I am immigrating to Australia and it makes me sad

[Marisawright]

11 hours ago, Bulya said:

Laverton.  The suburb was irrelevant it was just the feel of the place.  There were hundreds of us from all around Australia and nobody wanted to stay there.  

The suburb is very, very relevant.   Sydney and Melbourne are both places with a fantastic vibe in the inner ring of suburbs, but much of the outer ring is dead (there are some lovely exceptions, mind you). 

If all you do is live in an outer suburb and travel into the city centre, you miss all the good bits.

[Bulya]

Just now, Marisawright said:

The suburb is very, very relevant.   Sydney and Melbourne are both places with a fantastic vibe in the inner ring of suburbs, but much of the outer ring is dead (there are some lovely exceptions, mind you). 

If all you do is live in an outer suburb and travel into the city centre, you miss all the good bits.

Most spent every waking moment away from Laverton.  Left for a year in Adelaide and then back for a second term.  Horrible place.

[calNgary]

Just to keep this thread on track, the OP is concerned about the distance to Europe where their family would be so before we go off on a Melbourne tangent ,i dont think it would alter if the OP had been to Melbourne or Cairns its still a long way from Europe.

 Cal x

[Dan Not Dale]

19 hours ago, Bulya said:

So you don’t really know much about ‘Australia’, just Melbourne, a very big difference.  

That came across like a dig mate. People can only try and help based on their own experiences. 
More than happy, in fact, would actively like to hear opinions on how much life could differ out of Melbourne, but the majority of my post was applicable to being anywhere in the country and general challenges with the distance from Europe.

As said, I’ll happily have a Melbourne bash and hear ideas on elsewhere, but also, i’m sure many feel acutely English (British) when being here and know it’s not for them instantly regardless of location.

[Bulya]

46 minutes ago, Dan Not Dale said:

That came across like a dig mate. People can only try and help based on their own experiences. 
More than happy, in fact, would actively like to hear opinions on how much life could differ out of Melbourne, but the majority of my post was applicable to being anywhere in the country and general challenges with the distance from Europe.

As said, I’ll happily have a Melbourne bash and hear ideas on elsewhere, but also, i’m sure many feel acutely English (British) when being here and know it’s not for them instantly regardless of location.

If I moved to Bradford and disliked it and said all of the U.K. was the pits, what would you say?

[Parley]

59 minutes ago, Dan Not Dale said:

As said, I’ll happily have a Melbourne bash and hear ideas on elsewhere, but also, i’m sure many feel acutely English (British) when being here and know it’s not for them instantly regardless of location.

If anyone feels acutely English they should stay in England shouldn't they?

Millions of English people have moved to Australia so presumably don't think like that or they wouldn't have come.

If any foreign country is similar enough to acclimatise to from England I think it would be Australia actually.

[Toots]

Just now, Parley said:

If anyone feels acutely English they should stay in England shouldn't they?

Millions of English people have moved to Australia so presumably don't think like that or they wouldn't have come.

If any foreign country is similar enough to acclimatise to from England I think it would be Australia actually.

I'm inclined to agree with you.  I've known many people over the years from the UK.  Many are still here and well settled but a few did go back.  Not until I joined this forum and read posts about yearning to return to the UK and not wanting to die here and the UK will always be home etc -  did I realise that a lot of people feel stuck in Australia.  I also came to realise that many people who feel the same way are in NZ, Canada and the USA.  Migration is hard and for some folk it just doesn't work.  With a bit of luck they are able to return to their home country and live happily ever after.

I had the chance to live permanently in the USA and I did have a great time there but I knew it wasn't for the long term.  Also tried Europe but was always happy to get back to Scotland.  Australia is a lot further away from the UK than those countries but I felt far more at home here.  Been 40 years now so I should hope I'm settled and at home.  

[Bulya]

12 minutes ago, Toots said:

I'm inclined to agree with you.  I've known many people over the years from the UK.  Many are still here and well settled but a few did go back.  Not until I joined this forum and read posts about yearning to return to the UK and not wanting to die here and the UK will always be home etc -  did I realise that a lot of people feel stuck in Australia.  I also came to realise that many people who feel the same way are in NZ, Canada and the USA.  Migration is hard and for some folk it just doesn't work.  With a bit of luck they are able to return to their home country and live happily ever after.

I had the chance to live permanently in the USA and I did have a great time there but I knew it wasn't for the long term.  Also tried Europe but was always happy to get back to Scotland.  Australia is a lot further away from the UK than those countries but I felt far more at home here.  Been 40 years now so I should hope I'm settled and at home.  

Just like myself.  It took some time and several locations but I got there.  Once I stopped trying to ‘live like a pom’ it all fell into place.  

[Dan Not Dale]

1 hour ago, Parley said:

If anyone feels acutely English they should stay in England shouldn't they?

Millions of English people have moved to Australia so presumably don't think like that or they wouldn't have come.

If any foreign country is similar enough to acclimatise to from England I think it would be Australia actually.

Yes, it may take that person being away from England to realise how English/set in their ways they are. 

Did I say I felt it before coming? No.

As I said in my first post, I was 100% in on Australia and positive about it. Didn’t realise until I was here it was an issue. It’s taken being here to see it.

The original poster is already doubting things before coming.

[Dan Not Dale]

1 hour ago, Toots said:

I'm inclined to agree with you.  I've known many people over the years from the UK.  Many are still here and well settled but a few did go back.  Not until I joined this forum and read posts about yearning to return to the UK and not wanting to die here and the UK will always be home etc -  did I realise that a lot of people feel stuck in Australia.  I also came to realise that many people who feel the same way are in NZ, Canada and the USA.  Migration is hard and for some folk it just doesn't work.  With a bit of luck they are able to return to their home country and live happily ever after.

I had the chance to live permanently in the USA and I did have a great time there but I knew it wasn't for the long term.  Also tried Europe but was always happy to get back to Scotland.  Australia is a lot further away from the UK than those countries but I felt far more at home here.  Been 40 years now so I should hope I'm settled and at home.  

It’s tough for many for sure, especially at the moment as people can’t do visits easily.

I know of someone in NZ who desperately wants to get home for a visit to Scotland.

I would hazard a guess many who have emigrated, predominantly for their other half are struggling without their annual fix of home right now. I know I am.

[Parley]

14 minutes ago, Dan Not Dale said:

It’s tough for many for sure, especially at the moment as people can’t do visits easily.

I know of someone in NZ who desperately wants to get home for a visit to Scotland.

I would hazard a guess many who have emigrated, predominantly for their other half are struggling without their annual fix of home right now. I know I am.

You (and others) need to stop calling it home and thinking it is home.

It isn't and you just perpetuate the unhappy feeling you have.

[Quoll]

3 minutes ago, Parley said:

You (and others) need to stop calling it home and thinking it is home.

It isn't and you just perpetuate the unhappy feeling you have.

Your heart tells you where home is. Your head tells you where you live.  Sometimes there's a disconnect and no matter how much you may say that Australia is "home" it doesnt necessarily follow that it means any more than this is where you live and where your house is.  Home for many of us  is where we belong.  If you happen to "belong" in Melbourne or Tasmania or even ACT then that's fine and dandy.  Sometimes no amount of trying, positive self talk and reframing can make you "belong" where you don't.

[Quoll]

1 hour ago, Toots said:

I'm inclined to agree with you.  I've known many people over the years from the UK.  Many are still here and well settled but a few did go back.  Not until I joined this forum and read posts about yearning to return to the UK and not wanting to die here and the UK will always be home etc -  did I realise that a lot of people feel stuck in Australia.  I also came to realise that many people who feel the same way are in NZ, Canada and the USA.  Migration is hard and for some folk it just doesn't work.  With a bit of luck they are able to return to their home country and live happily ever after.

I had the chance to live permanently in the USA and I did have a great time there but I knew it wasn't for the long term.  Also tried Europe but was always happy to get back to Scotland.  Australia is a lot further away from the UK than those countries but I felt far more at home here.  Been 40 years now so I should hope I'm settled and at home.  

I think a lot of people, especially first generation migrants just dont talk about it.  Unless they are on boards like this, they probably have no idea that what they are feeling may be quite normal - I certainly thought I was Robinson Crusoe before I found this place.  Then I started talking about it to other long term expats like myself in my real life and with one exception, they all said they would go back tomorrow if they could but all had kids, finances, houses etc which just made it impossible.  Even our elderly ex next door neighbour (now dead) said he would happily go home to Byker if only he didnt have kids and grandkids here.  The only one who said "no way would I ever go back" came from Manchester and still has a Mancunian accent (I could probably relate if I came from Manchester LOL) and she said she left in a snow storm so that rather coloured her departure.

To all intents and purposes I think most of us would appear "settled" and until recently we certainly didnt dare whinge about it (those bloody whingeing Poms again!) but I suppose the anonymity of the internet has sort of given us permission to have a whinge.  I certainly dont bang on about it in real life and most of my acquaintance here wouldnt know that I loathe the place with a passion.  

[Blue Flu]

32 minutes ago, Parley said:

You (and others) need to stop calling it home and thinking it is home.

It isn't and you just perpetuate the unhappy feeling you have.

'Home' was a term used with some degree of frequency among Australians in times passed in reference to England. Many had not even been there. Calling England home does not necessary perpetuate unhappy feelings. It can in the contrary 'help' those 'struggling' to find a sense of belonging in their adopted country without ditching the past in its entirety.  

I have known some other nationalities to call themselves Australian, but still term their birth country as home. No one size shoe fits in this case. 

Edited August 10, 2021 by Blue Flu

[ramot]

Is it possible that if someone is unhappy here, they unconsciously seek out other people who feel the same? I have been here for 18 years and knew it was Where I wanted to live,  and I have come across very few people who wish they weren’t here, and I’m not just talking about new  immigrants as I know quite a few 10pound poms.

Is it more of a problem for posters who have moved here for their Australian partner? Is there an underlying resentment that they left their home country to live where their partner wanted to live? That they left family behind, but that their partner has family here?

Like other posters I have read many posts from unhappy posters, and it is so sad that they are genuinely unhappy here, but it isn’t necessarily Australia’s fault that this country doesn’t suit them. There is no guarantee of happiness anywhere you might live, and having lived in several countries I know that is true. 

Edited August 10, 2021 by ramot

[Bulya]

2 hours ago, Dan Not Dale said:

Yes, it may take that person being away from England to realise how English/set in their ways they are. 

Did I say I felt it before coming? No.

As I said in my first post, I was 100% in on Australia and positive about it. Didn’t realise until I was here it was an issue. It’s taken being here to see it.

The original poster is already doubting things before coming.

They shouldn’t be moving here.  I would have thought that was obvious..

[Jon the Hat]

2 hours ago, ramot said:

Is it possible that if someone is unhappy here, they unconsciously seek out other people who feel the same? I have been here for 18 years and knew it was Where I wanted to live,  and I have come across very few people who wish they weren’t here, and I’m not just talking about new  immigrants as I know quite a few 10pound poms.

Is it more of a problem for posters who have moved here for their Australian partner? Is there an underlying resentment that they left their home country to live where their partner wanted to live? That they left family behind, but that their partner has family here?

Like other posters I have read many posts from unhappy posters, and it is so sad that they are genuinely unhappy here, but it isn’t necessarily Australia’s fault that this country doesn’t suit them. There is no guarantee of happiness anywhere you might live, and having lived in several countries I know that is true. 

We are rather in this situation the other way round, my wife has been in the UK for 16 years.  We didn;t plan to stay this long, but then you have a job, a credit card, a wedding, mortgage, kids, career, schools.  It is bloody hard to tear that all down to make the move.  It has taken us 3 years from starting, although that is a lot due to Covid.

[Toots]

3 hours ago, Quoll said:

I think a lot of people, especially first generation migrants just dont talk about it.  Unless they are on boards like this, they probably have no idea that what they are feeling may be quite normal - I certainly thought I was Robinson Crusoe before I found this place.  Then I started talking about it to other long term expats like myself in my real life and with one exception, they all said they would go back tomorrow if they could but all had kids, finances, houses etc which just made it impossible.  Even our elderly ex next door neighbour (now dead) said he would happily go home to Byker if only he didnt have kids and grandkids here.  The only one who said "no way would I ever go back" came from Manchester and still has a Mancunian accent (I could probably relate if I came from Manchester LOL) and she said she left in a snow storm so that rather coloured her departure.

To all intents and purposes I think most of us would appear "settled" and until recently we certainly didnt dare whinge about it (those bloody whingeing Poms again!) but I suppose the anonymity of the internet has sort of given us permission to have a whinge.  I certainly dont bang on about it in real life and most of my acquaintance here wouldnt know that I loathe the place with a passion.  

I haven't found that at all.  The three good friends I've known for 30 years but fairly recently also moved to Tassie (all UK born) have no urge to go back to live.  Another friend also originally from the UK would love to have been able to spend half the year here and the other half in the UK    ..............  that would suit me too I think but finances don't allow that.    I honestly don''t know of anyone who feels 'trapped' here but there's no doubt there are a lot of them around Australia   .......................  including yourself.

The sooner the country gets back to some sort of normality the better.  That way the people who need to return won't have to put up with the mental torture of feeling stuck in a place where they don't want to be   ..........................................  even if it is just for a good long holiday.

[Quoll]

3 minutes ago, Toots said:

I haven't found that at all.  The three good friends I've known for 30 years but fairly recently also moved to Tassie (all UK born) have no urge to go back to live.  Another friend also originally from the UK would love to have been able to spend half the year here and the other half in the UK    ..............  that would suit me too I think but finances don't allow that.    I honestly don''t know of anyone who feels 'trapped' here but there's no doubt there are a lot of them around Australia   .......................  including yourself.

The sooner the country gets back to some sort of normality the better.  That way the people who need to return won't have to put up with the mental torture of feeling stuck in a place where they don't want to be   ..........................................  even if it is just for a good long holiday.

Nope, I was surprised at the number too - all of us over 40 years here. As I said, I thought I was Robinson Crusoe.   It wasn’t something we talked about until I learned it was ok to talk about it. I guess the clue with my friends might have been the regular trips back! 
 

I think you’re right about the Covid jail though, once we can get a sanity hit things should ease up a bit. 

[Blue Flu]

6 hours ago, Parley said:

If anyone feels acutely English they should stay in England shouldn't they?

Millions of English people have moved to Australia so presumably don't think like that or they wouldn't have come.

If any foreign country is similar enough to acclimatise to from England I think it would be Australia actually.

That's true to an extent to acclimatize to. but same I expect would apply to Canada and New Zealand. Saying that though, sometimes the more apparent similar countries, prove to be harder than anticipated due to that mentioned similarity. Similar in many ways, but niggly things can magnify the difference, say compared to countries where one should be aware of definite differences in language and how the system works.   

[Antipodista]

On 10/08/2021 at 05:09, Parley said:

You (and others) need to stop calling it home and thinking it is home.

It isn't and you just perpetuate the unhappy feeling you have.

You (and others) need to stop telling people how to feel and what they should and shouldn’t do, in my view.

I know people who adored Australia, would never leave, but still called their country of origin “home”. 
 

Let’s offer advice and not “you need to”. Comes across as unhelpful to posters and contributors who are clearly in a bit of turmoil.

[Canada2Australia]

On 09/08/2021 at 18:03, Parley said:

Melbourne is the best place to live in Australia.

Coastal regional Queensland.......paradise.

[Canada2Australia]

On 01/09/2021 at 16:36, Antipodista said:

 

I know people who adored Australia, would never leave, but still called their country of origin “home”. 

This is pretty much me (although I may leave down the track, completely unsure), and always will be. I love Australia, but I will never love it or any other country as much as Canada. Full stop. It's something I've discovered about myself after several years of living here. I guess I'm more patriotic towards my home country than I thought!

I will always be Canadian first and foremost.

Edited September 11, 2021 by Canada2Australia

[Paul1Perth]

On 09/08/2021 at 18:50, Bulya said:

Laverton.  The suburb was irrelevant it was just the feel of the place.  There were hundreds of us from all around Australia and nobody wanted to stay there.  

Lavertons not the best, that's for sure.

[Dusty Plains]

On 01/09/2021 at 16:36, Antipodista said:

You (and others) need to stop telling people how to feel and what they should and shouldn’t do, in my view.

I know people who adored Australia, would never leave, but still called their country of origin “home”. 
 

Let’s offer advice and not “you need to”. Comes across as unhelpful to posters and contributors who are clearly in a bit of turmoil.

Actually I am with Parley's advice on this one. Its fair and reasonable advice.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Dusty Plains