Indecision

[Ruth1]

I used to be someone who could make decisions quite easily and took risks etc when I was in my 20s, but as Ive got older and with the decision to move to Aus I feel like I am absolutely frozen with indecision and cant seem to get out of my comfort zone anymore. I swing from feeling desperate to emigrate ASAP as its my lifelong dream and its now or never, to completely the other way, thinking its completely crazy to leave a nice life here, often within the same day!

Its driving me mad now and I know I just need to make a decision. I am getting on the cusp of being too old to move and job offers will soon be retraced I think.

Did anyone else have the same experience and how did you decide in the end? Honestly, it feels like it is all I think about at times.

[Ruth1]

For those of you in Aus who know of Missy Higgins, she has a song with the lyrics 'I can't move on but I can't stay here'. It speaks to me loudly right now

[Marisawright]

@Ruth1, you say "I", so I'm assuming you're single.

If that's the case, GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!

Ask yourself, what is it you're afraid of losing if you make the move?  The only thing you'll really lose is your current job, and a job is not that important.

If you're really anxious about losing other things/wasting money, take steps to mitigate those risks.  For instance, if you love your home, don't sell it.  Rent it out if you need the money, or get someone to look after it if not. If you do sell your house, don't ship all your belongings - put all your precious things in a good storage facility in the UK. Once you're sure Australia is for you, you can arrange to put your home on the market/have your goods shipped out to you. 

Then, if it all goes wrong, you can head home and re-establish what you had, and it won't have cost you much more than a fancy holiday. 

I'm sure some people will say that keeping one foot in the UK may stop you committing to Australia, and make you less likely to settle.  I'm not sure that's the case - and anyway, the important thing is for you to feel comfortable making the move, and if that will do it, then it's the right thing to do IMO.

If you were bringing a partner and kids, my advice would be different.  For a family, the risks are greater and the cost of failure far higher. 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Marisawright

[Blue Flu]

I would endorse the above. For a single, it is not too difficult to at least savour the place if to your liking without cutting all ties to home. I think maintaining those ties will allow you the ability to arrive at a decision without undue pressure. 

It would need to be for a duration long enough though to pass the holiday stage and check the reality is really the right place for you. 

[Toots]

13 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

@Ruth1, you say "I", so I'm assuming you're single.

If that's the case, GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!

Ask yourself, what is it you're afraid of losing if you make the move?  The only thing you'll really lose is your current job, and a job is not that important.

If you're really anxious about losing other things/wasting money, take steps to mitigate those risks.  For instance, if you love your home, don't sell it.  Rent it out if you need the money, or get someone to look after it if not. If you do sell your house, don't ship all your belongings - put all your precious things in a good storage facility in the UK. Once you're sure Australia is for you, you can arrange to put your home on the market/have your goods shipped out to you. 

Then, if it all goes wrong, you can head home and re-establish what you had, and it won't have cost you much more than a fancy holiday. 

I'm sure some people will say that keeping one foot in the UK may stop you committing to Australia, and make you less likely to settle.  I'm not sure that's the case - and anyway, the important thing is for you to feel comfortable making the move, and if that will do it, then it's the right thing to do IMO.

If you were bringing a partner and kids, my advice would be different.  For a family, the risks are greater and the cost of failure far higher. 

Very sound advice especially about not selling the UK home until sure where the OP knows where she wants to live.

[Blue Flu]

20 minutes ago, Toots said:

Very sound advice especially about not selling the UK home until sure where the OP knows where she wants to live.

I would suggest careful consideration needs to be given before the selling of any house regardless of country these days. One cannot rely on the rental market to fill the void, the ways things are. Obtaining one is increasingly difficult. I cannot imagine much worse than being homeless in todays world. 

[Ruth1]

4 hours ago, Marisawright said:

@Ruth1, you say "I", so I'm assuming you're single.

If that's the case, GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!

Ask yourself, what is it you're afraid of losing if you make the move?  The only thing you'll really lose is your current job, and a job is not that important.

If you're really anxious about losing other things/wasting money, take steps to mitigate those risks.  For instance, if you love your home, don't sell it.  Rent it out if you need the money, or get someone to look after it if not. If you do sell your house, don't ship all your belongings - put all your precious things in a good storage facility in the UK. Once you're sure Australia is for you, you can arrange to put your home on the market/have your goods shipped out to you. 

Then, if it all goes wrong, you can head home and re-establish what you had, and it won't have cost you much more than a fancy holiday. 

I'm sure some people will say that keeping one foot in the UK may stop you committing to Australia, and make you less likely to settle.  I'm not sure that's the case - and anyway, the important thing is for you to feel comfortable making the move, and if that will do it, then it's the right thing to do IMO.

If you were bringing a partner and kids, my advice would be different.  For a family, the risks are greater and the cost of failure far higher. 

I did say I didnt I!? Freudian slip maybe as its my dream really, but hubby would be coming along too, no kids. However he is very much happy to go with the flow either way so it does feel like the decision rests soley on my shoulders.. hes not happy in his job and fancies a change (or break!), but equally hes happy where we live with the golf club around the corner

You are so right about the house-I do love it, and would definitely rent it rather than sell, but get nervous about the horror stories you hear-people setting up cannabis farms in your house or just never paying rent! Given ours is a 4 bed family home in a nice area, I suspect unlikely but you never know.

I may have scuppered my chances of the initial job offer anyway as, after signing contracts, I freaked out and pulled out, but it is still being advertized and there are several other options I could go for, so I think I can still work something out..

Whats your situation Marisa if you dont mind me asking?

[Ruth1]

4 hours ago, Marisawright said:

@Ruth1, you say "I", so I'm assuming you're single.

If that's the case, GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!

Ask yourself, what is it you're afraid of losing if you make the move?  The only thing you'll really lose is your current job, and a job is not that important.

If you're really anxious about losing other things/wasting money, take steps to mitigate those risks.  For instance, if you love your home, don't sell it.  Rent it out if you need the money, or get someone to look after it if not. If you do sell your house, don't ship all your belongings - put all your precious things in a good storage facility in the UK. Once you're sure Australia is for you, you can arrange to put your home on the market/have your goods shipped out to you. 

Then, if it all goes wrong, you can head home and re-establish what you had, and it won't have cost you much more than a fancy holiday. 

I'm sure some people will say that keeping one foot in the UK may stop you committing to Australia, and make you less likely to settle.  I'm not sure that's the case - and anyway, the important thing is for you to feel comfortable making the move, and if that will do it, then it's the right thing to do IMO.

If you were bringing a partner and kids, my advice would be different.  For a family, the risks are greater and the cost of failure far higher. 

And regarding the job situation. Having been working in the NHS during the pandemic, this is one of the main drivers. I feel burned out, underappreciated, and as if I am working on a sinking ship. I can see healthcare isnt perfect in Aus but genuinely looks like the sunny uplands compared to here atm.. 

[Ruth1]

4 hours ago, Blue Flu said:

I would suggest careful consideration needs to be given before the selling of any house regardless of country these days. One cannot rely on the rental market to fill the void, the ways things are. Obtaining one is increasingly difficult. I cannot imagine much worse than being homeless in todays world. 

So true, yes I would definitely take this advice

[Quoll]

1 minute ago, Ruth1 said:

I did say I didnt I!? Freudian slip maybe as its my dream really, but hubby would be coming along too, no kids. However he is very much happy to go with the flow either way so it does feel like the decision rests soley on my shoulders.. hes not happy in his job and fancies a change (or break!), but equally hes happy where we live with the golf club around the corner

You are so right about the house-I do love it, and would definitely rent it rather than sell, but get nervous about the horror stories you hear-people setting up cannabis farms in your house or just never paying rent! Given ours is a 4 bed family home in a nice area, I suspect unlikely but you never know.

I may have scuppered my chances of the initial job offer anyway as, after signing contracts, I freaked out and pulled out, but it is still being advertized and there are several other options I could go for, so I think I can still work something out..

Whats your situation Marisa if you dont mind me asking?

Remember that there is a very fine line between a dream and a nightmare - often dreams are the result of lots of rose tinted glasses and more than a few unreal tv shows (mine was because I was in love with Robert Mitchum and watched the Sundowners at the time - I'm very old!!!).  I am all for having an adventure if it is what you want and you are prepared to blow quite a bit of cash in the process and totally agree with the suggestions above - take a career break, rent out your house, suck it and see.  If it works you win and if it turns belly up then you can cut your losses and recoup what you have of your current life.  Either that or draw a line and think that your life aint broke so you dont need to fix it - enjoy your long holidays, family, familiarity, belonging and get on with it.  No easy answers one way or the  other really.  Good luck!

[Ruth1]

9 minutes ago, Quoll said:

Remember that there is a very fine line between a dream and a nightmare - often dreams are the result of lots of rose tinted glasses and more than a few unreal tv shows (mine was because I was in love with Robert Mitchum and watched the Sundowners at the time - I'm very old!!!).  I am all for having an adventure if it is what you want and you are prepared to blow quite a bit of cash in the process and totally agree with the suggestions above - take a career break, rent out your house, suck it and see.  If it works you win and if it turns belly up then you can cut your losses and recoup what you have of your current life.  Either that or draw a line and think that your life aint broke so you dont need to fix it - enjoy your long holidays, family, familiarity, belonging and get on with it.  No easy answers one way or the  other really.  Good luck!

Yes  all good advice. The trouble is I have been failing miserably at drawing a line under it. I do worry about rose tinted glasses, although I did live and study in Aus for 2 years in the mid noughties so have a good idea of what to expect, but then again I was young and carefree during those times so my glasses are definitely rosy..

[Marisawright]

21 minutes ago, Ruth1 said:

I did say I didnt I!? Freudian slip maybe as its my dream really, but hubby would be coming along too,

Just make sure he genuinely means it when he says "I'm not bothered".   If he's doing it just to please you, and secretly hates the idea otherwise, then I would park your dream firmly and forget about it.  Migrating is always a stressful time, and the last thing you want is a hubby who ends up resenting you for dragging him halfway across the world on a futile adventure.

I've lived in Australia for over 30 years.  Hubby and I did try moving back to the UK to retirement as neither of us has any family left in Australia, but I didn't settle.  

My view is that both countries have a lot to offer. One is not better than the other, it all comes down to what kind of lifestyle and culture suits you.  

[Ruth1]

47 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

Just make sure he genuinely means it when he says "I'm not bothered".   If he's doing it just to please you, and secretly hates the idea otherwise, then I would park your dream firmly and forget about it.  Migrating is always a stressful time, and the last thing you want is a hubby who ends up resenting you for dragging him halfway across the world on a futile adventure.

I've lived in Australia for over 30 years.  Hubby and I did try moving back to the UK to retirement as neither of us has any family left in Australia, but I didn't settle.  

My view is that both countries have a lot to offer. One is not better than the other, it all comes down to what kind of lifestyle and culture suits you.  

I genuinely think he is not bothered in that he said he is up for it, but wouldnt lose sleep if we didnt go. He is quite sporty so I think the lifestyle would suit him

[Blue Flu]

29 minutes ago, Ruth1 said:

I genuinely think he is not bothered in that he said he is up for it, but wouldnt lose sleep if we didnt go. He is quite sporty so I think the lifestyle would suit him

I'm not at all convinced that not losing any sleep over a matter of such significance is the way forward. It requires   a major  commitment these days to migrate in both cost and energy. If one is so fickle about going, I can see issues ahead .

I know you say you were out here for a few years in the mid nighties, but it is a very different country from those days. The migration racket is full of broken relationships and the consequences of that. 

It could prove of some value, although limited probably, to visit for awhile and refresh the mind on the present day reality. It would also at least give an indication if your partner has any affinity even to be in Australia.  

[Ruth1]

5 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

I'm not at all convinced that not losing any sleep over a matter of such significance is the way forward. It requires   a major  commitment these days to migrate in both cost and energy. If one is so fickle about going, I can see issues ahead .

I know you say you were out here for a few years in the mid nighties, but it is a very different country from those days. The migration racket is full of broken relationships and the consequences of that. 

It could prove of some value, although limited probably, to visit for awhile and refresh the mind on the present day reality. It would also at least give an indication if your partner has any affinity even to be in Australia.  

I think that calling it fickle is a but unfair. For me it has been an all consuming passion for 15 years that has dominated my thoughts and life choices at times. All I meant was that my husband himself wouldnt be devastated if we didnt give it a go, but is equally happy to try it for the experience but also because he knows it is what I had planned to do since before we met. It was actually the mid 2000s (noughty) that I was there, but I am aware that Aus is likely to have changed a lot-in the way that the UK has also.

[ramot]

17 minutes ago, Ruth1 said:

I think that calling it fickle is a but unfair. For me it has been an all consuming passion for 15 years that has dominated my thoughts and life choices at times. All I meant was that my husband himself wouldnt be devastated if we didnt give it a go, but is equally happy to try it for the experience but also because he knows it is what I had planned to do since before we met. It was actually the mid 2000s (noughty) that I was there, but I am aware that Aus is likely to have changed a lot-in the way that the UK has also.

There are always doomsayers, but I think if I had listened tp them when I was single in my mid twenties I would never have gone to Africa on my own in the 1960’s. That was more of a risk quite frankly than moving to Australia in 2022. I appreciate I wasn’t emigrating, but who knows I might have stayed for ever? I wouldn’t have missed my time there for anything. We came here in our retirement for a couple of years adventure with no close family here,  that was 19 years ago, so you never know how life will turn out.

Only you and your husband can decide what to do, like any decision you way up the pros and cons. I have met quite a few ex UK nurses here on the Sunshine Coast, yes they work very hard, and underpaid for their hard work, but almost all say it’s much better here than the NHS? ,  If you keep up with the news. in both countries, there’s very little difference between complaints about the increase in the cost of living etc, seem more reports of crime in UK?

i would say go for it, but it isn’t really up to me. Good luck with your decision 

[Marisawright]

1 hour ago, Ruth1 said:

I genuinely think he is not bothered in that he said he is up for it, but wouldnt lose sleep if we didnt go. He is quite sporty so I think the lifestyle would suit him

Good to hear, sounds like it's no obstacle

[Cobs_Ahoy]

I’m in the NHS too Ruth and I reckon that’s a big factor in my current to desire to move! I’m totally burnt out in my current job and ready for a change. I’ve just been invited for a 491 visa and it’s only been in the past few days I’ve started to have a wobble, although I’ve got two young kids and the majority of my concern is around them. 
 

I think ambivalence around a massive decision is normal and to be expected as the reality of making the move gets closer, but I would agree with the others that it’s worth a gamble if you don’t have kids and your partner is up for it.

[Bulya]

No shortage of ex NHS medical staff here in the ACT.  Haven’t met one yet who wasn’t glad to have escaped..

[DukeNinja]

On 19/04/2022 at 15:46, Ruth1 said:

So true, yes I would definitely take this advice

Be aware that should you move here on a visa that makes your tax residency country as Australia, you may have to pay CGT on the sale of your property, as well as having to engage in tax planning regarding rental income.

 

Property prices here are detached from reality. E.g., in Brisbane, prices in certain areas have increased by over 50% in the past 2 years. Thus, if you think that you will give Oz a good crack, it may be worth selling and bringing over a healthy deposit to be competitive if you intend to purchase here.

Also, there is an imminent interest rate rise pending.

[Lavers]

Just go for it Ruth what have you got to lose.

You will always question if its the right the thing to do or not, so your only way of knowing is by doing it.

We (Me,Wife and 2 daughters 10 & 4) moved to Adelaide June 2020 and have never looked back. As Marisa says no one country is better than the other, they are just different.

We had never been to Aus but I've always fancied it for some reason from being a kid. No family here but have got friends that emigrated to other states so just thought that if they can do it why can't I.

We could have easily not moved and just blamed it on covid but the thought of not moving was my biggest driving force as I didn't want to end up like alot of the guys I worked with in there 50s saying I wish I'd have tried that.

Your only here once so make the most of it, if you come and don't like it then you move back. You will lose a chunk of cash but will have no what ifs later on in life which to me is priceless.

[Marisawright]

11 hours ago, DukeNinja said:

Be aware that should you move here on a visa that makes your tax residency country as Australia, you may have to pay CGT on the sale of your property, as well as having to engage in tax planning regarding rental income.

But on the other hand, you don't pay CGT if you haven't made a profit on your property, so you can't actually make a loss.  You just won't get quite as much of the profit in your hands. Is that really such a big deal?

Tax planning regarding rental income - no headache at all, if you pay someone who knows the tax in both countries like @Ken or @Alan Collett to do your tax return for you.  Again, it's only going to cost you extra tax if you're making a profit out of it, so is it reallly an issue?   Also you're only going to be holding the property for 3 or 4 years as a rental, then you're either selling up to buy in Australia or heading home to live in it. And the fees are tax-deductible.

As for the price of housing - it's true that house prices in Australia have gone absolutely mad in recent years, but that doesn't mean they will go on doing so.  And the OP is going to Port Macquarie, which has seen a rise due to Covid-inspired tree-changers but that's likely to settle down.

[BeachBabe2022]

On 19/04/2022 at 04:44, Ruth1 said:

I used to be someone who could make decisions quite easily and took risks etc when I was in my 20s, but as Ive got older and with the decision to move to Aus I feel like I am absolutely frozen with indecision

Definitely seems to be an age thing I reckon.

When I was in my 20s, I literally (well almost) moved suburbs, or traveled overseas at the drop of a hat with a random snap decision, and never gave it a second thought.

Nowadays it takes me ages to make a decision and I often change my mind several times.

However, since you say "it has been my life long dream", .......if you don't act now and stay put,  I think you will live to regret not taking the opportunity when you could.

You don't want to be sitting in the nursing home regretting missed opportunities.

Also, emotionally you could just treat it as a temporary Working Holiday Visa (as opposed to a lifelong change), that way you take the leap, give it your absolute best for a year or two, and if you don't like it, then return to your old life.

.

[Blue Flu]

On 19/04/2022 at 15:48, Ruth1 said:

I think that calling it fickle is a but unfair. For me it has been an all consuming passion for 15 years that has dominated my thoughts and life choices at times. All I meant was that my husband himself wouldnt be devastated if we didnt give it a go, but is equally happy to try it for the experience but also because he knows it is what I had planned to do since before we met. It was actually the mid 2000s (noughty) that I was there, but I am aware that Aus is likely to have changed a lot-in the way that the UK has also.

What I meant was both need to be motivated in the way of commitment to going to Australia. Not being bothered either way does not suggest to me that is so. I'm not sure a holiday out here would be enough to gauge longer term suitability, that I earlier suggested. Probably something longer and more engaged in daily life to really get an insight into present day life. I suspect everywhere has changed. Just need to conclude that the changes that have occurred in Australia remain to your liking.   

[BeachBabe2022]

On 19/04/2022 at 15:42, Ruth1 said:

 

You are so right about the house-I do love it, and would definitely rent it rather than sell, but get nervous about the horror stories you hear-people setting up cannabis farms in your house or just never paying rent!

.

Don't rent it out privatey

Use a real estate agent and rent it out through them

The agent will ensure rent is paid on time, and they will do regularly inspections. 

I only rented once in the UK and it was a nightmare. Bloody neighbours would dob me in (to the owner and real estate agent), for any misdemeanor - real or imagined. 

If I was even an hour late with the weekly rent, agent would be on the war path

And they did an inspection inside and out three times a year.

Your house would be pretty safe with a reputable property manager.

And you will have peace of mind