Moving back home to UK

[Paul1Perth]

2 hours ago, Nemesis said:

if you don't like high rises, beaches, or huge expanses of desert its very easy to be bored with Queensland. Give me somewhere with old buildings and ancient towns and I wouldn't be bored. But Queensland? Sick and tired of the government telling me I should visit bits of it. Its up to me to holiday where I want and enjoy what I want. No amount of cajouling by some politician could make Queensland anything other than boring. 

You're not only in the wrong state, you're in the wrong country.

[Toots]

On 12/06/2020 at 09:52, Marisawright said:

 

I love Queensland in the wintertime, when the skies are blue but the temperature is pleasant.   I can walk beside the sea for hours, if I have good company.  But I find bushwalks somewhat boring, because the vegetation looks the same for miles, and the wildlife isn't active during the day (except the creepy-crawlies, which I hate), so there's nothing much to see.   I'm also a magnet for mosquitos, which doesn't help.   I would go to Queensland to visit the Barrier Reef again, but there's nowhere else I feel the need to see a second time.

Everyone is different and there's nothing wrong with preferring another lifestyle.

With a bit of luck Loopylu will be able to escape when flying overseas happens again.  Life is too short to put up with a place you dislike.

I've never lived in Queensland but I've been on holiday and enjoyed it.  We went in winter which was very pleasant.  I used to go to Brisbane regularly with my job and thought it was a nice relaxed place - not that I had much time to do a lot of exploring around the city but I liked what I saw.  

I'm in Tasmania and today is cold and gloomy   .................  but I still love it.  

[AliQ]

7 hours ago, Loopylu said:

Nemesis- you have captured my sentiments exactly!  You've seen one rain forest, you've seen them all, ditto with the beaches and endless open spaces that all look the same.  Where I lived in the UK, I only had to drive a few miles to see a different landscape, different architecture etc.  It was never too hot (or too cold) to go for a long walk in countryside and the access across ancient footpaths beats the sterile boardwalks available in Qld.  I enjoyed my memberships of English Heritage and the Wildfowl and Wetland Trust but nothing much similar here. 

Loopylu, I totally understand and we too love the countryside walks and historic homes etc. (but NOT the crowds and traffic ! )

We've been back in the UK for nearly two years now, but find life in the UK, at times, very frustrating.

We are flying back to Australia soon and can't wait. It's all about life style choices and thank goodness we all like different things in life. I think people who have been able to gain dual citizenship are very lucky indeed.

Edited June 12, 2020 by AliQ

[Loopylu]

Qld is pleasant in Winter but then the days are very short and so I only see my garden on the weekend....  It's dark here by 5pm now.  I really miss UK summer evenings when I could potter in the garden after work until 10pm.  In Qld the sun goes down by 7.30pm at the latest which when I worked for Brisbane top tier law firm meant I still didn't see my garden in the week.  It's better now that I am in-house and can leave work much earlier....

 

[Loopylu]

AliQ - I guess it depends where you live in the UK as to your experience.  My parents live in a village in Carmarthenshire so no crowds or traffic to worry about.  If you live in or around major towns and cities in the UK then yes it is a problem but driving in Brisbane during rush hour is also tedious.  On Public Holidays the M1 to the Sunshine Coast is also a traffic jam....

Edited June 12, 2020 by Loopylu

[Loopylu]

7 hours ago, Toots said:

With a bit of luck Loopylu will be able to escape when flying overseas happens again.  Life is too short to put up with a place you dislike.

I've never lived in Queensland but I've been on holiday and enjoyed it.  We went in winter which was very pleasant.  I used to go to Brisbane regularly with my job and thought it was a nice relaxed place - not that I had much time to do a lot of exploring around the city but I liked what I saw.  

I'm in Tasmania and today is cold and gloomy   .................  but I still love it.  

I love cold and gloomy.  Our last trip to the UK was December/January 2018/9 and the cold weather was so lovely. Brisbane is a relaxed place so much so that it turns a blind eye to overt racism, sexism etc.  When we moved here in 2008 I thought I had landed in a bad 1970s sitcom....  

[Guest]

My partner and I have lived in Perth for 10 years now and have four children all at school. In 2015 my mother passed away suddenly and two months after, my grandmother. They raised me and were the cornerstones of my life to that point and not being able to say goodbye to either of them was utterly devastating. We emigrated to start over, and give the children a good start. My partner's family are all in Perth too.... and they have become the missing pieces of my family here. However, I want to go home. But I can't. My heart is in the beauty and cultural landscape of Oxfordshire, my head is sadly here. I fear I will always put my feelings in a box marked 'do not open', for the sake of stability, my partner, family, prosperity etc. Lockdown made it doubly worse as we watched every single episode of The Vicar of Dibley! I'm not a romanticist, but my soul is being spoken to and the message is loud and clear. I know I should be able to suck it up and get on with my life and everything that encompasses with a big family and good weather and all that WA has to offer etc. Perth is great, for most, but my sensibilities and desire to surround myself with 'green' and history and those parts of my character traits that need to be exercised properly, are almost suffocatingly locked down. I guess I'll wait until retirement and perhaps broach the subject when the needs of the children have been satisfied and they are travelling their own paths. I'm 38.

[starlight7]

It is hard when you are not happy with the country you live in and it seems to happen quite a lot with migrants. Obviously things are worse just now because everyone is trapped because of the virus so you can't even go on a visit. I was wondering if it was actually Perth that is the problem or Australia and being far away from your country of origin. Perth is different. I don't like it, personally and could never live there and I am wondering if you are one of those people? I can't put it into words, but I felt really alien there, just a feeling. Most people seem to love it, I have to say.

[newjez]

1 hour ago, 22B said:

My partner and I have lived in Perth for 10 years now and have four children all at school. In 2015 my mother passed away suddenly and two months after, my grandmother. They raised me and were the cornerstones of my life to that point and not being able to say goodbye to either of them was utterly devastating. We emigrated to start over, and give the children a good start. My partner's family are all in Perth too.... and they have become the missing pieces of my family here. However, I want to go home. But I can't. My heart is in the beauty and cultural landscape of Oxfordshire, my head is sadly here. I fear I will always put my feelings in a box marked 'do not open', for the sake of stability, my partner, family, prosperity etc. Lockdown made it doubly worse as we watched every single episode of The Vicar of Dibley! I'm not a romanticist, but my soul is being spoken to and the message is loud and clear. I know I should be able to suck it up and get on with my life and everything that encompasses with a big family and good weather and all that WA has to offer etc. Perth is great, for most, but my sensibilities and desire to surround myself with 'green' and history and those parts of my character traits that need to be exercised properly, are almost suffocatingly locked down. I guess I'll wait until retirement and perhaps broach the subject when the needs of the children have been satisfied and they are travelling their own paths. I'm 38.

Holiday?

Hate to rub it in, but this year the summer has been sensational, and the countryside is blisteringly beautiful. Just been on a two hour bike ride down bridleways and country lanes. Simply stunning.

But it will probably pour down next year. Plus, the light traffic with lockdown is wonderful, but it's already picking up.

I'm from Perth myself, and I try and get back once a year, and that's enough. 

Maybe you could August in Oxford after this madness gets back to normal?

[Quoll]

2 hours ago, 22B said:

My partner and I have lived in Perth for 10 years now and have four children all at school. In 2015 my mother passed away suddenly and two months after, my grandmother. They raised me and were the cornerstones of my life to that point and not being able to say goodbye to either of them was utterly devastating. We emigrated to start over, and give the children a good start. My partner's family are all in Perth too.... and they have become the missing pieces of my family here. However, I want to go home. But I can't. My heart is in the beauty and cultural landscape of Oxfordshire, my head is sadly here. I fear I will always put my feelings in a box marked 'do not open', for the sake of stability, my partner, family, prosperity etc. Lockdown made it doubly worse as we watched every single episode of The Vicar of Dibley! I'm not a romanticist, but my soul is being spoken to and the message is loud and clear. I know I should be able to suck it up and get on with my life and everything that encompasses with a big family and good weather and all that WA has to offer etc. Perth is great, for most, but my sensibilities and desire to surround myself with 'green' and history and those parts of my character traits that need to be exercised properly, are almost suffocatingly locked down. I guess I'll wait until retirement and perhaps broach the subject when the needs of the children have been satisfied and they are travelling their own paths. I'm 38.

Hate to tell you but you’ll probably never leave. I’d say this is probably it for you, unless you can persuade the family to move before the kids get entrenched with their own families and financially it becomes impossible for you to move. 
I really feel for you, I’ve felt the same - and I thought it would all be ok in retirement but initially it wasn’t - my DH had zero intention of even visiting uk for a holiday let alone live there. He had very different ideas for our retirement and we both thought the other knew.  In the end, one of our sons went on holiday to U.K. and didn’t come back, he got into a great career, marriage, a home and family. We went back for his wedding in 2011 and I had to drag my DH there for that. In the end, we didn’t come back to live here again until mid March this year. My elderly parents needed care and I’m an only child.  We are back now and though my loathing isn’t quite as bad as it had become I still don’t belong. My head has always said that this is home but my heart never got with the plan.

Best advice to you is to either address it now and move to where you belong or draw a line and understand it will never happen. If the exogenous depression gets you down then talk to your GP and try and get hooked up with a CBT or ACT psychologist- they’ve got strategies that can help you get through every day. Won’t fix it but might make it more liveable. Lots of people won’t be able to understand your displacement but many of us do “get it”. It’s not logical or pragmatic and you’re probably an inherently strong and independent woman but if the place doesn’t float your boat, it really doesn’t and no amount of rational thinking can make that old boat float. We just get good at learning to live with it! Good luck!

Edited June 24, 2020 by Quoll

[Marisawright]

4 hours ago, 22B said:

My partner and I have lived in Perth for 10 years now and have four children all at school. In 2015 my mother passed away suddenly and two months after, my grandmother. They raised me and were the cornerstones of my life to that point and not being able to say goodbye to either of them was utterly devastating. We emigrated to start over, and give the children a good start. My partner's family are all in Perth too.... and they have become the missing pieces of my family here. However, I want to go home. But I can't. My heart is in the beauty and cultural landscape of Oxfordshire, my head is sadly here. I fear I will always put my feelings in a box marked 'do not open', for the sake of stability, my partner, family, prosperity etc. .... I guess I'll wait until retirement and perhaps broach the subject when the needs of the children have been satisfied and they are travelling their own paths. I'm 38.

It must be awful to be in your situation and I feel for you.  However, I would urge you to "broach the subject" soon.  Don't keep it all bottled up year after year, because that is very bad for your mental health.  Keeping quiet is also storing up trouble for the future, because when you finally pour it all out, your loved ones will think, "She's not serious. How can this be so desperately important to her?  She's never said anything before." 

If you can't talk to your partner, then arrange to see a counsellor.  A counsellor may not be able to help much, BUT you can be totally honest with them. Just venting your feelings to someone can be a great relief. Now is a good time to arrange something because there are services available to people who are strugging with isolation - which you are. 

If you think moving back in retirement would be an option, then you need to start planning now. If you leave Australia before pension age (which will likely be 70 by then), you won't get any pension at all - and you won't be able to claim the British pension either, unless you start making annual NI contributions now.  Your superannuation will be taxed in the UK, too.  If you don't start planning now, you could find you simply can't afford to move back in your old age - which is another reason you should let your partner know that's your dream, so you can work towards it together.

Edited June 24, 2020 by Marisawright

[Home and Happy]

On 12/06/2020 at 00:52, Marisawright said:

 but there's nowhere else I feel the need to see a second time.

That’s what I love about the U.K.  There is just so much to see and do. You never run out of places to go to. And well, if you did everywhere else is just a short plane hop or ferry ride away.  Camping in France is one of our favourite things to do over summer. 

[Pendragon]

On 24/06/2020 at 16:38, 22B said:

My partner and I have lived in Perth for 10 years now and have four children all at school. In 2015 my mother passed away suddenly and two months after, my grandmother. They raised me and were the cornerstones of my life to that point and not being able to say goodbye to either of them was utterly devastating. We emigrated to start over, and give the children a good start. My partner's family are all in Perth too.... and they have become the missing pieces of my family here. However, I want to go home. But I can't. My heart is in the beauty and cultural landscape of Oxfordshire, my head is sadly here. I fear I will always put my feelings in a box marked 'do not open', for the sake of stability, my partner, family, prosperity etc. Lockdown made it doubly worse as we watched every single episode of The Vicar of Dibley! I'm not a romanticist, but my soul is being spoken to and the message is loud and clear. I know I should be able to suck it up and get on with my life and everything that encompasses with a big family and good weather and all that WA has to offer etc. Perth is great, for most, but my sensibilities and desire to surround myself with 'green' and history and those parts of my character traits that need to be exercised properly, are almost suffocatingly locked down. I guess I'll wait until retirement and perhaps broach the subject when the needs of the children have been satisfied and they are travelling their own paths. I'm 38.

I also live in Perth, for past 13 years since moving from the West Country. I am male and most UK guys I tell of my dissatisfaction of living in Australia don't believe I could feel that way. I have worked or visited every state, capital city and beyond. No doubt there is some lovely scenery and in the main Australians are ok people. Hard to put into words, but it is just not home. Being married twice I now have children and grandkids on both sides of the world. To avoid a second divorce I too put my feels in box and get on with it. Visiting home when I can. 

[Paul1Perth]

On 11/02/2020 at 11:08, Marinulay said:

So good of you to answer! Not a worry about the benefits side of things.. but i wonder..did you all get a UK bank account... or do you keep the one you have and draw from free ATMs in UK?  So much to think about..! My husbands super etc...and streaming some of it as income. And once he puts his claim in for his aged pension...how long does it take to be sorted...? We really want to be back by end of May if poss. But his pension claim goes in 3rd May. Any advice at all? Be so grateful!

I think you would be better with a UK bank account. You would just get his super paid into it from Aus. Obviously exchange rates change all the time and affect what he will get in pounds. I get my British pension and a couple of other UK  pension accounts paid into my account here.

The UK pension dept were really on the ball. A couple of months before I reached 65 they sent me a letter with an explanation and quote on what I was due to. Pleasantly surprised TBH. 

I rang them and they were really helpful.

[Paul1Perth]

On 05/06/2020 at 17:33, Loopylu said:

As a lawyer who has volunteered in my spare time to assist asylum seekers, I have a very dim view of the LNP government.  If you read academic articles on human rights, the Australian approach of not giving any timelines for reviewing freedom of movement laws is an abuse of human rights. Manus and Nauru where people have been detained up to 7 years shows they have form in this area. 

You should be happy back in the UK then where they have record numbers coming over the channel every day and they have no clue in how to stop it. All our rellies are in the UK and when Aus brought in it's rules every one of them wished the UK could do the same.

[Paul1Perth]

On 06/06/2020 at 10:24, Loopylu said:

I am not terribly homesick and I am not clinically depressed.  I have been there and this is so not the same. The feeling is more akin to being convicted of a crime I didn't commit and being incarcerated indefinitely. 

What frustrates me about the Australian government's approach to the international lockdown is the fact that they are not giving any guidance whatsoever on when international travel may restart.  Just smug/glib comments about "you won't be going abroad on holiday this year" as though an overseas holiday is the only possible reason why a person in Australia might want to leave the country. 

Living in Brisbane, we can't even escape Qld and go to northern NSW for a road trip holiday as we had originally planned to do during these coming winter school holidays (with my parents) or go to any other State for that matter. And being told that I should be road-tripping in a State that I am already very bored with adds injury to insult.  

The plan is for my parents to try to come same time next year so I will try to look forward to that. 

Thanks for all your comments as it does help. 

 

 

You've got thousands of choices without leaving Queensland, from one of the biggest rainforests in the world to fantastic beach holidays most people can only dream about.

[Marisawright]

46 minutes ago, Paul1Perth said:

You've got thousands of choices without leaving Queensland, from one of the biggest rainforests in the world to fantastic beach holidays most people can only dream about.

What if you hate the beach and are a magnet for mosquitoes and other biting insects...

[Loopylu]

3 hours ago, Paul1Perth said:

You've got thousands of choices without leaving Queensland, from one of the biggest rainforests in the world to fantastic beach holidays most people can only dream about.

And they bore me sh*tless…. Seen one rain forest and tropical beach, you've seen them all.  I prefer the variety of the UK landscape and access to Europe and culture.  I prefer the UK climate and British people, irrespective of their ethnicity and cultural background.  The UK has (like Australia) in the main benefited from migration.  I have found that a lot of British people who have relocated to Australia mention that they like the lack of black and brown faces here and I guess they fit in with probably 95% of the Aussie born white population.  This attitude disgusts me.

[Paul1Perth]

2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

What if you hate the beach and are a magnet for mosquitoes and other biting insects...

The UK is the place then.

[Paul1Perth]

29 minutes ago, Loopylu said:

And they bore me sh*tless…. Seen one rain forest and tropical beach, you've seen them all.  I prefer the variety of the UK landscape and access to Europe and culture.  I prefer the UK climate and British people, irrespective of their ethnicity and cultural background.  The UK has (like Australia) in the main benefited from migration.  I have found that a lot of British people who have relocated to Australia mention that they like the lack of black and brown faces here and I guess they fit in with probably 95% of the Aussie born white population.  This attitude disgusts me.

Seen one European City packed with tourists, you've seen them all.

[starlight7]

I find the comments about the British people in Australia and their attitude to "black and brown faces' totally unjustified and offensive because I have never, ever come across Australians or Btitish like this in Victoria or Queensland come to that.  I would go as far as to say you made it up.

[Loopylu]

Just because you have not experienced it Starlight7 does not mean it is not true. I have witnessed lots of racism in Qld on trains and in other public places, some of the worst directed at Traditional Owners whose land this is. Perhaps you have led a sheltered life. I tend to find that these attitudes are expressed by those with less education and working in lower pay grades who feel their jobs are threatened by immigrants who may work for less money or who blame every crimewave on non-whites. It does not help that the current government and its Newscorp lackeys promote these views. Funny how the views I have heard expressed from Melbourne are that all crime is the fault of Sudanese and the Muslims spread Covid during Ramadan...

Edited September 7, 2020 by Loopylu

[Paul1Perth]

7 minutes ago, Loopylu said:

Just because you have not experienced it Starlight7 does not mean it is not true. I have witnessed lots of racism in Qld on trains and in other public places, some of the worst directed at Traditional Owners whose land this is. Perhaps you have led a sheltered life. I tend to find that these attitudes are expressed by those with less education and working in lower pay grades who feel their jobs are threatened by immigrants who may work for less money or who blame every crimewave on non-whites. It does not help that the current government and its Newscorp lackeys promote these views. Funny how the views I have heard expressed from Melbourne are that all crime is the fault of Sudanese and the Muslims spread Covid during Ramadan...

If you lived in Melbourne and had trouble with the apex gang you might agree with them. Like you say, depends on your experiences.

I went to uni in Birmingham and spent a couple of years living in Sparkhill student digs so I find your comments about the UK benefitting from emigration unbelievable. Apart from you could get a good cheap curry.

[Paul1Perth]

14 minutes ago, Loopylu said:

Just because you have not experienced it Starlight7 does not mean it is not true. I have witnessed lots of racism in Qld on trains and in other public places, some of the worst directed at Traditional Owners whose land this is. Perhaps you have led a sheltered life. I tend to find that these attitudes are expressed by those with less education and working in lower pay grades who feel their jobs are threatened by immigrants who may work for less money or who blame every crimewave on non-whites. It does not help that the current government and its Newscorp lackeys promote these views. Funny how the views I have heard expressed from Melbourne are that all crime is the fault of Sudanese and the Muslims spread Covid during Ramadan...

I remember my first trip to Darwìn on a work trip. First night there got called a white C*** by some of our lovely Traditional Owners. Not an unusual occurence in Darwin. 

I suppose that type of racism is acceptable to you though, given that you say this is their land.

Who do you think should own the UK's land given it's history? Must be loads of nationalities with a claim there.

[ramot]

22 minutes ago, Loopylu said:

Just because you have not experienced it Starlight7 does not mean it is not true. I have witnessed lots of racism in Qld on trains and in other public places, some of the worst directed at Traditional Owners whose land this is. Perhaps you have led a sheltered life. I tend to find that these attitudes are expressed by those with less education and working in lower pay grades who feel their jobs are threatened by immigrants who may work for less money or who blame every crimewave on non-whites. It does not help that the current government and its Newscorp lackeys promote these views. Funny how the views I have heard expressed from Melbourne are that all crime is the fault of Somalis and the Muslims spread Covid during Ramadan...

First you blame British immigrants for racism, then the  less educated poorly paid I assume Australians? who are threatened by immigrants. Next all crime and the spread of civic is the fault of either the Somalis or the Muslims, according to everyone who lives in Melbourne.

Your sweeping statements are out of order, and I take offence and I am angry at you insulting me because as I am British you make the assumption I might be one of the many you accuse of racism. I think an apology is in order.

with the benefit of hindsight I should have ignored your posts rather than been affected by the nonsense.

Edited September 7, 2020 by ramot