Not even left yet but thinking about process to return back to the UK

[Zack]

Moving so far away to Australia is the last thing you should do.It's not going to solve the problems u seem to be having.My advice is to cancel the sale of your house. You don't want to be in limbo with two kids,no job  in a rental.Australia is not the most friendliest place in the world . 

[LeeBee]

I agree with Ali above, it is a beautiful country in so many ways but if you already have doubts and relationship worries, moving away from UK would probably just make things worse. Once you move, you have ‘a foot in both camps’ and that causes so many emotional problems and will always be a problem.  My family moved to Sydney in ‘94 when our boys were 13 and 11.  They settled fairly easily and so did my husband.  I found a great job with other ‘Poms’ which really helped with home sickness but I always felt I would go back home at the drop of a hat if I could!  Unfortunately once the kids get settled and start thinking about uni or work, you are committed. We moved to Perth in 2014 as it was cheaper to buy a house and loved it but I still hankered to move back to UK.  Now I am planning to move back to UK in August after sadly losing my husband two years ago and am now wondering if I will regret it.  I still have family and good friends there who I am in contact with, but  I will have one son left in Oz and one who will probably move back to UK eventually so I am still up in the air!  There is no right or wrong answer to move or don’t move, it will always be a huge expense but you need to have as much info as you can and expect lots of problems and mixed emotions.  You and your husband need to be together on this. I wish you good luck but try to keep your options open  if you can. 

[sarah harmer]

17 hours ago, LeeBee said:

I agree with Ali above, it is a beautiful country in so many ways but if you already have doubts and relationship worries, moving away from UK would probably just make things worse. Once you move, you have ‘a foot in both camps’ and that causes so many emotional problems and will always be a problem.  My family moved to Sydney in ‘94 when our boys were 13 and 11.  They settled fairly easily and so did my husband.  I found a great job with other ‘Poms’ which really helped with home sickness but I always felt I would go back home at the drop of a hat if I could!  Unfortunately once the kids get settled and start thinking about uni or work, you are committed. We moved to Perth in 2014 as it was cheaper to buy a house and loved it but I still hankered to move back to UK.  Now I am planning to move back to UK in August after sadly losing my husband two years ago and am now wondering if I will regret it.  I still have family and good friends there who I am in contact with, but  I will have one son left in Oz and one who will probably move back to UK eventually so I am still up in the air!  There is no right or wrong answer to move or don’t move, it will always be a huge expense but you need to have as much info as you can and expect lots of problems and mixed emotions.  You and your husband need to be together on this. I wish you good luck but try to keep your options open  if you can. 

Thank you so much for your honest and heartfelt opinion.

We have been trying to get close again, relationship wise, and it hasn't worked.  We just irritate each other now and we have discussed separation.  It's horrible, but thankful that concerns are out in the open and that its all come about in the UK.

I will let you know how it goes and what is decided.  I will just make sure that our kids are protected.  My husband still says that he should come first and the kids second!

 

[LKC]

2 minutes ago, sarah harmer said:

Thank you so much for your honest and heartfelt opinion.

We have been trying to get close again, relationship wise, and it hasn't worked.  We just irritate each other now and we have discussed separation.  It's horrible, but thankful that concerns are out in the open and that its all come about in the UK.

I will let you know how it goes and what is decided.  I will just make sure that our kids are protected.  My husband still says that he should come first and the kids second!

 

My husband and I separated about a year after we returned from nine years in Australia. That was about eight months ago, and things are good now. Please PM me if you want a friendly ear to talk to. We have kids too, but honestly they’ve been fine (and one has autism).

[sarah harmer]

4 minutes ago, LKC said:

My husband and I separated about a year after we returned from nine years in Australia. That was about eight months ago, and things are good now. Please PM me if you want a friendly ear to talk to. We have kids too, but honestly they’ve been fine (and one has autism).

Ah thank you so much.

So lovely to have a friendly resource on here.  Very appreciated and I may PM you in the future xx

 

[Marisawright]

19 hours ago, LeeBee said:

 My family moved to Sydney in ‘94 when our boys were 13 and 11.  They settled fairly easily and so did my husband.  I found a great job with other ‘Poms’ which really helped with home sickness but I always felt I would go back home at the drop of a hat if I could!  Unfortunately once the kids get settled and start thinking about uni or work, you are committed. We moved to Perth in 2014 as it was cheaper to buy a house and loved it but I still hankered to move back to UK.  Now I am planning to move back to UK in August after sadly losing my husband two years ago and am now wondering if I will regret it.  I still have family and good friends there who I am in contact with, but  I will have one son left in Oz and one who will probably move back to UK eventually so I am still up in the air!  There is no right or wrong answer to move or don’t move, it will always be a huge expense but you need to have as much info as you can and expect lots of problems and mixed emotions.  You and your husband need to be together on this. I wish you good luck but try to keep your options open  if you can. 

I'm convinced there are two kinds of people.  Some people are nomads, who can move from city to city, country to country (and probably even planet to planet if we could), and wherever they hang their hat is "home".  They make great migrants because they're able to make logical choices about which country makes more sense.    But I think most people aren't nomads - they have an instinctive connection to the land where they were born.  Although they can enjoy travelling to other places, that land will always be "home", and they will always feel as though a piece of their soul is missing when they try to settle elsewhere. 

So, if you're hankering for your old life - forget it, it's gone, things have changed since you left. But if it's that totally illogical, deep-seated and very real need to be back in the land of your birth, then you'll feel so much happier when you get your feet back on home soil, you'll be willing to put up with the negatives.

[Paul1Perth]

On 06/06/2019 at 02:38, sarah harmer said:

So appreciate your comments.  It is really giving me an insight into what I think I already know.

My hubby is full of faith and says that I should put my trust in God.  But I don't think like that.  I can't use faith for this type of decision, I have to decide myself and use common sense.

The scenario I am in now though, is that within the next 4 weeks.......We would have exchanged on our house together..........if we are separating I need to find somewhere to rent with the kids......and find a new home.....and find a new job because they have replaced me with a new staff member.  So lots on my plate at the moment and I am finding it hard to work my brain out.

I'm getting there and talking on here definitely helps.

Hope more people find this topic and it's helpful to them too.  Any more comments will be read with much interest and appreciation.

xx

If you're looking for marriage guidance, which could be good for you, you're in the wrong place. 

Forget moving if you're not even sure if you'll stay together.

Beats me why people post their innermost thoughts to unknown people on a forum then take their advice. 

You would be better off actually talking to people who know you both for some impartial advice, not to a bunch of strangers. Doesn't anyone talk anymore?

[Antipodista]

On 05/06/2019 at 19:38, sarah harmer said:

So appreciate your comments.  It is really giving me an insight into what I think I already know.

My hubby is full of faith and says that I should put my trust in God.  But I don't think like that.  I can't use faith for this type of decision, I have to decide myself and use common sense.

The scenario I am in now though, is that within the next 4 weeks.......We would have exchanged on our house together..........if we are separating I need to find somewhere to rent with the kids......and find a new home.....and find a new job because they have replaced me with a new staff member.  So lots on my plate at the moment and I am finding it hard to work my brain out.

I'm getting there and talking on here definitely helps.

Hope more people find this topic and it's helpful to them too.  Any more comments will be read with much interest and appreciation.

xx

Hi Sarah

I don’t wish to be dramatic but if you are having wobbles and your husband has made it clear that once you are there he is staying put - And you have children - DO NOT GO unless and until you are sure OR until you are confident that you will be able to live somewhere for the rest of your days that you aren’t truly happy. To do that your relationship will have to be absolutely rock-solid and it sounds like it isn’t . I am speaking from bitter experience. 

Sorry to sound dramatic but I wish someone had said it to me!!

xx

[Antipodista]

10 minutes ago, Paul1Perth said:

If you're looking for marriage guidance, which could be good for you, you're in the wrong place. 

Forget moving if you're not even sure if you'll stay together.

Beats me why people post their innermost thoughts to unknown people on a forum then take their advice. 

You would be better off actually talking to people who know you both for some impartial advice, not to a bunch of strangers. Doesn't anyone talk anymore?

With respect, that is both unhelpful and unkind to the OP. I don’t think at any point she was asking for marriage guidance. And isn’t it true that the best advice comes from those with experience of your situation? I doubt the OP has reams of mates with experience of having emigrated in a difficult marriage. Geez.