Jemvin Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Moved back to uk 6 months ago now with partner and young son. After 9 years in Aus I wanted to be closer to my family. Which I really like. Although we had some family issues and my parents health isn’t the best and they barley leave the house part of me feel content and at home. But... partner hates it here he left a good house and job for a huge downgrade and pay cut and I do understand that. Part of me misses it too. My main issue is his behaviour he isn’t just miserable he is horrible his mood his behaviour is wearing thin on me I’d say he can be quite mentally abusive and mean. and I don’t know what to do. Financially I feel stuck but how can I leave when he came here for me. How could I let me sons Dad go back to Aus leaving us here? But if I go back I feel ill be stuck there forver or I’ll end up there alone. I don’t know what I’m posting this as I know it’s my own problwm I just don’t feel I can be honest about this with my family and friends. I just feel completely stuck and stressed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 It sounds like your husband is deeply unhappy and homesick and he doesn't know how to deal with it, so he's lashing out. The only way to save your marriage is to talk to each other, and it sounds like that's impossible now. You need someone who can get you together and help you both communicate, which means you need a marriage counsellor. It's your only solution. If your husband won't come to see the counsellor, go on your own. The counsellor can help you sort out your feelings so it's still very valuable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 It could also be he is having to deal with SAD (seasonal affected disorder) too. I suffered with it (undiagnosed) all of my life and, since moving to Queensland in 2015, it is no more. Dealing with December was probably the worst as everyone is so damned chipper about Christmas and you have to put on a bit of an act for the sake of children, family, even work colleagues. January was often not so bad because everyone had the post-holidays blues, exacerbated by having no money and an expanded waist-line so I blended in with my bad mood. By March I was literally hanging on and counting the days until the clocks went forward (that was a psychological target more than anything else). He may have this and not know it or even be willing to acknowledge it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip1 Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 What a horrible situation. Your husband left a good house and job for much less you say. You say he did it because you wanted to move? Now he’s here he hates it so much he’s striking out at you and is mean and nasty. He probably realises he’s completely stuffed as unless you are prepared to move back his life has changed and not for the better. You mention him going back to Oz and leaving his son here. He probably cannot even begin to imagine doing that so will be stuck in the UK ongoing. I’m not suggesting you or anyone is wrong for looking to end a relationship but this is a sad situation. I assume the relationship was good before the move? I think you both need counselling. He could have said he wasn’t moving and you’d have been stuck there so I think you have to really try to work things out as best as you can. He shouldn’t be behaving the way he is but he is probably so low he doesn’t even realise or can’t help it. Tell him you don’t like how things are and you want for you both to get some help to get it right again. I feel for both of you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Gbye grey sky said: It could also be he is having to deal with SAD (seasonal affected disorder) too. I suffered with it (undiagnosed) all of my life and, since moving to Queensland in 2015, it is no more. Dealing with December was probably the worst as everyone is so damned chipper about Christmas and you have to put on a bit of an act for the sake of children, family, even work colleagues. January was often not so bad because everyone had the post-holidays blues, exacerbated by having no money and an expanded waist-line so I blended in with my bad mood. By March I was literally hanging on and counting the days until the clocks went forward (that was a psychological target more than anything else). He may have this and not know it or even be willing to acknowledge it. I would add that I hear the weather there has been gloomy and wet these past months. Grey, cloudy days were always far worse than bright sunny cold days (even though I was stuck in an office most days). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted January 1, 2020 Author Share Posted January 1, 2020 Tbh he was bad there too and I really thought a change from work stress and having family support here would be a good thing. I guess I was naive. I think he has ocd but he doesn’t wanna hear it. He things he is “ perfect” He will check and comment on how the is car is parked, how things are put and done etc. The seasonal thing wouldn’t surprise me either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vickie78 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Jemvin said: Tbh he was bad there too and I really thought a change from work stress and having family support here would be a good thing. I guess I was naive. I think he has ocd but he doesn’t wanna hear it. He things he is “ perfect” He will check and comment on how the is car is parked, how things are put and done etc. The seasonal thing wouldn’t surprise me either. Well in that case definitely seek counselling, sounds a lot more deeper than just moving to another country. At least then you'll know whether your relationship can be saved or not. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 13 hours ago, Gbye grey sky said: I would add that I hear the weather there has been gloomy and wet these past months. Grey, cloudy days were always far worse than bright sunny cold days (even though I was stuck in an office most days). Who told you that ? We havent had a day below zero - yet - in fact in the west mids - not for years . You watch the premiership football , a lot of the players are in short sleeves , in January Remember the old days with 3ft of snow in winter ? My brother in law hasnt stopped wearing his shorts It's hardly tropical but dont think we are all just hanging on here . Ordinarily , I would give up 5 months in the u.k in the winter from nov - march for 5 months in oz - that was always the plan With the news from oz we are getting, in relation to the temps and bush fires , now iam not so sure 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 Brum - 30th dec Look at the rain and the grey clouds 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 I think you've got bigger problems than just a relocation. Marriage counselling is the way to go but if you have a controlling perfect person in the counselling relationship your chances of a mutually acceptable compromise are going to have to be hard fought. I wish you luck but caution against a knee jerk return to be "nice" because then you would be screwed as the Family Court of Australia would never let you leave with your kids. Good luck! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 I just wanted to add - look at your friends, pick one or two who can keep their own counsel, are strong in themselves and whose opinion and support you would value - never underestimate the power of a solid friendship. You don’t need to earbash them daily but it will help if someone knows what’s happening for you and who can be a shoulder when the going gets tough. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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