Emotional blackmail

[Aussiebird]

As if moving to Australia isn't stressful enough, although still exciting, I am now going through emotional blackmail from my parents, which has left me in tears and playing with my mind.

Who else has suffered this because of moving to Australia?

 

[Quoll]

One hates to say it but what did you expect? They’re grieving the loss of the life they thought they’d have in old age, the loss of their grandkids, etc.  It’s probably a far more normal response than the “yeah go for it” and it’s probably due more to their expectation of family life than anything else.  The degree of upset will vary of course, right through from “we are cutting you out of the will, don’t bother to come back” right through to “I will miss the kids at Christmas”.  Some of it will be said with a real emotional blackmail intent whilst much will just be wistfulness.

How you deal with it is up to you. If you’ve got siblings who live local to your parents then you’ve probably won the lotto because they will pick up the slack should things go pear shaped at home. If you’re an only child, you put on your big girl pants and deal with sh!t if and when it happens. You’ll never survive as an emigrant in a foreign country on the other side of the world if you aren’t more than average selfish and self sufficient (not meant in a pejorative way, just a survival strategy) so you don’t have to own their emotions.  

Basically, cut them a bit of slack, they’re grieving the loss of a life. Chances are they’ll get over it eventually. The hole you leave in their lives will heal over and they’ll either make the best of it or they won’t.  How much you and your family will continue to connect with them is rather up to you.  As the leaver, I felt it was my responsibility to make the trips back to connect with the folks but my parents were both very independent and self sufficient people that they made a choice to spend 6 months of each year in Australia.  I never got the emotional guilt trip from them but I did get it from my daughter in law for leaving my grandkids in Australia when we needed to go home to support my ailing parents (mum hated that but she had dementia!).  Being a grandparent over FaceTime sucks and tbh I would rather not do it and continually pick at the wound of what I no longer have in my real life but my grandson loves calling and talking to me so I do it for him.  I actually think that we had it better 40 years ago when out of sight, out of mind worked well.

Good luck - it’s your life to live.

[Tulip1]

I agree with Quoll. Your parents are going through bereavement. They probably love you all so much and they just can’t help the pain it’s causing them. Whilst I think parents should try and button up, smile and be happy for their offspring who’s leaving (or at least pretend to be happy for them) I think some just either can’t manage that or are so angry with what’s happening they’re beyond caring what they say, they just want you to know the hurt you’re causing. That’s not me saying you shouldn’t go, definitely not. You have your own life to lead. I have grown up kids in Oz and I’d never put the guilt trip on them. I’ve always supported their move and have been genuinely happy for them. Their happiness comes before mine, not that I’m unhappy as I’m not but you know what I mean. Everyone’s different though. The sooner you can move the better as at some point I’m sure they will accept it more. They may never be happy about it or indeed get over their loss but they will learn to live with it. Good luck.    

[ali]

In what way are they emotionally blackmailing?  I agree with Quoll that it's probably them adjusting to loss are they hurt you didn't tell them you'd got your visa? You've made the move once and returned - they probably had some hopes of you staying put - do remember that not everyone will be happy that you're going again, they'll be older, the distance will feel a little greater etc.  Hope it works out for you.

[ramot]

1 hour ago, Quoll said:

One hates to say it but what did you expect? They’re grieving the loss of the life they thought they’d have in old age, the loss of their grandkids, etc.  It’s probably a far more normal response than the “yeah go for it” and it’s probably due more to their expectation of family life than anything else.  The degree of upset will vary of course, right through from “we are cutting you out of the will, don’t bother to come back” right through to “I will miss the kids at Christmas”.  Some of it will be said with a real emotional blackmail intent whilst much will just be wistfulness.

How you deal with it is up to you. If you’ve got siblings who live local to your parents then you’ve probably won the lotto because they will pick up the slack should things go pear shaped at home. If you’re an only child, you put on your big girl pants and deal with sh!t if and when it happens. You’ll never survive as an emigrant in a foreign country on the other side of the world if you aren’t more than average selfish and self sufficient (not meant in a pejorative way, just a survival strategy) so you don’t have to own their emotions.  

Basically, cut them a bit of slack, they’re grieving the loss of a life. Chances are they’ll get over it eventually. The hole you leave in their lives will heal over and they’ll either make the best of it or they won’t.  How much you and your family will continue to connect with them is rather up to you.  As the leaver, I felt it was my responsibility to make the trips back to connect with the folks but my parents were both very independent and self sufficient people that they made a choice to spend 6 months of each year in Australia.  I never got the emotional guilt trip from them but I did get it from my daughter in law for leaving my grandkids in Australia when we needed to go home to support my ailing parents (mum hated that but she had dementia!).  Being a grandparent over FaceTime sucks and tbh I would rather not do it and continually pick at the wound of what I no longer have in my real life but my grandson loves calling and talking to me so I do it for him.  I actually think that we had it better 40 years ago when out of sight, out of mind worked well.

Good luck - it’s your life to live.

Quoll, you are right that it makes a difference if you have siblings still in UK when you emigrate. However there can be a deep resentment that never goes away, from the sibling left to cope on their own, while you live thousands of miles away, taking no responsibility for your parents.

Both my husband’s and my family felt that way.  No easy answer if you emigrate leaving your parents behind, and until your parents get to the stage of needing help, it’s possibly not something you think about in the process of emigration.

[Marisawright]

I know it must be difficult, but try to see it from their point of view. You have children, how would you feel if tomorrow, they announced they've decided not to go to Australia with you - they're staying with the grandparents? 

I know you'll say, "but my children are only small, of course I'd be devastated to be separated from them".  But consider - it doesn't matter whether they leave you at ten years old, or twenty, or forty.  As a mother, you're still going to feel the same pain of loss.  That's what you're putting your parents through.   As Tulip1 says, it's a fact of life that children grow up and leave home, so most parents will try to button up and at least pretend to be happy.  However they are only human, after all.  And they may not understand why you need to go back to Australia, if it looks as though you've made a good life in the UK. It must look as if you love Australia more than you love them.

Edited June 8, 2020 by Marisawright

[Domo]

Many of us have gone through this, as it's a very pivotal move in determining the direction of yours' and any else's life. Unfortunately, they're blackmailing, anger, frustration is all a sign they care deeply! Like the posters above, the loss is huge, and their unhappiness is justified as they're losing a source of their happiness, however you must believe in your choices and do what is right for you. 

I ran a family business with my parents and brother, I have a very tightly knit family dynamic. They made it difficult and still do at times, but know your not alone in the struggle for change! Best of luck and do what you think is best for you and your future, that'll make you unbreakable!

[Wanderer Returns]

7 hours ago, Aussiebird said:

As if moving to Australia isn't stressful enough, although still exciting, I am now going through emotional blackmail from my parents, which has left me in tears and playing with my mind.

 

Family ties are surely the biggest single reason why we Poms ping-pong back and forth. My mum was far from happy when I migrated to Australia in 2003. My dad had died 3 years before and I'm an only child, so she had no other close family. That said, she respected my decision and never really laid it on too thick. I wanted her to move out here too - she loved it when she visited, but she thought it was a bit too late in the day for her. I used to go back to the UK every couple of years to see her, which also made me feel a bit homesick when I got back. Then in 2015 we returned to the UK to care for my mum, until her death three years later. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, and I'm glad we did it but in doing so we've made our own lives rather messy. We stayed in England another couple of years so my wife could become a UK citizen, and that was the only reason (although trips to Europe were nice). I loved my country but the UK is like a broken record - and it's getting more scratched by the day! Life in Australia isn't just about the weather and the beaches any more - it's just better all round.

Emigrating is stressful but if you try an keep a foot in each camp (as I did for many years) to appease distant family, you it will make it much harder for yourself in the long term. For what it's worth I think you are doing the right thing for your future, and the future of the family. There's no easy way to avoid the emotional blackmail, but if it gets too much then a gentle reminder that they've lived their lives, made their own choices, and with due respect you should be allowed to make yours without being made to feel (too!) guilty.

Stay strong, and good luck with the move!

Edited June 9, 2020 by Wanderer Returns

[Quoll]

4 hours ago, Wanderer Returns said:

Family ties are surely the biggest single reason why we Poms ping-pong back and forth. My mum was far from happy when I migrated to Australia in 2003. My dad had died 3 years before and I'm an only child, so she had no other close family. That said, she respected my decision and never really laid it on too thick. I wanted her to move out here too - she loved it when she visited, but she thought it was a bit too late in the day for her. I used to go back to the UK every couple of years to see her, which also made me feel a bit homesick when I got back. Then in 2015 we returned to the UK to care for my mum, until her death three years later. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, and I'm glad we did it but in doing so we've made our own lives rather messy. We stayed in England another couple of years so my wife could become a UK citizen, and that was the only reason (although trips to Europe were nice). I loved my country but the UK is like a broken record - and it's getting more scratched by the day! Life in Australia isn't just about the weather and the beaches any more - it's just better all round.

Emigrating is stressful but if you try an keep a foot in each camp (as I did for many years) to appease distant family, you it will make it much harder for yourself in the long term. For what it's worth I think you are doing the right thing for your future, and the future of the family. There's no easy way to avoid the emotional blackmail, but if it gets too much then a gentle reminder that they've lived their lives, made their own choices, and with due respect you should be allowed to make yours without being made to feel (too!) guilty.

Stay strong, and good luck with the move!

Are you headed back WR? We did just what you did - 2011 to March this year for us. We left within 3 days, totally clearing out and cleaning up a house. I can’t say that it’s great for me though, Australia still has nothing for me. I hope it’s better for you if you get back. My DH is very happy to be back though, it’s his place, not mine. I’m just glad I had almost 9 years of belonging which I hadn’t expected. Caring for elderly parents is nobody’s picnic though (the curse of the only child!)

[ramot]

4 hours ago, Wanderer Returns said:

Family ties are surely the biggest single reason why we Poms ping-pong back and forth. My mum was far from happy when I migrated to Australia in 2003. My dad had died 3 years before and I'm an only child, so she had no other close family. That said, she respected my decision and never really laid it on too thick. I wanted her to move out here too - she loved it when she visited, but she thought it was a bit too late in the day for her. I used to go back to the UK every couple of years to see her, which also made me feel a bit homesick when I got back. Then in 2015 we returned to the UK to care for my mum, until her death three years later. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, and I'm glad we did it but in doing so we've made our own lives rather messy. We stayed in England another couple of years so my wife could become a UK citizen, and that was the only reason (although trips to Europe were nice). I loved my country but the UK is like a broken record - and it's getting more scratched by the day! Life in Australia isn't just about the weather and the beaches any more - it's just better all round.

Emigrating is stressful but if you try an keep a foot in each camp (as I did for many years) to appease distant family, you it will make it much harder for yourself in the long term. For what it's worth I think you are doing the right thing for your future, and the future of the family. There's no easy way to avoid the emotional blackmail, but if it gets too much then a gentle reminder that they've lived their lives, made their own choices, and with due respect you should be allowed to make yours without being made to feel (too!) guilty.

Stay strong, and good luck with the move!

As some other posters know, we are the polar opposite of the normal parent child dilemma.

We, the parents, moved to Australia in 2003 when my husband retired. Previously we had been expatriates in Brunei for the previous 10 years, with our 3 children then aged 13, 19, 21. Left behind in UK. I spent those years living between the 2 countries.

Then as mentioned we moved to Australia instead of returning to UK. It was initially perhaps for a couple of years, and a bit of an adventure, still here and staying.

Two of our children have followed us to live here.

our oldest son and family stayed in UK, his wife would never leave her parents,  and although nothing is actually said, he resents us for not living back in UK and being part of our grandsons lives.

So we are the ones with a foot in both countries, as almost every year we go back for about 3 months, so do actually see a fair bit of them.

Because of our lives, RAF, expats, it’s actually more usual that most of our friends don’t live near their families, so we are more perhaps more accepting of our children’s life choices.

So many of our friends on the Sunshine Coast have moved to live here, and consequently our children are scattered either overseas or other states in Australia, yes of course we miss them, but life is more mobile these days, fewer people stay in one place all their lives.

As parents we do probably have this idea/Hope  that we will live within close reach of our children and grandchildren, the reality of life is very different.

[Lavers]

We got the same of my wife's parents saying how they would never come and visit us etc etc.

My father in law loved spending time with my girls but my mother in law doesn't, so that limited the time in which he could spend with them.

My father in law passed away in Feb so if anything it has made things a little easier as it was him that we where both more bothered about.

The mother in law is happy with a 5min fix once a week (Facebook Nana) and then calls us selfish for taking the girls away from her.

We are currently living with the mother in law  and she still manages to spend no time with the kids what so ever, instead of making the most of the time she has left with them.

If your parents are more involved with the kids then I imagine it is harder for you.

At the end of the day you are doing what you think is best for your children and you have to live your own life.

[Lavers]

I will just add to the above now as I've just had my sister in law threaten to bite my nose off for taking her sister away

[Amber Snowball]

21 minutes ago, Lavers said:

I will just add to the above now as I've just had my sister in law threaten to bite my nose off for taking her sister away

Blimey! 

[Quoll]

2 minutes ago, Lavers said:

I will just add to the above now as I've just had my sister in law threaten to bite my nose off for taking her sister away

Is that because they’re really close or that she’s going to be left holding the baby? Probably the latter as Ramot alluded to above! (In which case I can sort of see her point!)

I’m sure it’s not the case for you but I can imagine a situation where a family member might try to “protect” a relative if they believe that there might be an undue exertion of control happening. It’s not unusual for there to be a power disparity in a relationship with the impetus for the move coming from mainly the other person and maybe the family can see what is happening to their relative and they fear that the isolation will then be complete (I’ve seen all sorts in my time!)  As I said, I’m sure that’s not happening for you but there are myriad reasons why someone might get their knickers in a knot about someone leaving the family.  
 

I have a friend who had the most torrid time with her family. Her parents were both only children and deliberately (like me) vowed they would never have an only child because the stress on them with elderly parents was awful.  Fast forward to their girls becoming adults and my friend (who became my friend because I was married to an Aussie) met an amazing man - tall, dark, handsome, bright, tea total, lovely, wealthy ..... all those things that make parents generally super happy when their daughters find one.  But - he was Australian!  If you want to see emotional blackmail, they did it on steroids! Refused to talk to him/meet him even though my friend travelled the length of the country with him regularly to try and calm the situation. They wouldn’t have a bar of him.  So my friend got a fiancé visa and left with him when he went home.  One day they decided that it was the relationship for them, walked into the registry office and got married with no family there at all.  That was over 40 years ago! Her parents came round of course, they came on visits and she visited home pretty much every year. One of the grandsons lived in U.K. for a while.  So it all worked out for her despite the most awful emotional blackmail (you’ll be dead to us, cut out of the will etc etc).  I do empathise with their reasons being an only child but their reaction was extreme! 

[Lavers]

My wife doesnt speak to her sister but apparently that is due to me, not the fact that she is mentally unstable and has spat on my wife and also attacked her in front of my youngest (3 at the time) who ran off hiding in the corner with the dog. She blanks all this out of her head.

They do tell themselves that it is me that is dragging her to the otherside of the world, but this is where her family dont give my wife the credit she deserves.

Either way if it makes them all feel better blaming it on me then I will take one for the team

 

[Wanderer Returns]

5 hours ago, Lavers said:

My wife doesnt speak to her sister but apparently that is due to me, not the fact that she is mentally unstable and has spat on my wife and also attacked her in front of my youngest (3 at the time) who ran off hiding in the corner with the dog. She blanks all this out of her head.

Blimey!  Do you think Australia's going to be far enough?? Personally I'd be heading to NZ or the South Pacific! 

[Wanderer Returns]

On 09/06/2020 at 17:44, Quoll said:

Are you headed back WR? We did just what you did - 2011 to March this year for us. We left within 3 days, totally clearing out and cleaning up a house. I can’t say that it’s great for me though, Australia still has nothing for me. I hope it’s better for you if you get back. My DH is very happy to be back though, it’s his place, not mine. I’m just glad I had almost 9 years of belonging which I hadn’t expected. Caring for elderly parents is nobody’s picnic though (the curse of the only child!)

@Quoll sorry to hear that you're not looking forward to the move back. If I felt that strongly then I'd have probably stayed in the UK, but I'm guessing your circumstances are a lot more complicated than mine. I'm already back in Australia - I've been in Brisbane 5 months now, and the time has flown by. I've been pretty busy with work, whilst trying to resolve the mess that remains in the UK in my free time! Our house sale should've been completed by the end of March/early April, but the chain fell apart and we're still looking for a new buyer. My wife and I were prepared for 2-3 months of separation but it will be 6 months by the time she gets here, and has enjoyed a two-week vacation courtesy of the Queensland Government! Our time apart has been the worst part of moving back, but no one could've predicted this back in January when I left.

My sense of belonging in the UK came mainly from the happy memories I had with family and friends when I was growing up. When I returned 11 years later, my mum was the only family I had left and most of my UK friends had moved away from the local area. Naively, I thought it would all be the same when I got back but most of my friends seemed very staid in their outlook, and there was also some resentment if you get my drift. I couldn't find the sense of belonging I had there before, especially after my mum died. I firmly believe it comes from what we build for ourselves, rather than anything geographic or cultural, although the latter certainly adds to it. When I wake up in the morning and look at out the window at the sun shining, that's enough to put me in a positive frame of mind at the start of every day. When it's raining I enjoy that too, as it doesn't happen very often! Australia is a great place to move forward with life, I think 

[Lavers]

1 hour ago, Wanderer Returns said:

@Quoll sorry to hear that you're not looking forward to the move back. If I felt that strongly then I'd have probably stayed in the UK, but I'm guessing your circumstances are a lot more complicated than mine. I'm already back in Australia - I've been in Brisbane 5 months now, and the time has flown by. I've been pretty busy with work, whilst trying to resolve the mess that remains in the UK in my free time! Our house sale should've been completed by the end of March/early April, but the chain fell apart and we're still looking for a new buyer. My wife and I were prepared for 2-3 months of separation but it will be 6 months by the time she gets here, and has enjoyed a two-week vacation courtesy of the Queensland Government! Our time apart has been the worst part of moving back, but no one could've predicted this back in January when I left.

My sense of belonging in the UK came mainly from the happy memories I had with family and friends when I was growing up. When I returned 11 years later, my mum was the only family I had left and most of my UK friends had moved away from the local area. Naively, I thought it would all be the same when I got back but most of my friends seemed very staid in their outlook, and there was also some resentment if you get my drift. I couldn't find the sense of belonging I had there before, especially after my mum died. I firmly believe it comes from what we build for ourselves, rather than anything geographic or cultural, although the latter certainly adds to it. When I wake up in the morning and look at out the window at the sun shining, that's enough to put me in a positive frame of mind at the start of every day. When it's raining I enjoy that too, as it doesn't happen very often! Australia is a great place to move forward with life, I think 

Life is what you make of it my friend and the path you take is in your hands.

[Paul1Perth]

On 09/06/2020 at 04:28, Aussiebird said:

As if moving to Australia isn't stressful enough, although still exciting, I am now going through emotional blackmail from my parents, which has left me in tears and playing with my mind.

Who else has suffered this because of moving to Australia?

 

Just about everyone that emigrates has to go through the tearful goodbyes. We were lucky in that our families were supportive and could understand our reasons for leaving. They all had the visit to Perth pencilled in, no one said they wouldn't come. 

That was good as we couldn't afford a trip back to the UK for 13 years, so the only time we saw family was when they visited us.

The only people who got a bit negative were my wifes eldest Sister and husband who were returning from 10 years teaching in Bermuda. They thought it was selfish of us to be emigrating when they were just getting back to reconnect with family.

They went to live in Tolpuddle anyway, so we wouldn't have seen much of them, all the rest of the families up North.

[Toots]

2 hours ago, Paul1Perth said:

Just about everyone that emigrates has to go through the tearful goodbyes. We were lucky in that our families were supportive and could understand our reasons for leaving. They all had the visit to Perth pencilled in, no one said they wouldn't come. 

That was good as we couldn't afford a trip back to the UK for 13 years, so the only time we saw family was when they visited us.

The only people who got a bit negative were my wifes eldest Sister and husband who were returning from 10 years teaching in Bermuda. They thought it was selfish of us to be emigrating when they were just getting back to reconnect with family.

They went to live in Tolpuddle anyway, so we wouldn't have seen much of them, all the rest of the families up North.

My Mum was used to her three offspring leaving the nest so to speak.  I left home to work in the Lake District when I was 16 and my brother and sister left home to go to uni when they were 17.  None of us lived at home again.  After leaving uni my siblings worked overseas for a number of years and so did I.   Mum was widowed by then so she visited us as often as she liked.  We helped with her fares.  She was very close to her younger sister who lived nearby and she had very good friends she had known for years so she wasn't lonely.  I'm sure she missed us very much as we did her but those were the lives we chose.  She never made us feel guilty at all.

[Quoll]

3 hours ago, Wanderer Returns said:

@Quoll sorry to hear that you're not looking forward to the move back. If I felt that strongly then I'd have probably stayed in the UK, but I'm guessing your circumstances are a lot more complicated than mine. I'm already back in Australia - I've been in Brisbane 5 months now, and the time has flown by. I've been pretty busy with work, whilst trying to resolve the mess that remains in the UK in my free time! Our house sale should've been completed by the end of March/early April, but the chain fell apart and we're still looking for a new buyer. My wife and I were prepared for 2-3 months of separation but it will be 6 months by the time she gets here, and has enjoyed a two-week vacation courtesy of the Queensland Government! Our time apart has been the worst part of moving back, but no one could've predicted this back in January when I left.

My sense of belonging in the UK came mainly from the happy memories I had with family and friends when I was growing up. When I returned 11 years later, my mum was the only family I had left and most of my UK friends had moved away from the local area. Naively, I thought it would all be the same when I got back but most of my friends seemed very staid in their outlook, and there was also some resentment if you get my drift. I couldn't find the sense of belonging I had there before, especially after my mum died. I firmly believe it comes from what we build for ourselves, rather than anything geographic or cultural, although the latter certainly adds to it. When I wake up in the morning and look at out the window at the sun shining, that's enough to put me in a positive frame of mind at the start of every day. When it's raining I enjoy that too, as it doesn't happen very often! Australia is a great place to move forward with life, I think 

We've been back since March.  Left in a hurry with a house to sell which completed just yesterday after a few blips on the way (Dad's house).  We made the decision to fly out on the Thursday afternoon, cleared out the house totally and left it on Sat afternoon to spend the night at son's place then flew out Sunday.  Like you, I had a load of happy memories with friends and family - tiny family now mostly gone and friends scattered to the winds (I had been away 40 years or more) but I made some more amazing new friends and caught up with the old ones from time to time and it was just like there was zero time since our last get together.  I hated Australia before I left and whilst I dont hate it now with the same passion, I just dont belong here.  I guess arriving in mid Covid didnt help but there's nothing here for me and I didnt have much alternative - we were living in dad's house and he is now in care and the house needed to be sold to pay for his care fees - we were 24/7 carers for him for the best part of 3 years and he's actually much happier in the home.  I find the weather more oppressive actually - the flies were bad when we first arrived and I get SAD from constant relentless blue sky and sunshine (interestingly, my eldest granddaughter remarked that she felt like that the other day - quite unprovoked).  I am walking a lot but it's always exactly the same.  I will make a go of it of course, I have to.  I am not going to let myself go like I did before - self destructive behaviour due to exogenous depression can kill you!!!

Edited June 11, 2020 by Quoll

[Ausvisitor]

13 hours ago, Lavers said:

I will just add to the above now as I've just had my sister in law threaten to bite my nose off for taking her sister away

That's a weirdly specific threat, yet quite PG rated at the same time.

I know if someone threatened to bite of one of my appendages it would be slightly lower - so small mercies at least there Lavers...

Are you still looking at going in the next couple of months? Good Luck with it

[Lavers]

12 minutes ago, Ausvisitor said:

That's a weirdly specific threat, yet quite PG rated at the same time.

I know if someone threatened to bite of one of my appendages it would be slightly lower - so small mercies at least there Lavers...

Are you still looking at going in the next couple of months? Good Luck with it

was looking at July 1st but just noticed that flights running up until Sat 27th are coming in at £1930 for all 4.

[AliQ]

30 minutes ago, Lavers said:

was looking at July 1st but just noticed that flights running up until Sat 27th are coming in at £1930 for all 4.

Wow, that's cheap, I'd grab those seats at that price.

[Wanderer Returns]

On 11/06/2020 at 19:09, Lavers said:

was looking at July 1st but just noticed that flights running up until Sat 27th are coming in at £1930 for all 4.

 

On 11/06/2020 at 19:39, AliQ said:

Wow, that's cheap, I'd grab those seats at that price.

That is cheap. I'd make sure that any airport you're intending to fly through is open for transit passengers as most aren't at the moment, and there are many restrictions on the few which are. I know Doha has stayed open throughout, and flights with Qatar Airlines have become very expensive as they've been the only option for a couple of months (about £1,000 one-way). The other airlines are still more than happy to take your money of course, even if your flight is likely to get cancelled! My wife is due to fly on the 2nd July with Singapore Airlines. Changi Airport stated they were going to allow transit passengers from 11th June. However, I've just learnt they're only allowing passengers travelling from Australia/NZ to other destinations at the moment - not the other way around! It's still 3 weeks away but we may need to cancel the shipping arrangements unless they open up further, or my poor wife will be stuck in an empty house - and I'll be stuck in the dog house!