Still here and still feel the pull

[Blue Flu]

3 hours ago, Chortlepuss said:

I’m glad it’s working with the psychologist. I must like you be brave and do the same. I never thought my worries worthy of discussion before and am cynical re: the worth counselling can provide - or maybe a bit frightened of letting cat out of the bag? I do empathise with the worry re: your kids but think you could see it another way. I grew up in Brighton, UK a brilliantly diverse and interesting place and so grateful to have been there at that time to enjoy it all. But my daughter as a nurse could never afford to live in Brighton - she has a lovely house here. My son suffers from MH issues and has fantastic support here. My friend’s son in the SE UK has similar issues and no support. I would have loved them to have the social and economic opportunities I had but they don’t really exist now at home. Brighton is a rich persons playground now and Australia is going that way with the cost of housing even in Brisbane. I’m actually glad my daughter stayed at home and has no uni debt. I think it’s wicked how young people in the UK are forced to take in punitive debt to study. In Brighton they build luxury accommodation for students with car parking and en-suites! They are just cash cows. I long for home almost every day but am aware of it being a longing for a long lost place - still beautiful and I’d still go home if I could, but I can see that young people can thrive here, despite the mind numbing blandness that people like you and I abhor.

I'm afraid conformist blandness is encroaching everywhere. High costs keep the plebs in order. Brighton was one of the few places I thought of to live besides London, but missed the boat there as well. London By Sea is over priced for most these days, without a pile to sell in London. Could Eastbourne or nearby Worthing become an alternative? Prices rising in those places as well. 

Young are being ripped  off to an extent. Still free education in many European countries. Nothing like a big debt to keep the young money focused. Great way to tame altruistic sentiment . 

Do you feel young cannot thrive in UK?  Don't you think the issues are becoming not dissimilar in Australia? I see what educated young people are doing most everyday in my street. Not what you would call the traditional means of earning a living shall we say. I  beginning to matter if it even matters? I think it's called taking the opportunity that presents itself and thinking out of the box in order to surmount increasingly difficult times.  

[Marisawright]

37 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

All very well off loading, it does suit a purpose, but someone I know as an example that springs to mind, has been seeing the same counsellor for years. The same issues remains and cynical me can see it as beneficial to that particular worker, but of little use to the client. 

But what if the client is someone like Quoll or Chortlepuss, who have decided to live with debilitating homesickness rather than leave their family? 

The homesickness cannot be cured.  What do they do, bottle it up for the rest of their lives and never mention it to anyone again? I suppose rigorously suppressing emotions may work for some, but most people need a coping mechanism or a periodic release valve to keep their sanity.  They probably get to the point where they fear they are boring family and friends, so they can't help.  Some people come to these forums to vent, but actually talking to a person can be more satisfying.  No, it won't fix the problem, but that is not the counsellor's fault if the problem is not fixable. 

Edited April 24, 2022 by Marisawright

[Quoll]

35 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

But what if the client is someone like Quoll or Chortlepuss, who have decided to live with debilitating homesickness rather than leave their family? 

The homesickness cannot be cured.  What do they do, bottle it up for the rest of their lives and never mention it to anyone again? I suppose rigorously suppressing emotions may work for some, but most people need a coping mechanism or a periodic release valve to keep their sanity.  They probably get to the point where they fear they are boring family and friends, so they can't help.  Some people come to these forums to vent, but actually talking to a person can be more satisfying.  No, it won't fix the problem, but that is not the counsellor's fault if the problem is not fixable. 

I do see where BF is going with this though - I hardly think it is ethical to string someone along at $150 an hour week after week.  If you cant, as a therapist, offer them more than a chance to offload on an expensive weekly basis then you really aren't doing them much good at all. I remember one "teacher" of mine who proudly announced that she had clients coming weekly for years (only $100 an hour back then though) so her bank balance was doing very well, God knows how her clients were faring (she wasnt much chop as a teacher either unless you liked doing mutual foot massages which wasnt my idea of counselling!).  

[Marisawright]

9 minutes ago, Quoll said:

I do see where BF is going with this though - I hardly think it is ethical to string someone along at $150 an hour week after week.  

Neither do I.  I wasn't thinking of a weekly visit though.   

[Quoll]

3 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Neither do I.  I wasn't thinking of a weekly visit though.   

Some of them do, believe me!!!!

[Skani]

19 hours ago, Toots said:

It's also common for the young ones in Tasmania to go to universities on the east coast of the mainland.  

Yes,  a friend of mine has her 3 eldest home from mainland uni's for Easter - 2 of them from Townsville.  Can't bear to think of the air fares.    

[Blue Flu]

6 hours ago, Marisawright said:

But what if the client is someone like Quoll or Chortlepuss, who have decided to live with debilitating homesickness rather than leave their family? 

The homesickness cannot be cured.  What do they do, bottle it up for the rest of their lives and never mention it to anyone again? I suppose rigorously suppressing emotions may work for some, but most people need a coping mechanism or a periodic release valve to keep their sanity.  They probably get to the point where they fear they are boring family and friends, so they can't help.  Some people come to these forums to vent, but actually talking to a person can be more satisfying.  No, it won't fix the problem, but that is not the counsellor's fault if the problem is not fixable. 

No a councilor should provide the tools to deal with the issue. Otherwise , while easy to see why preferable to that particular person, probably of limited value, if any to the client. Surely the councilors role should not be the role of family or friend in a long term relationship better conducted by those mentioned? Why would somebody paid provide more than creating a dependency of sorts if prolonged? 

The matter most probably far exceeds normal homesickness to issues around connection and loneliness and difficulty expressing feelings. Hardly uncommon conclusion experienced by numerous people. Australia requires a certain personality type and some are less likely to find any degree of contentment within it than others. Hence the tools necessary to deal with the fall out.  

[Marisawright]

45 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

Why would somebody paid provide more than creating a dependency of sorts if prolonged? 

What other solution do you suggest?

[Ausvisitor]

2 hours ago, Skani said:

Yes,  a friend of mine has her 3 eldest home from mainland uni's for Easter - 2 of them from Townsville.  Can't bear to think of the air fares.    

We have two home from UK Uni's each holiday it's about $4,500 each holiday in air fares

[Blue Flu]

10 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

What other solution do you suggest?

Never ending counselling more likely not a solution. What it should achieve as I thought I'd clarified is a direction in which to offer strategies to manage.  This in turn can build the internal  resources to better cope with situational depression and similar. 

[newjez]

7 hours ago, Ausvisitor said:

We have two home from UK Uni's each holiday it's about $4,500 each holiday in air fares

Can you live in Australia with your kids at a UK uni? Do they have to pay international fees? I had thought of nipping of to Australia whilst mine were at university, but wasn't sure if it would affect their status.

[Blue Flu]

On 23/04/2022 at 21:23, newjez said:

When I was young I had a lot of friends who used to travel from Perth to Cairns to live. Mainly because it's about as far away from Perth as you can be and still be in Australia. Alot of Perth kids do leave to see the world. I did, and I didn't come back. Well not to stay. But I might. The thing is, Perth can be a prison if you treat it as such. The isolation engulfs you. For some people, they can only be happy there if they know they can leave. Maybe it's being trapped that's the problem. But your kids aren't trapped. They can and will do what they want.

I didn't understand the kids away from home university thing. My wife didn't understand me going to a uni close to home. Having the experience to grow and so on. We have one kid at our local uni and one kid up north. True, the one up north has grown alot from the experience. But the one at home is much happier. But I do get what you are saying. Mine did Europe summer before last and loved it. Talking about doing it again this summer, as everything is really cheap close to the war zone.

A lot of it will be a mental battle inside you. It's claustrophobia basically. But on a larger scale. If you can get past that, there are benefits from isolation. I'm not 100% happy at being a target should a thermonuclear war start anytime soon. I'm guessing no one has bothered to put Perth on their target list.

 

I wasn't aware of the exodus Perth to Cairns. I do recall the onus on leaving the country (my choice) or doing Aussie in a camper. Sadly isolation doesn't inhibit the worse aspects blossoming. In fact it can enhance it somewhat, with a narrower cast having undue influence over things and a mentality to suit resulting. You can always move to Norfolk if in need of greater isolation. While Perth may not be on the list for thermonuclear war, it is for other things. 

[Skani]

13 hours ago, Ausvisitor said:

We have two home from UK Uni's each holiday it's about $4,500 each holiday in air fares

Ouch!! 

[Antipodista]

On 11/04/2022 at 09:58, Loopylu said:

I totally agree - I am in the UK for 3 months and can’t see mass panic on the streets. Yes - there has been a steep increase in fuel costs recently and filling up my Mum’s oil tank for heating was pretty pricey compared to last time but this can be blamed largely on the Ukraine situation. Prices are already starting to come down as the global oil markets adjust.
A similar fuel increase has already occurred at the petrol pump in Australia and I read recently that electricity  prices are due to rise steeply in Australia too. 
The problem is that the UK media and opposition parties appear to be more vocal about issues here whereas the Murdoch media in Australia cover up the difficulties faced by the average person in terms of accessing decent public healthcare and education and the cost of living.  The Australian media also seems to delight in showing the negatives about the UK (huge chip on shoulder in my view) but similar issues arising in Australia get little media coverage in the UK. The main coverage about Australian politics here has been the woeful climate change response and the flood issues. 
People here you meet in shops etc generally are friendlier, more helpful and more cheerful than my experience of people in SEQ but that could be the effect of Spring! 

This!!! , you literally have to Google for proper news about Aus. All the mainstream media is either “it’s all fine and wonderful” or “what about Scotty from marketing though?”

[Masusie]

On 11/04/2022 at 10:32, Lucia said:

I've joined a couple of facebook groups and have seen that there are a few others moving back with an 8 and 10 year old so I'd be interested to hear their stories. My kids only know Australia really.

 

I'm sorry to read how unsettled you are, I feel the same. It's draining and an emotional roller coaster.

 

Could you let me know the names of the FaceBook groups that you've joined? I'd be very interested to hear their stories. 

 

I hope that you find a resolution to your situation in the near future. 

[Blue Flu]

1 hour ago, Antipodista said:

This!!! , you literally have to Google for proper news about Aus. All the mainstream media is either “it’s all fine and wonderful” or “what about Scotty from marketing though?”

Reinforcement of existing cliches and/or dealing in platitudes in order to curry favour with main stake holders, like real estate, seems to often to be the role of a compliant and unchallenging press in Aus. 

[Ausvisitor]

16 hours ago, newjez said:

Can you live in Australia with your kids at a UK uni? Do they have to pay international fees? I had thought of nipping of to Australia whilst mine were at university, but wasn't sure if it would affect their status.

Absolutely, home fees status is granted on the residence of the student in the three years before starting university.

As we were in the UK for the GCSE years and the 2 A Level years then it is home UK fees for the duration, similarly if you had only been in the UK for A level unless you then took a gap year it would be overseas fees throughout.

[newjez]

9 hours ago, Ausvisitor said:

Absolutely, home fees status is granted on the residence of the student in the three years before starting university.

As we were in the UK for the GCSE years and the 2 A Level years then it is home UK fees for the duration, similarly if you had only been in the UK for A level unless you then took a gap year it would be overseas fees throughout.

Thanks, that is interesting.

[Antipodista]

13 hours ago, Blue Flu said:

Reinforcement of existing cliches and/or dealing in platitudes in order to curry favour with main stake holders, like real estate, seems to often to be the role of a compliant and unchallenging press in Aus. 

Very frustrating when it is used as a stick to beat you with in terms of “but look how rosy everything is there though?! It’s paradise!” Gah!!

I’m going off thread but want to offer support to the OP, I’ve been through it wondering how on earth I’d ever unravel the mess and wishing I’d never set foot on non-UK soil! I hope you find a way through xx

[Blue Flu]

2 hours ago, Antipodista said:

Very frustrating when it is used as a stick to beat you with in terms of “but look how rosy everything is there though?! It’s paradise!” Gah!!

I’m going off thread but want to offer support to the OP, I’ve been through it wondering how on earth I’d ever unravel the mess and wishing I’d never set foot on non-UK soil! I hope you find a way through xx

Or worse indifference. Attempting to stir up interest in the local media into the diabolical situation in my street and local has met with no response. Mainstream media are compliant in the status quo in many things  and suspect investigative journalists have been reined in.  

Yes caution is certainly called for in the questioning of reasons for leaving UK . Some may benefit and do, while for others it can be the start of the stuff of bad dreams. Sadly, sometimes, it is difficult to know which way the cards will fall.

[Bulya]

2 hours ago, Blue Flu said:

Or worse indifference. Attempting to stir up interest in the local media into the diabolical situation in my street and local has met with no response. Mainstream media are compliant in the status quo in many things  and suspect investigative journalists have been reined in.  

Yes caution is certainly called for in the questioning of reasons for leaving UK . Some may benefit and do, while for others it can be the start of the stuff of bad dreams. Sadly, sometimes, it is difficult to know which way the cards will fall.

Don’t move to Perth.  Problem solved.  

[Blue Flu]

21 hours ago, Bulya said:

Don’t move to Perth.  Problem solved.  

Except besides more Perth specific issues like isolation , the rest is Australia wide. Hence the problem would only be solved using your terms of measurement by not moving to Australia. 

[BeachBabe2022]

On 22/04/2022 at 19:17, Marisawright said:

Yes, you've been personally given that feedback, but talk to most Aussies and they'll say that life has gone downhill in the last 20 or 30 years too.

 

Most places in the world have gone down I am sure, including Australia

But we are not talking about Australia are we? That is not the subject on hand.

 

 

[BeachBabe2022]

On 22/04/2022 at 19:17, Marisawright said:

 so I'm not sure you have a realistic view of life in Australia for the average family either.

 

Whatever dearie

However, you completely wrong about what my views are. In the scheme of things,  you know really nothing about me, my lifestyle, my home life, my work or my earnings - so you are making huge wildly inaccurate assumptions based on your own viewpoint

 

 

[Marisawright]

1 hour ago, BeachBabe2022 said:

you know really nothing about me, my lifestyle, my home life, my work or my earnings 

I may be confusing you with someone else, and if so, I apologise.  I thought I recalled, from your earlier posts, that you are either a singleton or in a couple with no kids, renting on the Northern Beaches