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I really want to move home but husband doesn’t

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Hi

I really need some advice. My now husband and I moved over from the UK 8 years ago. We had never planned in staying so long but before we knew it we got married (back in the UK) and now have a baby. When my baby was just 2 weeks old, my father suddenly died and we were on a plane back with my tiny baby to attend his funeral. I came back saying that I would give it a year before making life changing decisions. I’ve done that now but I cannot settle. My head is always back home with the remainder of my family and now widowed mother. My husband gets annoyed as I’ve brought up moving back so much, and has agreed that we will go, but there is no solid plan in place and it makes us fight all the time. He says he wants to save more money but how much is enough? I’ve suffered losing one parent and making that journey we all dread having only given birth. I was broken and I need my family at home to heal and be happy. My husband will need to close his business that he built from scratch here and reminds me of that. I have lovely friends here that I would miss dearly and Australia has given us so much which I’ll always be grateful for. We have also worked our butts off here.  But what good is everything we have if we don’t have our family? I’m scared to have another baby because I could never go through what happened at the start of my sons life again. Pleas help or give any advice you can. I’m so confused and don’t know if I’m being selfish or if my thoughts are justified. Thank you.

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You are not being selfish. You have just as much right to be happy as your husband. 

It will be very hard to find a solution that suits you both and I recommend you get professional help from a counsellor


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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I can sympathise with your husband but also with you, too. It is sometimes hard being a migrant.  Your little child is still very young by the sound of it and not yet involved with schools, kinders etc which also would give you some roots and feelings of permanence. Sometimes it is good not to look back at what you had or thought you had but look forward to what might be in the future. There is no easy answer is there? Maybe do a list of pros and cons and talk it over with your husband.  He might just be very nervous about giving up a business- you can't really blame him on that score. Best of luck and I hope you are able to come to some compromise .

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To be honest it sounds rather like your husband is saying one thing (yes we go) and doing another (not actually doing anything to make it happen);  Marisa's suggestion on counselling is a good one.  It is difficult marrying these foreigners 😉 someone has to be away from home.

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PR (100) planning to move to Perth by then end of 2019!

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Hate to say this but you're probably not going to move. It sounds like it's in the "too hard" basket for your DH and, I admit, we certainly made decisions which saw us take the pragmatic option of the moment - it certainly wasn't the emotional decision which would have seen me live where I belong and, years down the track, I do regret that. If your financial security preparing for your oLder age is better in Australia then it will be very hard for him to let that go. But, still, there is always encouragement for people making the move in the opposite direction to "follow your dreams" so the same should apply to you and whilst a move might be scary, people do do it all the time. 

I agree with the others, counselling both for yourself and you as a couple would seem to be a priority - you might be able to get a compromise deal that sees both of you with your needs meet and you should get equipped with strategies to help you manage if you don't get the deal you desire.

Or you could play the Meghan card and issue an ultimatum to your DH like she did to Harry (sorry, that's by way of being a bad joke! But it seems to have worked for her!) 

I sincerely wish you all the best but honestly think you might be stuck in a situation where you have to work out what will be your "least worst" option and live with that. 

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