Jump to content
bug family

How Long before you realised that Australia was or was not the place that you wanted to spend the rest of your days ?

Recommended Posts

6 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

That's true. I guess I'm just not as nostalgic/sentimental for the UK. Curries, fish and chips, pork pies, pork sausages (as opposed to the vile beef ones that Aussies seem to prefer - my one food whinge), "Cornish" pasties - I find the Aussie varieties perfectly adequate, and I prefer Aussie lager style beers to "craft" beers so I have no great desire to find "Ye Olde English pub Down Under". There is a pub Pommie friends raved about in Sydney called, I think The Duke of Clarence, which I did go into once for a butchers but just had OJ,

https://thedukeofclarence.com/

https://www.timeout.com/sydney/bars/the-duke-of-clarence

 

Definitely well worth a visit. Won the best Sunday roast in Australia just before the covid pandemic hit.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 24/11/2020 at 21:46, MARYROSE02 said:

I know there are disadvantages with it but it has been great for me as a way to keep in contact with friends and relatives whether they are in OZ or in the UK. I would not have any contact with them otherwise. Nobody writes "proper" letters any more, not even by email.  I actually bought 10 airmail Xmas stamps today which should be more than enough for the few Xmas cards I still send. That FB GID group is my only contact with GID. I still talk to a few people from Royal Mail which I left in 2008, so it's been a boon for maintaining some contacts. I'm more likely to be looking at the Daily Mail on my phone than Face Book!

I'm not that bothered about keeping in contact with mates from the UK. We had a friend come stay with us that I'd seen once in about 40 years. We were mates from school and he ended up marrying (and divorcing) one of my ex goirlfriends. They still live together in Chesterfield for financial reasons. Don't know how they do it as they both have different partners now and go out as a foursome🤔

We spoke on WhatsApp maybe 4 times to arrange me picking him up, we had a great time while he was here, like we'd seen each other yesterday. Lot of drinking involved and pub crawls in Perth. My wife is very understanding and knows my friend from way back too.

Since he returned we've messaged each other a couple of times and talked a couple.

I have enough friends here that I see almost daily.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Paul1Perth said:

I'm not that bothered about keeping in contact with mates from the UK. We had a friend come stay with us that I'd seen once in about 40 years. We were mates from school and he ended up marrying (and divorcing) one of my ex goirlfriends. They still live together in Chesterfield for financial reasons. Don't know how they do it as they both have different partners now and go out as a foursome🤔

We spoke on WhatsApp maybe 4 times to arrange me picking him up, we had a great time while he was here, like we'd seen each other yesterday. Lot of drinking involved and pub crawls in Perth. My wife is very understanding and knows my friend from way back too.

Since he returned we've messaged each other a couple of times and talked a couple.

I have enough friends here that I see almost daily.

I don’t know a single person in the U.K.  Probably better that way...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Going back to the original question. In truth it was about 2 months from arrival for our family. When I read some of the things here I guess we were very fortunate.

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, starlight7 said:

Going back to the original question. In truth it was about 2 months from arrival for our family. When I read some of the things here I guess we were very fortunate.

Same here.  I felt at home right from the start.  Everything seemed easy   ...............  finding jobs, saving for a house wasn't too hard  .............  mind you we didn't have children in tow to start with which helped.  Never felt lonely or friendless.  As you say starlight, we were very fortunate.  If you are lucky enough to have good friends and have lots of interests you're never bored either.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, Paul1Perth said:

I'm not that bothered about keeping in contact with mates from the UK. We had a friend come stay with us that I'd seen once in about 40 years. We were mates from school and he ended up marrying (and divorcing) one of my ex goirlfriends. They still live together in Chesterfield for financial reasons. Don't know how they do it as they both have different partners now and go out as a foursome🤔

We spoke on WhatsApp maybe 4 times to arrange me picking him up, we had a great time while he was here, like we'd seen each other yesterday. Lot of drinking involved and pub crawls in Perth. My wife is very understanding and knows my friend from way back too.

Since he returned we've messaged each other a couple of times and talked a couple.

I have enough friends here that I see almost daily.

There are a couple of guys that I grew up that I am still in contact, one on FB, and I'm in three FB groups for people who live in my area - my first village and the second one, where I still own a house. I left Royal Mail 12 years ago to come to OZ for  second time and I use FB to stay in contact with some of the blokes there, and I am a member of a thousand FB groups for Tottenham Hotspur fans, and FB friends with many of them, though I've only met some of the Aussie based ones. Plus there are my Aussie friends too, one of whom we only "talk" via FB. I don't know why we've not progressed to sharing phone numbers yet. I guess PIO is not unlike FB, albeit a more exclusive one?!

In some ways I miss pre FB, pre internet when I only communicated via "snail mail" but used to write letters and post cards every week, plus weekly phone calls to my parents. 

One of the barmaids in the Surf Club left last week and I asked if I could be her FB friend! She's going back to Japan and I used to practice a few phrases with her. "Beeru, Kudasai" (please) I'd say, or "Cakee" (pointing at the dessert counter). Or "Tadaimah" when I came in ("I'm home" or "I'm back?") And she'd laugh but at least she could understand me. I'd never hear or see from her again without FB.
 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 24/11/2020 at 14:34, 22B said:

Completely agree with your statements surroundings your feelings on commonality etc. and I'm sorry you don't see yourself in Australia much longer.

I am in a similarly tricky situation. I hate Perth. The isolation is numbingly boring, the people are smug and self-absorbed, the roads and highways are dull and unending, the beer and barbie culture is amost stupifyingly blanketed across the entire population with any nod to non-drinking sensibilities frowned upon.

I'm culturally and envrionmentally starved of oxygen. No hills/fields/villages/true architectural history/winding roads/proper seasons/decent people/friends. I ache for my country and my heritage.

We moved out here 14 years ago with two children (now three) and they are all settled, including my partner who has an aversion towards my rose-tinted view of the UK and in particular Gloucestershire. I cannot bear the thought of introducing my homesickness into family life. My partner has all of her family here including mum and dad. She is embarking on a Masters course in February and has no idea I'm so unhappy. My own mother died very suddenly and out of the blue three years ago and it broke me. The almost paralysing need for me to be in England again is breaking me again. Guilt (as has been mentioned here a lot) makes me stay, trying to make the most of what we have and what Perth can offer. But it's not enough to ever make me feel settled or want to integrate properly. I'm here for my job, which pays the mortgage, which keeps the family together. We can't afford to fly back every year... or even two, to visit as my father reaches old age - we'd be looking at $10-12k for all of us.

I suspect, like you, once our children have their own lives in order and don't necessarily need us as much... I will broach the subject with my partner. The fear and anxiety that keeps my mouth shut is no way to live though, but that's the price paid for hopefully giving my children a great start, a bright future and the possibility of being able to call England and Australia... home.

Only 10-15 years to go.

Not easy I know to be here in Perth when your heart is elsewhere.  Must be especially hard with young kids, who obviously take priority. But I would discuss your feelings with your wife as this affects you all. I too miss those things you mentioned and whenever I am back in Cornwall, it feels right and comfortable. Whatever decision you make will be as right as it will be wrong. Good luck. 

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 17/11/2020 at 17:24, Red Rose said:

The south downs is beautiful. Was your village anywhere near Lewes?

I lived and worked in Lewes for many years and now have a house just outside Lewes. I would love to live half and half but need the rental income! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As soon as we made the decision to go .. I initiated the idea on the understanding that we would stay for the duration of the contract and then come home.  We had one quick recci  trip to Sydney and it was during this that I reconsidered the whole idea.  I felt like I had been dropped into a Chinese city, I had no idea and could only rely on my, clearly, outdated impression of Sydney.  The navy then offered us a posting in Perth but that felt too overwhelming to start researching all over again so we plumped for Sydney. Stayed 7 years. Been back in UK 5 years.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, blondie said:

As soon as we made the decision to go .. I initiated the idea on the understanding that we would stay for the duration of the contract and then come home.  We had one quick recci  trip to Sydney and it was during this that I reconsidered the whole idea.  I felt like I had been dropped into a Chinese city, I had no idea and could only rely on my, clearly, outdated impression of Sydney.  The navy then offered us a posting in Perth but that felt too overwhelming to start researching all over again so we plumped for Sydney. Stayed 7 years. Been back in UK 5 years.

Can I ask blondie do you miss anything about your time here in Australia?.....would you return?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think i knew immediately but pushed it aside. Been here 32 years now and biggest mistake was staying!

  • Like 2
  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, scousers said:

I think i knew immediately but pushed it aside. Been here 32 years now and biggest mistake was staying!

Where are you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, scousers said:

Melbourne, eastern suburbs

I knew Melbourne was bad (Sydneysider point of view) but 32 years of living hell? Is it really THAT bad?!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

I knew Melbourne was bad (Sydneysider point of view) but 32 years of living hell? Is it really THAT bad?!

Don't let Sydney prejudice influence you.  l think I'll always think of Sydney as "home", but I really enjoy living in Melbourne.  It's every bit as vibrant as Sydney with just as much going on.   In fact, my husband often says we should have moved down here sooner, because he likes it better (and he's lived in Sydney since he was a wee lad).

As I've tried to explain, for someone like Scouser, who suffers from severe homesickness, it's not the place that's the problem. She could be living in a mansion in Potts Point and she'd still be calling it 32 years of hell.  It's an illogical feeling but that doesn't make it any less real.  

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, scousers said:

Melbourne, eastern suburbs

Yes I did 2 years in Melbourne, enough for a lifetime.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

I knew Melbourne was bad (Sydneysider point of view) but 32 years of living hell? Is it really THAT bad?!

I’d had more than enough after 2...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Don't let Sydney prejudice influence you.  l think I'll always think of Sydney as "home", but I really enjoy living in Melbourne.  It's every bit as vibrant as Sydney with just as much going on.   In fact, my husband often says we should have moved down here sooner, because he likes it better (and he's lived in Sydney since he was a wee lad).

As I've tried to explain, for someone like Scouser, who suffers from severe homesickness, it's not the place that's the problem. She could be living in a mansion in Potts Point and she'd still be calling it 32 years of hell.  It's an illogical feeling but that doesn't make it any less real.  

All of the people I know in Sydney say they love Melbourne! I would probably enjoy living there myself especially as I like Aussie Rules!

I get the homesickness but I thought perhaps the other good things in life would offset it - family, friends, job, for example?

I have lived my life without a partner which could be my "homesickness" in a manner of speaking, but other aspects of my life compensate for the lack of a partner.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

I get the homesickness but I thought perhaps the other good things in life would offset it - family, friends, job, for example?

For people with mild homesickness, I'm sure it would.  For people with severe homesickness, it doesn't.  If you haven't learned that from the posts by Quoll, Scouser, Bugfamily or others, I don't know how else to explain it. 

  • Like 2

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

For people with mild homesickness, I'm sure it would.  For people with severe homesickness, it doesn't.  If you haven't learned that from the posts by Quoll, Scouser, Bugfamily or others, I don't know how else to explain it. 

No, I get the homesickness, which I have suffered from myself, but I also assumed that people with severe homesickness are not "trapped" here because they have good reasons to stay, usually a partner and/or a family, and the pleasure they provide offset the pain of the homesickness?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

No, I get the homesickness, which I have suffered from myself, but I also assumed that people with severe homesickness are not "trapped" here because they have good reasons to stay, usually a partner and/or a family, and the pleasure they provide offset the pain of the homesickness?

But they ARE trapped by their family, that's the point.   The pain of losing their family would be even worse than the pain of homesickness, and that's why they stay.  The family is usually unsympathetic because if you've never experienced that kind of homesickness, you find it hard to believe it even exists.  They probably think the person is being melodramatic.    

  • Like 4

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 25/12/2020 at 04:42, scousers said:

Melbourne, eastern suburbs

A beautiful place to live.

  • Like 1

I want it all, and I want it now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

But they ARE trapped by their family, that's the point.   The pain of losing their family would be even worse than the pain of homesickness, and that's why they stay.  The family is usually unsympathetic because if you've never experienced that kind of homesickness, you find it hard to believe it even exists.  They probably think the person is being melodramatic.    

So if there are 4 other family members for example, should they all go back to England. Then you will have 1 happy person and 4 miserable people.

After 32 years in Australia it is just an idea that someone misses. The reality of England is nothing like the ideal in someone's mind. And it is nothing like it was 32 years ago.

  • Like 1

I want it all, and I want it now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Marisawright said:

But they ARE trapped by their family, that's the point.   The pain of losing their family would be even worse than the pain of homesickness, and that's why they stay.  The family is usually unsympathetic because if you've never experienced that kind of homesickness, you find it hard to believe it even exists.  They probably think the person is being melodramatic.    

Are you trying to frighten me off from looking for a partner?! My homesickness is alleviated by the absolute NECESSITY to watch every game which Tottenham Hotspur play live. This means that I am sometimes up all night or going to bed at 3 or 4 am and I am not available for mundane domestic activities during the following day. The last thing I want to hear from a partner is to be told that I'm being "melodramatic" wanting to watch a football match instead of going to Ikea.

I admit that some of the  guys, probably married, are made of sterner stuff, and after staying up all night to watch a game, possibly drinking all night too, are prepared to head straight to work, or perhaps to Ikea!

Edited by MARYROSE02

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×