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Fergie

Thinking of moving back to Uk

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@Fergie- so true! From the ‘Let’s not think about starting a business just in case we go back.....’ to the ‘I’m not going to bother with meaningful friendships.....’ and the ‘it’s not my forever home so I’m not going to spend too much on decorating it ...’ 14 years on!! Not just a UK thing either - a Kiwi friend has done exactly the same as she’s pined for NZ.

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1 hour ago, proud preston said:

@Fergie- so true! From the ‘Let’s not think about starting a business just in case we go back.....’ to the ‘I’m not going to bother with meaningful friendships.....’ and the ‘it’s not my forever home so I’m not going to spend too much on decorating it ...’ 14 years on!! Not just a UK thing either - a Kiwi friend has done exactly the same as she’s pined for NZ.

That is so sad.

It might have been so different if you had done all of those things you mentioned.

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I want it all, and I want it now.

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@Parley possibly - and it is such a waste to not ‘seize the day’. It’s not lost on me that only I can make the situation better rather than mope. 

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On 10/02/2021 at 14:27, Fergie said:

Hi Maryrose02

ive thought of all those scenarios,  but I’m thinking unless I give it a go I’ll never know.  Have you no preference to Uk or Australia?  Being back in Uk what are the things you loved or hated that you’d forgotten about while living in Oz? 
I actually live about an hours drive from my oldest 2, (they live closer to Brisbane) I live on mount tamborine ( you will know the mountain if you live in surfers) as it’s cooler, I hate the humidity and intense heat down there, lol.  So it’s not just a pop down the road, it’s always a pre arranged visit either way. Doesn’t stop us seeing each other a couple of times a month. It’s beautiful up here, but with the Uk it’s a longing I just can’t get away from,  it’s scary because it’s been going on so long, about 13 years actually, I’m concerned in my head the Uk is the answer to everything and Australia the reason for everything, if that makes sense. When you’ve  struggled  with something for so long, in the end you go round in circles, should we, shouldn’t we, what if’s, will we love it/ hate it. The kids, the NHS when we get old, what happens when we are to old to travel, what if we don’t go back and I regret it as I get older and leave it to late. It’s all swirling round in my head everyday for over a decade. Hence the anxiety etc

 

    .  

I guess my perspective has changed since my parents died. When they were alive I went back to England every two or three years and they came out to Australia regularly. I often thought about staying in England when I went back for my holidays but I never had the opportunity, or I suppose you could say that I never dared quit my job?!

Then I was made redundant and I did have the opportunity although I did not go back intending to stay as I had a one year round-the-world return ticket. Once I got back there the idea of staying gradually took hold. I got a job with Royal Mail, then they gave me some compulsory winter leave and I used my return ticket to go back to Sydney and rent my flat out. I got a single ticket back to the UK.

One of my childhood friends has been posting pictures of his walks in and around the village where grew up and I'd love to be doing those walks with him. I used to be out on my bike or walking almost every day when I was back in England and I've not been on a bike since I returned to OZ.

If you get the opportunity to go back to the UK and stay, then take it, although I would not recommend it during Covid! My friend's walks around the village are his only means of "escaping" the lock down. I dread the thought of another lock down living on my own. And if I did go back to the UK now I would be on my own. My parents were always there to welcome me, waiting at the airport, with a home from home.

I've been to Mount Tambourine but not during my present stint on the Gold Coast. A girl in lift told me she lived on "The Mountain!?"  What is it like living there? Do you need a car to get to the shops, restaurants, etc? What I love about Surfers is having almost everything I need within a few hundred metres of my home. 

I've been back in OZ for 12 years and not been back to England since. I still watch every Tottenham game and read the Daily Mail multiple times a day but I don't miss England any more, plus I have my two brothers here and no close family in England.

As I said, if you get the chance to go to the UK then do it! If you like it then stay. If you don't come back to OZ. What was that "blurb" about the NT?

"If you never never go, you'll never never know?"

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18 hours ago, bug family said:

written perfectly tea4too

Hiraeth .......Longing for my home land 😢

 

I've experienced that longing in both England and Australia depending on where I living.  My friend posting photographs of his walks around our childhood village but then when I'm in that village seeing the odd gum tree, though God knows how they came to be there.

Bluebells make me think of Jacaranda and vice versa.

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On 10/02/2021 at 15:29, Marisawright said:

The problem is that you are equally happy (or unhappy) in both countries, so your experirence isn't terribly relevant.  You've never experienced that deep, aching longing to be back "home" and frankly, in many of your posts, you seem to imply people who do feel that way are imagining things.  They're not. 

"Equally unhappy" in both countries? That is a good point especially if one's homesickness is not "cured" by going home. I don't discount the severity of homesickness and I've often experienced it myself but I also found that it's having my family around which is more important.

I would encourage anybody who is suffering from homesickness to go back and give it a shot living there permanently, but also be aware that going back for a holiday, especially in summer, is not the same as living there for good. 

Some people go back and love it whilst others realize that Australia is actually home, although they needed to go back to the UK to find that out,

I was happy living in the UK when my parents were alive. In fact I was happy after they died but ultimately I decided I preferred to be in Australia because my brothers are here. Had they both been in England then I probably would have stayed there too.

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It is great to read that I am not alone in feeling stranded and unhappy in Australia. It is interesting however that most posts are from the ladies. I am a married male and came to Australia in my late 40s, which I think was too late in in life. My stepson by this time was 17 and he and his mum seem to take to Australia whereas even after 14 years I can't. Just interested as to how many men feel they made a mistake coming to Australia and wish they were back in the UK?

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Hi Pendragon

you're right, it does seem to be mostly females that struggle. Could that be because we are more emotional and blokes more practical. I have met a few blokes that have struggled here and keen to go back. 

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1 hour ago, Pendragon said:

It is great to read that I am not alone in feeling stranded and unhappy in Australia. It is interesting however that most posts are from the ladies. I am a married male and came to Australia in my late 40s, which I think was too late in in life. My stepson by this time was 17 and he and his mum seem to take to Australia whereas even after 14 years I can't. Just interested as to how many men feel they made a mistake coming to Australia and wish they were back in the UK?

🙋‍♂️ male right here, and miss home every day,

For what it is worth I think that some of the male species tend to hide their feelings and show less emotion towards admitting that they may have made a mistake, rather than opening up and admitting that they may be struggling with homesickness or just do not enjoy life here as much as 'back home', this is possibly why there seems to be more females.

As for me  I like to buck the trend, always was a bit out there lol 😁

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18 hours ago, Fergie said:

you're right, it does seem to be mostly females that struggle. Could that be because we are more emotional and blokes more practical. 

I think @bug family's theory is more accurate. 

I have read articles about a common misunderstanding in a relationship:  women will talk about a problem with their husband, and he will immediately assume she expects him to solve it - because to a male, that's the only sensible reason to even mention it.  So he'll get impatient when she keeps raising the same thorny problem that she knows full well he can't solve.  Whereas for a woman, just talking about the problem makes her feel better, and that's why she does it  - she's not asking for a solution.

From that, it follows that if women don't have someone sympathetic to "talk it out" with in real life, they'll go looking for an outlet online.  Whereas a man, stuck in the same situation, won't even see the point in talking to people who obviously can't offer a solution.

 

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Posted (edited)

I went back to England about 6 years ago with my daughter. She was only 11 when we emigrated and had a view of England based on holidays, she felt like she needed to check it out and see where she belonged.

We arrived in June, she was back in Australia by November! I had to wait until January when my lease ran out but got straight on the plane the day it expired. All the reasons for leaving in the first place were still intact and we both have absolutely no intention of returning to England ever again!

That said, at least the truth about her feelings have been fully examined! At 26 and now a mother I am sure she will be an Aussie forever, just like her brothers (both in their 30's) who have no interest in going back either

By contrast, we have no family in Australia and loads in England, modern technology just makes keeping in touch so easy that it has become less relevant where you are for real relationships

Edited by Graham Fletcher
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43 minutes ago, Graham Fletcher said:

I went back to England about 6 years ago with my daughter. She was only 11 when we emigrated and had a view of England based on holidays, she felt like she needed to check it out and see where she belonged.

We arrived in June, she was back in Australia by November! I had to wait until January when my lease ran out but got straight on the plane the day it expired. All the reasons for leaving in the first place were still intact and we both have absolutely no intention of returning to England ever again!

That said, at least the truth about her feelings have been fully examined! At 26 and now a mother I am sure she will be an Aussie forever, just like her brothers (both in their 30's) who have no interest in going back either

By contrast, we have no family in Australia and loads in England, modern technology just makes keeping in touch so easy that it has become less relevant where you are for real relationships

Just goes to show we all see and feel differently, for me Graham I miss the place more than the people so technology does not really play a massive part for me, I possibly have a different view as I grew up in a beautiful part of the country in North Wales, I still say that the UK in summer is as beautiful as anywhere in the world, I am happy that you and the family know where your happy place is.....I know where mine is....... just got to work out how to get back there 

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Hi Graham

Where did you move back to and what was so awful there that made you want to come back? 

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1 hour ago, Graham Fletcher said:

I went back to England about 6 years ago with my daughter. She was only 11 when we emigrated and had a view of England based on holidays, she felt like she needed to check it out and see where she belonged.

We arrived in June, she was back in Australia by November! I had to wait until January when my lease ran out but got straight on the plane the day it expired. All the reasons for leaving in the first place were still intact and we both have absolutely no intention of returning to England ever again!

That said, at least the truth about her feelings have been fully examined! At 26 and now a mother I am sure she will be an Aussie forever, just like her brothers (both in their 30's) who have no interest in going back either

By contrast, we have no family in Australia and loads in England, modern technology just makes keeping in touch so easy that it has become less relevant where you are for real relationships

LOL my second son did that - went to UK at 18 or 19, going to stay forever.  Arrived in June, home just after the New Year and then he said he was never going back, Australia was the best place on earth blah blah.  Now he says he would kill to go back there ever since he had a holiday in 2016 and we travelled about a lot.  Unfortunately for him he's got two kids whose mother wouldnt let them leave the country although both have said they would like to live in UK because of the weather.  You never can tell can you.

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1 hour ago, Quoll said:

LOL my second son did that - went to UK at 18 or 19, going to stay forever.  Arrived in June, home just after the New Year and then he said he was never going back, Australia was the best place on earth blah blah.  Now he says he would kill to go back there ever since he had a holiday in 2016 and we travelled about a lot.  Unfortunately for him he's got two kids whose mother wouldnt let them leave the country although both have said they would like to live in UK because of the weather.  You never can tell can you.

A holiday is not the same as living somewhere.

So many fall for this and then come back quickly at great expense.

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I want it all, and I want it now.

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I've lived in Australia for over a decade in the past, moved back and forward a couple of times, been back in the U.K for six years now, I wouldn't contemplate ever living in Australia again if I wasn't married to an Australian. not that there is anything wrong with Australia. I'm just very happy where I am. 

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1 hour ago, Parley said:

A holiday is not the same as living somewhere.

So many fall for this and then come back quickly at great expense.

True but he’s also seen what his brother has in uk and realises he has so much more there. Added to that he really hates the heat and it’s getting worse as he gets older.  No1 son, of course, went to uk for a holiday in 2002 and won’t be back. He had no intention of staying in UK, he just landed on his feet and now can’t even be bothered to come back for a holiday although as we get older he probably will pop over every now and again and bring the grandson. 

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Fergie said:

Hi Graham

Where did you move back to and what was so awful there that made you want to come back? 

I related to what he said about "all the reasons for leaving the UK were still intact".    I felt the same way when I went back, and I think that happens to a lot of "Ping Pong Poms".   It's important to sit down and honestly answer the question, "If Britain was so wonderful, why was I so keen to leave?"   

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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I agree marisawright 

but sometimes you don’t realise what you had till it’s gone. My uncle moved to florida, it was his dream to live in the states for years, he would always be bagging the Uk, this is rubbish, that’s rubbish, I can’t wait to go. Off he went, set up a business, lots of red tape etc, but he did it.  He was very concerned about his health at one point and it was cheaper to fly back to the Uk, see an NHS Dr (bless’em ) than get medical insurance or pay for a Dr there!! Fast forward 7 years, he was back home, singing the praises of the Uk, now it’s the best country in the world and he’d never leave. The grass looks greener till you get there, then you realise sometimes it’s not. 
I also think coming from the Uk, you don’t always understand what the heat is like day in day out for months, till you live it, the cockroaches, spiders, doing your garden and being super cautious Incase there’s a snake in the bushes, ticks that can seriously damage your health and kill your dog and so it goes on ( think I’m on a roll, sorry) it’s very different here and a different feel with many day to day things. 

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14 minutes ago, Fergie said:


I also think coming from the Uk, you don’t always understand what the heat is like day in day out for months, till you live it, the cockroaches, spiders, doing your garden and being super cautious Incase there’s a snake in the bushes, ticks that can seriously damage your health and kill your dog and so it goes on ( think I’m on a roll, sorry) it’s very different here and a different feel with many day to day things. 

So much depends where in Australia you come to, too.  I couldn't live in the Outback or even in rural Queensland - I don't like bugs!   I lived in Sydney, and I'm a city girl.   Yes, there were cockroaches and spiders but not that bad.  No snakes, I've never had a dog and I don't wander round the bush, so ticks weren't a problem. 

Now I'm in Melbourne and there are no more cockroaches, spiders or snakes here than there were in London.  The weather is cool and fresh every morning, even on the rare days when it gets stinking hot.  

It is very different in Australia but that's what I like about it.  I always felt like a square peg in a round hole growing up in Scotland and I feel I fit in much better with people here.

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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20 hours ago, Fergie said:

Hi Graham

Where did you move back to and what was so awful there that made you want to come back? 

I lived in Buckinghamshire before I left the first time but was working in Birmingham when I returned. It wasn't the country, per se, it was the people and the vibe more. It just felt so depressing and everyone seemed so angry and down... as my daughter described it, it was all so grey.

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21 hours ago, Parley said:

A holiday is not the same as living somewhere.

So many fall for this and then come back quickly at great expense.

When you go on holiday somewhere it can seem like everybody is on holiday, even the people who are working there.  Then, if you go to Europe in the spring and summer everything is magical - "Oh to be in England now that April's there." Now, why didn't Robert Browning write it in February? It makes me sentimental and nostalgic listening and watching these videos, especially the second one. 

But for the sake of balance, and as I'm both English and Australian:

 

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