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Lynne shenfine

Impossible decision

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On 30/07/2020 at 18:40, bunbury61 said:

I came back in 94 for a few years - or so I thought 😀

And iam still here - we just have our mom here now ...

But the million dollar question is- there is a job to do and someone has to do it 

Good for you, @bunbury61.   When I moved to Australia, I got my citizenship as soon as possible, because I always thought I'd have to go home and look after my Dad at some point. Thank goodness I never had to, because one of my sisters took him on.  

My sister needed a place to live after a marriage break-up, and she was always very fond of our family home (which the rest of us thought of as old and draughty!).  So Dad sold her the house, on condition he could live there till he died, and split the proceeds between us all.

He lived for another 15 years.   Sadly, my two sisters now barely speak to her. They think she swindled us out of the house (funny that, because our Dad consulted us all about the price before he sold, and we all agreed) and she's now "sitting on a gold mine'.   Personally, I will be eternally grateful and can't put a price on the service she did for all of us.  

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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54 minutes ago, Fisher1 said:

We all have our own lives to live but for many people that goes out of the window when our elderly parents need us.It’s a very difficult time if your oldie needs a lot of care, but I couldn’t not help my mum - she was always there for me when I needed her. Well done you and your wife for stepping up, wishing you many happy times with your mum. A small tip about those hospital visits - I used to keep a ‘hospital bag’ in my wardrobe, ready to grab at any time. In the bag were: a gripping paperback, change for the drinks machine. a small cushion (for low backed chairs at two in the morning) a packet of mints, toothbrush and toothpaste, face wipes, deodorant, tissues, a clean tee shirt. 😁

Mum was in very good health until the week before she died.  She had been playing golf then out to a social function with a group of friends and was in great fettle.  She rang her sister that night and said she felt "funny".  As soon as my aunt saw her she rang for an ambulance.  Mum had had a stroke.  I got the call and flew back immediately as did my siblings.  I arrived back on the Sunday and stayed by Mum's hospital bedside until she died on the Thursday.  I wish she had lived longer but she would have hated to be 'helpless" and in need of care.

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1 hour ago, Fisher1 said:

We all have our own lives to live but for many people that goes out of the window when our elderly parents need us.It’s a very difficult time if your oldie needs a lot of care, but I couldn’t not help my mum - she was always there for me when I needed her. Well done you and your wife for stepping up, wishing you many happy times with your mum. A small tip about those hospital visits - I used to keep a ‘hospital bag’ in my wardrobe, ready to grab at any time. In the bag were: a gripping paperback, change for the drinks machine. a small cushion (for low backed chairs at two in the morning) a packet of mints, toothbrush and toothpaste, face wipes, deodorant, tissues, a clean tee shirt. 😁

I always took my knitting with me - I’ve made many a shawl or pair of socks while waiting in A&E! Never took a clean t shirt I must admit. But, then, we were only minutes from the hospital! 

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11 hours ago, Quoll said:

I always took my knitting with me - I’ve made many a shawl or pair of socks while waiting in A&E! Never took a clean t shirt I must admit. But, then, we were only minutes from the hospital! 

Aha! We lived twenty miles away from the hospital in Bangor, and to get home by public transport it took a bus, a train and a walk. We were round the corner from the care home so the ambulance always waited for me, which meant I had no way to get back. I once left the hospital at six in the morning having sat in a hard low back chair since two - that’s when I planned the hospital bag 😁

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103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

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On 05/08/2020 at 10:57, Marisawright said:

Good for you, @bunbury61.   When I moved to Australia, I got my citizenship as soon as possible, because I always thought I'd have to go home and look after my Dad at some point. Thank goodness I never had to, because one of my sisters took him on.  

My sister needed a place to live after a marriage break-up, and she was always very fond of our family home (which the rest of us thought of as old and draughty!).  So Dad sold her the house, on condition he could live there till he died, and split the proceeds between us all.

He lived for another 15 years.   Sadly, my two sisters now barely speak to her. They think she swindled us out of the house (funny that, because our Dad consulted us all about the price before he sold, and we all agreed) and she's now "sitting on a gold mine'.   Personally, I will be eternally grateful and can't put a price on the service she did for all of us.  

That’s so sad. They have no idea.

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103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

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2 hours ago, Fisher1 said:

That’s so sad. They have no idea.

No, indeed. Being a carer is a thankless task I would have happily delegated to a sibling, no matter what the cost.

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23 hours ago, Quoll said:

No, indeed. Being a carer is a thankless task I would have happily delegated to a sibling, no matter what the cost.

Me too Quoll. My sibling didn’t seem to notice that I had moved countries and taken early retirement in order to live down the road from mum should she need me - she actually once gave me a lecture about how difficult it was living some distance away ...  Ah but you know what, I’m glad I was there, mum appreciated it - she once said it was a good job I was around because I knew all the family stories and could remind her what had happened. 

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103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

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