A little bit of a pickle

[T-bone]

Hi Y'all!

This is a loooong one.....!

I have a little dilemma that I know many people wrangle over and I wondered if there's anyone out there who may have followed through and come out the other end, so to speak.

I count my blessings that I have an Aussie PR as well as a U.S. PR, but I cannot decide on where I should settle. I moved from the UK a number of years ago, and as much as I love the UK I'm content at the thought of not returning (at least that's one decision made). I keep bouncing back and forth between NYC and Perth. They're obviously quite different from one another and I love them both for different reasons. I now find myself slightly confused as to the direction I now need to take in my life as I just cannot keep moving back and forth. It's quite a wrench both financially and emotionally each time I make the move (I think I've now moved five times between them.....maybe six).

I'm currently in NYC with a fantastic job and the beginning of an awesome career. I say the beginning, I'm not exactly a spring chicken, however I've switched over careers and now a VP in Global Markets and Banking for a great company. The environment is a little aggressive for me, although the money is good, but anyone who knows NY will agree that it really needs to be stellar to have the perfect lifestyle.The great thing is - I have mountains for skiing 90 mins away, lovely beaches over at the Hamptons 90 mins away, and of course a little old city for work/playing.

On the flip-side I've been offered my old position back in Perth within Commercial Banking, which is similar but not quite so glamourous. The company is amazing and I really do mean amazing. I love them completely and my work colleagues were/are fantastic people. I simply adored working for them before plus I love Perth completely, even though it's a little sleepy/soulless at times. I lived in the city centre and love the fact that Perth makes an effort every weekend throughout the summer and has so many free events. The people are somewhat more friendly than NY and the air is sweet and pure (this is a big tick for me). The money is half what I earn in NY, which makes things "OK", but not exactly luxurious.

My dilemma: My GF won't/can't come with me. I've been with her for a few years and she doesn't have an Aussie visa and doesn't want to lose her GC, therefore her feet are firmly planted stateside. I often wonder why she's with me as she's a lot younger than me, far more intelligent (MBA, CFA, CPA), incredibly attractive and highly principled, so she's going to dump me at some point, right!?! I often think she'll wake up and see the light and then bugger off, but that said she loves me completely and is giving me space and time to sort out my dilemma, not that I have much time as the company in Perth want me there in a couple of weeks. 

I'm completely torn as I simply love Aust, and Perth, and I love my old company and the people, BUT, I also love the U.S. and NY, and of course I love my gf, but I fear I'll resent her if I hang up my Aussie PR and stay in the U.S. which will result in us separating. My current job is good but I don't really like the people a great deal as they're somewhat aggressive in nature. I feel I'm a kitten in a lion's den at times! 

I have to question if I'm strong enough to walk away, or indeed stupid enough as I have it pretty good in the U.S.. People appear to like me (and my accent) and I've made business contacts in various locations in California, opening up a gateway for an internal transfer to a less aggressive environment with my current bank at some point in the future. Having said that, I do not wish to base my future on my job - Anything can come along and blow the wheels off, such as the next finance meltdown, so I need to control my career and not allow it to sway me - Plus, I'm not exactly the best Corporate Financier in the world, I feel I'm more Benny Hill than Warren Buffet!

Question: Have you gone through the same? Have you had the strength to up and go and leave your loved one for no other reason than simply wanting to live elsewhere? Did you go running back? Have you been undecided between USA and Australia? I'm making myself a little sick with all the indecision as I have no one to confide in and could do with some opinions, and a stiff drink....or two!

As mentioned at the beginning, I know I'm truly blessed so I'm thankful for my dilemma's.....kinda!

[Jack91]

My reply isn't going to be advice from someone who's done what you're planning on doing. 

 

What I would suggest, flip a coin, heads, staying in NYC and tails, moving back to Perth. When the coin gets flipped and it's in the air, you'll know which one you hope it lands on. That's your answer.

 

[Melbpom]

I would have thought the most important factor is your girlfriend. Have you discussed long term issues such as marriage and children?

[Quoll]

You can’t cuddle a country. 

I left a life I loved for the man I loved and with him in a place I hated was less worse than without him in a place I loved. 

Need to talk to the GF and see if you both plan on growing old with each other. If you do then you take the best compromise situation. If you don’t then you do what the heck you want. 

[unzippy]

What an awesome position to have PR in both places!

How long have you been in NYC this time?  Will old Perth work have changed in this time?

 

From what you have written, I'd be staying in NYC and thinking about CA later on.

[Ausvisitor]

T-Bone I'd add the following about your statement on culture in NYC and California.

As someone who has worked in both locations I can tell you that whilst NYC is overtly pressurised and confrontational, California is much more reserved - however that is only on the surface. I always found it way more pressure in CA where it wasn't obvious what other people were thinking.

If you are hoping to move to CA to get an easier USA lifestyle you will be disappointed - it's generally more stressful to achieve the same level of success on the West coast than the East