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Marisawright

Losing Online Friends

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Well, this is a new experience for the 21st century.  

Today I discovered that a good friend of mine died recently (from Covid), and I didn't know.   I'm not surprised I wasn't told, because her family probably doesn't know I exist.  You see, I only knew her online.  I exist in her email contact list and nowhere else.  She's not a Facebooker.  She was in her late 70's and not keen on technology, so we never got around to trying Zoom or Whatsapp or any of that stuff. 

I will now treasure the email where she told me I was one of her dearest friends, even though we never met in real life.   We met through a writing forum and I helped her master the art of online writing.  We exchanged emails often, but she had warned me, back in April, that she would be "off the air" for several weeks while she underwent treatment for a brain tumor.  So it was some time before I started worrying about her silence.   I finally managed to find out by working through contacts of contacts of contacts.  

So now, I'm not going to know when the funeral is so I can send flowers.  I can't send a sympathy card because I don't know her husband's contact details.  Heck, for all I know, he may have caught Covid and died, too (he has a heart condition).  

It got me thinking about how much of my social circle is in the online world these days, and although I feel like I know them well, all I really know is a username on a forum or website, and perhaps an email if I'm lucky.   If they suddenly disappear, I will probably never know what happened to them.  

Vale Sondra.  

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Same also applies to many people known through clubs like Probus, U3A etc who we may have had a good chat to and like- we only find out they have died some time after the event. It is really sad- we have had a couple of Probus people die during this out break and normally a whole lot of us would have gone to the funerals but now cannot pay our respects. I have a girlfriend who died last week but all they are having is a memorial service' at a later date'.  Somehow not the same. Sure I sent flowers and a card but I would really have liked to hug her bereaved husband instead of just talking on the phone. Then you get these ignorant people like the girl on the news who gleefully skipped through a checkpoint without giving her contact details and then boasted about getting away with it on facebook.  What a selfish ,immature cow.

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5 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Well, this is a new experience for the 21st century.  

Today I discovered that a good friend of mine died recently (from Covid), and I didn't know.   I'm not surprised I wasn't told, because her family probably doesn't know I exist.  You see, I only knew her online.  I exist in her email contact list and nowhere else.  She's not a Facebooker.  She was in her late 70's and not keen on technology, so we never got around to trying Zoom or Whatsapp or any of that stuff. 

I will now treasure the email where she told me I was one of her dearest friends, even though we never met in real life.   We met through a writing forum and I helped her master the art of online writing.  We exchanged emails often, but she had warned me, back in April, that she would be "off the air" for several weeks while she underwent treatment for a brain tumor.  So it was some time before I started worrying about her silence.   I finally managed to find out by working through contacts of contacts of contacts.  

So now, I'm not going to know when the funeral is so I can send flowers.  I can't send a sympathy card because I don't know her husband's contact details.  Heck, for all I know, he may have caught Covid and died, too (he has a heart condition).  

It got me thinking about how much of my social circle is in the online world these days, and although I feel like I know them well, all I really know is a username on a forum or website, and perhaps an email if I'm lucky.   If they suddenly disappear, I will probably never know what happened to them.  

Vale Sondra.  

That's really sad and your online friend obviously thought a lot of you.

I can't say I have any online friends as such but it must be sort of the same as having a penpal.  I'm still in contact with a couple of penpals I've had  since my school days.  We managed to meet up many years ago and still keep in touch now by email.

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2 minutes ago, Toots said:

That's really sad and your online friend obviously thought a lot of you.

I can't say I have any online friends as such but it must be sort of the same as having a penpal.  I'm still in contact with a couple of penpals I've had  since my school days.  We managed to meet up many years ago and still keep in touch now by email.

We are your online friends @Toots

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I want it all, and I want it now.

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18 minutes ago, Toots said:

That's really sad and your online friend obviously thought a lot of you.

I can't say I have any online friends as such but it must be sort of the same as having a penpal.  I'm still in contact with a couple of penpals I've had  since my school days.  We managed to meet up many years ago and still keep in touch now by email.

And there I was thinking you were my online friend Toots xM 

Seriously i must admit that apart from PIO everyone else I am in touch with is someone I know well, so I would be told if there was sad news, but I do feel involved with fellow PIO posters lives and have felt happy or concerned about posters over the years.

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6 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Well, this is a new experience for the 21st century.  

Today I discovered that a good friend of mine died recently (from Covid), and I didn't know.   I'm not surprised I wasn't told, because her family probably doesn't know I exist.  You see, I only knew her online.  I exist in her email contact list and nowhere else.  She's not a Facebooker.  She was in her late 70's and not keen on technology, so we never got around to trying Zoom or Whatsapp or any of that stuff. 

I will now treasure the email where she told me I was one of her dearest friends, even though we never met in real life.   We met through a writing forum and I helped her master the art of online writing.  We exchanged emails often, but she had warned me, back in April, that she would be "off the air" for several weeks while she underwent treatment for a brain tumor.  So it was some time before I started worrying about her silence.   I finally managed to find out by working through contacts of contacts of contacts.  

So now, I'm not going to know when the funeral is so I can send flowers.  I can't send a sympathy card because I don't know her husband's contact details.  Heck, for all I know, he may have caught Covid and died, too (he has a heart condition).  

It got me thinking about how much of my social circle is in the online world these days, and although I feel like I know them well, all I really know is a username on a forum or website, and perhaps an email if I'm lucky.   If they suddenly disappear, I will probably never know what happened to them.  

Vale Sondra.  

Sorry to hear about your friend. Have you tried googling her & her husband's names? and try his name on facebk? i have manage to track down funeral and death notices that way a few times

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Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, Nemesis said:

Sorry to hear about your friend. Have you tried googling her & her husband's names? and try his name on facebk? i have manage to track down funeral and death notices that way a few times

Yes I have but nothing yet. I know he’s not on Facebook - total technophobe 

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Some on here I’d like to meet, and I believe they know who they are..

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11 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Well, this is a new experience for the 21st century.  

Today I discovered that a good friend of mine died recently (from Covid), and I didn't know.   I'm not surprised I wasn't told, because her family probably doesn't know I exist.  You see, I only knew her online.  I exist in her email contact list and nowhere else.  She's not a Facebooker.  She was in her late 70's and not keen on technology, so we never got around to trying Zoom or Whatsapp or any of that stuff. 

I will now treasure the email where she told me I was one of her dearest friends, even though we never met in real life.   We met through a writing forum and I helped her master the art of online writing.  We exchanged emails often, but she had warned me, back in April, that she would be "off the air" for several weeks while she underwent treatment for a brain tumor.  So it was some time before I started worrying about her silence.   I finally managed to find out by working through contacts of contacts of contacts.  

So now, I'm not going to know when the funeral is so I can send flowers.  I can't send a sympathy card because I don't know her husband's contact details.  Heck, for all I know, he may have caught Covid and died, too (he has a heart condition).  

It got me thinking about how much of my social circle is in the online world these days, and although I feel like I know them well, all I really know is a username on a forum or website, and perhaps an email if I'm lucky.   If they suddenly disappear, I will probably never know what happened to them.  

Vale Sondra.  

Sorry to hear that Marissa. I hope you're ok as these things can impact us more than we might have expected. Last year I heard of an old school friend that died suddenly from suicide and it hit me like a sledgehammer, even though I hardly knew them and hadn't spoken to them in years. 

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:evilface_frowning_s

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Sorry to hear about your friend @Marisawright, your story is both sad and lovely. Take care. 

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I've never had any online friends ☹️

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After my wife Connie passed away just over 2 years ago I went through our address book which contains all addresses, birthdates, emails, etc and highlighted the people who I wish or needed  to be informed of my passing, including banks, insurers, UK pension providers. I did all this after I realised just what was needed after my wife's sudden passing. (It will make my son's responsibilities easier to manage.

 

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9 hours ago, simmo said:

I've never had any online friends ☹️

 

snoopy hug.jpg

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, simmo said:

I've never had any online friends ☹️

But we all posted messages of love and support while you were sick, that was online friendship, 

So you aren’t alone after all, you do have friends there there, feel better now?

 

Edited by ramot
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Lots of levels of friendship and thank heavens for it. There are the very close friends and relatives,then close as in go out for a coffee/ meal etc, close acquaintances through clubs, sporting groups etc, people you deal with often, including online and others that you feel some connection eg neighbours. All helps the world go round and makes it a better place I think.

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So sorry to hear about your friend Marisa. I hope you can get some sort of connection.

A few years ago I went to the funeral of a “friend” I met here on PiO. We caught up once in real life for a quick trip around Cambridge then when she died suddenly I went down to Devon for her funeral - weird, but it was something I wanted to do, we had been very much on the same wavelength, same age etc. 

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Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, simmo said:

I've never had any online friends ☹️

I reckon you have lots on here 🤗

Edited by Tulip1
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Hi I dont come on often , does anyone know how  john doe Is (kevin) i used to like is posts especially when he had a few drinks,  thanks,

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9 hours ago, redtape said:

Hi I dont come on often , does anyone know how  john doe Is (kevin) i used to like is posts especially when he had a few drinks,  thanks,

I wondered about JohnDoe also. Some of his posts were really insightful.

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Sorry for your loss Marisa - I had an online friend in the UK, 'introduced' to her by her niece, we got on so well, often corresponding over FB messenger.  She passed away a few years ago, I still miss her friendship even though we never actually me.

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I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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11 hours ago, ali said:

Sorry for your loss Marisa - I had an online friend in the UK, 'introduced' to her by her niece, we got on so well, often corresponding over FB messenger.  She passed away a few years ago, I still miss her friendship even though we never actually me.

I guess it's the modern equivalent of a penpal


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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A group of people from my church write to people in nursing homes who have no visitors and no close family. They are beyond the computer stage and look forward to letters. I reckon that is a brilliant idea and am thinking I might join in too.

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1 hour ago, starlight7 said:

A group of people from my church write to people in nursing homes who have no visitors and no close family. They are beyond the computer stage and look forward to letters. I reckon that is a brilliant idea and am thinking I might join in too.

That's a lovely idea - my dad died recently and when my son and daughter in law cleared out his things, there was a pile of cards - they would have been precious to him, mainly from one of his local friends.  He used to put them on his windowsill and people could/would comment on them, he was so proud of them.  I wrote him a few but some of them are probably still in the mail somewhere so I would email him things and the home would print them out (and we Skype called) but he really appreciated his cards, they were just more special to him I think.  Reduced my son and daughter in law to tears actually as his friend had written every week and always promised she would be there when the home reopened (and she would have as well, every week, regular as clockwork!).  Home still closed unfortunately.

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9 hours ago, Marisawright said:

I guess it's the modern equivalent of a penpal

I used to have those too when I was younger - still in touch with my pen pals mum on FB (he doesn't use it), and also pen pals I had in my 20's


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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