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Does dating get harder the older you get?

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12 minutes ago, Parley said:

I think the apps have their good and bad points

I agree. I know a few people who have met their partners this way so there’s certainly good in them.  It hear it can be hard work though and you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. One of my friends seemed to be going out with a different guy every week, she even had a dating outfit that was washed and worn repeatedly.  Once she met up with a guy for a meal and on the next table there was the guy from the week before with a women, awkward!  Just part of the process I guess, nothing wrong with it.  I’ve never tried it but it certainly works for some. 

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6 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

The Tinder fraternity makes me shudder, too.  There are other online sites which cater for normal people who are looking for more than just a quick sh@g.

Let's face it, there's a legion of baby boomers out there who have lost partners and would like another genuine relationship.  It's a big market, of course someone is going to cater for it.  

Bumble is slightly different in that only the woman can initiate contact with the male first.

Maybe a good thing.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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8 hours ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

Scammers?  
 

I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time, what are the scams that people are running on dating sites?

In actual fact, the nasty people on internet dating sites are no different from the ones you might meet in person - you can still be raped by someone you met at a party (just ask that parliamentary staffer), and there are real-life conmen (and women) who dupe vulnerable, lonely people out of their savings by pretending to love them.  

The big difference is that online, people can hide behind a fake profile.  So the conman doesn't have to be a gorgeous hunk, he just has to have a gorgeous picture. And he can get away with lies on the page, whereas if you met him in person, his body language might give him away (we might not know why, but our alarm bells would go off).   

Even with two genuine people, it's easy to build up a completely unrealistic,starry-eyed picture of someone if all you're doing is emailing each other.  It's human nature.  Then when you finally decide to meet, you discover you've been wasting your time because they're nothing like you imagined.  That's why I say if you're going to look for someone online, refuse to get into long email exchanges.  One, that's what the scammers are counting on and two, it's not the best strategy even for the genuine candidates.


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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6 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

The Tinder fraternity makes me shudder, too.  There are other online sites which cater for normal people who are looking for more than just a quick sh@g.

Let's face it, there's a legion of baby boomers out there who have lost partners and would like another genuine relationship.  It's a big market, of course someone is going to cater for it.  

Tinder makes me shudder too. I couldn’t think of anything worse. A friend of mine was on it and kept saying it’s not a dating site, just people wanting to be your friend - of course they do 🤔 she regularly got photos sent to her from these new friends and very few were of their smiling face.  She had loads of willy photos sent in a variety of states and even a few videos. She was showing a few of us on a girls night out, we were crying with laughter. There are some very weird people out there that’s for sure. 

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3 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

In actual fact, the nasty people on internet dating sites are no different from the ones you might meet in person - you can still be raped by someone you met at a party (just ask that parliamentary staffer), and there are real-life conmen (and women) who dupe vulnerable, lonely people out of their savings by pretending to love them.  

The big difference is that online, people can hide behind a fake profile.  So the conman doesn't have to be a gorgeous hunk, he just has to have a gorgeous picture. And he can get away with lies on the page, whereas if you met him in person, his body language might give him away (we might not know why, but our alarm bells would go off).   

Even with two genuine people, it's easy to build up a completely unrealistic,starry-eyed picture of someone if all you're doing is emailing each other.  It's human nature.  Then when you finally decide to meet, you discover you've been wasting your time because they're nothing like you imagined.  That's why I say if you're going to look for someone online, refuse to get into long email exchanges.  One, that's what the scammers are counting on and two, it's not the best strategy even for the genuine candidates.

I think you make a very good point about wasting lots of time messaging and getting to know someone before arranging to meet. People probably should just meet up for a drink and if it’s not to be then move on. I expect many people spend weeks and weeks chatting away only to meet up and within minutes know it’s a non starter.

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I have never done online dating. However I found meeting potential partners as I get older gets easier. I am not sure why.  Maybe because we are both mature and find that a good chat is the best ice breaker. 


I met my partner in a pub not longer after I arrived in Australia. Just got talking and the rest is history. 

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1 hour ago, Tulip1 said:

Tinder makes me shudder too. I couldn’t think of anything worse. A friend of mine was on it and kept saying it’s not a dating site, just people wanting to be your friend - of course they do 🤔 she regularly got photos sent to her from these new friends and very few were of their smiling face.  She had loads of willy photos sent in a variety of states and even a few videos. She was showing a few of us on a girls night out, we were crying with laughter. There are some very weird people out there that’s for sure. 

The sound of Tinder also makes me shudder.  A number of females have met a sticky end (murdered) by males they met on Tinder.

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3 hours ago, Toots said:

The sound of Tinder also makes me shudder.  A number of females have met a sticky end (murdered) by males they met on Tinder.

Statistically, it would be very very surprising if they hadn't.   Out of the 50 million people who use the app, there's bound to be some bad apples.  Woman get date-raped and murdered even with ordinary dates.  It makes bigger news because the couple met online, but AFAIK the percentage isn't any worse than in real life.  

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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5 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Statistically, it would be very very surprising if they hadn't.   Out of the 50 million people who use the app, there's bound to be some bad apples.  Woman get date-raped and murdered even with ordinary dates.  It makes bigger news because the couple met online, but AFAIK the percentage isn't any worse than in real life.  

Very true and the dodgy people on the apps also hang out in pubs.  We may be talking to someone in a pub that is a dodgy app user. The fact is almost everyone is nice so sensible is good but it’s not worth getting too hung up over. It’s very rare that someone is so bad that you meet your demise and that could happen on your way home from the supermarket. I’m a big believer in gut feeling. 

Edited by Tulip1
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10 hours ago, Marisawright said:

In actual fact, the nasty people on internet dating sites are no different from the ones you might meet in person - you can still be raped by someone you met at a party (just ask that parliamentary staffer), and there are real-life conmen (and women) who dupe vulnerable, lonely people out of their savings by pretending to love them.  

The big difference is that online, people can hide behind a fake profile.  So the conman doesn't have to be a gorgeous hunk, he just has to have a gorgeous picture. And he can get away with lies on the page, whereas if you met him in person, his body language might give him away (we might not know why, but our alarm bells would go off).   

Even with two genuine people, it's easy to build up a completely unrealistic,starry-eyed picture of someone if all you're doing is emailing each other.  It's human nature.  Then when you finally decide to meet, you discover you've been wasting your time because they're nothing like you imagined.  That's why I say if you're going to look for someone online, refuse to get into long email exchanges.  One, that's what the scammers are counting on and two, it's not the best strategy even for the genuine candidates.

I see. I see.  I feel quite naive now.  What a minefield. 


British  | Lived in Australia 2001-02 on 457   | Married Aussie wife & moved back to UK | Plan to return to Sydney 2026 when all kids have finished school

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Talking about scammers the person you are talking to could even be the opposite sex of what you think they are. There is a very well known (ongoing) court case on at the moment from a "catfish" in Melbourne who was pretending to be a guy from home and away called Lincoln Lewis. She faces a custodial sentence because of what happened to the person she duped. It's extremely sad and tragic actually. 

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2 hours ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

I see. I see.  I feel quite naive now.  What a minefield. 

No more a minefield than meeting a stranger in a pub really


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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30 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

No more a minefield than meeting a stranger in a pub really

Apart from what you see is what you get. Rather than a filtered picture of someone 10 years ago.

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10 hours ago, simmo said:

Apart from what you see is what you get. Rather than a filtered picture of someone 10 years ago.

....which is why I say that the only way to handle online dating is to insist on meeting the person straight away instead of dithering about with emails.  In a safe, neutral place obviously.  Anyone who's pretending will be scared off by that.


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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On 23/09/2019 at 17:05, Paul1Perth said:

Not in the dating scene but if I were I would deffo be on dating apps. Probably several. 

As an older bloke i went with my wife and another couple to a motown night a few years back. Being a heavy rock fan I wasn't really looking forward to it but thought it would be a good laugh.

The other couple had lived in Perth most of their lives and we went in a pub next to the motown venue first. It was 90% ladies in our age bracket, a lot of them single and on the prowl. My mate knew a few of them and the ladies were over,  chatting pretty quick. I think they thought I might be single as we'd gone to the bar.

Once we were in the venue I had a few dances with my wife and went to the toilet. When I got back my wife and friends were having a real laugh. My missus said about 50 pairs of eyes followed me to the toilet. I sort of felt like I was being given the once over when I walked back.

Note for single guys over say 45. Go to a Tamla Motown night, be hard not to pull.😁

thanks for the advice!

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After my divorce I found it hugely difficult, not being a great frequenter of bars and pubs. I tried the dating apps and everyone I like didn't like me! I may be just too ugly for visuals!

I actually met my current partner in a hairdressers, she was working and I was excessively hairy. Met her at a local bar after she knocked off work and the rest is history. At least she couldn't complain about my hair style!

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18 hours ago, Bript1950 said:

In addition, I can say that, unfortunately, no matter how the LGBT community develops, it is still difficult to for men seeking men especially in real life!

Go and hang around Kings Cross and Darlinghurst, there are a few bars there where heterosexuals aren't welcome. One is called glad to be gay, so you know what you would be after if you went for a drink.

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On 22/09/2019 at 17:47, Marisawright said:

Yes, I think it is, for several reasons.

The big one is that it's harder to meet potential partners if you don't socialise.   When you're young, you tend to go out to the pub/night club/dance with a group of friends. As you get older, more and more of your  friends get married, so it's harder to find buddies to go out with.   Also you do reach an age where you don't feel comfortable at a night club or rave!  

Your other option is the common advice to join activity clubs (sports, art classes, crafts etc) but I notice they're often dominated by women so the chances of meeting a man are not always good.     So all that's left is the chance of meeting someone at work, or getting online.  

I met my  partner online and I think people greatly exaggerate the risks of meeting online.  It's not dangerous if you're careful and frankly, much less dangerous than meeting someone in a pub.    

 

Which dating site did you find success with Marisa? Ten years ago I spent much time and money on RSVP, with a few sorties on Plenty of Fish. I had moderate success, and also stayed in contact with a couple of ladies just as friends, still friends with them now. Mostly, I can no longer be bothered. I had a couple of recent opportunities to meet ladies, one via POF, the other via Tinder. All I had to do was to suggest a date.

You are probably right about those classes - if you want to meet women then go to the theatre and if you want to meet men then go to the footie. I did meet a woman a few weeks back by chance in a pub. She was very drunk, me not so drunk but we kicked on then met one more time for a meal but, as usual, "knew" it wasn't going anywhere. 

I used to know in a split second, as soon as we locked eyes that it wasn't on. It was the same for them. A couple of times women walked out on me mid drink.  My strategy to deal with these kind of disappointments was always to meet up in bars and look at the date either as the "entree" or a complete meal.  If it was the former, then she left and I stayed on for a few drinks, went on for a meal. I wasn't going home with my tail between my legs. That's also why I refused to meet up for coffee shop "interviews."

If you keep your wits around you there's no problem with internet dating. Avoid women from overseas and prostitutes. Avoid married me who want sex on the side or  younger blokes who think every woman over 40 is a cougar. And don't fall for scams.

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Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Which dating site did you find success with Marisa? ....

It was RSVP.  

I think it's a shame you refused the meet up at the coffee shop.  Women are usually more relaxed in that situation.  They're less likely to walk out mid-drink, because they know they can leave once they've had their coffee anyway.   We feel more pressured if we're thinking, "If I finish my drink then I'll have to order dinner and then I'll be stuck".    Pick a coffee shop in a park and you can always go for a walk afterwards if you're hitting it off.  

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Going back to the op. "Does dating get harder as you get older?"

Let's be honest. 99% if people don't get more attractive as they get older. Maybe that has something to do with it?

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Which dating site did you find success with Marisa? Ten years ago I spent much time and money on RSVP, with a few sorties on Plenty of Fish. I had moderate success, and also stayed in contact with a couple of ladies just as friends, still friends with them now. Mostly, I can no longer be bothered. I had a couple of recent opportunities to meet ladies, one via POF, the other via Tinder. All I had to do was to suggest a date.

You are probably right about those classes - if you want to meet women then go to the theatre and if you want to meet men then go to the footie. I did meet a woman a few weeks back by chance in a pub. She was very drunk, me not so drunk but we kicked on then met one more time for a meal but, as usual, "knew" it wasn't going anywhere. 

I used to know in a split second, as soon as we locked eyes that it wasn't on. It was the same for them. A couple of times women walked out on me mid drink.  My strategy to deal with these kind of disappointments was always to meet up in bars and look at the date either as the "entree" or a complete meal.  If it was the former, then she left and I stayed on for a few drinks, went on for a meal. I wasn't going home with my tail between my legs. That's also why I refused to meet up for coffee shop "interviews."

If you keep your wits around you there's no problem with internet dating. Avoid women from overseas and prostitutes. Avoid married me who want sex on the side or  younger blokes who think every woman over 40 is a cougar. And don't fall for scams.

I've never had a woman walk out mid date. You must make quite an impression !!

I went on RSVP a few times probably 15 years ago and went on a few dates.

The biggest problem was that the ladies would put up a photo on the site that was probably 10 years old. They never looked as good in real life.

Edited by Parley
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I want it all, and I want it now.

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18 hours ago, Parley said:

I've never had a woman walk out mid date. You must make quite an impression !!

I went on RSVP a few times probably 15 years ago and went on a few dates.

The biggest problem was that the ladies would put up a photo on the site that was probably 10 years old. They never looked as good in real life.

Women have two lies - "All my friends say I look ten years younger" and "All my friends say I have a great sense of humour".  My big lie is saying "football and going to the pub are not important to me."

It did not happen too often, someone walking out on me. Probably my fault for not allowing them to "vet" me first on the telephone. I do HATE calling people and try to arrange dates by text.

Single is my default position which sets me up for failure, at  least where relationships are concerned. On the other hand it does mean that I cope being on my own better than people who have always been in (and out of) relationships?

I always liked RSVP although I did not like the imbalance whereby one party is expected to pay for "stamps" irrespective of which one instigates the contact.  It would be a "fairer" system is everybody had to pay to join, rather than being "free to join" which is like saying it's free to read the menu in a restaurant.

I remember enraging one woman by telling her I never read the profiles, just look at the photos. But then again what is the point in reading the profiles if they are not interested in talking to you. Far better to look at the photos, make contact, then, if they are interested in you, then look at the profiles to see whether you are going to make further contact with them.

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20 hours ago, simmo said:

Going back to the op. "Does dating get harder as you get older?"

Let's be honest. 99% if people don't get more attractive as they get older. Maybe that has something to do with it?

You and me can't both be the 1% can we simmo?

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Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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39 minutes ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Women have two lies

Stopped reading there...

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Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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21 hours ago, Marisawright said:

It was RSVP.  

I think it's a shame you refused the meet up at the coffee shop.  Women are usually more relaxed in that situation.  They're less likely to walk out mid-drink, because they know they can leave once they've had their coffee anyway.   We feel more pressured if we're thinking, "If I finish my drink then I'll have to order dinner and then I'll be stuck".    Pick a coffee shop in a park and you can always go for a walk afterwards if you're hitting it off.  

You may be right but I always feel that in a coffee shop I am being "interviewed" and in a pub I don't feel like I've failed the interview because I stay and have another drink or two whereas I never want a second coffee.

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