Hellodearestlove Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 Hi all I’ve been a lurker so this is first time posting. A little about my background - came over to oz in 2008 in my early twenties on a working holiday visa, met my now hubby (who’s Irish) and as the story goes we have ended up staying (citizenship a few years back). We have settled in Queensland and love the lifestyle. That feeling of being home sick has crept in every now and again and settles with a holiday home or family visiting. We both have ageing parents at home. Since my beautiful 2 year old was born it’s almost felt a little lonely, if I’m being honest I’ve felt lost. We have friends around and I’ve made the most of maternity leave (lucky to have extended Mat leave and hubby works away a lot) I said out loud the other day that I want to move back to Scotland and it now feels like my heart is set on it. It’s been a long time since I’ve lived/worked in Scotland and know it’s a huge decision for us all (husband is in denial, we have a house here that needs a lot of work before selling and 2 dogs that would come back with us) Anyone else similar with the feeling of wanting to go back home and any advice? Thanks for listening Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 Yup, lots of folk feel the same way and, unfortunately, lots more of their other halves feel like your DH. The trick will be to see if you can both get on the same page and agree one way or the other. So often one just digs their heels in and refuses to leave in which case you, as the potential leaver, basically have no choice any longer. For me, the loneliness and displacement peaked at the time that my aged parents began to struggle and, being an only child, the guilt factor kicked in big time. But honestly, I never "belonged" in Australia, I lived there and my head said it was home for several decades but my heart never got the message. I've been back in UK now for almost 8 years and just have the one aged parent left and caring for him is a 24/7 job that is getting rather beyond us unfortunately. The day will soon come when we have to put him in care and return to Australia (Aussie DH, house, son and granddaughters still there). I'm dreading it, especially after this last week of hot weather. You two will have to talk about it and reach some sort of compromise situation otherwise it's just going to fester for you. You may feel different when you return to work after mat leave but, alternatively, that might make you feel even more lonely as you juggle motherhood without extended family. Keep talking about it until you get to a decision you can both live with. It's not easy though so good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellodearestlove Posted July 28, 2019 Author Share Posted July 28, 2019 Thanks for your reply Quoll. Did it feel like the right thing to do going back to be with your parents? Can’t imagine how difficult it feels with impending nursing home decisions and having your extended family back in oz. Getting on the same page and coming to some sort of mutual understanding definitely sounds like a good place to start. And relocating home would be at least 18 months - 2 years away for us. Returning to work could definitely go either way. Appreciate your honesty and advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 6 hours ago, Hellodearestlove said: Thanks for your reply Quoll. Did it feel like the right thing to do going back to be with your parents? Can’t imagine how difficult it feels with impending nursing home decisions and having your extended family back in oz. Getting on the same page and coming to some sort of mutual understanding definitely sounds like a good place to start. And relocating home would be at least 18 months - 2 years away for us. Returning to work could definitely go either way. Appreciate your honesty and advice Myself and my wife have done it - it's tough, but ultimately the right thing to do. We had 4vof my daughters , grandparents alive when we came back , now there is just my mom . We have seen them all out until the end - no regrets . We have lost out materially , but gained emotionally. On the upside , we have had some fantastic trips around europe , and the world , from the u.k . My daughters were with my mom , yesterday. We have a lot of shit going on right now in the u.k , but it is exactly where we need to be . If your instinct says you need to be somewhere , then trust it . You have an intuition , or a subconscious for a reason . Best of luck 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug family Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 On 28/07/2019 at 17:12, Hellodearestlove said: Hi all I’ve been a lurker so this is first time posting. A little about my background - came over to oz in 2008 in my early twenties on a working holiday visa, met my now hubby (who’s Irish) and as the story goes we have ended up staying (citizenship a few years back). We have settled in Queensland and love the lifestyle. That feeling of being home sick has crept in every now and again and settles with a holiday home or family visiting. We both have ageing parents at home. Since my beautiful 2 year old was born it’s almost felt a little lonely, if I’m being honest I’ve felt lost. We have friends around and I’ve made the most of maternity leave (lucky to have extended Mat leave and hubby works away a lot) I said out loud the other day that I want to move back to Scotland and it now feels like my heart is set on it. It’s been a long time since I’ve lived/worked in Scotland and know it’s a huge decision for us all (husband is in denial, we have a house here that needs a lot of work before selling and 2 dogs that would come back with us) Anyone else similar with the feeling of wanting to go back home and any advice? Thanks for listening Hi, Hellodearest love, I just thought I would write to say that you are not alone and there are many like us in this 'limbo' this forum is littered with 'us homesick types', I am the opposite way round to your situation in that my wife loves it here and I, unfortunately, do not and am homesick regularly. I hope you get to where you need to be and that the road is not too bumpy, (I love Scotland by the way ) anyhow just here to offer moral support you are not on your own Take care and good luck 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellodearestlove Posted July 30, 2019 Author Share Posted July 30, 2019 Bunbury61 thanks for your words and advice. I do love the emotional side and having no regrets. My wee heart is telling me it’s time to make some big changes. I hope you get your shit sorted and good to know you are in the best place and with family too Bug family yes the in limbo seems to be the go for a lot of us expats! Can your wife be persuaded to move back? Thank you for the moral support it feels good to know we are in the same boat! Did I read in another post you are heading back for a holiday? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug family Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 34 minutes ago, Hellodearestlove said: Did I read in another post you are heading back for a holiday? You did indeed ... there are not many people I haven't told to be honest 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 On 28/07/2019 at 23:14, Hellodearestlove said: Thanks for your reply Quoll. Did it feel like the right thing to do going back to be with your parents? Can’t imagine how difficult it feels with impending nursing home decisions and having your extended family back in oz. Getting on the same page and coming to some sort of mutual understanding definitely sounds like a good place to start. And relocating home would be at least 18 months - 2 years away for us. Returning to work could definitely go either way. Appreciate your honesty and advice There was no option for us but to stay with them. My DH - who hated UK with a passion and who would never live here ever again - on our last holiday took one look at them and said "we can't leave them here like this ". So we haven't. We are one of the "can't win" family types - one son here and one son there! Our eldest came for a years holiday in 2002! He's now happily married to a woman who won't move outside the M25 let alone move countries! TBH we are past the point of no return to be able to move back to UK permanently. Financially it would sting us significantly but this far we've been visiting for 8 years (at the end of next month) and we have been able to do that. Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans, after all and sometimes you just need to grab the next adventure by the trail and run with it. You'll be fine!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 50 minutes ago, Quoll said: TBH we are past the point of no return to be able to move back to UK permanently. Financially it would sting us significantly... This is an important point. I think it's vitally important to realise that the "point of no return" does exist. It worries me when I see people posting that they don't feel settled in Australia, but they stay because the pay is better or they're reluctant to give up their job or they don't want to disrupt the kids' education - and before they know it, years have gone by and suddenly they can't afford to move home because their pensions will be stuffed. Or their kids have grown up and feel Australian, so moving back to the UK means leaving them and eventually being separated from grandkids. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 4 hours ago, Marisawright said: This is an important point. I think it's vitally important to realise that the "point of no return" does exist. It worries me when I see people posting that they don't feel settled in Australia, but they stay because the pay is better or they're reluctant to give up their job or they don't want to disrupt the kids' education - and before they know it, years have gone by and suddenly they can't afford to move home because their pensions will be stuffed. Or their kids have grown up and feel Australian, so moving back to the UK means leaving them and eventually being separated from grandkids. And the point of no return can be with respect to other things too. My husband and I separated just over a year after we moved back to the UK from Australia. I shudder to think what would have happened if we hadn't made the decision to move back at the time when we did. I'd have either been stuck in a very unhappy marriage in Australia (because I'm not sure I'd have had the confidence to tell him it was over without friends/family at reasonably close range), or we would have separated but I would have been unable to move back to the UK with the kids, either of which would have pretty much destroyed me. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmyay1 Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 You’ve been here quite a number of years now. Pull of family and having kids can draw folk back to where they have more of a support network. you say your feeling settles with a visit home or family visiting you. That’s because you dearly miss them, it’s quite natural. Its a hard decision with kids, both partners need to be on the same page or agree a way forward completely and commit to it otherwise it will not work out. Plenty of folk do work it out though. I’ve been here 7 years with partner. We don’t have kids. Currently I’m going through a patch where I’m missing people, relatives and friends who live in uk (rather than missing the UK itself). a move back there would be problematic for my partner as their career is v specific and pays a third of what it does here so would probably need to retrain or do something new. Although we’ve had good material success here in Melb, and love the country, the whole thing has been a bit of a disaster in terms of making social connections of any sort. I have no social life other than with my partner, who also works away from home several days each week. We are together at weekends. It’s an odd existence and I long for proper connection with a community or old friends (of which I had many in uk) and regular contact with family now. Watching parents grow older also means there’s more of a pull, as you realise life is short. Other bereavements can also bring this into some focus or change the situation somewhat. Ive often thought a move and finding new challenges in another EU country might suit rather than a direct move to the uk. at least then would be roughly on the same Timezone and only couple hours on an aircraft to see family, rather than 20. Perhaps a compromise. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vickie78 Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 On 30/07/2019 at 23:27, Marisawright said: This is an important point. I think it's vitally important to realise that the "point of no return" does exist. It worries me when I see people posting that they don't feel settled in Australia, but they stay because the pay is better or they're reluctant to give up their job or they don't want to disrupt the kids' education - and before they know it, years have gone by and suddenly they can't afford to move home because their pensions will be stuffed. Or their kids have grown up and feel Australian, so moving back to the UK means leaving them and eventually being separated from grandkids. Exactly right, that's why after months of umming and ahhing still with a deep seeded yearning to go home. I did the whole eff it, lets go! it's now or never and never well that filled me with absolute dread. Am I scared? You bet, Excited? You bet, Worried? Sure It's a big move, I was only 15 when we came to Australia so as an adult it's a whole different ball game. But yes if we don't do it now, it will definitely be the point of no return based on my kids ages, my finances and well it's just time. My kids are super excited, and I am as well in between the adulting stuff hehe. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I totoally understand I was the same and me my partner and 3yo came back to the uk in June, after a month of feeling like being on holidays then a month of family drama and having to move in with a friend, now in a rental with boxes everywhere. I feel confused. I love seeing my friends and family but I do miss our home in Syd. My partner is not happy here and is constantly sighing and in a bad mood, esp on about how much less he is earning. I know we have to give it a good go here, my son has started an amazing pre school and I don’t want to give up easily and then be stuck in oz forever?? but I am very confused! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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