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MaroubraAndy

Ahhh the challenge of being a migrant

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Hey guys,

Man, I’m so over the feeling of being torn between Oz and the UK.. 

I moved back from Sydney after 10 years there and have now been in London for 2.5 years. We’re at a crossroads in that I’ve just quit my current company and have two offers on the table, one in London and a much better one in Sydney and I just can’t decide what to do.

A few months back we thought we were gunning to return to Sydney now we’re seeing the beauty on our doorstep.

it feels like whichever decision we make is a compromise, choose Sydney and we forego the comfort and closeness of family, choose London and we miss out on the wonderful lifestyle we used to have. Ahhhhhhhh!

 

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Toss a coin and if the first thought that pops into your head when you see the answer is “best of 3” then you know your answer.

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Where would you like to die?   I know that's a morbid question, but it's a relevant one.  Your kid(s?) are probably older now, so there will come a point where it'll be too disruptive to their education to move back to the UK again, even if you decide you'd like to.  So you'll decide to stay until they've completed their college or uni education - but by then,  they'll have established too much of a circle and won't want to return with you. How will you or your wife feel if that's the case?  And will you both still be happy to live on the other side of the world from your children, if grandchildren come along? 

In a nutshell, once you move this time, life will happen,. there will be all kinds of obstacles to you moving back, and you'll find time has run away from you, it's too late to establish a pension in the UK, and you're stuck in Australia for the rest of your life.   If that doesn't bother you - or if it fills you with delight - then you've got your answer.   But if one or both of you are thinking of coming to Australia to live and then retiring "back home", don't do it - too many people get stuck.

 


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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I guess you have to tell yourself "it is not a matter of one right and one wrong decision" but "two right decisions", and once you have chosen one, forget about the other?

Now, am I, the arch ditherer, who wants other people to make decisions for him, someone who practices what he preaches?!

Sometimes! So far, I've spent 18 years in Sydney, 12 back in England, 12 in Sydney again, and now 4 month in Surfers Paradise.

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10 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Where would you like to die?   I know that's a morbid question, but it's a relevant one.  Your kid(s?) are probably older now, so there will come a point where it'll be too disruptive to their education to move back to the UK again, even if you decide you'd like to.  So you'll decide to stay until they've completed their college or uni education - but by then,  they'll have established too much of a circle and won't want to return with you. How will you or your wife feel if that's the case?  And will you both still be happy to live on the other side of the world from your children, if grandchildren come along? 

In a nutshell, once you move this time, life will happen,. there will be all kinds of obstacles to you moving back, and you'll find time has run away from you, it's too late to establish a pension in the UK, and you're stuck in Australia for the rest of your life.   If that doesn't bother you - or if it fills you with delight - then you've got your answer.   But if one or both of you are thinking of coming to Australia to live and then retiring "back home", don't do it - too many people get stuck.

 

Those are fair points and to be honest neither my wife nor I have any objection to retiring / pegging it in Oz. I completely agree that going there for a number of years with the intent of retiring in the UK doesn’t sound sensible!  I am however planning to keep our house in the UK and just rent it out, more because it’s a decent investment rather then having a place that we could come back to.

Out boys are 5 and 3 and we’re 41 and 38 so we have alittle time but I don’t ever want to consider the idea of going for a ‘few years’, this time we’d be moving with the intent of not coming back! You’re spot on when you say time will get away from us this time and the last thing I want to do is mess around with the kids schooling as they approach/enter high school.

 

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4 hours ago, MaroubraAndy said:

Those are fair points and to be honest neither my wife nor I have any objection to retiring / pegging it in Oz. I completely agree that going there for a number of years with the intent of retiring in the UK doesn’t sound sensible!  I am however planning to keep our house in the UK and just rent it out, more because it’s a decent investment rather then having a place that we could come back to.

Out boys are 5 and 3 and we’re 41 and 38 so we have alittle time but I don’t ever want to consider the idea of going for a ‘few years’, this time we’d be moving with the intent of not coming back! You’re spot on when you say time will get away from us this time and the last thing I want to do is mess around with the kids schooling as they approach/enter high school.

 

How will the kids feel about being away from grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles? That’s the one thing that both my now adult sons have said they regretted about their isolated childhood. We did our best with regular visits and all but a 24 hour flight or a 12 hour car ride didn’t make them that frequent.  You’ve still got a few years before you need to worry about the schooling thing. 

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We haven’t really broached it with them yet, although it’s safe to say it will certainly have an impact as we’re very close to both sets of grandparents. 

We have one set of aunty/uncle/cousins over in SE Asia so the kids are already very used to the idea of having a geographically dispersed family.

The idea of distancing ourselves from our parents hurts immensely right now, but I guess we’ve done it before so we can do it again.

One of the biggest factors for me is my work, I have a massive network in Sydney but the same isn’t true in London and as much as I could probably build it up, it would take me years to get back to the same level which is difficult to face into when I know Sydney opty is calling..

 

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1 hour ago, MaroubraAndy said:

We haven’t really broached it with them yet, although it’s safe to say it will certainly have an impact as we’re very close to both sets of grandparents. 

We have one set of aunty/uncle/cousins over in SE Asia so the kids are already very used to the idea of having a geographically dispersed family.

The idea of distancing ourselves from our parents hurts immensely right now, but I guess we’ve done it before so we can do it again.

One of the biggest factors for me is my work, I have a massive network in Sydney but the same isn’t true in London and as much as I could probably build it up, it would take me years to get back to the same level which is difficult to face into when I know Sydney opty is calling..

 

Sounds like you have the answer then? You have weighed things up and Sydney wins?!

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