Jump to content
bug family

How Long before you realised that Australia was or was not the place that you wanted to spend the rest of your days ?

Recommended Posts

3 hours ago, Toots said:

I don't live in a very large town and I don't need to be 'entertained' all the time.

You see, that's the difference in personalities. It's probably a character flaw, but there are some people (including me) who crave variety and change in their lives.   They are probably the people most likely to migrate to search for new experiences, and therefore they're going to prefer places which have the maximum potential for new experiences. 

  • Like 3

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, scousers said:

No, she says absolutely not, strange thing is she seems more at home over there than here. But we have had the discussion many times and she says no. How do you leave your only daughter behind? 

You don't.


Buy a man eat fish. The Day, Teach Man, to lifetime.      - Joe Biden.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, scousers said:

No, she says absolutely not, strange thing is she seems more at home over there than here. But we have had the discussion many times and she says no. How do you leave your only daughter behind? 

You don't.


Buy a man eat fish. The Day, Teach Man, to lifetime.      - Joe Biden.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, scousers said:

How do you leave your only daughter behind? 

I know what you mean and really feel for you, personally, I am hoping that me leaving will only be for a temporary time in my children's  lives, they are still relatively young so as to get used to a new normal which is that of their dad living thousands of miles away, but seeing him every year to spend some good times together and maybe who knows living back in the UK when ever they please when they are slightly older, at least they will have the option...... your daughter would I am sure also adjust in time and possibly see you moving back home as another outlook and an adventure to be had....another option in life 🙂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

You see, that's the difference in personalities. It's probably a character flaw, but there are some people (including me) who crave variety and change in their lives.   They are probably the people most likely to migrate to search for new experiences, and therefore they're going to prefer places which have the maximum potential for new experiences. 

That was me when i first came, i was always the first to do anything. But unfortunately my family followed me to to Melbourne which means i have been stuck here. Didn't like it very much when i arrived and really not keen after all these years. But have learnt to turn off all emotions until i become so frustrated, i think thats why i am talking about it today, sorry 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, bug family said:

I know what you mean and really feel for you, personally, I am hoping that me leaving will only be for a temporary time in my children's  lives, they are still relatively young so as to get used to a new normal which is that of their dad living thousands of miles away, but seeing him every year to spend some good times together and maybe who knows living back in the UK when ever they please when they are slightly older, at least they will have the option...... your daughter would I am sure also adjust in time and possibly see you moving back home as another outlook and an adventure to be had....another option in life 🙂

The problem is as an only child i just cant leave her. She doesn't have a serious other

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, scousers said:

The problem is as an only child i just cant leave her. She doesn't have a serious other

But that's her problem, not yours.  Right now, you are allowing her to be a silly, thoughtless girl, willing to sacrifice her mother's sanity for the sake of her own fear of change.  

If you moved home, she might manage fine on her own.  You don't know until you try.  And if she can't manage on her own, she'll follow you, even if she doesn't think (right now) that the UK is the right place for her.  And very likely, she'd be surprised how well she settles in if you're there.

  • Like 2

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, DIG85 said:

I guess because it’s the place in Australia that is closest to the UK. Five hours shaved off a flight home is by no means insignificant.

Isn’t Perth home?  If not, what are they doing there?

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

You see, that's the difference in personalities. It's probably a character flaw, but there are some people (including me) who crave variety and change in their lives.   They are probably the people most likely to migrate to search for new experiences, and therefore they're going to prefer places which have the maximum potential for new experiences. 

Well I have probably my fair share of change, new experiences and adventures since my early 20’s in the swinging 60’s in London, best keep quiet about much of what went on then!!!  Went solo to Cairo, Stayed in an oasis, and troglodyte cave hotel in Tunisia, before going to Zambia as a trainer to be one of the only 2 non local air hostesses  in the National airline. Never stopped moving , having yet more amazing experiences till I moved to the Sunshine Coast almost 19 years ago. 

Much as I love living here it cannot be described as having much potential for new experiences, however when you scratch the surface of where you live, you find more going on to suit you than is obvious, whatever your personal preference is.

Caloundra Entertainment Centre has many top class international and local artists performing there, at very reasonable prices. I saw the Ten Tenors there yesterday. Going to a ballet gala in the new year with world class ballerinas. We are lucky so many artists bring their shows to the regional areas. Between shows and art exhibitions in Caloundra and Brisbane, we aren’t in a cultural back water. Seen ‘Come from Away’ and ‘Westside Story ‘ recently both fabulous shows.

So I don’t think it matters if where you live has less opportunities due to its size, if you can still find it sufficient for your needs. The most important thing is if you are happy there.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Parley said:

You don't.

We did, but our daughter was very independent as we had lived overseas away from UK for a long time. She had traveled and lived on her own in other countries, she was in her mid 20’ and living in England, when we retired and decided to live in Australia. The unexpected bonus was she followed us to live in Australia. You never know how things will turn out.

Edited by ramot
  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, ramot said:

Well I have probably my fair share of change, new experiences and adventures since my early 20’s in the swinging 60’s in London, best keep quiet about much of what went on then!!!  Went solo to Cairo, Stayed in an oasis, and troglodyte cave hotel in Tunisia, before going to Zambia as a trainer to be one of the only 2 non local air hostesses  in the National airline. Never stopped moving , having yet more amazing experiences till I moved to the Sunshine Coast almost 19 years ago. 

Much as I love living here it cannot be described as having much potential for new experiences, however when you scratch the surface of where you live, you find more going on to suit you than is obvious, whatever your personal preference is.

Caloundra Entertainment Centre has many top class international and local artists performing there, at very reasonable prices. I saw the Ten Tenors there yesterday. Going to a ballet gala in the new year with world class ballerinas. We are lucky so many artists bring their shows to the regional areas. Between shows and art exhibitions in Caloundra and Brisbane, we aren’t in a cultural back water. Seen ‘Come from Away’ and ‘Westside Story ‘ recently both fabulous shows.

So I don’t think it matters if where you live has less opportunities due to its size, if you can still find it sufficient for your needs. The most important thing is if you are happy there.

We had plenty of opportunity for so called cultural experiences in Sydney and we used to go down to Melbourne for theater as well.  Towards the end of our Sydney life we were going away most weekends to stay with friends on the other side of the Blue  Mountains.  They had a house in the middle of nowhere and I was at the point of being sick and tired of crowds and people in general. 😉  The 'buzz' that so many people call city living was just getting on my nerves.  Couldn't wait to get some peace and quiet.  So as Marisa says we all want different things.  Have to say though that when all this bluddy Covid thing improves, I'm looking forward to a bit of overseas travel.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Parley said:

You don't.

She is 24.  It’s a difficult one but if someone is desperately unhappy they should be able to do something that will change that.  They have raised that child all those years and the outcome of that is the child has hopefully turned into an independent, well adjusted adult with a mind of their own.  Moving away from the daughter may make them just as miserable as the life they have now but I don’t think it’s a clear case of they’d be bad to consider it.  I have friends who’s parents retired to Spain for example. They are not bad parents, they are lovely people.  Their adult children were very happy for them to embark on a new adventure after dozens of years of child rearing and working hard.  We always want our children to be happy and that’s exactly how it should be but hopefully we’ve raised those children to also want us to be happy. 

 

Edited by Tulip1
  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, scousers said:

But have learnt to turn off all emotions until i become so frustrated, i think thats why i am talking about it today, sorry 

Please don’t apologise for talking about your situation - in fact I think you should talk about it more often as bottling up emotions until they erupt in frustration is unhealthy and dangerous for you.

You mentioned your daughter seeing a psychologist, have you considered also speaking to someone professionally? Don’t feel you need to answer that as it’s a personal matter but just commenting that it might be helpful if you haven’t already done so.

A wise person once told me that moving country isn’t enough, you have to also deal with underlying issues or you might eventually feel the same way after you’ve  moved. While physically changing location can help in certain circumstances, it sounds like you’ll have a lot to work through whatever you decide to do and support to address those underlying issues may benefit you and your family. 

Please talk, and talk often. I’ve known too many people that died not to take mental ill health as seriously as physical ill health.

  • Like 4

:evilface_frowning_s

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Marisawright said:

But that's her problem, not yours.  Right now, you are allowing her to be a silly, thoughtless girl, willing to sacrifice her mother's sanity for the sake of her own fear of change.  

If you moved home, she might manage fine on her own.  You don't know until you try.  And if she can't manage on her own, she'll follow you, even if she doesn't think (right now) that the UK is the right place for her.  And very likely, she'd be surprised how well she settles in if you're there.

I don't think any of this can be put on the daughter, as at the end of the day we all brought our kids here and expected them to adjust to there new life in Australia.

The daughter does have a choice though and it's either follow her parents back to the UK or she sets up on her own here and doesn't put any guilt on her parents if they choose to go back to the UK without her.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Lavers said:

I don't think any of this can be put on the daughter, as at the end of the day we all brought our kids here and expected them to adjust to there new life in Australia.

The daughter does have a choice though and it's either follow her parents back to the UK or she sets up on her own here and doesn't put any guilt on her parents if they choose to go back to the UK without her.

That's exactly what I mean.  


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, scousers said:

No, she says absolutely not, strange thing is she seems more at home over there than here. But we have had the discussion many times and she says no. How do you leave your only daughter behind? 

You tell her that you acknowledge she is an adult and is now free to make her own decisions. And that you, as adults, have accommodated her wishes for a really long time but are now free to make your own decisions. Assure her that she will always be welcome where you are but that you are leaving and if she is still living with you that she has x weeks to find herself a new place. Start decluttering your home around her and get her to make decisions about packing up her stuff. Whilst you enable her behaviour she is not going to make a decision to run an independent life unfortunately.  Start packing!
She will either bite the bullet to be independent or she will come with you. Not saying it will be easy but she’s 24, many of us were married and gone well before that.

  • Like 4
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Quoll said:

You tell her that you acknowledge she is an adult and is now free to make her own decisions. And that you, as adults, have accommodated her wishes for a really long time but are now free to make your own decisions. Assure her that she will always be welcome where you are but that you are leaving and if she is still living with you that she has x weeks to find herself a new place. Start decluttering your home around her and get her to make decisions about packing up her stuff. Whilst you enable her behaviour she is not going to make a decision to run an independent life unfortunately.  Start packing!
She will either bite the bullet to be independent or she will come with you. Not saying it will be easy but she’s 24, many of us were married and gone well before that.

i agree with what you have said @Quoll but doesn't @scousers also have her elderly parents living here in Australia too?  Unless they are also desperate to return to the UK with scousers, she is probably reluctant to leave them here on their own.  Nevertheless I would be putting a plan into action for the future return to the UK even it is a bit further down the line than I would like.  Decluttering would be a good start.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 04/12/2021 at 17:47, scousers said:

No, she says absolutely not, strange thing is she seems more at home over there than here. But we have had the discussion many times and she says no. How do you leave your only daughter behind? 

Ah! That is hard - I have a daughter who is settling down and it would be a wrench to leave her but know she would be OK. I have a son with MH problems who we could not leave - he is too vulnerable and I would worry too much. My husband loves it here too but he does not have the desire for close friends, family, countryside and community participation that I have. He could spend his days fishing and drinking beer and be happy. He loves the heat. This time of year is always difficult- just want to get through it - I miss the warm conviviality of the pub and parties - and crisp winter walks and sunsets.simple things like going to a movie with a friend or having someone pop over for a cuppa and a chat. Being trapped here in this strange land is a challenge especially at this time when escape routes are more constrained. I think one of the hardest thing for me is having no close girlfriends any more. I have met lots of pleasant Australians but Queenslanders seem like a race apart at times- culture gap is too huge for me to navigate! Enough to do in Brisbane - can’t say I’m bored, it’s just that the things I like to do (however simple) aren’t available here. I absolutely get your predicament @scousers though - you only get one life and as much as you want to live it to the full, how can you when you would worry so much about your child? 

Edited by Chortlepuss
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Chortlepuss said:

Ah! That is hard - I have a daughter who is settling down and it would be a wrench to leave her but know she would be OK. I have a son with MH problems who we could not leave - he is too vulnerable and I would worry too much. My husband loves it here too but he does not have the desire for close friends, family, countryside and community participation that I have. He could spend his days fishing and drinking beer and be happy. He loves the heat. This time of year is always difficult- just want to get through it - I miss the warm conviviality of the pub and parties - and crisp winter walks and sunsets.simple things like going to a movie with a friend or having someone pop over for a cuppa and a chat. Being trapped here in this strange land is a challenge especially at this time when escape routes are more constrained. I think one of the hardest thing for me is having no close girlfriends any more. I have met lots of pleasant Australians but Queenslanders seem like a race apart at times- culture gap is too huge for me to navigate! Enough to do in Brisbane - can’t say I’m bored, it’s just that the things I like to do (however simple) aren’t available here. I absolutely get your predicament @scousers though - you only get one life and as much as you want to live it to the full, how can you when you would worry so much about your child? 

You can do ‘crisp winter walks’ here if you live in the right location.  

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Bulya said:

You can do ‘crisp winter walks’ here if you live in the right location.  

And I heard a rumour there are pubs and parties and cinemas in Australia too

Edited by Parley

Buy a man eat fish. The Day, Teach Man, to lifetime.      - Joe Biden.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Parley said:

And I heard a rumour there are pubs and parties and cinemas in Australia too

yes.....but you have to look a lot harder and travel a lot further to find them 😜

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Parley said:

And I heard a rumour there are pubs and parties and cinemas in Australia too

I agree, so It must depend  then on where you live. It’s so social here on the Sunny Coast over the Christmas season, from social gatherings, Christmas lunches for the interest groups you belong to, to annual street party. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, bug family said:

yes.....but you have to look a lot harder and travel a lot further to find them 😜

Not if you choose the right city in the first place.  Same as the UK, really.   Some cities are great lively places and some are miserable dumps.  

  • Like 3

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, bug family said:

yes.....but you have to look a lot harder and travel a lot further to find them 😜

Not on the right side of Australia you don’t…

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×