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Does dating get harder the older you get?

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, MARYROSE02 said:

I remember enraging one woman by telling her I never read the profiles, just look at the photos. 

I think most women would be enraged by that, to be honest.   A genuine relationship is based on shared values and shared interests, not on whether someone has a pretty face or  a nice body.

And of course, if your face and body aren't worthy of Adonis, I hope you were being realistic in what kind of woman would be likely to find you attractive. 

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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1 minute ago, Marisawright said:

I think most women would be enraged by that, to be honest.   

You know how RSVP works; you send out "kisses" which are free messages and women either reply saying "yes, I'd love to hear from you" or, much more often, "Sorry, no I'm not interested."

In my experience, I'd be lucky to get more than one or two "love to hear from you"  replies compared to eight or nine "not interested."  Studying each profile, wondering whether they sound nice, then  deciding whether to send a kiss or not is a waste of time, and depressing too getting your hopes up only to be rejected.

Far better to look at their photos, then send the kiss, and keep doing this until you reach the maximum allowed  - thirty I think. Delete all the "not interested" replies and then study the profiles of the ones who are interested to see if you want to invest in a stamp and pursue things further.

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I asked my wife if anything happens to me, and she remarried, would she give her new husband my golf clubs. She said no, he's left handed.

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On 03/03/2021 at 10:49, Marisawright said:

I think most women would be enraged by that, to be honest.   A genuine relationship is based on shared values and shared interests, not on whether someone has a pretty face or  a nice body.

And of course, if your face and body aren't worthy of Adonis, I hope you were being realistic in what kind of woman would be likely to find you attractive. 

Ah well, you had a clue she had no sense of humour at the outset. I guess one thing about online dating is you can bail pretty quick.

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On 03/03/2021 at 12:49, Marisawright said:

I think most women would be enraged by that, to be honest.   A genuine relationship is based on shared values and shared interests, not on whether someone has a pretty face or  a nice body.

And of course, if your face and body aren't worthy of Adonis, I hope you were being realistic in what kind of woman would be likely to find you attractive. 

True, in the long term, as a couple get to know each other, but in the short term, say in a pub or club, you don't know what a person's interests or values are so you judge them by their looks and body,

And most people internet dating expect too see a picture rather than an interesting profile.

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1 hour ago, Paul1Perth said:

Ah well, you had a clue she had no sense of humour at the outset. I guess one thing about online dating is you can bail pretty quick.

It's a process. You make first contact, see if the other person responds. Some don't. I don't to be honest. It's the easy way out but at least you don''t have to say "Sorry, I'm not interested." I do very little internet dating now but a few years ago I thought it was great, arranging dates, going out to meet people all over the city. Then I got bored with it. Sometimes, after a few drinks I might send out some messages but even after getting replies I can't be bothered to make dates. That's why I'm single I know! 

I know one young guy who sets up three dates a day via Tinder, Bumble or whatever site he's using, lunchtime, mid arvo, evening.

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37 minutes ago, MARYROSE02 said:

True, in the long term, as a couple get to know each other, but in the short term, say in a pub or club, you don't know what a person's interests or values are so you judge them by their looks and body,

And most people internet dating expect too see a picture rather than an interesting profile.

Have you tried speed dating? not the virtual version but the turn up in person to a trendy bar.

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3 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

True, in the long term, as a couple get to know each other, but in the short term, say in a pub or club, you don't know what a person's interests or values are so you judge them by their looks and body,

Well, that's exactly the point of internet dating (at least, it is for women).  Meet someone in a pub or club, and you can waste a lot of time chatting to what looks like a handsome prince on the surface, but turns out to be boring as ****.     Whereas you can tell a lot from the way someone writes their profile.  A boring profile = a boring man. Bad spelling, poor grammar=badly educated.  Half-hearted, didn't make an effort- = lazy pig OR thinks he's God's gift to women.  

Not saying that women aren't influenced by looks, too, but the profile is also  very important if they're looking for a long-term partner.

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Posted (edited)
On 02/03/2021 at 05:36, simmo said:

Going back to the op. "Does dating get harder as you get older?"

Let's be honest. 99% if people don't get more attractive as they get older. Maybe that has something to do with it?

Very true. It shouldn’t make it any harder to date and meet someone but you’re spot on. People often have very unrealistic hopes because younger people look more appealing.  A person in their 50’s may like the idea of a 30 year old but it’s not going to happen is it because the 30 year won’t like the idea of a 50 something person.  Even if you got them which is rare it would be hard work to keep them.  Reality checks needed I think. 

Edited by Tulip1
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3 hours ago, Marisawright said:

     Whereas you can tell a lot from the way someone writes their profile.  A boring profile = a boring man. Bad spelling, poor grammar=badly educated.  Half-hearted, didn't make an effort- = lazy pig OR thinks he's God's gift to women.  

Not saying that women aren't influenced by looks, too, but the profile is also  very important if they're looking for a long-term partner.

I disagree, my hubby cant read or write very well at all but is an amazing, honest, genuine bloke and very far from boring or thick. I' m now in my 31st year of being with him so his reading or writing doesnt affect me or our relationship, i just do any paperwork,lol. He is also very successful with his career and has traveled across Australia teaching others in his trade, so its certainly not held him back in any way, shape or form.

 Cal x

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If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place...

If you get a chance,take it, If it changes your life,let it. Nobody said it would be easy they just said it would be worth it...

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1 hour ago, Tulip1 said:

Very true. It shouldn’t make it any harder to date and meet someone but you’re spot on. People often have very unrealistic hopes because younger people look more appealing.  A person in their 50’s may like the idea of a 30 year old but it’s not going to happen is it because the 30 year won’t like the idea of a 50 something person.  Even if you got them which is rare it would be hard work to keep them.  Reality checks needed I think. 

By the looks at some of the pics from my old school reunions I think my birth certificate must be wrong.  I must be at least 10 years younger that most of them. 

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9 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Well, that's exactly the point of internet dating (at least, it is for women).  Meet someone in a pub or club, and you can waste a lot of time chatting to what looks like a handsome prince on the surface, but turns out to be boring as ****.     Whereas you can tell a lot from the way someone writes their profile.  A boring profile = a boring man. Bad spelling, poor grammar=badly educated.  Half-hearted, didn't make an effort- = lazy pig OR thinks he's God's gift to women.  

Not saying that women aren't influenced by looks, too, but the profile is also  very important if they're looking for a long-term partner.

I was remembering how it was when I first started on RSVP. I would do a search based upon my preferences, then I would carefully look through all the profiles, reading them intently, thinking "This lady is perfect for me." Then,  I would send out two or three contact "kisses." The next day I would look and see that each contact had said "Sorry, not interested" or words to that effect.

After repeating this sequence of rejections I thought I'd try a new tack. Ignore the profiles, and send as many kisses as I could. Result? Much the same, but, if i sent enough kisses out, I would get one or two positive replies. THEN, I would read their profiles carefully before deciding if I wanted to invest in a "stamp" and send a bespoke message.

I remember a young guy showing me how Tinder worked. You do your search then you look at all the results and ether flick left to say "interested" or right to say "interested" except he did not do any left flicks. He just flicked his finger like a machine gun to the right. I inferred that he was using the same tactic I used on RSVP, ie most women would say no, so concentrate on the 'yeses."
 

 

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7 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

I was remembering how it was when I first started on RSVP. I would do a search based upon my preferences, then I would carefully look through all the profiles, reading them intently, thinking "This lady is perfect for me." Then,  I would send out two or three contact "kisses." The next day I would look and see that each contact had said "Sorry, not interested" or words to that effect.

....then your reaction should have been, "What's wrong with my profile?  Why is it turning every woman off?"  


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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22 hours ago, Melbpom said:

Have you tried speed dating? not the virtual version but the turn up in person to a trendy bar.

No, I never tried that, singles dances, singles cruises, singles trip to the Hunter Valley, all fun, but all in the past. 

 

3 hours ago, Marisawright said:

....then your reaction should have been, "What's wrong with my profile?  Why is it turning every woman off?"  

I don't know. Was it my profile? Or was my experience entirely typical for most blokes, including Brad Pitt. Was I too honest in my profile? Should I have "gilded the lily" more? Are women turned on by honesty or turned on by lies?

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Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, calNgary said:

I disagree, my hubby cant read or write very well at all but is an amazing, honest, genuine bloke and very far from boring or thick. I' m now in my 31st year of being with him so his reading or writing doesnt affect me or our relationship, i just do any paperwork,lol. He is also very successful with his career and has traveled across Australia teaching others in his trade, so its certainly not held him back in any way, shape or form.

 Cal x

I was just pondering the question - Should I be totally honest in my profile or should I "gild the lily" aka "lie?" Should I say that I like going to the pub and watching footie and cricket, or should I say I like walking along the beach at sunset and going to the theatre, IKEA and Bunnings?

There is no end of how cynical you can be if you want.

Edited by MARYROSE02
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10 minutes ago, MARYROSE02 said:

No, I never tried that, singles dances, singles cruises, singles trip to the Hunter Valley, all fun, but all in the past. 

 

I don't know. Was it my profile? Or was my experience entirely typical for most blokes, including Brad Pitt. Was I too honest in my profile? Should I have "gilded the lily" more? Are women turned on by honesty or turned on by lies?

Post your profile on here and Marissa can help jazz it up for you.

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I want it all, and I want it now.

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3 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

No, I never tried that, singles dances, singles cruises, singles trip to the Hunter Valley, all fun, but all in the past. 

 

I don't know. Was it my profile? Or was my experience entirely typical for most blokes, including Brad Pitt. Was I too honest in my profile? Should I have "gilded the lily" more? Are women turned on by honesty or turned on by lies?

Did you see the big short?


Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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4 hours ago, MARYROSE02 said:

I was just pondering the question - Should I be totally honest in my profile or should I "gild the lily" aka "lie?" Should I say that I like going to the pub and watching footie and cricket, or should I say I like walking along the beach at sunset and going to the theatre, IKEA and Bunnings?

There is no end of how cynical you can be if you want.

No, you shouldn't pretend to be anything you aren't, or pretend to like anything you really don't. If they do not like you for who you are ,it wont last anyway, do not let anyone change you. If you enjoy walking along a beach at sunset ,then say so, if you hate footy ,say so, you want someone with similar interests and it would be no fun sitting through a footy match if you didn't actually like it. Be open to doing new things if you feel you may enjoy it but dont do something you dislike to try and impress a new partner as i would guess that is a recipe for disaster.

 Cal x

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If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place...

If you get a chance,take it, If it changes your life,let it. Nobody said it would be easy they just said it would be worth it...

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On 02/03/2021 at 05:36, simmo said:

Going back to the op. "Does dating get harder as you get older?"

Let's be honest. 99% if people don't get more attractive as they get older. Maybe that has something to do with it?

Well this could be another topic in itself, but it has been said many times to the point where it has become a maxim, that men age like a fine wine. 

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1 hour ago, calNgary said:

No, you shouldn't pretend to be anything you aren't, or pretend to like anything you really don't. If they do not like you for who you are ,it wont last anyway, do not let anyone change you. If you enjoy walking along a beach at sunset ,then say so, if you hate footy ,say so, you want someone with similar interests and it would be no fun sitting through a footy match if you didn't actually like it. Be open to doing new things if you feel you may enjoy it but dont do something you dislike to try and impress a new partner as i would guess that is a recipe for disaster.

 Cal x

You don't need your partner to be your twin. God forbid. But you do need some overlap, and you need a partner that will let you be yourself when you don't overlap. 

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Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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17 minutes ago, Red Rose said:

Well this could be another topic in itself, but it has been said many times to the point where it has become a maxim, that men age like a fine wine. 

Sadly some age like an aldi half price special.

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Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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4 hours ago, newjez said:

You don't need your partner to be your twin. God forbid. But you do need some overlap, and you need a partner that will let you be yourself when you don't overlap. 

I agree.  I wouldn’t want to sit through a footy match but would hope my partner didn’t give up on what he enjoyed. He could go to the footy match with his friends just as I could do things with my friends. I’d hope my best friend was my partner and we’d do lots of things together but I think it’s healthy to have some different likes.  @calNgary this is in no way against what you’ve posted, please don’t think it is. I was just agreeing with newjez that a couple can be a perfect match if they have different interests.  Not liking anything the same could be a big problem though and definitely not a good  match.

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On 05/03/2021 at 20:14, simmo said:

By the looks at some of the pics from my old school reunions I think my birth certificate must be wrong.  I must be at least 10 years younger that most of them. 

That’s what all men think, and a fair few women tiotoo

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

That’s what all men think, and a fair few women tiotoo

They sure do, denial is bliss!

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Posted (edited)
On 06/03/2021 at 12:06, MARYROSE02 said:

I was just pondering the question - Should I be totally honest in my profile or should I "gild the lily" aka "lie?" Should I say that I like going to the pub and watching footie and cricket, or should I say I like walking along the beach at sunset and going to the theatre, IKEA and Bunnings?

People make up all kinds of stuff on their profiles, but it's pointless, because you're only going to get found out as the relationship goes on.

The problem you've got, I think, is that the women who'll be interested in you, are mature women.  They're looking for companionship in a marriage, someone to share their life with. They're not interested in a life where you both do your own thing all day, and see each other for meals and a bit of nookie.  If your profile gave the impression you're going to be at the pub, the footie or the cricket all the time, what's in it for them?  What are you offering?

As Tulip1 says, most people don't want a partner who's in their pocket all the time either.  But if a woman reads a profile and can't see  any things you'll enjoy together other than sex, she's not going to be interested.

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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