back here for a while might really depend on where you live.  Like anywhere, a different county, a different town, even  streets a few miles apart can present a completely different life.  Our situation is the reverse of yours, my Australian wife wants to return to be near her family as soon as our kids have finished school and I am less keen.  When I find myself saying or thinking "I hate it there", what I really mean is that the lifestyle and living experience in the vast urban sprawl of Sydney really doesn't appeal or fit into the things I enjoy in life.   So maybe this is true for your husband also in which case careful selection of where you live could make all the difference.   Here in semi-rural Warwickshire works perfectly for the things that float my boat.  But put me half an hour away in the middle of Birmingham and I would be miserable.   Might be something to consider.

PS - I can image never wanting to leave Warwickshire!!  We visited while we were there in June. We also visited an old friend who has land near Romsley (not far from Warwickshire) and had the most amazing nature-filled weekend but with very distant views of Birmingham. As you say, I need to find out if location is going to be a deciding factor for my husband  

[Quoll]

1 hour ago, Safam said:

Thanks for the reply:) 

Glad your husband apologised! So he ended up enjoying the UK once you got back there? Are you back in Aus now though? I'd like to think my husband could be OK with a few months in the UK once the logistics are all sorted out but in reality he probably won't be. He didn't even want to go back for our first visit (after 13 years in AUs) and made it known to everyone while we were there that he was not happy about it. The second visit (June this year) he embraced it much more and started to see that whilst he doesn't want to be in the UK the relationship between the kids and my family is very special and worthwhile so there is hope there.... I have thought about going on my own with the kids for a few months and whilst he would probably agree to that I don't think it would be good for the kids to be away from him for so long. 

It sounds as it it is all totally doable if I can get him on board. He's very pro-active once he's committed to something but until then he's all about the can'ts. 

Getting back for High school is more about starting with friends rather then the education side of things. My kids aren't the bravest with things like that but that's something we would talk to my daughter about if we decide to try and make it happen. She's already said she wants to go to Primary school in Stamford with her cousin.....

I do like living here but I found when I was in the UK I felt more 'me' and it was relaxing. I'm sure things will be very different if we're back living there rather than holidaying but I'd love to give it a go.  

LOL, mine wouldn't even go for visits. He had to go in 2011 because our son was getting married! Before that, I think the time before was for my parents golden wedding. On this last trip, my son, his family and I were all staying for 8 weeks, the DH compromised at 5 weeks and he was cross about that, he thought he should only have to stay for 2 or 3!!! So he left before the sh!t really hit the fan in parent land!  To give him his due though, he actually took one look at my olds and said "we can't leave them alone here like this" and spent the time from when he got back, tying up some lose ends and he returned to U.K  6 weeks later. I think the DH did regret not making a couple of trips and thus missing important milestones in our son's life but he couldn't face the thought of being away for several weeks at a time. He's over that now I think!!!

How about you and the kids go and he pops over for the odd visit say every 3 months to spend a couple of weeks with you while you are away?  Or how would it be if the family budget flexed to accommodate you and the kids going back for the summer holidays each year - I know I felt much better knowing that our family budget could cover me going whenever I wanted to go. 

One thing both my now adult sons said was though they loved their childhood in Australia, both were sad  that they didn't have the experience of being part of the large extended family network - we were physically isolated from both DH and my families and though we made visits, it wasn't the same as being in the same town or street - unlike the women that my sons Hooked up with who had extensive close family - probably a bit too much "in your pocket" for either of their liking though. I think they would have liked a happy medium. 

One thing my DH did notice almost immediately was that in UK he got his wife back! I belonged and I was happy to my core and it showed. Here I have to work hard to appear to be happy, I don't belong despite all logic and rational thought! 

Edited August 26, 2022 by Quoll

[MacGyver]

If your husband intends to work in the UK (and he doesn’t have UK heritage) have you looked into the spouse visa for him? 

There are a number of challenges linked to it, mostly the financial requirement. If you haven’t already, it might be worth exploring this so you are aware of possible hurdles and can be ready to present solutions to your husband.

[ramot]

On 25/08/2022 at 13:58, Safam said:

Hello! I'm new and looking for advice/insights from people who have made the move back to the UK from Australia.

We've been in Adelaide 18 years. We have a 9 and 10 year old who were born here. Our parents have both been great and visited us lots especially when the children came along!  We went back to visit the UK in 2017 and had a great time but were happy to come home. Then covid happened, parents have got older, my dad had lots of health scares during covid (heart, stroke, breathing) and my perspective has changed. We went for a 4 week visit to the UK in June and had a wonderful time. I've struggled since we've been back. I want to go and live back in the UK for a few months to a year (ideally a year but High school for daughter is going to determine when we have to be back). I love what we have here in Adelaide but I can't shake off the longing to be with my family for longer. I want the kids to have plenty of quality time with the grandparents before it is too late. 

My husband hates the UK and hates the thought of going there (His parents are in NZ). He is trying to understand how I'm feeling but is a very logical thinking engineer and feelings are not easy for him! We have an appointment to have a morning together in mid September to discuss whether we would be able to have some time in the UK. I think it'll end up with me trying to talk him into it and him trying to talk me out of it! I want to gather some info to discuss with him. When we moved here we said we would have to play it by ear about what happens when our parents get older - now I know how I feel about it!  If we didn't have the kids, I'd be making arrangements to go on my own.

I guess some of the things I want to know are:

Is it possible to get 6 month furnished or unfurnished rentals (I've looked on real estate sites and haven't seen any - I can see we're looking at around 1200 pounds a month for unfurnished)?

What's the job market like? My husband is an engineer and runs his own business in Adelaide. We have to work out whether he could continue with that remotely or whether he would have to leave someone in charge and get a job in the UK (Peterborough area). I have just started back at work for a few hours a week (presenting in schools for a charity) after 10 years raising the kids. I'd do anything in the UK but my background is in libraries and education. 

Cost of Living! Wondering what sort of income we'd need to support a family of 4, renting at about 1200 per month and eating out once or twice a week. Kids would be in state schools and we'd run one car between us. 

I don't anticipate we'd have any issues renting out our house at this end, we'd put our stuff into storage and either sell our car or leave with friends. 

Thanks in advance  

 

 

 

We lived in Brampton and Alconbury for many years, both were an easy commute to Peterborough on the A1. Brampton was larger, but we enjoyed the village life in Alconbury and our children went to the village school, but I must add this was a very long time ago, so it has probably changed, but might be worth googling Airbnb in the area to get an idea.

Good luck

Edited August 27, 2022 by ramot

[Safam]

On 26/08/2022 at 18:10, Quoll said:

LOL, mine wouldn't even go for visits. He had to go in 2011 because our son was getting married! Before that, I think the time before was for my parents golden wedding. On this last trip, my son, his family and I were all staying for 8 weeks, the DH compromised at 5 weeks and he was cross about that, he thought he should only have to stay for 2 or 3!!! So he left before the sh!t really hit the fan in parent land!  To give him his due though, he actually took one look at my olds and said "we can't leave them alone here like this" and spent the time from when he got back, tying up some lose ends and he returned to U.K  6 weeks later. I think the DH did regret not making a couple of trips and thus missing important milestones in our son's life but he couldn't face the thought of being away for several weeks at a time. He's over that now I think!!!

How about you and the kids go and he pops over for the odd visit say every 3 months to spend a couple of weeks with you while you are away?  Or how would it be if the family budget flexed to accommodate you and the kids going back for the summer holidays each year - I know I felt much better knowing that our family budget could cover me going whenever I wanted to go. 

One thing both my now adult sons said was though they loved their childhood in Australia, both were sad  that they didn't have the experience of being part of the large extended family network - we were physically isolated from both DH and my families and though we made visits, it wasn't the same as being in the same town or street - unlike the women that my sons Hooked up with who had extensive close family - probably a bit too much "in your pocket" for either of their liking though. I think they would have liked a happy medium. 

One thing my DH did notice almost immediately was that in UK he got his wife back! I belonged and I was happy to my core and it showed. Here I have to work hard to appear to be happy, I don't belong despite all logic and rational thought! 

Wow! I thought my husband was unique in his hatred and stubbornness about the UK!  Sounds as if you've had your work cut out for you and I'm sorry you're not happy here. That's not a fun way to live  

Thanks for your ideas - we will definitely discuss some of them at our chat! I think that family connection is so important. I have a warm and loving family in the UK and am sad that my children aren't experiencing that enough.

Thanks again! 

[Safam]

On 27/08/2022 at 01:43, MacGyver said:

If your husband intends to work in the UK (and he doesn’t have UK heritage) have you looked into the spouse visa for him? 

There are a number of challenges linked to it, mostly the financial requirement. If you haven’t already, it might be worth exploring this so you are aware of possible hurdles and can be ready to present solutions to your husband.

Thanks - he's UK born too but his family moved to NZ