Considering moving back to the UK.

[Chris Gordon]

Hi Guys, I'm looking at hearing any stories of people who are or have been in a similar situation to me. 

My wife and I moved from the UK to Australia and have been living in Country NSW for the last 6 years and have made a very good life for ourselves here. We both earn good money (although I am stagnating in my job a little) have a good group of friends and have bought a nice house we could live in for the rest of our lives and be happy (We even have a swimming pool). But I feel something is missing. 

Our son was born here and is now 18 months old and we have a other on the way due in December. 

Last year my dad died of cancer and due to covid I was unable to visit him or attend his funeral. 

Ever since then I have had a big pull back to UK. 

My mum isn't getting any younger and I think it would impact me greatly if I didn't go and spend some time with her and allow my son and other child to have a relationship with their grandparents. I've come to realise life is very short and anything can happen. Also I'm missing my niece's growing up. 

I had a great childhood in Lancashire, UK and always thought I would raise my kids there. I feel I am depriving them of the opportunity to form relationships with their family. 

My wife is a dentist and dreads going back to work for the NHS which is a big reason why she is reluctant to move back. I certainly wouldn't have the same working flexibility as I do in Australia and we would take a hit in our lifestyle. But this being said I think us making a small sacrifice would be worth it for our kids and extended families happiness in the long term. 

I think it would be a good idea to rent out our house in Australia and go back to the UK and spend some quality years with my family while we can and then consider moving back to Australia after a time in the UK. 

My wife isn't as keen as me on the idea. 

Does this resonate with anybody? Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share?

Thanks

[Marisawright]

I think it’s a great idea. The pull won’t go away and is likely to get worse if you do nothing about it

[Jon the Hat]

On the dentist front there is no need to go anywhere near the NHS, many many private dental practices around, and I am sure with experience working here she should be well placed.

[Parley]

No point saying it is a great idea if your wife won't go.

It doesn't matter what strangers say, you need to discuss it with her and get her to agree 100%. If she is only luke warm and even goes reluctantly it will cause issues in your relationship.

A few on here went back and marriages broke down shortly thereafter.

[can1983]

You would certainly not be alone in this dilemma. I assume you are both Australian citizens but British born with all family in the UK?

If so maybe a couple of years back in the UK before kids start school would achieve what you want and you can return (but then in would only make your mother older and harder to leave again....)

I'm one half of a 'anglo-aussie' marriage. Also by only sibling lives here too so with kids and nieces/nephews the balance of family is heavily biased to Australia. To be honest its not a dilemma for me.

So I've not got a lot of knowledge of your type of predicament but I imagine its very hard and best of luck deciding what to do.

[Marisawright]

2 hours ago, Parley said:

 

A few on here went back and marriages broke down shortly thereafter.

That is very true. But also, a few have broken up because they stayed in Australia.  That happens particularly when one partner is very homesick and the other digs in and refuses to go.  

Either way, the problem is that one partner grows to resent what the other is forcing them to do.  No easy answer. 

Edited June 3, 2022 by Marisawright

[bug family]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

That is very true. But also, a few have broken up because they stayed in Australia.  That happens particularly when one partner is very homesick and the other digs in and refuses to go.  

yep...^^^^ this is me ..put in my divorce application last week ....and booked my flight back home 

[Blue Flu]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

That is very true. But also, a few have broken up because they stayed in Australia.  That happens particularly when one partner is very homesick and the other digs in and refuses to go.  

Either way, the problem is that one partner grows to resent what the other is forcing them to do.  No easy answer. 

Nothing, or very little, to equal migration as to test a relationship. 

[calNgary]

7 hours ago, Chris Gordon said:

Hi Guys, I'm looking at hearing any stories of people who are or have been in a similar situation to me. 

My wife and I moved from the UK to Australia and have been living in Country NSW for the last 6 years and have made a very good life for ourselves here. We both earn good money (although I am stagnating in my job a little) have a good group of friends and have bought a nice house we could live in for the rest of our lives and be happy (We even have a swimming pool). But I feel something is missing. 

Our son was born here and is now 18 months old and we have a other on the way due in December. 

Last year my dad died of cancer and due to covid I was unable to visit him or attend his funeral. 

Ever since then I have had a big pull back to UK. 

My mum isn't getting any younger and I think it would impact me greatly if I didn't go and spend some time with her and allow my son and other child to have a relationship with their grandparents. I've come to realise life is very short and anything can happen. Also I'm missing my niece's growing up. 

I had a great childhood in Lancashire, UK and always thought I would raise my kids there. I feel I am depriving them of the opportunity to form relationships with their family. 

My wife is a dentist and dreads going back to work for the NHS which is a big reason why she is reluctant to move back. I certainly wouldn't have the same working flexibility as I do in Australia and we would take a hit in our lifestyle. But this being said I think us making a small sacrifice would be worth it for our kids and extended families happiness in the long term. 

I think it would be a good idea to rent out our house in Australia and go back to the UK and spend some quality years with my family while we can and then consider moving back to Australia after a time in the UK. 

My wife isn't as keen as me on the idea. 

Does this resonate with anybody? Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share?

Thanks

I often read on the forum that you would be crazy to give up good jobs and an enjoyable lifestyle to move. However i personally think you will not be able to move on until you have been back. Could you speak to the wife about going for a year or 2 and then reviewing the situation? Carefully discuss what happens if one of you theen doesn't want to return to Aus, so you both know what's what before you do anything.

 Lots of luck ,its a tricky situation to be in

        Cal x

[Chris Gordon]

Thanks for all the responses guys. The majority line up with my own thoughts. I got a little cash when my dad died and to honour him I think I will take my family back to the UK for a long trip to spend time with extended family and then come back to Australia and do a trip here. 

After this extended family time we will make a decision as a unit of what the next stage of our life will be. 

I feel very grateful to have these options and thank you all for your input. 

[proud preston]

I also grew up in Lancashire and still have a yearning for it. My children are 18 and 20 and we are just a little family unit here whereas in the UK there are lots of siblings etc. I think whilst your child (and baby to be) are still so young it is the perfect time to go back and allow extended families to enjoy that beautiful time when the children are young. Skip forward to secondary school time and it’s too late.

I also wasted lots of time day dreaming about my children going back to attend uni in the UK yet fees were extortionate as classed as non resident. However, in Ireland (where the boys were born) the laws changed as to who would be classed as being entitled to domestic fees - something to do with if your child has spent a few years at school there? Not sure if you’ve even thought that far ahead yet??!! 

If you’ve got a yearning to do it I hope you’re able to both feel happy with the decision. It’s always hard as to which partner has the overriding decision. 

Life is experiences and making memories and I wish my children had been able to do this with their loving extended family. 

All the best. 

[Marisawright]

4 hours ago, Chris Gordon said:

Thanks for all the responses guys. The majority line up with my own thoughts. I got a little cash when my dad died and to honour him I think I will take my family back to the UK for a long trip to spend time with extended family and then come back to Australia and do a trip here. 

After this extended family time we will make a decision as a unit of what the next stage of our life will be. 

I would only say, be very clear about what the decision actually means. 

A lot of people think "we're financially better off in Australia, so we'll stay here for a while".  It doesn't work like that.

Once the kids get into Year 9, you've got to start thinking about how a move will disrupt their education.  If you haven't left by the time they reach Year 10, you've effectively committed yourself to staying in Australia until you die. 

What happens is this:  they're in Year 10 and you don't want to disrupt their exams, so you decide to stay until they get their HSC.  Then you discover that if you go back to the UK, they'll have to pay full international fees to go to University or college.  You can't afford that, so you have to stay until they finish uni.  By that time, your kids are 100% Australian. All their friends are in Australia, they may have boyfriends or girlfriends, or even be married.  If you go now, you leave your kids behind.  A lot of parents -- especially mothers -- can't bring themselves to do that. So you agree to stay a bit longer.  Then the grandkids arrive, and try persuading their grandmother to live 10,000 miles away from them. 

But let's say you're the kind of parents who can deal with living far from their children, so you think you could retire back home.  Chances are you can't afford it, because you can't claim the Australian pension if you're in the UK, and you're not entitled to the British pension because you didn't pay enough NI contributions. Your super, though tax-free in Australia, will be taxed in the UK.  You're at the mercy of the exchange rate, too. 

We've seen many, many members who stayed in Australia to take advantage of the good life, then found themselves trapped here forever. So make sure you understand the implications of your decision.  

[Parley]

2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

We've seen many, many members who stayed in Australia to take advantage of the good life, then found themselves trapped here forever. So make sure you understand the implications of your decision.  

And many like you who thought it was a "great idea" to move back to the UK only to quickly realise it really wasn't and came back within 18 months. The result massive destruction of wealth, an inability to buy back into the housing market and an uncertain future of renting in perpetuity with limited income.

[Marisawright]

35 minutes ago, Parley said:

And many like you who thought it was a "great idea" to move back to the UK only to quickly realise it really wasn't and came back within 18 months. 

True, but you cannot compare me to the OP.  I had never felt the slightest homesickness for the UK and would never have contemplated a move if my husband (who's Australian) hadn't been keen to try it.   In hindsight, not a strong enough reason to make the move.

There was no 'massive destruction of wealth', actually.   Our year abroad cost us no more than a year staying in Australia.  Our air fares were the same as if we'd gone on holiday.  The only extra cost was shipping a few boxes and a small storage unit for our other stuff here in Oz.   We did the sums. 

Where we went wrong was selling up a few years before we moved.  That gap in owning a home is what cost us, not any actual loss of money.

Edited June 4, 2022 by Marisawright

[Parley]

17 hours ago, Marisawright said:

There was no 'massive destruction of wealth', actually.   Our year abroad cost us no more than a year staying in Australia.  Our air fares were the same as if we'd gone on holiday.  The only extra cost was shipping a few boxes and a small storage unit for our other stuff here in Oz.   We did the sums. 

Where we went wrong was selling up a few years before we moved.  That gap in owning a home is what cost us, not any actual loss of money.

That is a very real loss of money. The value of your old house now less the amount of your proceeds you still have is a real loss.

It shows it is a good idea not to sell up when moving back until absolutely certain you will not return.

Still it is easy to be wise after the event I concede.

[MacGyver]

On 05/06/2022 at 06:38, Parley said:

It shows it is a good idea not to sell up when moving back until absolutely certain you will not return.

Still it is easy to be wise after the event I concede.

I strongly agree with both of these comments. From personal experience, I would encourage anyone thinking of moving to Australia or the UK to "test the water" to put everything in storage and rent out property, until they are absolutely certain they will stay long-term. We could've saved tens of thousands of dollars if we had done so - which is why I also agree with your second point!

[DIG85]

On 04/06/2022 at 23:38, Parley said:

That is a very real loss of money. The value of your old house now less the amount of your proceeds you still have is a real loss.

 

Plus the wasted stamp duty on re-entry to the Australian market. Being out of the Sydney market for a family home for as little as 18 months in the 2010s is likely to have cost $100k minimum, given house price rises in that decade.

Edited June 10, 2022 by DIG85

[Parley]

3 hours ago, DIG85 said:

Plus the wasted stamp duty on re-entry to the Australian market. Being out of the Sydney market for a family home for as little as 18 months in the 2010s is likely to have cost $100k minimum, given house price rises in that decade.

Yes I estimate at least $250K down the toilet. And sadly unable to afford to buy again so forced to rent forever in retirement. Every month that couple of thousand on rent is additional losses  of remaining capital that would have been avoided.

[Marisawright]

33 minutes ago, Parley said:

Yes I estimate at least $250K down the toilet. And sadly unable to afford to buy again so forced to rent forever in retirement. Every month that couple of thousand on rent is additional losses  of remaining capital that would have been avoided.

However that was NOT due to the costs of moving back to the UK for a period.  It was SOLELY because of the decision to sell our home before we did so.   The actual cost of spending a year in the UK was no worse than having a few holidays at the end of the day, if we had kept our home.   So it is not an expensive decision if properly planned.

[DIG85]

14 hours ago, Marisawright said:

However that was NOT due to the costs of moving back to the UK for a period.  It was SOLELY because of the decision to sell our home before we did so.   The actual cost of spending a year in the UK was no worse than having a few holidays at the end of the day, if we had kept our home.   So it is not an expensive decision if properly planned.

Yes, I can imagine the costs of moving back to the UK for a period, in themselves, are relatively small - perhaps just a return flight. Bills and daily costs etc may well have been comparable to what they would have been in Australia.

Where losses do rack up is if you sell your home in a rising market and buy back a year later having rented in the meantime. One will have lost a significant sum of money in the process. 

Edited June 11, 2022 by DIG85

[MARYROSE02]

On 03/06/2022 at 13:12, Chris Gordon said:

Hi Guys, I'm looking at hearing any stories of people who are or have been in a similar situation to me. 

My wife and I moved from the UK to Australia and have been living in Country NSW for the last 6 years and have made a very good life for ourselves here. We both earn good money (although I am stagnating in my job a little) have a good group of friends and have bought a nice house we could live in for the rest of our lives and be happy (We even have a swimming pool). But I feel something is missing. 

Our son was born here and is now 18 months old and we have a other on the way due in December. 

Last year my dad died of cancer and due to covid I was unable to visit him or attend his funeral. 

Ever since then I have had a big pull back to UK. 

My mum isn't getting any younger and I think it would impact me greatly if I didn't go and spend some time with her and allow my son and other child to have a relationship with their grandparents. I've come to realise life is very short and anything can happen. Also I'm missing my niece's growing up. 

I had a great childhood in Lancashire, UK and always thought I would raise my kids there. I feel I am depriving them of the opportunity to form relationships with their family. 

My wife is a dentist and dreads going back to work for the NHS which is a big reason why she is reluctant to move back. I certainly wouldn't have the same working flexibility as I do in Australia and we would take a hit in our lifestyle. But this being said I think us making a small sacrifice would be worth it for our kids and extended families happiness in the long term. 

I think it would be a good idea to rent out our house in Australia and go back to the UK and spend some quality years with my family while we can and then consider moving back to Australia after a time in the UK. 

My wife isn't as keen as me on the idea. 

Does this resonate with anybody? Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share?

Thanks

Is it a "small sacrifice" given that you have good jobs, lifestyle, home (with pool), friends, and not least, a wife who is not keen on uprooting herself to return to England?

I've seen other people who want to return give a long list of negatives about their lives here with few or no positives (although that sometimes changes after living back in England).

Why not take a coupleb of months off to see how you feel about it? Go at the end of November to see how you cope with winter.

As It happens I did go back for a two month holiday at the end of November. I can remember shivering in the dank and semi darkness at Heathrow waiting for my parents to pick me up. And by the end of January I was acclimatised!

I did go back for an extended time too - 12 years.  Things fell into place then I came back again to OZ and I've not been back for 13 years.

Good luck with your decision.

[Quoll]

We did much this except we weren't working we went back to care for my olds - ended up staying 9+ years (we had no idea it would be that long!!!). Because we were forced to retire at that point, theoretically, it did cost us quite a lot of unearned income over those years. We didn't rent out our home because it was only partly renovated and our son and his family needed somewhere to live so they looked after it for us.  On the plus side, although we weren't earning but living on our Aus pension we squatted in my parents back bedroom (they needed someone there as mum was always falling and they were very vulnerable to the unscrupulous!).  End result, apart from lost  income (which wouldn't be the case for you) it didn't cost us horrifically - we paid premium fares to get back before Covid shut everything down and we went with backpacks but came back with a move cube. We lost money on the car but it was old second hand when we bought it and got 9 years wear out of it. 

I think if you have a skill like dentistry you'd be laughing all the way to the bank! No need to go near the NHS I would have thought. 

For us it was almost a decade of great memories and extensive travel all over the country. We were there when mum died and we cared for dad 24/7 through his several strokes and a heart attack. We were also able to lend a hand to an elderly aunt and uncle who had no children of their own. Dad decided to go into a care home and we weren't there when he died a bare 3 months after we left (his anniversary today!) but we have no guilt or regrets. Our home was still here and we moved straight back in. It honestly was the best decade of my later life - I loved it and DH really enjoyed himself too. He travelled back to Australia every year and I came back 3 or 4 times to see the grandkids. 

If your kids are young, you have transferable skills, you can rent out your home and have an adventure - take a career break if you can but your wife, at least, is  never going to have an issue finding a job back here down the track.  Only thing you need to have in your pocket is your Australian citizenship then  you are free as a bird. 

[MARYROSE02]

On 30/06/2022 at 18:59, Quoll said:

We did much this except we weren't working we went back to care for my olds - ended up staying 9+ years (we had no idea it would be that long!!!). Because we were forced to retire at that point, theoretically, it did cost us quite a lot of unearned income over those years. We didn't rent out our home because it was only partly renovated and our son and his family needed somewhere to live so they looked after it for us.  On the plus side, although we weren't earning but living on our Aus pension we squatted in my parents back bedroom (they needed someone there as mum was always falling and they were very vulnerable to the unscrupulous!).  End result, apart from lost  income (which wouldn't be the case for you) it didn't cost us horrifically - we paid premium fares to get back before Covid shut everything down and we went with backpacks but came back with a move cube. We lost money on the car but it was old second hand when we bought it and got 9 years wear out of it. 

I think if you have a skill like dentistry you'd be laughing all the way to the bank! No need to go near the NHS I would have thought. 

For us it was almost a decade of great memories and extensive travel all over the country. We were there when mum died and we cared for dad 24/7 through his several strokes and a heart attack. We were also able to lend a hand to an elderly aunt and uncle who had no children of their own. Dad decided to go into a care home and we weren't there when he died a bare 3 months after we left (his anniversary today!) but we have no guilt or regrets. Our home was still here and we moved straight back in. It honestly was the best decade of my later life - I loved it and DH really enjoyed himself too. He travelled back to Australia every year and I came back 3 or 4 times to see the grandkids. 

If your kids are young, you have transferable skills, you can rent out your home and have an adventure - take a career break if you can but your wife, at least, is  never going to have an issue finding a job back here down the track.  Only thing you need to have in your pocket is your Australian citizenship then  you are free as a bird. 

I was thinking, after reading your post, how I was devastated to lose my job in Sydney in 1996, after 15 years, but the silver lining was going back to England to spend time with my parents.

Looking back now, I wish I'd quit that job 5 years earlier but that's all hindsight and I did get a good retrenchment package. Within a year of going back to England my Mum died and I had another mostly good 8 years with my Dad and a couple more after that on my own.

If I hadn't lost my job in Sydney would I have quit to go back and look after my Dad? Now, I'd say yes but then I don't know. 

One of my friends is now full time carer for his mum but I think that happened after he retired. What would he have done had he still been working, liking his job, maybe still needing the salary.

It's relatively easy when you've no ties. I've been 5 months in Surfers Paradise with no desire to return to Sydney (or Southampton) but if you ARE settled that might be a problem.

[Chortlepuss]

Since moving to Brisbane 15 years ago I’ve spent about 2.5 years on and off in the UK. Some of this was working for an old employer in the UK when I was broken by the bullying culture in Brisbane, some moving back to sort out UK property - and the most valued and treasured time spent with my mum before she succumbed to dementia. I’m so glad I have all these happy memories of spending time at home including travelling to some wonderful European destinations and enjoying time with friends and family. Even if your practical ‘head’ says stay in Australia (sadly mine does due to family obligations), then embrace your heart and make some memories- don’t burn any bridges. Your wife’s profession is highly sought after. For me, the fondest memories I have are of being at ‘home’ and now that travel is a lot easier, I intend to get back there when I can and experience life whilst I’m still young and fit enough. Good luck with whatever you decide but I’m pretty sure you won’t regret giving it a go. Despite tales of woe from the UK, it still offers so many happy experiences.

[Chris Gordon]

Hi Guys, I just wanted to provide everyone with an update. All your advice has been really helpful and I wanted to say thanks to you all. 

We are now looking at spending May to October 2023 in the UK. We will rent our house out and treat it as an extended maternity leave for my wife and a sabbatical for me. We've cleared it with our employers that we will have our jobs when we get back. 

I'm hoping the rent will cover our mortgage but I am keeping a constant eye on interest rates (that whole situation has me worried).

My mum has agreed to host us, she lives alone and has 3 small spare bedrooms so we will just about squeeze in. (will be my wife and 2 small children)

Im hoping to buy a (very cheap) camper van for the UK as I don't think I could spend 6 months in my mum's front room. This way we can be around for most weekends but during the week when people are at work we can go on adventures around the British isles. We are very excited. 

We won't have a massive budget but this really will be a trip of a lifetime so quality time with family, camping adventures around the UK and perhaps a couple of trips to the continent. Maybe even a music festival. 

Let's all hope everything fits together and we can pull it off. 

Thanks again for all your help.