Extemely homesick and trying for a baby - advise please

[samt4]

Hi everyone, 

I am from the UK and have been living in Oz now for almost 3 years. Before I moved here, my partner agreed that if I wasnt enjoying it after 2 years then we would give it a go in the UK. I have been extremely homesick the entire time I have been here, it comes in waves but there is a constant feeling of loss and sadness just sitting in the background, every day. I do still have times when I like the life here and the little things me and my partner do together, but then this sinking feelings starts creeping back again. I try to think positivley and about how it is nice to live here but then for a few days straight I might feel super depressed and cry everyday. Then the feeling subsides and I start enjoying life a bit more, but still with this grief-like feeling that never really seems to go away. 

I have recently returned to Australia after spending around 6 months back home in the UK. The aim here was for me to find a job in the UK in order to bring my Aussie partner over so we could give it a go over there. Thing is, I don't really have too many 'skills' and have only really worked in hospitality (something I have been out of for a while now and don't want to go back into). In Oz I have been freelancing writing some blog posts but I think I got very lucky here and I don't have the skills to get a job that meets the financial requirement for the UK visa. I tried when I was there to look for work but I have a huge confidence issue with applying for new jobs and just feel scared to try anything new, as I don't belive I have the skills for the things I am applying for. Even if I did manage to find a job that meets the £18,600 salary, this still wouldn't be enough for me to afford a place to live and support myself and my partner in the UK (he would not be able to work on a tourist visa). Basically my partner has just got a new job in Oz which pays around $47,000, which is fairly good, so I kinda had to come back because it was the sensible thing to do.

Thing is my partner I know doesnt really want to move to the UK. He always says things like "its a potential", or "yeh maybe, in the future", and I just feel like he's telling me what I want to hear. He keeps saying he needs a better option and for me to tell him exactly how it will work over there, which I do understand but he is quite intense sometimes and likes to plan things out. Thing is, you can't really plan out life and I don't know if the UK will be better for both of us, it definitely won't be better financially but for me it's more than that. He and I think very differently about life. I am laid back and take life as it comes, I do have an idea of what I want for my future but he is way more serious, puts pressure on himself and gets highly stressed and always needs a plan. He is constantly thinking about things, always on his laptop, doesnt switch off and gets quite snappy and irritable. This brings me down and sometimes I dont feel myself becauae I try to be more 'happy' and not take life too seriously. You would think these personality types may compliment each other but we end up clashing all the time. 

When I was back home these last few months I felt so much happier. I felt like myself again, I had my independance back as I could get the train to London (I live in great london), or go for walks in the English countryisde, just basically all the things that I love doing and have missed so much. The main reason why I loved being back though was meeting my two nieces for the first time who were 3.5 months and 5.5 months when I first returned. I love being an aunt so much and visited them as much as possible to get some expereince for my own future children and to expereince being an aunt, helping out my sisters with childcare and just playing with them and getting to know them. I have built such a lovely bond with them that yu cant get over a screen. These are memories you just cannot get back and I want to be there, and watch them grow and be a 'real' aunty. I want to go through motherhood with my sisters together, and be able to meet up with them and expereince/ make memories together, not just through a screen. 

Now I am back in Oz and my sisters keep sending my videos of the babies I just get so upset because I am missing out on everything and they are growing so fast. I know I need to think of creating my own family, but my sisters are a huge part of that and I don't even feel like this is my life over here, I'm just sort of existing day by day. 

The probelm is, is that I want a family of my own and I'm 34 this year. If me and my partner were 10 years younger then we would have time to give the UK a go, see if it's better, and then decide where we want to live. But I am so desperate to start a family and if I was to go back to the UK to find a job (which I would need to be in for at least 6 months before applying for UK visa), then a couple of months waiting for the visa desicion, then my partner would need to find a job, etc... it would mean putting off trying for a baby for at least a year. I know I am not super old but I really don't want to put it off for much longer, especially if I want 2 or 3 kids, I am thinking I will end up nearing 40 and I am just nervous about the increased risk. 

So we are currently back in Oz, living with my partner's parents and trying for a baby. My freelance work is very unstable and I usually go weeks without income, so I am trying to look for work but it is hard with my lack of skills and confidence. Yes, I could go to a counsellor but I just feel like I know what they would say, I know the steps to take, and that I need to make friends and find a hobby etc, I just cant seem to make to move to do these things. Videoing my family back home just makes me more upset after we end the call and seeing pictures from back home makes me feel like I am missing out on 'my life'. I am excited to try for a baby but I am also terrified of being pregnant and homesick and feeling like I may be stuck here for several years at least, before there is any chance of moving back home. I already feel very isolated, even though my partners family is nice and I get on with them, they are also very different to me and I feel a bit odd one out sometimes and no one can relate to how I think or view things over here. 

I don't want to be here in 10 years time saying the same things. I feel like I am a different person here sometimes and feeling so homesick makes me angry, weepy, depressed, and thats not who I am. I want my partner to see me being happy as it makes him sad when I feel like this and it takes its toll on the relashionship. I feel so alone, and can't really talk to anymone but my partner! I sometimes talk to his mum but find myself holding back on some things as I realise its her son I'm talking about. I just don't want to live like this anymore and I can't do another 3 years here but I almost feel like it's a choice between having a family or moving back home and risking that. 

Thank you for reading, any advice is welcome, :)

[Marisawright]

Do not, whatever you do, have a baby in Australia.  You will end up trapped in Australia, very likely until you die.

There is a thing called the Hague Convention.   If you have your child in Australia, you can't take him or her overseas without your husband's permission.    So he'll be able to prevent you going home just by refusing permission for the child to leave.   

Sadly there are legions of women like you, stuck in Australia because their husband won't let the child leave.  They're divorced, because the marriage has broken up due to the disagreement, but it makes no difference - both parents must agree to let the child leave the country.   Even once the child is over 18, the mother is likely to be stuck—because the child has grown up Australian and may not be interested in moving to the UK.

See a counsellor anyway.  They won't offer solutions, because there is no solution.  You can't cure homesickness—if you stay in Australia another 20 years, you'll still feel like you do now.   They can offer some coping mechanisms to make it more bearable— but the main thing is, right now you've got no one to talk to. A counsellor is a sympathetic ear and a sounding board, and you desperately need that.  

Edited May 3, 2022 by Marisawright

[Jon the Hat]

Honestly?  You need to go home.  If your partner wants to follow you will find a way, if not then I think you need to be selfish and leave him to it.  If you have kids with him you are likely to be here forever.  You cannot take your kids out of Australia without his permission, and he sounds like he is going nowhere.  

Edited May 3, 2022 by Jon the Hat

[can1983]

Yep id agree go home to the uk with or without your partner. Having a baby in Australia commits you to living here for the duration of their childhood unless the father lets you go.

I've been here approaching 5 years, I've never thought of returning to the uk, don't think of it as home and don't miss anything about it. I that regard I'm lucky and a successful migrant but it doesn't sound like you are in that position

Good luck

[Skani]

Definitely seek help from a counsellor.  It's important that you can talk through these issues frankly and honestly without the self-censoring you need to with your partner's mother (and it's perfectly understandable why you do that).   Don't avoid talking to a counsellor because you have prejudged the outcome.  It can certainly clarify issues and solutions and help you take whatever action is deemed the best.

A pregnancy while you are in this state would be unwise.  So many times on this forum we hear the story...."I loved my life in Australia until children came along...and then I realised how much I missed/needed my family contacts back home, both for support for me and for family links for my children".  If you are feeling so homesick now, it will become worse once a baby arrives.

I was also a bit alarmed by "living with my partner's parents".  Does that mean a home of your own is unaffordable?

[psuwara]

My wife and I have decided to get ourselves a summer/winter house in Russia once we get a property in Australia, so we can spend time in both countries. It's a long journey, but we've already bought our Australian townhouse (April 2022) till it's finished. 

We had a baby, and we'll get her dual citizenship.

I work remotely, so this kind of lifestyle is at least financially feasible. 

Maybe you can also do travel between the two?

Edited May 3, 2022 by psuwara

[Marisawright]

30 minutes ago, psuwara said:

My wife and I have decided to get ourselves a summer/winter house in Russia once we get a property in Australia, so we can spend time in both countries....We had a baby, and we'll get her dual citizenship.

I work remotely, so this kind of lifestyle is at least financially feasible. 

But what about when the baby is old enough to go to school?  You'll have to stay in one country for the whole of the school year, unless you're so rich you can afford several flights every year. That means you'd only be in Russia for about six weeks in December/January.   If one of you would rather be living in Russia, that's a really bad deal for that person.

Edited May 3, 2022 by Marisawright

[psuwara]

1 minute ago, Marisawright said:

But what about when the baby is old enough to go to school?  You'll have to stay in one country for the whole of the school year, unless you're so rich you can afford several flights every year. That means you'd only be in Russia for about six weeks in December/January.   If one of you would rather be living in Russia, that's a really bad deal for that person.

That's actually a fair point. It's something we'll need to sort out. But I know from my parents experience, my mom went back to her home country a few times and realised Australia was just a better experience.

When it comes to the UK, if you live a good life, there's not much benefit to living in Australia, the UK has very nice infrastructure and natural places to visit. It's quite clean in the UK and the seasons are varied. So yeah, the UK is a tough one. That's why many people from countries where life is much harder, especially Afghanistan and Pakistan, make their way to Australia, it's a much better life.

[Jon the Hat]

35 minutes ago, psuwara said:

My wife and I have decided to get ourselves a summer/winter house in Russia once we get a property in Australia, so we can spend time in both countries. It's a long journey, but we've already bought our Australian townhouse (April 2022) till it's finished. 

We had a baby, and we'll get her dual citizenship.

I work remotely, so this kind of lifestyle is at least financially feasible. 

Maybe you can also do travel between the two?

Lets be honest, given the finances the OP mentioned this is not a credible solution.  Most people don't have the funds to travel between the two let alone have two properties.

[psuwara]

5 minutes ago, Jon the Hat said:

Lets be honest, given the finances the OP mentioned this is not a credible solution.  Most people don't have the funds to travel between the two let alone have two properties.

Hmm yes sorry, I skimped over those details, re-read.

[Tulip1]

11 minutes ago, psuwara said:

That's actually a fair point. It's something we'll need to sort out. But I know from my parents experience, my mom went back to her home country a few times and realised Australia was just a better experience.

When it comes to the UK, if you live a good life, there's not much benefit to living in Australia, the UK has very nice infrastructure and natural places to visit. It's quite clean in the UK and the seasons are varied. So yeah, the UK is a tough one. That's why many people from countries where life is much harder, especially Afghanistan and Pakistan, make their way to Australia, it's a much better life.

It’s not just school.  It’s hard to see now when your child is just a baby but they will join weekly clubs and get invited to birthday parties and play dates.  It will be very hard to enrol in clubs when you’re disappearing every few months.  I’m sure your place will be kept if you’re prepared to keep up the fees but it will be unsettling for little one who will get the right hump when they’ve just made some new friends at gym club or brownies/cubs and they won’t see them again for a few months.  Throw in the birthday parties they’ve been invited to but can’t make iand they’ll have a meltdown.  As the parent it’s your choice, they do what you do but it will be unsettling and will cause problems, especially as the child gets older.  Babies are very portable,  children not so much. 

Edited May 3, 2022 by Tulip1

[Marisawright]

38 minutes ago, psuwara said:

That's actually a fair point. It's something we'll need to sort out. But I know from my parents experience, my mom went back to her home country a few times and realised Australia was just a better experience.

That attitude is exactly what causes so much pain and heartache.   We've seen it happen so many times here.

A man wants to migrate to Australia.  His wife doesn't want to.  She loves her homeland and is happy there.  The man loves Australia and he can't imagine why anyone would prefer their old country.  It doesn't make sense to him—"everyone thinks Australia is just a better experience", so will she.   He is absolutely confident that when she sees how great life is, she'll change her mind.

He's so confident that he promises his wife they'll move back to her country if she doesn't like it.  He doesn't think he'll ever be asked to honour that promise because she's going to love it.

But she isn't happy, because some people don't care how good life is.  they care about about feeling like you belong, about family, about heritage.  If she's the kind of person who gets homesick, then Australia could be a paradise and she'll  never be happy.   So then the husband has to start lying or delaying or making excuses because he never had any intention of going home and he doesn't want to leave Australia.  Sure, he can see she's unhappy but she just has to snap out of it, yeah?  She's stupid if she can't see how good she's got it.

Eventually the wife starts to resent the husband for lying to her when he promised he'd take her home, and for making excuses and fobbing her off when she asks him.  Divorce is the most common outcome.  

And I should say, it happens the other way around just as often. 

 

Edited May 3, 2022 by Marisawright

[psuwara]

25 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

That attitude is exactly what causes so much pain and heartache.   We've seen it happen so many times here.

A man wants to migrate to Australia.  His wife doesn't want to.  She loves her homeland and is happy there.  The man loves Australia and he can't imagine why anyone would prefer their old country.  It doesn't make sense to him—"everyone thinks Australia is just a better experience", so will she.   He is absolutely confident that when she sees how great life is, she'll change her mind.

He's so confident that he promises his wife they'll move back to her country if she doesn't like it.  He doesn't think he'll ever be asked to honour that promise because she's going to love it.

But she isn't happy, because some people don't care how good life is.  they care about about feeling like you belong, about family, about heritage.  If she's the kind of person who gets homesick, then Australia could be a paradise and she'll  never be happy.   So then the husband has to start lying or delaying or making excuses because he never had any intention of going home and he doesn't want to leave Australia.  Sure, he can see she's unhappy but she just has to snap out of it, yeah?  She's stupid if she can't see how good she's got it.

Eventually the wife starts to resent the husband for lying to her when he promised he'd take her home, and for making excuses and fobbing her off when she asks him.  Divorce is the most common outcome.  

And I should say, it happens the other way around just as often. 

 

Thanks for pointing this out.

[Quoll]

The others have beaten me to it.  To the OP, do NOT being a child into this equation. And if you do get pregnant, get yourself back to UK before the child is born.  If you do not, then I can tell you now, you will NEVER leave. Australia does not let children leave if one parent - even  be they the worst drop kick of parents - says no. And once you have kids it gets considerably more expensive to take trips home for your sanity hits.  I'm not sure that a job getting just $47k is really going to give you the sort of lifestyle that is going to allow much international travel anyway and I'm sure you dont want to be living with the in laws for any length of time (big warning signs flashing right there for me)

Does your partner have to go on a spouse visa? Is there any UK ancestry which might be a bonus access to an Ancestry visa (UK born grandparent or maybe more distant Irish ancestors perhaps?). 

Bottom line - is this the man you want to grow old with? If he is then resign yourself to staying here and living your least worst option for the rest of your life.  If you subscribe to the "other fish in the sea" then pack your bags and leave now, start your life again where you are happy and you belong - ASAP. You're still young enough to start again and once you are back where you belong them maybe you'll find that your confidence grows and you may be able to make new career pathways there. 

Look for where you can get support. Your family may be a good starting point for you. What can they do to help you get back on your feet? If you do move on to UK, start with a job, any job. It is so much easier to get a job when you've got a job and don't try and second guess yourself all the time. 

I quite see that maybe you don't think counselling will help you make a decision. It's a reasonable option if you go for the least worst option and you need a tool kit full of tricks to help you get through every day but the decision is down to you. Toss a coin and see what it says - is as good a strategy as any.  

Good luck, but look after yourself because nobody else is going to do it for you. 

 

[psuwara]

Interesting, I just had a chat with my wife and she said, that if it wasn't for our daughter (born in Australia) she would feel far more homesick than she does now, and having her daughter makes it all worth it, and she feels she can share the experience of a new country with her daughter. 

My wife said she does miss her home country and family, but our family is our own story and that's what is important.

I was quite surprised by this, which kind of goes counter to what other people have said, in not having a child.

[Marisawright]

30 minutes ago, psuwara said:

Interesting, I just had a chat with my wife and she said, that if it wasn't for our daughter (born in Australia) she would feel far more homesick than she does now, and having her daughter makes it all worth it, and she feels she can share the experience of a new country with her daughter. 

My wife said she does miss her home country and family, but our family is our own story and that's what is important.

I was quite surprised by this, which kind of goes counter to what other people have said, in not having a child.

That’s great, but everyone is different. It would be an absolutely massive gamble for the OP to have a baby on the slim chance it might maker her feel more settled because if it doesn’t work, she’ll be trapped 

[Quoll]

28 minutes ago, psuwara said:

Interesting, I just had a chat with my wife and she said, that if it wasn't for our daughter (born in Australia) she would feel far more homesick than she does now, and having her daughter makes it all worth it, and she feels she can share the experience of a new country with her daughter. 

My wife said she does miss her home country and family, but our family is our own story and that's what is important.

I was quite surprised by this, which kind of goes counter to what other people have said, in not having a child.

The issue about having children is when a relationship is, shall we say, a bit rocky and one partner might want to leave - as the OP has indicated - to raise a child with their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.  If you have a partner who is quite happy to let you nick off with their kid then you have probably won the lottery but more often than not, when one partner wants to live elsewhere but the Aussie partner says no, then the Hague Convention kicks in and the wannabe leaver is not allowed to leave the country with their child.  In your case - imagine if your wife said "I"m going home" but you didnt want to leave Australia then the court would be on your side and your wife would not be allowed to take her child (your child!) with her.  If she went, she would have to go alone.  That is the reasoning behind "dont bring a kid into the equation until you are 100% certain you want to die in Australia".  Sadly not all partners in relationships are prepared to accommodate desires to belong somewhere else

[calNgary]

7 hours ago, samt4 said:

 

Thing is my partner I know doesnt really want to move to the UK. He always says things like "its a potential", or "yeh maybe, in the future", and I just feel like he's telling me what I want to hear. He keeps saying he needs a better option and for me to tell him exactly how it will work over there, which I do understand but he is quite intense sometimes and likes to plan things out. Thing is, you can't really plan out life and I don't know if the UK will be better for both of us, it definitely won't be better financially but for me it's more than that. He and I think very differently about life. I am laid back and take life as it comes, I do have an idea of what I want for my future but he is way more serious, puts pressure on himself and gets highly stressed and always needs a plan. He is constantly thinking about things, always on his laptop, doesnt switch off and gets quite snappy and irritable. This brings me down and sometimes I dont feel myself becauae I try to be more 'happy' and not take life too seriously. You would think these personality types may compliment each other but we end up clashing all the time. 

day. 

The probelm is, is that I want a family of my own and I'm 34 this year. If me and my partner were 10 years younger then we would have time to give the UK a go, see if it's better, and then decide where we want to live. But I am so desperate to start a family and if I was to go back to the UK to find a job (which I would need to be in for at least 6 months before applying for UK visa), then a couple of months waiting for the visa desicion, then my partner would need to find a job, etc... it would mean putting off trying for a baby for at least a year. I know I am not super old but I really don't want to put it off for much longer, especially if I want 2 or 3 kids, I am thinking I will end up nearing 40 and I am just nervous about the increased risk. 

So we are currently back in Oz, living with my partner's parents and trying for a baby. My freelance work is very unstable and I usually go weeks without income, so I am trying to look for work but it is hard with my lack of skills and confidence. Yes, I could go to a counsellor but I just feel like I know what they would say, I know the steps to take, and that I need to make friends and find a hobby etc, I just cant seem to make to move to do these things. Videoing my family back home just makes me more upset after we end the call and seeing pictures from back home makes me feel like I am missing out on 'my life'. I am excited to try for a baby but I am also terrified of being pregnant and homesick and feeling like I may be stuck here for several years at least, before there is any chance of moving back home. I already feel very isolated, even though my partners family is nice and I get on with them, they are also very different to me and I feel a bit odd one out sometimes and no one can relate to how I think or view things over here. 

I don't want to be here in 10 years time saying the same things. I feel like I am a different person here sometimes and feeling so homesick makes me angry, weepy, depressed, and thats not who I am. I want my partner to see me being happy as it makes him sad when I feel like this and it takes its toll on the relashionship. I feel so alone, and can't really talk to anymone but my partner! I sometimes talk to his mum but find myself holding back on some things as I realise its her son I'm talking about. I just don't want to live like this anymore and I can't do another 3 years here but I almost feel like it's a choice between having a family or moving back home and risking that. 

Thank you for reading, any advice is welcome,

If you do not want to be here and you don't think your partner will move to the UK permanently, i think you have cut ties now as hard as it will be and definitely don't get pregnant. Getting pregnant and then running to the UK on your own as suggested above would be very unfair to the Dad, in fact its borderline cruel. 

 I can understand  your partner not wanting to move if you have no income lined up or property to live in etc. You often see on here members say you would be stupid to leave paying jobs in the UK to come here ,it also work the same in reverse.

Has your partner had a search on job sites to see what's about? Has he shown any interest in looking at areas or property with you? Have you straight up told him you do not want to stay here and if he isnt willing to move you may have to re think the relationship? Do you have any friends or family who can put some feelers out for you to get work, even if it is in hospitality? It would make more sense to have at least one income lined up and would also strengthen your argument to make the move.

I feel for you as it must be a horrible position to be in and i really hope you can win him round and both be happy.

                                 Cal x

[psuwara]

16 minutes ago, Quoll said:

The issue about having children is when a relationship is, shall we say, a bit rocky and one partner might want to leave - as the OP has indicated - to raise a child with their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.  If you have a partner who is quite happy to let you nick off with their kid then you have probably won the lottery but more often than not, when one partner wants to live elsewhere but the Aussie partner says no, then the Hague Convention kicks in and the wannabe leaver is not allowed to leave the country with their child.  In your case - imagine if your wife said "I"m going home" but you didnt want to leave Australia then the court would be on your side and your wife would not be allowed to take her child (your child!) with her.  If she went, she would have to go alone.  That is the reasoning behind "dont bring a kid into the equation until you are 100% certain you want to die in Australia".  Sadly not all partners in relationships are prepared to accommodate desires to belong somewhere else

Fair enough. I have heard stories of women leaving in the middle of night back to their home country with their baby.

[Ausvisitor]

4 hours ago, psuwara said:

My wife and I have decided to get ourselves a summer/winter house in Russia once we get a property in Australia, so we can spend time in both countries. It's a long journey, but we've already bought our Australian townhouse (April 2022) till it's finished. 

We had a baby, and we'll get her dual citizenship.

I work remotely, so this kind of lifestyle is at least financially feasible. 

Maybe you can also do travel between the two?

I would be very wary about this approach, whilst companies are happy for you to work remote I can't think of any Australian company that would let you work in Russia if they were aware of it.

Add into it the dual taxation issues and the fact that you may be able to work remotely but you'd still need a work visa to actually work in Russia (if doing it legally), and this all gets a bit harder than "my company lets me work from home all the time".

 

Of course if your company are aware and happy and you have the right visas then it sounds like a great adventure...

[Quoll]

47 minutes ago, calNgary said:

If you do not want to be here and you don't think your partner will move to the UK permanently, i think you have cut ties now as hard as it will be and definitely don't get pregnant. Getting pregnant and then running to the UK on your own as suggested above would be very unfair to the Dad, in fact its borderline cruel. 

 I can understand  your partner not wanting to move if you have no income lined up or property to live in etc. You often see on here members say you would be stupid to leave paying jobs in the UK to come here ,it also work the same in reverse.

Has your partner had a search on job sites to see what's about? Has he shown any interest in looking at areas or property with you? Have you straight up told him you do not want to stay here and if he isnt willing to move you may have to re think the relationship? Do you have any friends or family who can put some feelers out for you to get work, even if it is in hospitality? It would make more sense to have at least one income lined up and would also strengthen your argument to make the move.

I feel for you as it must be a horrible position to be in and i really hope you can win him round and both be happy.

                                 Cal x

Equally, keeping a person here who does not want to be here and holding their child hostage is beyond borderline cruel, it is downright cruel.  If he wants to have access to his child he could move over too.  Simples.

[Ausvisitor]

39 minutes ago, Ausvisitor said:

I would be very wary about this approach, whilst companies are happy for you to work remote I can't think of any Australian company that would let you work in Russia if they were aware of it.

Add into it the dual taxation issues and the fact that you may be able to work remotely but you'd still need a work visa to actually work in Russia (if doing it legally), and this all gets a bit harder than "my company lets me work from home all the time".

 

Of course if your company are aware and happy and you have the right visas then it sounds like a great adventure...

Oh and of course until Putin "winds his neck in, and gets out of Ukraine" travel between the two countries is going to be fraught to say the least 

 

 

 

(And NATO are warning this is probably a 2-3 year illegal incursion not a short skirmish)

[calNgary]

1 hour ago, Quoll said:

Equally, keeping a person here who does not want to be here and holding their child hostage is beyond borderline cruel, it is downright cruel.  If he wants to have access to his child he could move over too.  Simples.

No one has said he would hold their child hostage (other than you) so no it's not simples. Simples, would be to put any plans of getting pregnant on hold for now to avoid either parent being heart broken if they cannot agree on a country to settle in.

   Cal x

[DIG85]

You say you are from the UK but then you go on to mention getting a UK work visa that meets the £18,600 salary requirement. If you are a UK citizen you don't require a visa to work there.

[Marisawright]

3 minutes ago, DIG85 said:

You say you are from the UK but then you go on to mention getting a UK work visa that meets the £18,600 salary requirement. If you are a UK citizen you don't require a visa to work there.

She means she would have to work for 6 months ot meet the financial requirement, before she could apply for a UK visa for her partner.