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SeanCRM

Anybody instantly regret the move back?

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At a real crossroads now as to whether to move back or not. Given Covid, and that I'll be travelling with a dog, this is a life changing decision. I can't afford to become a "ping pong pom".

After nearly 5 years and a huge pull towards moving back to my family and friends, I feel I need to decide whether this is for the best long term, or whether it's just severe homesickness. It's not like I can just go for a holiday at the moment and explore how I feel, but currently going through a tough break up with my Australian partner and feel that maybe it's time to go. 

How many of you moved back and regretted it as soon as the novelty wore off? How many of you are glad you took the dive? 

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24 minutes ago, SeanCRM said:

At a real crossroads now as to whether to move back or not. Given Covid, and that I'll be travelling with a dog, this is a life changing decision. I can't afford to become a "ping pong pom".

After nearly 5 years and a huge pull towards moving back to my family and friends, I feel I need to decide whether this is for the best long term, or whether it's just severe homesickness. It's not like I can just go for a holiday at the moment and explore how I feel, but currently going through a tough break up with my Australian partner and feel that maybe it's time to go. 

How many of you moved back and regretted it as soon as the novelty wore off? How many of you are glad you took the dive? 

I’ve been back just over 2 years and some days I have a wobble and think maybe I should have stayed in Australia but then I remember what I felt and why I left and I’m ok. No regrets.

Covid could be a positive in that you stay in Australia and sort out how you really feel. A messy break up might be affecting you more than you know and once that has settled down you might feel differently about staying there?

Do you have your citizenship? Good to get for flexibility.

It’s a leap of faith to travel in either direction and having done it I agree I wouldn’t want to be moving backwards and forwards, couldn’t afford it for a start!

Good luck with your decision and don’t rush into anything.

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I would think the middle of a shitty breakup is never the right time to make a life changing decision.  Also Australia is for the moment being ver yvery lucky in world Covid terms, so why not stick for now?  You could come back here and find yourself not legally allowed to mix with other households (depending on where you live).

I remember reading somewhere that it is important that you realise things won't be like they were before you left.  People move on with their lives.

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PR (100) Plans on hold but moving to Perth eventually!

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I agree with the above post, i wouldn't be making a decision whilst going through the stress and upset of a breakup, i would guess it will be too easy to make a rash decision you do later regret.

Personally i would do some research, where you would go? the job/work front in that area? property costs? and also think about the reasons you left in the first place and would those reasons still be present if you moved back. Making a pro's and con's list is another thing you could do.

Many, many families have ping ponged over the years so you certainly wouldn't be the first but many move back and never regret it. Neither are right or wrong,you have to do what you have to do.

 lots of luck with what ever you do decide to do.

 Cal x

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If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place...

If you get a chance,take it, If it changes your life,let it. Nobody said it would be easy they just said it would be worth it...

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Probably not wise to make decisions like that in the wake of a nasty break up (or death or any other significant life changes, they reckon).  I'd give that a bit of time to settle down and maybe (fingers crossed) for the world to get back to a bit more normality before you make your rational decision.

That said, I found that once homesickness strikes it tends not to go away and it gnaws at your soul until you do something about it. For me, it just got worse and worse (32 yrs +) and was only alleviated by moving back and the nearly 9 years I just had in UK just reinforced, for me, that that was the place I wanted to be and where I belonged.  I am now back in Aus (because that was the deal I made) and the homesickness is still there but my rational self knows that we are of an age where UK is not financially viable and my DH made a significant sacrifice in giving me the time there that he did.  I can live with that I suppose but I have to actively work on the extraneous depression.  If you are young enough to slot right back in and you have your Aus citizenship then what have you got to lose except money?  If it works you win and if it doesnt then you move on.  Time enough to settle when you're dead I reckon.

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Speaking with my "Experience" hat on...... please do not make such a massive life changing decision until at least a year and you have settled more and accepted the difference in your life.   With all the Covid stuff happening maybe you won't be able to make that journey anyway.    When a relationship ends their are always so many issues and painful things to get through.  Personal experience taught me that it was better to face all that and then make a decision on life changing stuff.   

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......Just trying to be helpful so don't shoot me down if my personal views do not coincide with yours! :animal-dog:

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5 hours ago, SeanCRM said:

After nearly 5 years and a huge pull towards moving back to my family and friends, I feel I need to decide whether this is for the best long term, or whether it's just severe homesickness.

While the usual advice is to delay big decisions while you're going through a breakup, I think you have enough information to make the decision right now.

Ask yourself, how did you feel about living in Australia before the relationship went wrong? Did you love it, did you see your future in Oz?  Or were you just willing to live here for the sake of being with your partner?   

If you had no strong desire to live in Australia and didn't feel thrilled to be here, then I'd say move back.   It's unlikely you'll ever settle if your heart wasn't in it to begin with.

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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We ping ponged. I was in a bad place both in AU and my home country. Went back to AU after a year and settled since then. I think it helped to go back and live there for a year, but then again, the main problem was that I was not doing well mentally.

Even if you could, going for a holiday wouldn't help you. You have to live there for at least a while to experience if that is it for you. During a holiday everything is better.


Lived in Perth for 18 months. Pingponging back in Juli '15!

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On 18/09/2020 at 06:51, SeanCRM said:

At a real crossroads now as to whether to move back or not. Given Covid, and that I'll be travelling with a dog, this is a life changing decision. I can't afford to become a "ping pong pom".

After nearly 5 years and a huge pull towards moving back to my family and friends, I feel I need to decide whether this is for the best long term, or whether it's just severe homesickness. It's not like I can just go for a holiday at the moment and explore how I feel, but currently going through a tough break up with my Australian partner and feel that maybe it's time to go. 

How many of you moved back and regretted it as soon as the novelty wore off? How many of you are glad you took the dive? 

Never regretted it one bit.  This is where we feel we truly belong.  UK is great place to be.

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On 18/09/2020 at 06:51, SeanCRM said:

At a real crossroads now as to whether to move back or not. Given Covid, and that I'll be travelling with a dog, this is a life changing decision. I can't afford to become a "ping pong pom".

After nearly 5 years and a huge pull towards moving back to my family and friends, I feel I need to decide whether this is for the best long term, or whether it's just severe homesickness. It's not like I can just go for a holiday at the moment and explore how I feel, but currently going through a tough break up with my Australian partner and feel that maybe it's time to go. 

How many of you moved back and regretted it as soon as the novelty wore off? How many of you are glad you took the dive? 

😀😀😀 i regret the responsibility I have been landed with , but someone has to do it .

On the plus side ,we are all healthy - daughters have got good jobs - we are pretty  close as a family - what else is there ?

In relation to your question -Your intuition will provide the answer if you ask it ...if not circumstances may line up and decide it  for you .

The dog would be priority no 1 for me - we have just had to have my best pal put down - during covid 19 - there have been some tears , I can tell you 

Are you  close to your family in the u.k ?

Do you feel you have responsibilities in the u.k , that you cannot address where you are ?

Are these coming to the surface because of your situation ?

If you answered a strong " yes" to any of the above , it won't go away - you may put it aside for awhile,  you may even try to bury it,  but it won't go away 

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BUT I DONT FEEL AFRAID

AS LONG AS I GAZE AT

WATERLOO SUNSET

IAM IN PARADISE

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On 18/09/2020 at 06:51, SeanCRM said:

At a real crossroads now as to whether to move back or not. Given Covid, and that I'll be travelling with a dog, this is a life changing decision. I can't afford to become a "ping pong pom".

After nearly 5 years and a huge pull towards moving back to my family and friends, I feel I need to decide whether this is for the best long term, or whether it's just severe homesickness. It's not like I can just go for a holiday at the moment and explore how I feel, but currently going through a tough break up with my Australian partner and feel that maybe it's time to go. 

How many of you moved back and regretted it as soon as the novelty wore off? How many of you are glad you took the dive? 

This is a really easy question to answer.  

All you need to do is ask yourself one simple question:

Does the thought of coming home excite you to any extent? 
 

 

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2 hours ago, Red Rose said:

This is a really easy question to answer.  

All you need to do is ask yourself one simple question:

Does the thought of coming home excite you to any extent? 
 

 

I usually do the coin toss - if the first response when the coin lands one way is to say "best of 3" then I think you know the answer. 

Like @bunbury61 said  I, too, think my only regret was the responsibility that hit me when I didn't go back from my holiday. That was tough at times but it's definitely not something I would change because the + outweighed the - for me. 

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Soo many arguments for and against, pros and cons. I think many of you are right, I shouldn't make a rash decision while at such a transitional point in my life, and especially given the current Covid situation, I shouldn't be in a rush to get back. I just kind of feel like reverting to my comfort zone while going through a tough time. There are some thoughts scratching away at me which I just can't shake. I wonder if any of these resonate with you?

  • Family back home - there will be a time soon when my mum needs someone to take care of her. She'll have nobody else and she won't come here.
  • Covid has just made Perth (the most isolated city in the world) feel even further away. Can't even visit now and there would be two weeks of hotel quarantine if we could. 
  • If something happens back home and I need to get back in a hurry, who can I get to look after my dog? I can't even leave her to visit family for a few weeks. 

Perth Pro's

  • Covid free
  • Economical paradise
  • Very affordable housing
  • Beautiful spring season and sunshine
  • The parks and the beaches!
  • The modern and clean feel 
  • Friendly
  • Low crime and great family vibe
  • Great food

Perth Con's

  • So far away from anything
  • Summer is too hot - actually made me crave the winter. Can't walk the dog on hot pavements. Sunburn. Hot car etc. Constant same weather all the time. 
  • Ugly, dry countryside. 
  • I hate camping! 
  • Perth drivers
  • Lack of culture
  • Lack of diversity, every suburb feels the same (same shops etc.)
  • Mosquitoes
  • Flies

UK Pro's

  • Close to family and old friends
  • Have roots and history there
  • Europe! I've REALLY missed vacations that don't involve camping. 
  • Comfortable climate - never thought I would have missed it. 
  • Much better nightlife. 

UK Con's

  • I left for a reason
  • Feels like a huge step backwards
  • Higher crime, more violence
  • Covid
  • Constant grey skies annoy me more than constant blue ones. 
  • Expensive housing and lower salaries. 

So there's still a huge tossup going back and forth for me. But for now, at least until Covid calms down a bit, I will try and stay put with the intention of reassessing my feelings at the end of summer. But I think, ultimately, it will be the UK. I just can't seem to settle here and commit. Can't imagine growing old here, or dying here. I feel very alone in Perth. 

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1 hour ago, SeanCRM said:

Soo many arguments for and against, pros and cons. I think many of you are right, I shouldn't make a rash decision while at such a transitional point in my life, and especially given the current Covid situation, I shouldn't be in a rush to get back. I just kind of feel like reverting to my comfort zone while going through a tough time. There are some thoughts scratching away at me which I just can't shake. I wonder if any of these resonate with you?

  • Family back home - there will be a time soon when my mum needs someone to take care of her. She'll have nobody else and she won't come here.
  • Covid has just made Perth (the most isolated city in the world) feel even further away. Can't even visit now and there would be two weeks of hotel quarantine if we could. 
  • If something happens back home and I need to get back in a hurry, who can I get to look after my dog? I can't even leave her to visit family for a few weeks. 

Perth Pro's

  • Covid free
  • Economical paradise
  • Very affordable housing
  • Beautiful spring season and sunshine
  • The parks and the beaches!
  • The modern and clean feel 
  • Friendly
  • Low crime and great family vibe
  • Great food

Perth Con's

  • So far away from anything
  • Summer is too hot - actually made me crave the winter. Can't walk the dog on hot pavements. Sunburn. Hot car etc. Constant same weather all the time. 
  • Ugly, dry countryside. 
  • I hate camping! 
  • Perth drivers
  • Lack of culture
  • Lack of diversity, every suburb feels the same (same shops etc.)
  • Mosquitoes
  • Flies

UK Pro's

  • Close to family and old friends
  • Have roots and history there
  • Europe! I've REALLY missed vacations that don't involve camping. 
  • Comfortable climate - never thought I would have missed it. 
  • Much better nightlife. 

UK Con's

  • I left for a reason
  • Feels like a huge step backwards
  • Higher crime, more violence
  • Covid
  • Constant grey skies annoy me more than constant blue ones. 
  • Expensive housing and lower salaries. 

So there's still a huge tossup going back and forth for me. But for now, at least until Covid calms down a bit, I will try and stay put with the intention of reassessing my feelings at the end of summer. But I think, ultimately, it will be the UK. I just can't seem to settle here and commit. Can't imagine growing old here, or dying here. I feel very alone in Perth. 

Excellent to have written down pros and cons. I did the same. 
I think your final two sentences will decide it. Doesn’t matter about weather, money, beaches etc if you don’t want to be there you don’t want to be there.

 I feel for you and wish you all the best with your decision and future. It’s really hard when common sense says you should be happy where you are, but you’re not. I couldn’t even verbalise what was wrong and still struggle to do so.

Where are you from in the UK? You don’t have to return to exactly there if it’s not what you want, I didn’t. It’s not all grey skies and stabbings. Where I am in the north west is very pleasant. I’m originally from near Heathrow and wouldn’t have returned there if you’d paid me. You can be closer to family by being in the uk but maybe even 30mins away makes a difference.

Anyhoo, all the best with it. Try not to dwell on it and make the most of the summer, hard I know. 👍

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If you can’t imagine growing old or dying in Australia, then don’t hesitate - move now. The older you get, the harder the move will be financially.

Also consider that if (God forbid) your Mum got sick now, you’d have to apply for an exemption to leave the country and possibly wait weeks for approval. Better to make the move in an organised way before she needs you

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Another thought is to leave Perth and settle in another city. I found Perth mind numbing, ok for young families perhaps but just not at all what our family would look for. I’d be off to Singapore to escape. The other parts of Australia are very different.

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On 18/09/2020 at 06:51, SeanCRM said:

At a real crossroads now as to whether to move back or not. Given Covid, and that I'll be travelling with a dog, this is a life changing decision. I can't afford to become a "ping pong pom".

After nearly 5 years and a huge pull towards moving back to my family and friends, I feel I need to decide whether this is for the best long term, or whether it's just severe homesickness. It's not like I can just go for a holiday at the moment and explore how I feel, but currently going through a tough break up with my Australian partner and feel that maybe it's time to go. 

How many of you moved back and regretted it as soon as the novelty wore off? How many of you are glad you took the dive? 

A lot comes down to whether you have a relationship / family in Perth. If not, and you are by yourself, then you are possibly in the worst place on Earth to be: Perth is isolated and if you are not building a future there, then quite frankly you are wasting time. Life goes by so quickly, so don’t waste it living from day to day somewhere where you know in your heart of hearts you have no future. 

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I'm probably not going to be much help, but my first thought was not to make a rash decision in the middle of a difficult time, but then my second thought was life is too short to be living somewhere that you don't want to be!

I moved back a bit over three years ago, and my marriage broke down soon after we arrived back, but I don't regret moving back to the UK for a second. That said, we moved to a completely different area of the UK (Scotland, where we'd not lived before), rather than moving near to family/friends, so we never got the feeling of going back, or that everyone else had moved on whilst we were away. It just felt like a fresh start. I think that helped in a way, because we weren't trying to recreate something that had gone.

Maybe think about moving back, but rather than look at it as a move back, look at it as a move on. To something new and exciting! You never know what's round the corner - since we moved back I retrained for a new career, got a new job working for a really great company in an industry I'd never have thought I'd be in, do self-employed work on the side, and met the love of my life!

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