Any help....I’m totally stuck !!

[Lucie1]

Here goes......

 

I’ve wanted to emigrate for about 10 years and have spoken about it continuously.

 

We have just come back from our second holiday to north of Perth and am still totally thrown whether to go.

 

Home here I have a very good job in being a nurse manager and my husband is in the fire service.

 

I have two younger and two older children. My older children are unsure of whether they want to move just yet and given their age (22) they would need to apply for their own skilled visa.

 

His concern is he would struggle to get in the fire service in Oz, but would like for any job if we made the move.

 

My biggest worry right now is in the UK we live very comfortably from a financial position. I know it’s not all about the money and that’s why we think Oz could offer a better life for our children but could we really have that life if at nearly 40 we have to start again.

 

I would love to hear how other families may have decided to love or return and the reason around that.

 

All I know is right now the decision is driving me and, I think of nothing else each day.

 

 

[Bulya]

Why WA?  It’s isolated and there are fewer employment opportunities 

[Toots]

My thinking (for what it's worth) is if you have an easy comfortable life in the UK why would you move to the other side of the world.  Coming on holiday to Australia of course is very pleasant but life would be very much the same here    .............  work, housework, bills to pay blah blah blah.  If you want a bit of an adventure well OK but if I were you I would think very seriously about such a huge move.

I married an Australian over 40 years ago and we came to Australia 38 years ago.  Life was easy back then.  Very affordable houses, jobs were so easy to find and everything seemed so much cheaper than the UK but it is definitely not like that now.  We brought up our two Aussie born sons here and they had a great childhood but they probably would have had that too in the UK.

[Amber Snowball]

It’s a hard decision. I moved in my early 30s, single parent with an 11yo, living hand to mouth on a council estate back in 2005. No brainer really. Took a lot of hard work and what was essentially a a leap of faith. I think it’s harder when you have so much to lose and you’ll be leaving older children behind. 
Do you get enough points to get a visa? 65 for the189 is the minimum but no one is getting invited with 65, I think I saw on here you need 75/80 points at the moment. Nursing isn’t as short as it used to be so finding work might take longer, Australian new grads are coming to the UK as they are struggling to get work apparently. 
Not sure about the state/regional visas.
Only you can decide what you really want to do. It is a leap of faith for everyone in the end, no one can guarantee a successful move!

Maybe check out the points/visa situation first as that might make the decision for you. Then have a look at Seek.com.au for the type of work that might be available to you.

I returned to the UK last year leaving my now 25yo behind in Australia. I am now better off in the UK but where you are happier/better off is very person/situation specific.

Good luck with your decision!

[Antipodista]

If I’m doubt, don’t. Take a lovely holiday there every year. It’s not a panacea for everything and has its own struggles too. 

[Naomi from Manchester]

If you apply and get granted a visa, would it be worth asking your current employer if they would allow you to take a year off, and hold your job for you? That's what we did 8 years ago (both worked for NHS). We were lucky in that we both secured jobs in Australia before we came - my partner is a nurse and he just applied for jobs on the NSW health job website and had a few telephone interviews. He was happy to take a step down in terms of responsibility given our potentially temporary circumstance, and so didn't find it difficult to get a job at that time. We rented out our UK flat and made a decision to stay in Sydney once we had been here a year. I'm not sure how old your little ones are and whether a 'test year' would be more beneficial or traumatic for them. 

Edited November 10, 2019 by Naomi from Manchester

[samlab]

Don’t do it. Given your circumstances, you’ve got a lot to lose.

[Marisawright]

I think you would be absolutely crazy to move to Australia. 

I say that even though I love living in Australia.  But it is NOT a paradise.    It's an ordinary country, no better or worse than the UK.    If you're obsessed with moving to Australia then it's very, very likely that you've built up an unrealistic dream of how good it is.  

It is not a better life for your children.  Forget that. Unemployment in Australia is just as bad as in the UK.  House prices are seriously out of control - I look at all my friends (I'm in my sixties) and their kids are still living at home or flat-sharing in their thirties, because they can't afford to buy a place of their own.   The beach lifestyle is great but there's more to life than that!

Your husband is right to worry about his job prospects as a firey.  Your children are probably too young to qualify for their own skilled visas yet, so it could be some years before they can migrate.  Also, they would have to train for something that's "on the list", rather than start a career doing something they really want to do.  And after all that training, they might find the occupation's been taken off the list, so all the work will be for nothing.   

[Quoll]

If it ain't broke don't fix it. I think you're probably imagining some magical paradise whereas what you'd get is a foreign first world country on the other side of the world with much the same problems as now irritate you where you are. Your DH would most likely kiss goodbye to the job he loves and you'd  probably struggle to get anything like what you now have. Your kids may never move and you'll likely be one of us with an ever split family.

If otoh your agenda is "adventure" (not the "better life for the kids" meme usually trotted out) and you can afford to gamble upwards of £50k for bargain basement starters then protect yourselves with career breaks, renting out your home, trying to keep your kids' place in school etc and suck  it and see for 12 months.

[Marisawright]

One other thing that worries me is that you say it's been your dream for ten years.    Is it just your dream?   Is your husband really keen or has he just been worn down by ten years of you talking about it? Are the kids really keen, or are they just saying, "If you migrate, then of course we want to come with you?"

Migration is very tough even when the whole family is raring to go.  By the time you've paid for the visa fees, shipping costs, air fares, setting up in your new home and surviving for six months while you find jobs, money goes out the door very fast - most people spend at least £30k.  If things go wrong - and they always do, because it's such a huge upheaval -  then if you all made the choice together, you can ride out the storm. But if one family member talked everyone else into it, it won't be long before they start feeling resentful and angry and blaming that person for dragging them across the world.   It's the cause of a lot of marriage breakdowns.  So do take a step back and ask yourself how everyone else really feels - are they going along with the idea because they want you to be happy, or are they really keen for themselves?

[Lucie1]

Thank you so so much all, reading all your advice does really bring it home to me.

To answer some of your questions, I would have 75 points for 189. 80 for 190.

My oldest children would have enough points in 2 years should they come.

We wasn’t going to rent our home as the equity in our home would have been extremely useful for a deposit out in Oz.

But all your replies really does make me think that we have a really comfortable life here and maybe I’m chasing something that will ultimately give us a more difficult life :-(.

Thank you once again all x

[Lucie1]

Thank you marissawright that there is very wise words. You’re spot in it is my dream and mine only.

I’m sitting here now thinking and actually we do have a lovely lifestyle here in the UK.

[starlight7]

Unless you both want to come, 100%, I would say definitely not. Especially to a relatively isolated place where you may or may not feel comfortable and fit in. An extended holiday over here perhaps? Worth saving for, probably.

[Jon the Hat]

I think you need to ask your Husband whether he really wants to do it.  If he doesn't now, right after you got back - then he really doesn't.  If he does, you should sit down and work out the time it will take, the costs of moving, the costs of not working for 3-6 months, the implications for careers if you take a step back.  Then work out how to do it without selling your house - can you live for 6 months after the costs of flights and so on?  how would you come back if you spend all your savings?

It is a hard decision for those of us with Australian Spouses, and they want to go home!

[Lucie1]

It’s a difficult one honestly. The answer I keep getting from him is “if I knew I could get a job I’d go”, which makes me think does he really want to go.....

[Marisawright]

54 minutes ago, Lucie1 said:

It’s a difficult one honestly. The answer I keep getting from him is “if I knew I could get a job I’d go”, which makes me think does he really want to go.....

No, that’s just your wishful thinking. 

It could also be a handy excuse, because he knows there’s no way he can be assured of a job, so it’s never going to happen.

i suspect he thinks he’s being kind by not saying a flat-out No to your dream

Honestly, if he was as keen as you, would you still be just talking  about it ten years later?

 

Edited November 11, 2019 by Marisawright

[LouDYorkie]

I can say first hand how difficult things can be when one party is not fully on board.
My OH had a transfer offer with work. They’d had one a few years earlier and turned it down but knowing how mad keen I had been, said they would go this time provided I already had a job to go to (something I now believe they didn’t think would be possible and therefore a great get-out clause). I joined a company in the U.K. who were happy for me to continue working for them from Australia when the day came! Deal done in my mind. We have been here 6 years now and it is only in the last few months or so that anything and everything that has ‘gone wrong’ (no matter how small) has led to my OH telling me I dragged them kicking and screaming onto the plane, leaving everyone and everything they enjoyed behind [emoji20]
At no point did I get this impression before we left. Yes there were minor reservations but I wasn’t told how they really felt ‘for fear of ruining my dream’.

[Quoll]

3 hours ago, Lucie1 said:

It’s a difficult one honestly. The answer I keep getting from him is “if I knew I could get a job I’d go”, which makes me think does he really want to go.....

Or, more likely, not wanting to burst your bubble, safe in the knowledge that he will probably never get a job that he would enjoy. I'd say bets are being firmly hedged. 

[Lucie1]

No, that’s just your wishful thinking. 

It could also be a handy excuse, because he knows there’s no way he can be assured of a job, so it’s never going to happen.

i suspect he thinks he’s being kind by not saying a flat-out No to your dream

Honestly, if he was as keen as you, would you still be just talking  about it ten years later?

 

You’re right there Marissa....would it be such an obstacle !

[Lucie1]

I can say first hand how difficult things can be when one party is not fully on board.
My OH had a transfer offer with work. They’d had one a few years earlier and turned it down but knowing how mad keen I had been, said they would go this time provided I already had a job to go to (something I now believe they didn’t think would be possible and therefore a great get-out clause). I joined a company in the U.K. who were happy for me to continue working for them from Australia when the day came! Deal done in my mind. We have been here 6 years now and it is only in the last few months or so that anything and everything that has ‘gone wrong’ (no matter how small) has led to my OH telling me I dragged them kicking and screaming onto the plane, leaving everyone and everything they enjoyed behind [emoji20]
At no point did I get this impression before we left. Yes there were minor reservations but I wasn’t told how they really felt ‘for fear of ruining my dream’.

Hi louDyorkie, that really is a big worry for me to .....I fell that would happen every time something goes wrong

[Antipodista]

On 11/11/2019 at 08:44, Marisawright said:

I think you would be absolutely crazy to move to Australia. 

I say that even though I love living in Australia.  But it is NOT a paradise.    It's an ordinary country, no better or worse than the UK.    If you're obsessed with moving to Australia then it's very, very likely that you've built up an unrealistic dream of how good it is.  

It is not a better life for your children.  Forget that. Unemployment in Australia is just as bad as in the UK.  House prices are seriously out of control - I look at all my friends (I'm in my sixties) and their kids are still living at home or flat-sharing in their thirties, because they can't afford to buy a place of their own.   The beach lifestyle is great but there's more to life than that!

Your husband is right to worry about his job prospects as a firey.  Your children are probably too young to qualify for their own skilled visas yet, so it could be some years before they can migrate.  Also, they would have to train for something that's "on the list", rather than start a career doing something they really want to do.  And after all that training, they might find the occupation's been taken off the list, so all the work will be for nothing.   

Always one of the voices of reason on here!! 

[Bulya]

8 hours ago, LouDYorkie said:

I can say first hand how difficult things can be when one party is not fully on board.
My OH had a transfer offer with work. They’d had one a few years earlier and turned it down but knowing how mad keen I had been, said they would go this time provided I already had a job to go to (something I now believe they didn’t think would be possible and therefore a great get-out clause). I joined a company in the U.K. who were happy for me to continue working for them from Australia when the day came! Deal done in my mind. We have been here 6 years now and it is only in the last few months or so that anything and everything that has ‘gone wrong’ (no matter how small) has led to my OH telling me I dragged them kicking and screaming onto the plane, leaving everyone and everything they enjoyed behind
At no point did I get this impression before we left. Yes there were minor reservations but I wasn’t told how they really felt ‘for fear of ruining my dream’.

They’re making excuses, and you know it.  

[Red Rose]

You and the fam would be ideal contestants to go on that show Wanted Down Under!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1JLbRbPnHh03VC4221JN9Z1/family-updates-2019

Australia is great. It’s not paradise though as others have said. It’s not objectively “better” than the UK, except for maybe the weather, but even then I find winters here colder than the UK due to the pitifully poorly insulated housing. Generally jobs pay more here, but I don’t feel like I am accumulating more wealth here than I would in the UK, as cost of living (in my opinion) is higher. It can be hard to make genuine friendships over here, but that’s probably not unique to Australia. However be prepared potentially for periods of feeling lonely / isolated (especially in Perth which has a reputation for being insular). 

Good luck with whatever choice you make.

[Lucie1]

You and the fam would be ideal contestants to go on that show Wanted Down Under!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1JLbRbPnHh03VC4221JN9Z1/family-updates-2019
Australia is great. It’s not paradise though as others have said. It’s not objectively “better” than the UK, except for maybe the weather, but even then I find winters here colder than the UK due to the pitifully poorly insulated housing. Generally jobs pay more here, but I don’t feel like I am accumulating more wealth here than I would in the UK, as cost of living (in my opinion) is higher. It can be hard to make genuine friendships over here, but that’s probably not unique to Australia. However be prepared potentially for periods of feeling lonely / isolated (especially in Perth which has a reputation for being insular). 
Good luck with whatever choice you make.

Thank you red rose, I applied and was accepted but as we had booked our own holiday to Oz the BBC told us that would void us from the show

[samlab]

On 11/11/2019 at 12:43, Quoll said:

Your kids may never move and you'll likely be one of us with an ever split family

That’s the worse bit for me.
Since moving here the grandchildren have come along both here in Aus and in the UK. Impossible to be in two places at once. Unless they change the requirements for PR there’s no way they can live here.