How Long before you realised that Australia was or was not the place that you wanted to spend the rest of your days ?

[newjez]

3 hours ago, Toots said:

There was a display of old local photos in Devonport Library a couple of years ago.  One of the displays was an old photo album - obviously of someone's family and friends.  One of the librarians told me it had been recently found at the local dump.  I was looking through it and thought how very sad it was that someone had died and whoever was sorting out the house just chucked out the album.  I had a lump in my throat just thinking that nobody must have cared enough or had any interest in the album's owner to keep it.  It looked like it was full of happy memories. 

That is sad 

Last time I saw my parents they gave us all the photos we wanted. They did that for all the kids. I have a couple of paintings my father did as well. I'd always admired them 

Hopefully I'll get to see them again, but hard to know with covid.

[MARYROSE02]

On 30/08/2021 at 14:17, Marisawright said:

Well done you.  Of course you're not selling your Mum and Dad.  A house is just a house in the end.  Your memories are what matters.

I know,  and that will be three lots of memories to pay homage to, if I ever get back.  I always went by the first two homes we had every time I was in that village.

[Peety]

On 02/08/2021 at 12:08, Chortlepuss said:

I’m sorry to read this. Doesn’t help that you come from such a beautiful place in the UK. Did you work for the NHS there? They have quite a decent defined benefits pension. Are you staying in Aus because of kids? I don’t want to leave my grown up kids - and my husband loves it here but all I can think of is retiring in the UK. 

Sorry for the delay in responding. Yes I’m staying here because of my boys . I can’t bear the thought of leaving them although they’re grown up.

[Guest]

On 02/08/2021 at 10:08, Chortlepuss said:

I’m sorry to read this. Doesn’t help that you come from such a beautiful place in the UK. Did you work for the NHS there? They have quite a decent defined benefits pension. Are you staying in Aus because of kids? I don’t want to leave my grown up kids - and my husband loves it here but all I can think of is retiring in the UK. 

Indeed, that's a terrible quandary. We left Gloucestershire for Perth and our three small children are fully settled into good school and social environments. My wife, her parents and brothers (who all live here too) dislike the UK now and will never go back to live........... But it's all I want to do. I'm a long way off retirement, however, the thought of staying here until at least the children are on their own paths is slowly ruining me. Even after that point, my wife won't entertain the idea. As parents and partners do we simply have to accept that the greater forces at play (being a good dad and partner) mean we put any preferences we might have on the back burner... or drop entirely for the sake of doing 'what is right'? I suspect so.

[Quoll]

38 minutes ago, 22B said:

Indeed, that's a terrible quandary. We left Gloucestershire for Perth and our three small children are fully settled into good school and social environments. My wife, her parents and brothers (who all live here too) dislike the UK now and will never go back to live........... But it's all I want to do. I'm a long way off retirement, however, the thought of staying here until at least the children are on their own paths is slowly ruining me. Even after that point, my wife won't entertain the idea. As parents and partners do we simply have to accept that the greater forces at play (being a good dad and partner) mean we put any preferences we might have on the back burner... or drop entirely for the sake of doing 'what is right'? I suspect so.

Sadly, yes, I think you do. Many of us have chosen the least worst option - doesnt make it any easier other than that it reframes the situation into one that you have chosen and not had it forced upon you.  You may want to get into discussions with your wife and kids about compromise - maybe the compromise for you is that your holidays (and holiday money LOL) are spent on you going back to UK if they wont go with you - then you will stay and be the good dad and partner.  My DH and I had such a compromise before we actually ended up living in UK for 9 glorious years and he still understands that now I am back in Aus, we will go back to the original compromise as soon as Covid permits (but, actually, he wants to go back too, so much we didnt do or see!).

At the end of the day you have to make up your mind if this is the woman and family you want to grow old beside and within. If you think that the resentment might have kicked in well before the kids leave home then maybe some marriage counselling might help her realise the depth of your despair - or you bite the bullet and say cheerio.  I've had my DH for 48 years now and I am too old to train up a new one and in the end you cant cuddle a country so that makes my choice a bit easier - I hope you can find a way to make your choice work for you.

[bug family]

1 hour ago, Quoll said:

At the end of the day you have to make up your mind if this is the woman and family you want to grow old beside and within

For me I absolutely love my children and always will, I have said to them numerous times that no matter where I am in the world, there will always be a front door for them to walk through when ever they want, and even though they are relatively still young (13 & 8 ) they understand that I am trying to go home and that I miss home, I have sold (i think) them on the Idea that instead of just having one country to live in, they will have the choice of two and two hemispheres as well, I have to to admit the hardest part will be walking away from them, but it wont be forever of that I am sure, just need to get re-established back in the U.K..

I still love my wife in a caring way, but not in a loving husband and wife way,  I have accepted that the marriage has been too broken by the whole emigration and homesickness (on my part) and we want different things, however we are lucky in the fact that we both are still really close and I have told her that she is welcome to come over to stay with me anytime once I am back home....when ever that may be,  2022 is looking good for a move I reckon Quoll

[Bulya]

3 hours ago, 22B said:

Indeed, that's a terrible quandary. We left Gloucestershire for Perth and our three small children are fully settled into good school and social environments. My wife, her parents and brothers (who all live here too) dislike the UK now and will never go back to live........... But it's all I want to do. I'm a long way off retirement, however, the thought of staying here until at least the children are on their own paths is slowly ruining me. Even after that point, my wife won't entertain the idea. As parents and partners do we simply have to accept that the greater forces at play (being a good dad and partner) mean we put any preferences we might have on the back burner... or drop entirely for the sake of doing 'what is right'? I suspect so.

Why do so many poms move to Perth?

[Amber Snowball]

9 hours ago, bug family said:

For me I absolutely love my children and always will, I have said to them numerous times that no matter where I am in the world, there will always be a front door for them to walk through when ever they want, and even though they are relatively still young (13 & 8 ) they understand that I am trying to go home and that I miss home, I have sold (i think) them on the Idea that instead of just having one country to live in, they will have the choice of two and two hemispheres as well, I have to to admit the hardest part will be walking away from them, but it wont be forever of that I am sure, just need to get re-established back in the U.K..

I still love my wife in a caring way, but not in a loving husband and wife way,  I have accepted that the marriage has been too broken by the whole emigration and homesickness (on my part) and we want different things, however we are lucky in the fact that we both are still really close and I have told her that she is welcome to come over to stay with me anytime once I am back home....when ever that may be,  2022 is looking good for a move I reckon Quoll

Well this sounds about as mature a break up as there has ever been!

 I hope it works for you all. If your wife is committed to the children having a relationship with you and doesn’t put any blocks to video calls and travel then hopefully it will all work out. Massive decision for you. 

[Guest]

On 13/10/2021 at 15:04, bug family said:

For me I absolutely love my children and always will, I have said to them numerous times that no matter where I am in the world, there will always be a front door for them to walk through when ever they want, and even though they are relatively still young (13 & 8 ) they understand that I am trying to go home and that I miss home, I have sold (i think) them on the Idea that instead of just having one country to live in, they will have the choice of two and two hemispheres as well, I have to to admit the hardest part will be walking away from them, but it wont be forever of that I am sure, just need to get re-established back in the U.K..

I still love my wife in a caring way, but not in a loving husband and wife way,  I have accepted that the marriage has been too broken by the whole emigration and homesickness (on my part) and we want different things, however we are lucky in the fact that we both are still really close and I have told her that she is welcome to come over to stay with me anytime once I am back home....when ever that may be,  2022 is looking good for a move I reckon Quoll

That sounds like a very brave decision... on both sides of your relationship. Good luck to you. Your children are very similar ages to ours.

I have to say I'm not that brave. I simply can't do it.

[bug family]

On 14/10/2021 at 15:35, 22B said:

I have to say I'm not that brave

I think that you will find that you are 22B, staying despite knowing that your heart and soul belongs somewhere else takes courage in my book

[Guest]

On 13/10/2021 at 15:41, Bulya said:

Why do so many poms move to Perth?

Well a mixture of circumstances for us. My wife had previously been a travel booker specialising in the Oceania market and loved the place. Then, her brothers developed their own UK business into Australia and moved with their families. We were also sold on the idea of a fresh start after my own miserable professional life forced the need to change too. My birth family had become distant and of no real reelevance in my life anymore (long story), and my own little unit was everything. Giving the children the best start we could became another driving force. I had never been to Australia but believed, after long discussions, that it would prove the right choice. At the time, it was. Having been here for 11 years, it isn't.... for me. My mother died suddenly in 2014, then my grandmother 3 months later. They raised me in quite difficult circumstances and so I'm fully aware of what I have and the gratefulness I live with. But I miss my country and all it stands for... and I can't hide the fact that I hate Perth and the Australian lifestyle now. I won't be respondng to any more of the forum's posts here, but thank everyone for their kind responses.

[proud preston]

@22B- ah I’m so sorry - you may not see this reply but I do so wish you well. I hope you you find some solace ...some good outcome. Some people just don’t get the absolute longing for that familiarity ..whether it be for family/friends and/or music, TV, buildings, trees, history, radio, landscape, birds, so many different accents, Europe, cold, fog etc etc etc. This is why I find such comfort in daily BBC news, Radio 4....

You’re not alone in your longing for the country that you love.  All the best. 

[bug family]

On 19/11/2021 at 15:19, 22B said:

Well a mixture of circumstances for us. My wife had previously been a travel booker specialising in the Oceania market and loved the place. Then, her brothers developed their own UK business into Australia and moved with their families. We were also sold on the idea of a fresh start after my own miserable professional life forced the need to change too. My birth family had become distant and of no real reelevance in my life anymore (long story), and my own little unit was everything. Giving the children the best start we could became another driving force. I had never been to Australia but believed, after long discussions, that it would prove the right choice. At the time, it was. Having been here for 11 years, it isn't.... for me. My mother died suddenly in 2014, then my grandmother 3 months later. They raised me in quite difficult circumstances and so I'm fully aware of what I have and the gratefulness I live with. But I miss my country and all it stands for... and I can't hide the fact that I hate Perth and the Australian lifestyle now. I won't be respondng to any more of the forum's posts here, but thank everyone for their kind responses.

I hope in time that you find happiness 22B, where ever that maybe.....also you should know that you are part of POMSINOZ and your opinion and input is both valued and helps, so stick around and have a chat from time to time ...there is no judgment on here, we all have a different view on life as we are all indeed different...take care

[beketamun]

On 24/10/2020 at 22:16, bug family said:

Just wondering, at what stage did you realise that Australia was the place that you wanted or did not want to spend the rest of your days ?

For me before I had even set foot in Australia I knew and voiced, that I would want to return home to the UK one day,  

Thats not a problem, you went with an honest plan.

I know some who went in on sponsored PR with full intention of staying and barely lasted a month.  Some who got sponsored PR with the intention of taking the money, bumming around  as a tourist, using all their holiday and then disappearing back to Ireland...but have now been here 10 years and will never move back to their origins. 

Everybody is different, plans can change.

[beketamun]

On 30/08/2021 at 18:54, ramot said:

I’m off with the old and on with the new.The reason probably is because I have never lived anywhere very long and that includes childhood, so I have no allegiance to anywhere. I have lived in this house on the Sunshine Coast for 18 years, that is the longest I have ever lived in a house ever.

--

I never want to leave this house, I love it here, finally found a home.

You make a good point.  A lot of arguments seem to be about UK v Australia, which are largely futile and mainly down to the people's adaptability rather than the place.

There are arguments for where you should live in Australia itself....the country is so different.  I see people complaining about Australia when they are actually complaining about the town they live in, and they miss so many opportunities to make a success of their adventure, then resent it forever and put the blame on a "country".

 

[bug family]

6 hours ago, beketamun said:

Thats not a problem, you went with an honest plan.

I know some who went in on sponsored PR with full intention of staying and barely lasted a month.  Some who got sponsored PR with the intention of taking the money, bumming around  as a tourist, using all their holiday and then disappearing back to Ireland...but have now been here 10 years and will never move back to their origins. 

Everybody is different, plans can change.

Hi Beketamun welcome to the wonderful site of 'Pomsinoz'.....a warning it does get addictive lol

I knew in the beginning that I would have to 'hang on in there' and found it hard going even after the first few weeks, but there is this expectation that you will give it a good go and people used to band around this figure of at least two years being the benchmark for if you are going to like it and stay or not.

However  I always knew, i have always been 'one of them people' that loves to go on holiday or new adventures....but I always hit a point where I have had enough and want to go home, that feeling has never gone away and here I am 10 years later!! about to go home soon hopefully 

[Paul1Perth]

On 13/10/2021 at 12:37, 22B said:

Indeed, that's a terrible quandary. We left Gloucestershire for Perth and our three small children are fully settled into good school and social environments. My wife, her parents and brothers (who all live here too) dislike the UK now and will never go back to live........... But it's all I want to do. I'm a long way off retirement, however, the thought of staying here until at least the children are on their own paths is slowly ruining me. Even after that point, my wife won't entertain the idea. As parents and partners do we simply have to accept that the greater forces at play (being a good dad and partner) mean we put any preferences we might have on the back burner... or drop entirely for the sake of doing 'what is right'? I suspect so.

When you get married everything after that is a compromise. Have kids and it's even moreso.

[Paul1Perth]

On 13/10/2021 at 15:41, Bulya said:

Why do so many poms move to Perth?

Perth is not the problem mate. All the people we know who emigrated here, and it's lots, love it. Those people wanting to go back to the UK never wanted to leave in the first place. Wouldn't have mattered where they went, would never have been right for them.

[Marisawright]

7 hours ago, beketamun said:

You make a good point.  A lot of arguments seem to be about UK v Australia, which are largely futile and mainly down to the people's adaptability rather than the place.

There are arguments for where you should live in Australia itself....the country is so different.  I see people complaining about Australia when they are actually complaining about the town they live in, and they miss so many opportunities to make a success of their adventure, then resent it forever and put the blame on a "country".

 

It's certainly true that for some people, moving to a different city or state could make all the difference.  It's the same in any country.  Someone who loves living in Inverness might hate living in London and vice versa.   It's a very bad mistake (and unfair) to live in one city and think it represents a whole country.   

However, as Paul1Perth says, there are people in this world who really should never leave their homeland.   They are too attached to it and will never be truly happy anywhere else.   The tragedy is that such people often don't realise they're like that.  They see other people migrating and "living the dream" and just assume anyone can do it.   By the time they realise their mistake, it's often too late, especially if family is involved.

[Bulya]

1 hour ago, Paul1Perth said:

Perth is not the problem mate. All the people we know who emigrated here, and it's lots, love it. Those people wanting to go back to the UK never wanted to leave in the first place. Wouldn't have mattered where they went, would never have been right for them.

Agree to disagree.  Perth is quite limited in its attractions and extremely isolated.  

[MARYROSE02]

2 hours ago, Bulya said:

Agree to disagree.  Perth is quite limited in its attractions and extremely isolated.  

Odd in a way to suggest that a city of 2 million people is "quite limited in its attractions?" It does not say much for cities with smaller populations eg Adelaide. "There's not much to do here but, unlike Perth, it's only an hour's fight from Melbourne and Sydney so you won't be too bored. "

I live in Sydney with 5 million people but being more than double the size of Perth does not necessarily mean double the attractions. It does mean  double the traffic and often double the travelling time though.  1740 as I write this.  Imagine having to drive to Palm Beach - 50 odd kilometres, or Cronulla,  a similar distance to the south and compare it to similar drives in Perth. 

And its geographical isolation is only a problem if you NEED to go to the cities in the east on a regular basis. If you don't need to then it is not a problem. 

[bug family]

4 hours ago, Paul1Perth said:

Wouldn't have mattered where they went, would never have been right for them.

I am possibly a third option Paul, in that I did want to come on this adventure...but, Its came with an expiry date, which I set before I had left, I was always going to give it a go just as much as i was always going to return back home...

[Quoll]

28 minutes ago, bug family said:

I am possibly a third option Paul, in that I did want to come on this adventure...but, Its came with an expiry date, which I set before I had left, I was always going to give it a go just as much as i was always going to return back home...

It's the old goalposts moving thing really isnt it.  My mother assured me, years later, that when we left to go to Australia my DH said to her "if she doesnt like it we will be coming back" - shame he never told me because then I may not have hung in quite so long and left it too late. He denies it now of course but I cant think that mum would have invented that, she actually liked Australia and if it hadn't been for their home, siblings and friends they may have chosen to stay here on one of their 6 month jaunts.

[Bulya]

1 hour ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Odd in a way to suggest that a city of 2 million people is "quite limited in its attractions?" It does not say much for cities with smaller populations eg Adelaide. "There's not much to do here but, unlike Perth, it's only an hour's fight from Melbourne and Sydney so you won't be too bored. "

I live in Sydney with 5 million people but being more than double the size of Perth does not necessarily mean double the attractions. It does mean  double the traffic and often double the travelling time though.  1740 as I write this.  Imagine having to drive to Palm Beach - 50 odd kilometres, or Cronulla,  a similar distance to the south and compare it to similar drives in Perth. 

And its geographical isolation is only a problem if you NEED to go to the cities in the east on a regular basis. If you don't need to then it is not a problem. 

Australia is centred around the east coast.  All the major sporting events and competitions are on the east coast.  Perth is isolated.  

[Marisawright]

14 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Odd in a way to suggest that a city of 2 million people is "quite limited in its attractions?" It does not say much for cities with smaller populations eg Adelaide. "There's not much to do here but, unlike Perth, it's only an hour's fight from Melbourne and Sydney so you won't be too bored. "

I live in Sydney with 5 million people but being more than double the size of Perth does not necessarily mean double the attractions.

Ah, but it does. Double the size means double the demand.  In fact, if there are satellite cities nearby, then even more than double.    I can give dancing as an example - there are more than twice as many dance studios in Sydney or Melbourne than in Perth. And of  course, the big theatre companies put their shows on in Sydney and Melbourne but rarely Perth, because it would cost too much to transport their sets etc.  

So it really depends on your lifestyle and interests, whether you find it isolated or not.