Moving home with older kids

[Wanderer Returns]

2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

I do hope you're not one of those people who thinks such an illness isn't real.   I was unaware of it until I joined Pomsinoz but I've seen so many examples of it now, I fully appreciate the suffering it causes.

Not at all.

When I emigrated in 2003, and after being here for only 4 months, I had a major panic attack whilst driving. It was completely out of the blue as I'd never with stress or had a seizure before in my life. I'd hyperventilated so much that I'd induced an acute case of hypocalcemia (low calcium levels), which required hospital treatment. I ended up in the ICU ward at Mona Vale because they thought I'd had a heart attack - my arms and legs went completely numb and I was unable to walk! Basically, I'd been supressing the realisation that Australia was now home, and I couldn't just return to see family and friends whenever I wanted. If you're really missing those things, no number of days at the beach or pretty sunsets can ever make up for that.

I'd always loved to travel and I'd travelled around Oz in 1999/2000, which was the catalyst for my move out here. I was always very outdoorsy so I thought I'd love the lifestyle here. But as you know there's a world of difference between living somewhere permanently, and staying there for a few months as a backpacker on a working holiday. After 6 months I went back to the UK for a friend's wedding, but ended up jacking in my job in Sydney and staying in England for the whole summer. At one point I considered not coming back, but being the pragmatist I am I did the apples for apples thing, and concluded life would be better in Australia in the long-term. It was a new pair of shoes and I'd have to try and get used to.

My mum was my only close family member in the UK, and she wasn't getting any younger. I was always concerned about her because she was on her own after my father died in 1999, so nearly every year either I came back to visit her, or she came out to Australia (and we met up in NZ on one occasion). That was enough to stem the homesickness for me, as I also had the opportunity to catch up with friends, and a number of them came out for a visit too. I love Australia but I'm British to the core, and I don't think I could ever feel quite at home anywhere else in the world as I do in the UK. That said, every time I went back I felt less affection towards the UK as I could see how it was changing - and on my return I felt a bit more affinity towards Australia, as life just seemed more pleasant and less complicated here. When I returned to Australia in January after 5 years in the UK, there were things that right away made me feel like I'd arrived home. My mum passed in 2017, so now I no longer have that connection with the UK either.

So for me life in Australia has always been a work-in-progress, and I'm still not quite settled yet, but there's certainly a lot to love about this country  

 

[Wanderer Returns]

11 minutes ago, Tulip1 said:

But he won’t have to be dragged kicking and screaming, it’s his choice to go or not. They cannot drag him, he’s an adult.  I’d agree with you if he was 15 but he’d 18. He could be married, have moved out already, be serving in the armed forces somewhere or off travelling the world. I think the poster has to move for their sanity as they’re so desperate but I think too much is being put on this young man.  He was taken to Australia aged 9 and has settled, has to bunch of friends and likes his life there. It’s his home and where he feels he belongs. He’s made it clear he wants to stay there. He’s said the right things like you being happy is more important than Australia but then says about him wanting to stay. The bottom line is he doesn’t want to move and he shouldn't have the burden of that being forced onto him. I think they should make their plans to move, give him support in sourcing a house share or whatever and move.  His poor mind must be all over the place and that’s not fair. We shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on our adult children. To me this is no different than had I tried to stop my kids from moving to Australia because I didn’t want them to. I did the opposite, I shared in their excitement and supported them. We raise them to be adults and they then make their own choices, we don’t own them.  I think the only future discussions the family should be making is about the three of them moving and sorting out the other one staying. He knows they desperately want him to go with them so he can chip in he’s decided to go too at any time but that pressure should end. 

Agree with you 100%. And even though technically he's an adult, he's going to need both moral and financial support to stay here. That first move out of the nest is always a big deal.

[Amber Snowball]

33 minutes ago, Wanderer Returns said:

Agree with you 100%. And even though technically he's an adult, he's going to need both moral and financial support to stay here. That first move out of the nest is always a big deal.

Agreed. My son had just turned 24 when I left and I supported him to finish uni and fly to the uk during breaks and generally be there on the end of Skype if needed. I budgeted a lump of money that was ring fenced for him until he got a job. He did well budgeting his student payments and really I only helped with the bond and first months rent and his flights, there were a few of those but that was the agreement I made with him, he never asked as he knows how tight money can get. It was always a vote and a discussion.

@Homesick1 sounds like discussions are taking place with you all, keep us up to date with your journey, whether you stay or go. Only you know what is right for you and your family. 

[Tulip1]

8 hours ago, Marisawright said:

...up to a point, unless you're suffering incurable homesickness, in which case it's impossible to ever be truly "happy" in Australia, because you'll suffer from depression for the rest of your life here.  I know Quoll, for instance, has come to terms with it, but she'd be the first to say that it's a struggle.

I do hope you're not one of those people who thinks such an illness isn't real.   I was unaware of it until I joined Pomsinoz but I've seen so many examples of it now, I fully appreciate the suffering it causes.

That’s exactly why it’s vital the lady in question should return. The adult son is a different matter.

[Parley]

Happiness is a choice. I believe people talk themselves into being unhappy and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Expecting everyone in the family to uproot their lives because they have done this will only lead to resentment.

[Marisawright]

52 minutes ago, Parley said:

Happiness is a choice. I believe people talk themselves into being unhappy and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Expecting everyone in the family to uproot their lives because they have done this will only lead to resentment.

Spoken by a man with not a shred of empathy 

[Parley]

8 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

Spoken by a man with not a shred of empathy 

I've seen too many instances like your own story where someone talks themself into believing they will be much happier back home, only to do it and find out the opposite is true.
They often are back in 18 months and have ruined their financial future in the process.

If it is just them i suppose it is their choice but the family also get put through the ringer and suffer the consequences.

[Quoll]

21 minutes ago, Parley said:

I've seen too many instances like your own story where someone talks themself into believing they will be much happier back home, only to do it and find out the opposite is true.
They often are back in 18 months and have ruined their financial future in the process.

If it is just them i suppose it is their choice but the family also get put through the ringer and suffer the consequences.

Equally we have seen so many instances where people have moved on to Britain and have wondered why the hell they didnt do it before.  There's nothing magical about Australia, it's just another first world country with all the same first world problems that the rest of them have.  It's very much luck of the draw - you either belong here or you dont but there is nothing to say that you HAVE to like it and belong. 

I might, once, have agreed with your other comment above about the choice of happiness - until it happened to me.  I'd moved all over and I'd like to think I am essentially pragmatic and self sufficient but nothing prepared me for the hammer blow that exogenous depression landed on me.  I woke up every morning determined to be happy - and I certainly faked it for years to all of my acquaintance - but it never happened, it most certainly wasnt something I chose - it took an enormous toll on my physical and mental health and I didnt realise just how bad it had become until I didn't feel that way any more.  I know it is happening again and I am fighting it will all I have but, with the best will in the world, I would be hard pressed to say that I am much happier this time around.

[Skani]

33 minutes ago, Parley said:

I've seen too many instances like your own story where someone talks themself into believing they will be much happier back home, only to do it and find out the opposite is true.

There would be equally as many who say that returning to the UK was definitely the right move for them.  

[MARYROSE02]

24 minutes ago, Quoll said:

Equally we have seen so many instances where people have moved on to Britain and have wondered why the hell they didnt do it before.  There's nothing magical about Australia, it's just another first world country with all the same first world problems that the rest of them have.  It's very much luck of the draw - you either belong here or you dont but there is nothing to say that you HAVE to like it and belong. 

I might, once, have agreed with your other comment above about the choice of happiness - until it happened to me.  I'd moved all over and I'd like to think I am essentially pragmatic and self sufficient but nothing prepared me for the hammer blow that exogenous depression landed on me.  I woke up every morning determined to be happy - and I certainly faked it for years to all of my acquaintance - but it never happened, it most certainly wasnt something I chose - it took an enormous toll on my physical and mental health and I didnt realise just how bad it had become until I didn't feel that way any more.  I know it is happening again and I am fighting it will all I have but, with the best will in the world, I would be hard pressed to say that I am much happier this time around.

I have had my own struggles with anxiety, and possibly depression, and still take medication first prescribed in England. It is possible that some of those problems can be blamed on Australia - leaving a loving family in a rural village to live on my own in Gotham City - Sydney, working in stressful jobs with long hours, studying at uni as well as working.  But that might have happened had I moved to London, something I thought of doing.

The point I was trying to get to is that if you are suffering from something nasty like depression is it caused by, in this case living in Australia, and the cure is "simply" to move back "home" to the UK? Once I got myself into my anxious state - scared of crowds, commuting in crowded trains and buses, flying - those problems followed me back to England, and then back to Australia again, and I've sought help in both England and Australia.

So, if returning to the UK "cures" the problem then great, but if it is something "deeper" then perhaps seeking treatment "here" and continuing it "there" might be the way to go.

I looked up that word "exogenous" before Quoll and now I shall have to look it up again!

"Of a disease or symptom attributable to an agent or organism outside the body." 

So, in your case the exogenous agent or organism is Australia (or somewhere else in the world) and the cure is to live in England? And in my case, the exogenous agent is fear of crowds and it is the same fear whether travelling from Southampton to London to watch Spurs, or Surfers Paradise to Brisbane to watch cricket at the Gabba. The cure in my case is to surrender to my fears and not go! Sometimes I do "push" myself to go to the match but I never look forward to the event. A friend invited me to Perth and my first thought is "I don't want to fly to Perth", not looking forward to the experience.
 

 

 

[Marisawright]

2 hours ago, Parley said:

I've seen too many instances like your own story where someone talks themself into believing they will be much happier back home, only to do it and find out the opposite is true.

"Like my own"?   I remind you that I was never unhappy in Australia.   I moved for entirely logical reasons - since menopause I can't handle the heat, and we couldn't afford a home in Sydney.  Otherwise, I loved Sydney and had 30 great years there.    But if we hoped to afford the kind of retirement we wanted, we had to move.

Based entirely on logic, we ended up with three options:  Melbourne, Hobart or England.   If I had a preference at all, it would've been Melbourne.   However, my oh's desire for regular European holidays was the decider.  I never even thought about whether I'd be happier or less happy in the UK - I was already happy and assumed I could be equally happy anywhere. I was wrong.   

Edited December 16, 2020 by Marisawright

[Marisawright]

1 hour ago, MARYROSE02 said:

The point I was trying to get to is that if you are suffering from something nasty like depression is it caused by, in this case living in Australia, and the cure is "simply" to move back "home" to the UK? Once I got myself into my anxious state - scared of crowds, commuting in crowded trains and buses, flying - those problems followed me back to England, and then back to Australia again, and I've sought help in both England and Australia.

Some people will have a depression that goes "deeper", as you say.  But everyone is different.  You only have to read the posts by @Quoll - a healthy, capable, organized woman - to see that. She gets depressed when she is living in Australia. When she is living in the UK, she feels fine. And she has tried living in both places often enough to know that it's the country that is the problem. not some generalised depression.  She's had professional help, too. 

It's a recognised mental health issue.   @bug family also suffers from it, and I've seen several other members here who have the same problem.

Also, note that anxiety and depression are NOT the same thing.  Those who suffer extreme homesickness have depression, not anxiety.  It is possible to have both.

Edited December 16, 2020 by Marisawright

[MARYROSE02]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

Some people will have a depression that goes "deeper", as you say.  But everyone is different.  You only have to read the posts by @Quoll - a healthy, capable, organized woman - to see that. She gets depressed when she is living in Australia. When she is living in the UK, she feels fine. And she has tried living in both places often enough to know that it's the country that is the problem. not some generalised depression.  She's had professional help, too. 

It's a recognised mental health issue.   @bug family also suffers from it, and I've seen several other members here who have the same problem.

Also, note that anxiety and depression are NOT the same thing.  Those who suffer extreme homesickness have depression, not anxiety.  It is possible to have both.

Yes, I know that anxiety and depression are not the same thing although they often go together. That is interesting about "the country" being the cause of the illness. I shall have to research that.  I always used to think that it was the people - family especially - that caused much of the pain of homesickness, so if your family were to join you out here, much of the homesickness would dissipate. I missed my parents and eventually I went back to England and stayed there but had they moved to Australia I doubt I would have moved to England to live there on my own.

[Marisawright]

3 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

That is interesting about "the country" being the cause of the illness. I shall have to research that.  I always used to think that it was the people - family especially - that caused much of the pain of homesickness

Again, just ask Quoll, and some of the other sufferers who have been on these forums.   I found it hard to believe myself, never having experienced it.  It's something to do with a sense of belonging.  

[Quoll]

6 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Yes, I know that anxiety and depression are not the same thing although they often go together. That is interesting about "the country" being the cause of the illness. I shall have to research that.  I always used to think that it was the people - family especially - that caused much of the pain of homesickness, so if your family were to join you out here, much of the homesickness would dissipate. I missed my parents and eventually I went back to England and stayed there but had they moved to Australia I doubt I would have moved to England to live there on my own.

I had hoped that might be the case. Both my parents are now dead and I have a son and grandson in U.K. - so much the same family situation as I had in UK with son and granddaughters here in Australia.  I really thought - and hoped - that without the pull of my parents and associated guilt that I wasn't  there for them, that Australia would become "home" but it hasn't. It's really ephemeral, I have no idea why I can't belong - I cannot rationalise it at all.  I had a chat with a bloke in my last trip back over Christmas last year - he was a kiwi who had been here over 20 years - we both independently came to the conclusion that the colours are all wrong for us. The Sky is wrong, the clouds are wrong, the vegetation is wrong, its all just wrong and, unfortunately, rational thinking doesn't make it right. I did really think that without the pull of aged parents it might be different.

[starlight7]

Ultimately the OP has to make up their own mind whether to go now or later and whether or not to take her 18 year old with her. Also a lot depends on the maturity of the 18 year old. In Australia young ones tend to remain in the nest a bit longer, unlike the UK where 18 was the age many of us left home, usually to go to uni, college or for employment. That doesn't seem to happen so much here. Sometimes, perhaps, the planning can make a person feel happier because at least they are doing something- so it could be that planning to go after the vaccination has been rolled out would be feasible and easier all round. Never realised how many doctors, psychologists, social workers and psychiatrists  and all-round experts were on this forum I have to say!

[Tulip1]

37 minutes ago, starlight7 said:

Ultimately the OP has to make up their own mind whether to go now or later and whether or not to take her 18 year old with her. Also a lot depends on the maturity of the 18 year old. In Australia young ones tend to remain in the nest a bit longer, unlike the UK where 18 was the age many of us left home, usually to go to uni, college or for employment. That doesn't seem to happen so much here. Sometimes, perhaps, the planning can make a person feel happier because at least they are doing something- so it could be that planning to go after the vaccination has been rolled out would be feasible and easier all round. Never realised how many doctors, psychologists, social workers and psychiatrists  and all-round experts were on this forum I have to say!

Sorry but it’s not up to the poster to make up her own mind whether or not to take her 18 year old.  It’s 100% up to the 18 year old.  Sure the poster should go but her adult son has to be allowed to chose what he wants without a black cloud of guilt hanging over him. He’s made it clear he wants to stay so the only conversations that should now be happening is.....I’d love you to come back with us but I have to respect and support your decision to stay as your happiness is important too. I feel I have to return but if you came reluctantly I’d feel terrible. You can always change your mind and follow us and I hope that happens but it’s your life, your decision.  They may remain in the nest longer there but that doesn’t mean they have to. This young man has an apprenticeship and I’d imagine if he’s on a low income he’d get a top up from the state if he had to support himself. He could always get a job a few evenings a week to boost his income until he’s qualified and earning more. The parents may want to support him a little too. He has a job, friends and he wants to stay.  Of course the mum wants him to return with them but that’s a long way from she can and should. 

Edited December 16, 2020 by Tulip1

[MARYROSE02]

1 hour ago, starlight7 said:

Ultimately the OP has to make up their own mind whether to go now or later and whether or not to take her 18 year old with her. Also a lot depends on the maturity of the 18 year old. In Australia young ones tend to remain in the nest a bit longer, unlike the UK where 18 was the age many of us left home, usually to go to uni, college or for employment. That doesn't seem to happen so much here. Sometimes, perhaps, the planning can make a person feel happier because at least they are doing something- so it could be that planning to go after the vaccination has been rolled out would be feasible and easier all round. Never realised how many doctors, psychologists, social workers and psychiatrists  and all-round experts were on this forum I have to say!

I don't know if that is factual about Aussies staying longer at home. I assume that at 18, or 19 if they take a gap year, both Aussies and Pommies go off to uni, which may mean moving to another part of the country, and if it does, may mean far greater distances in Australia than in the UK. That of course does not include the ones who leave at 16 to work. 

I stayed at residential colleges at the University of New South Wales 42 years ago during the summer vacation and I imagine the few students who were staying on over the summer were much the same as those in the UK or the USA, or anywhere else.

Without seeing figures I'd imagine that the students in both countries suffer the same problems with loneliness, homesickness, etc, but i could be wrong.

[MARYROSE02]

2 hours ago, Quoll said:

I had hoped that might be the case. Both my parents are now dead and I have a son and grandson in U.K. - so much the same family situation as I had in UK with son and granddaughters here in Australia.  I really thought - and hoped - that without the pull of my parents and associated guilt that I wasn't  there for them, that Australia would become "home" but it hasn't. It's really ephemeral, I have no idea why I can't belong - I cannot rationalise it at all.  I had a chat with a bloke in my last trip back over Christmas last year - he was a kiwi who had been here over 20 years - we both independently came to the conclusion that the colours are all wrong for us. The Sky is wrong, the clouds are wrong, the vegetation is wrong, its all just wrong and, unfortunately, rational thinking doesn't make it right. I did really think that without the pull of aged parents it might be different.

I remember you wondering if we were similar in our "trajectories"? Do we share the same birthday - 25th April?  I look back sometimes and feel guilt for splitting our family up when I made the decision to come to Australia. My grandmother came to Gatwick to say goodbye and I remember her clutching my Mum's arm, and I never saw her again. My brothers followed my in order of age, six months apart, leaving my parents alone in a big house.

I also look back now at my life in Sydney - living in a private hotel instead of at home with my family. Why? Why did I put up with working horrible hours in a stressful job instead of just saying @£$%£ you. I'm out of here and back to England?

I went back many times for holidays and my parents came out here many times but I have to say that they would never have seen Australia, never have made contact with long lost relatives in NZ, and my brother has been married for 34 years now with two adult Aussie "kids".

I was retrenched from my job in 1996 which devastated me at the time but was actually the best thing that could have happened to me. I went back to England, had a year with my Mum before she died, then stayed with my Dad until he passed away. I had a good life in England and had my two brothers been there I'd probably have been there now.

I stayed on in England for a while after my Dad died but then I thought, "I have no close family left here and two brothers in Australia and it's probably best if I come back to Sydney."

You still have a son in England which must be hard. I have cousins but I'm not physically close to them and a couple of friends left from  the village where I grew up.

Hypothetical question but, if you had no close family in England, and close family in Australia, but nothing binding you, would you go back to England to live on your own?

I lived on my own in the house in England after my Dad died. I was OK after a while, no different to being in Sydney, in fact, but going back now, even into the same house, I could do it but I no longer want to. I'd do the same things I have done here in my five months in Surfers - find those cafes and pubs to become a local in, try to get to know people. I've done it in both countries now.

I'm wondering if I should go over to Perth to stay with a friend. Part of me says yes, part says no! Do I want to pull up the roots which have just started to "take" in Surfers and "re-pot" them again?!

PS that was a "mega-waffle".

Edited December 16, 2020 by MARYROSE02

[MARYROSE02]

6 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Again, just ask Quoll, and some of the other sufferers who have been on these forums.   I found it hard to believe myself, never having experienced it.  It's something to do with a sense of belonging.  

True, but most of them also have direct family still living in England. I don't know of course, but if their entire family moved to Australia would they still want to move back to England? I missed my parents desperately when they were in England but when they were out here I had no desire to go back to England.

When I lost my job  in Sydney in 1996 I went back to England because my parents were still there. I doubt i would have done so if they had emigrated to Australia. I stayed in England for twelve years, loved it too but once my parents had passed I wanted to be close to my brothers.

[LKC]

 

1 hour ago, MARYROSE02 said:

True, but most of them also have direct family still living in England. I don't know of course, but if their entire family moved to Australia would they still want to move back to England? I missed my parents desperately when they were in England but when they were out here I had no desire to go back to England.

When I lost my job  in Sydney in 1996 I went back to England because my parents were still there. I doubt i would have done so if they had emigrated to Australia. I stayed in England for twelve years, loved it too but once my parents had passed I wanted to be close to my brothers.

It was never about family for me. I left home at 18, and lived 100's of miles away from family for my entire adult life. After my dad (who I was really close to) died when I was 24, I saw my mum/sister/grandma maybe once a year? I never missed them at all, nor my ex-husbands family, who we also lived 100's of miles from. Being 10,000 miles or whatever away from them didn't matter. Of course I enjoyed seeing them when we visited the UK, but they weren't the source of my homesickness at all. When we moved back to the UK, we chose Scotland, which is almost as far as you can get from family in Kent and the Midlands! I haven't seen mum or my sister since my grandmas funeral in January (although obviously I couldn't even if I wanted to at the minute).
 

7 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Again, just ask Quoll, and some of the other sufferers who have been on these forums.   I found it hard to believe myself, never having experienced it.  It's something to do with a sense of belonging.  

Yep, I can't even really explain how it feels - it never really hit me until we'd been in Aus for maybe five or so years. I'm not a believer in woo or magical thinking at all, but it's almost like your soul is just in the wrong place or something. Like your feet are walking on ground that you don't belong to, or you're in a place that you aren't part of in some way. And although I now live in Scotland, even though I've never lived here before, it's still part of my island, and I feel like I'm meant to be here or something. It's really hard to describe. It's a really deep sense of...everything.

[Amber Snowball]

16 minutes ago, LKC said:

 

It was never about family for me. I left home at 18, and lived 100's of miles away from family for my entire adult life. After my dad (who I was really close to) died when I was 24, I saw my mum/sister/grandma maybe once a year? I never missed them at all, nor my ex-husbands family, who we also lived 100's of miles from. Being 10,000 miles or whatever away from them didn't matter. Of course I enjoyed seeing them when we visited the UK, but they weren't the source of my homesickness at all. When we moved back to the UK, we chose Scotland, which is almost as far as you can get from family in Kent and the Midlands! I haven't seen mum or my sister since my grandmas funeral in January (although obviously I couldn't even if I wanted to at the minute).
 

Yep, I can't even really explain how it feels - it never really hit me until we'd been in Aus for maybe five or so years. I'm not a believer in woo or magical thinking at all, but it's almost like your soul is just in the wrong place or something. Like your feet are walking on ground that you don't belong to, or you're in a place that you aren't part of in some way. And although I now live in Scotland, even though I've never lived here before, it's still part of my island, and I feel like I'm meant to be here or something. It's really hard to describe. It's a really deep sense of...everything.

This. Definitely wasn’t about family for me. 
I have an appreciation for the aboriginal idea of  we belong to the land rather than the land belonging to us. A sense of place and inner peace at being in that place.

[LKC]

35 minutes ago, Amber Snowball said:

This. Definitely wasn’t about family for me. 
I have an appreciation for the aboriginal idea of  we belong to the land rather than the land belonging to us. A sense of place and inner peace at being in that place.

It was almost a relief when I found out that other people felt like this too. I spent years blaming myself for not trying hard enough to make it work, although I know that I did. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with the place or the people, it is a beautiful country and I met some wonderful people, but I just couldn't shake that feeling of it not being my place. It was something deeper than there being things that I didn't like about Aus or preferred about the UK, if that makes sense?

[BacktoDemocracy]

I'll post this and people can make their own minds up

Quote

Since the second wave of the Covid-19 pandemic, businesses across the UK have been forced to close once again, with the number of people being made redundant climbing to a record high in the three months to October.

‘I’d relocate to London for work but don’t have the funds’

Blake Spratt, 26, graduated with a law degree from the University of Hull in July and was working shifts in an Arcadia warehouse in Leeds until he was made redundant last week.

“I worked about three eight-hour shifts a week in the warehouse, which was just enough to support myself and my boyfriend, who is a student and also hasn’t been able to find work. I’m now back up in Newcastle with my parents, and have applied for jobs up here, in Leeds and in London.

I used to work in IT support and have been applying for all sorts of work: telecoms engineer roles, paralegal positions, various administrative roles, retail jobs. I’d be willing to relocate to London but without any funds that is quite unrealistic. I had a few interviews with law firms in London, but no luck so far.”

Blake Spratt lost his warehouse job this month. Photograph: Blake Spratt

‘I won’t be able to pay rent, the stress is making me sick’

Agata Zeberska, 34, had just accepted a role as an assistant general manager at the Albion pub in Islington, north London, when the second national lockdown in England was announced.

I didn’t sleep all night yesterday, trying to budget money I don’t have

Agata Zeberska

“I had just started the new job and so couldn’t be furloughed. I supported myself with savings and credit cards. Then lockdown was lifted and we reopened in the first week of December. But now we are moving to tier 3, tonight is the last night of trading, and it’s still not certain if I will get furloughed – it would only be for about two weeks of employment. I was due to earn £1,800 after tax this month; now I will have half of this. I don’t have any savings left and won’t be able to afford my rent.

“I didn’t sleep all night yesterday, trying to budget money I don’t have. It will take me at least one year to fix the damage this year has inflicted on my finances, and, of course, this will only be possible once everything goes back to normal. I can’t eat very much or eat nothing at all, and during the summer I was sick every day from the stress. But I don’t want to complain too much: a lot of people are in much worse positions than I am.”

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2020/dec/16/stress-is-making-me-sick-uk-workers-on-losing-their-jobs-to-covid?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

There have been 65000 covid deaths in the UK this year

Edited December 16, 2020 by BacktoDemocracy

[Amber Snowball]

10 minutes ago, LKC said:

It was almost a relief when I found out that other people felt like this too. I spent years blaming myself for not trying hard enough to make it work, although I know that I did. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with the place or the people, it is a beautiful country and I met some wonderful people, but I just couldn't shake that feeling of it not being my place. It was something deeper than there being things that I didn't like about Aus or preferred about the UK, if that makes sense?

Makes perfect sense to me.

I was ok for 10 years and never even returned to the uk for a holiday, really didn’t give the place much of a thought. No idea what changed but something did so I started to contemplate a return from then. Had to wait for my old dog to go as she wouldn’t have been able to fly, so she got to live her time out in a place she knew and we just carried on living whilst she did that.  I was getting pretty desperate by the time I left. There was a definite inner voice screaming “let me out”.