Moved back to the UK and now depressed

[Marisawright]

On 18/03/2019 at 23:08, Ema said:

What’s bizarre is I have all of my family around me yet I’ve never felt more alone. 

I know exactly how you feel.  We went back to the UK because neither of us had any family left in Australia, whereas I have my sisters and a great gaggle of nieces and nephews in England.  It was nice to see them, but they have their own lives and their way of living just doesn't gel with mine any more.  We're back in Australia now but perhaps didn't give it enough time (we stayed for a year).   Good luck with your decision.

[bunbury61]

17 hours ago, Fisher1 said:

Liverpool is great if you are a certain sort of person? Wow, don’t hold back will you. 

I think you will find , a lot of people commenting negatively  have probably not seen liverpool since the 70s.- lots of money spent now .

Wasnt it european city of culture recently ?

I have worked in some of the roughest parts of liverpool - toxteth and kensington , and its rough .

But ,the thing about liverpool , is that there is still a sense of community .

There are no blurred lines  either , you are either in liverpool or you aint .

Birmingham hasn't got that 

 

[Fisher1]

2 hours ago, bunbury61 said:

I think you will find , a lot of people commenting negatively  have probably not seen liverpool since the 70s.- lots of money spent now .

Wasnt it european city of culture recently ?

I have worked in some of the roughest parts of liverpool - toxteth and kensington , and its rough .

But ,the thing about liverpool , is that there is still a sense of community .

There are no blurred lines  either , you are either in liverpool or you aint .

Birmingham hasn't got that 

 

You’re right, loads of money spent. Fantastic new shopping centre, new Dockland development with museums on the Albert Dock and close by. Lots of decent hotels and restaurants. I must be a certain kind of person to think it’s a great city - if the people are anything to go by, it always was. My dad was a bobby on the beat in Toxteth ... he could tell a few tales in his day!

 

[bug family]

On 19/03/2019 at 12:35, can1983 said:

is it that obvious

The problem with the North is its too cold, rains significantly more than the south especially in the NW and vast swathes of the North were well and truly shafted by their own strike actions in the 1970s and by the demon PM in the 1980's

So whilst there's not much than can be done about weather or the past the fact remains its a lot less appealing than the south to live and work. That is the reason for the north south divide. I can't even bear the south let alone the north that's why I live in Australia now.

If the OP is struggling with Liverpool its possibly because Liverpool is just one of those cold wet previously oppressed Northern cities which has tried so hard and done so much to improve its lot but remains, in my opinion, a place which is tough to live.

Melbourne is a completely different bag. Rich and vast sport on offer, great weather apart from a couple of stuffy weeks in the summer, ample employment, excellent public transport, great culture I could go on.

You see different folks different strokes I suppose.... I found Melbourne a soulless dull place which struggles to work out exactly what it is trying to be, sort of like a poor impersonation of London, if you count culture being able to sit around drinking your soy latte skinny decafe then its probably for you can1983....... me I prefer the character, rawness and cultural vastly significant Liverpool  (the beatles, liverpool football club etc) any day ...have a nice day 

[Johndoe]

The OP's post is in the same vein as umpteen that have been posted on this forum over the years, as are the responses.................try another town/county/state blahdey blah. IMHO, if you are missing/pining for what you have left behind, be it in the UK or Oz, then looking for comfort in another country ain't gonna solve the problem, and to narrow it down, I don't think even comfort in another town/city can solve it. It may work for some, but despite towns/cities having different "vibes" my personal opinion is that the lure/missing of those "vibes" isn't so parochial as to be (supposedly) based on a town/city.

Get to the root of the problem with a personal one on one discussion with "the disillusioned"  and I have found that quite simply, it's about "fit"...............whether that disillusioned person feels that they fit in the community........returning to a community that you "baled out of" is not likely to endear you to (so called) friends that felt deserted by your departure so therefore you don't feel that you fit.

Despite all the hugs and kisses when you departed, it is likely that some were jealous that you were "escaping" and also felt as if you had "dismissed" them from your life. They ain't the folks that you should be bothering with, or about. You braved what they wouldn't/couldn't so hold your head up.

All the above is irrelevant, sadly for your own mental health if you are finding your situation such a problem, but the reality of it is, that the kids must come first. Grin and bear it for their sake. Try and "absorb" their new life.............try and revel in their happiness and try not to make it such a "big deal" in your own mind. Your post seems to place emphasis on the friends that you miss when really Friends, or friendships should not impose, or detract from, problems within someone else's family, they should add happiness to it.

Folks have crashed in the Andes, been pushed to the limits of human spiritually and ethical endurance and survived the trauma. They've been lost in the sahara for weeks and survived,.............us mere mortals haven't endured such, just a change of country/culture but we have the same mental and physical capacity to overcome..................so.............quite simply.............why worry about whether you (personally) "fit" or not, miss your friends or not? Do what you feel needs to be done for the family to survive............that is if the family is your priority as opposed to yourself being the priority

 

[ramot]

4 hours ago, bug family said:

You see different folks different strokes I suppose.... I found Melbourne a soulless dull place which struggles to work out exactly what it is trying to be, sort of like a poor impersonation of London, if you count culture being able to sit around drinking your soy latte skinny decafe then its probably for you can1983....... me I prefer the character, rawness and cultural vastly significant Liverpool  (the beatles, liverpool football club etc) any day ...have a nice day 

Amazes me that posters can’t accept that places are just different. You aren’t going to find Liverpool in Australia it’s a different much younger country, with a totally different vibe, pointless comparing it. Fair enough if you don’t like living in Australia, nothing wrong with that, or being homesick for where you left, no law says everyone should be happy anywhere, but it’s not really Melbournes fault that you don’t like it. It’s just not the place for you. Honestly I’ve lived in some difficult countries, and Australia isn’t one of them, but I’ve never stooped to being rude about them.

[Johndoe]

5 hours ago, bug family said:

You see different folks different strokes I suppose.... I found Melbourne a soulless dull place which struggles to work out exactly what it is trying to be, sort of like a poor impersonation of London, if you count culture being able to sit around drinking your soy latte skinny decafe then its probably for you can1983....... me I prefer the character, rawness and cultural vastly significant Liverpool  (the beatles, liverpool football club etc) any day ...have a nice day 

Good for you but if the Beatles and LFC is still your bag nowadays then .....................what can I say????????? Your quote, "Rawness"? Does that mean Boys from the Black Stuff" symbolises Liverpool culture? Crack a few skulls is "rawness"?

Never been there but Melbourne for me (based on TV) is the cultural hub of Oz. Lots of good plays/comedy/art........................it ain't Liverpool, (except probably in it's crime history) but I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't enjoyed a trip there, or lived there.

[Fisher1]

4 hours ago, Johndoe said:

Good for you but if the Beatles and LFC is still your bag nowadays then .....................what can I say????????? Your quote, "Rawness"? Does that mean Boys from the Black Stuff" symbolises Liverpool culture? Crack a few skulls is "rawness"?

Never been there but Melbourne for me (based on TV) is the cultural hub of Oz. Lots of good plays/comedy/art........................it ain't Liverpool, (except probably in it's crime history) but I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't enjoyed a trip there, or lived there.

I'll never understand why some people need to big up one place by criticising another. Everywhere is different and there are always things you don't like. Scratch the surface though, and most places have pure gold somewhere. Even Holyhead.

 

[Marisawright]

7 hours ago, Johndoe said:

The OP's post is in the same vein as umpteen that have been posted on this forum over the years, as are the responses.................try another town/county/state blahdey blah. IMHO, if you are missing/pining for what you have left behind, be it in the UK or Oz, then looking for comfort in another country ain't gonna solve the problem...

... I have found that quite simply, it's about "fit"...............whether that disillusioned person feels that they fit in the community........[but] returning to a community that you "baled out of" is not likely to endear you to (so called) friends that felt deserted by your departure so therefore you don't feel that you fit there either.

Despite all the hugs and kisses when you departed, it is likely that some were jealous that you were "escaping" and also felt as if you had "dismissed" them from your life. They ain't the folks that you should be bothering with, or about. You braved what they wouldn't/couldn't so hold your head up.

Good point.

[Toots]

7 hours ago, ramot said:

Amazes me that posters can’t accept that places are just different. You aren’t going to find Liverpool in Australia it’s a different much younger country, with a totally different vibe, pointless comparing it. Fair enough if you don’t like living in Australia, nothing wrong with that, or being homesick for where you left, no law says everyone should be happy anywhere, but it’s not really Melbournes fault that you don’t like it. It’s just not the place for you. Honestly I’ve lived in some difficult countries, and Australia isn’t one of them, but I’ve never stooped to being rude about them.

I realise it seems to be human nature to compare one thing with another but it's something I hardly every do.  It seems a bit pointless to me.  I live over 10,000 miles from my birth country so why would they be the same - a bit similar maybe but so very different in lots of ways. I suppose if you are unhappy or homesick it's something that will always crop up.  My brother lived in a couple of 'difficult' countries like you did Ramot and not once did I ever hear him saying anything negative about them.  Some people though are just rude full stop.   

[Ema]

Thanks for everyone’s input on this topic, it’s appreciated. I must point out however that my initial post was asking for advice on how to settle back into a life in the UK after living a different life in Australia. I’m not asking for comparisons. You can’t really compare as they’re in two different leagues city wise plus saying one is better than the other doesn’t make any difference to me. I just need to know if anyone has been through similar situation and if so can they offer any words of advice. Settling back into the UK is hard whatever anyone thinks of Liverpool or Melbourne. I liked the idea of starting a fresh in a new town which I’m looking at now thanks. I also joined a netball team this week to try and build a new circle of friends. Any other suggestions are very welcome X 

[ramot]

1 minute ago, Ema said:

Thanks for everyone’s input on this topic, it’s appreciated. I must point out however that my initial post was asking for advice on how to settle back into a life in the UK after living a different life in Australia. I’m not asking for comparisons. You can’t really compare as they’re in two different leagues city wise plus saying one is better than the other doesn’t make any difference to me. I just need to know if anyone has been through similar situation and if so can they offer any words of advice. Settling back into the UK is hard whatever anyone thinks of Liverpool or Melbourne. I liked the idea of starting a fresh in a new town which I’m looking at now thanks. I also joined a netball team this week to try and build a new circle of friends. Any other suggestions are very welcome X 

Hope you find somewhere you can be happy. Having lived away from UK on and off since the 1960’s, I really understand how difficult it can be to readjust to returning. Possibly you grieve a bit for what you have left, with a slight disappointment to where you have returned to. Obviously some people completely sllip back into their old lives as though they have never left, others don’t.try not to be so hard on yourself. All the best.

 

[Toots]

11 minutes ago, Ema said:

Thanks for everyone’s input on this topic, it’s appreciated. I must point out however that my initial post was asking for advice on how to settle back into a life in the UK after living a different life in Australia. I’m not asking for comparisons. You can’t really compare as they’re in two different leagues city wise plus saying one is better than the other doesn’t make any difference to me. I just need to know if anyone has been through similar situation and if so can they offer any words of advice. Settling back into the UK is hard whatever anyone thinks of Liverpool or Melbourne. I liked the idea of starting a fresh in a new town which I’m looking at now thanks. I also joined a netball team this week to try and build a new circle of friends. Any other suggestions are very welcome X 

I've not moved back to the UK but I have moved around Australia and I've found it is easy to make new friends through similar interests.  You've joined a netball team so that is a positive step.    I have made friends since our move to Tassie mainly through voluntary work and a couple of clubs I've joined.

Hope it all works out for you Ema.  

 

[Ema]

Thanks Ramot, that’s really kind. I’m sure I’ll settle back, it’ll just take time. I know I can be impatient at times so I’ll just focus on one day at a time 

[Ema]

Thanks Toots, fingers crossed I make some new friends, life long friends like I did in Aus. I found making friends overseas easier, I think because people are often without family so make more of an effort but that’s not to say it’s impossible to make friends here. Of course it’s possible, anything’s possible

[can1983]

13 hours ago, bug family said:

You see different folks different strokes I suppose.... I found Melbourne a soulless dull place which struggles to work out exactly what it is trying to be, sort of like a poor impersonation of London, if you count culture being able to sit around drinking your soy latte skinny decafe then its probably for you can1983....... me I prefer the character, rawness and cultural vastly significant Liverpool  (the beatles, liverpool football club etc) any day ...have a nice day 

I could counter that with there are only 4 grand slam tennis tournaments a year in the world (one is in Melbourne), there are only 20 odd grand prix's a year (one is in Melbourne)

half the beatles are dead and neither of them spend much time in carnaby street, and whilst Liverpool FC is a great club so are Man U, spurs, Chelski, Arsenal etc etc depends who u support!

[Marisawright]

3 hours ago, Ema said:

Thanks for everyone’s input on this topic, it’s appreciated. I must point out however that my initial post was asking for advice on how to settle back into a life in the UK after living a different life in Australia. I’m not asking for comparisons. You can’t really compare as they’re in two different leagues city wise plus saying one is better than the other doesn’t make any difference to me. I just need to know if anyone has been through similar situation and if so can they offer any words of advice. Settling back into the UK is hard whatever anyone thinks of Liverpool or Melbourne. I liked the idea of starting a fresh in a new town which I’m looking at now thanks. I also joined a netball team this week to try and build a new circle of friends. Any other suggestions are very welcome X 

You've obviously got your head on straight, Ema.   

I'm firmly of the view that some people have a deep connection to their homeland and when they try to migrate, they simply can't settle in their new country.  Often, they don't really understand why they're so unhappy so they go looking for (and, if necessary) making up disparaging things about their new country, to justify their feelings.  They may also feel they need to make excuses to explain why they "failed" in their migration adventure.  The sad thing is that they may genuinely believe what they're saying.

I can't offer much advice because I didn't manage to settle back into the UK at all.  But then, I'd been in Australia for over 30 years so it was really in my blood by that time!  Good luck with it.

 

[bug family]

10 hours ago, ramot said:

Amazes me that posters can’t accept that places are just different. You aren’t going to find Liverpool in Australia it’s a different much younger country, with a totally different vibe, pointless comparing it. Fair enough if you don’t like living in Australia, nothing wrong with that, or being homesick for where you left, no law says everyone should be happy anywhere, but it’s not really Melbournes fault that you don’t like it. It’s just not the place for you. Honestly I’ve lived in some difficult countries, and Australia isn’t one of them, but I’ve never stooped to being rude about them.

errrr....not sure what you mean Ramot..if you check, I think you will find i was not being rude I was replying to CAN 1983, who originally was being rude and judgemental about the North of England, Liverpool and the UK in general, as for my opinion of Melbourne I am sorry if you disagree but its not my cup of tea simples,  I never said it was Melbourne's fault so not sure what you mean to be honest....  it was Can1983 that was making the comparison...as for living in difficult countries I to have lived in a number of locations around this great planet including Africa during the apartheid era, so i also have some idea of what different countries have to offer, I am not rude in the slightest just honest..sorry if that upsets you

[ramot]

4 hours ago, bug family said:

errrr....not sure what you mean Ramot..if you check, I think you will find i was not being rude I was replying to CAN 1983, who originally was being rude and judgemental about the North of England, Liverpool and the UK in general, as for my opinion of Melbourne I am sorry if you disagree but its not my cup of tea simples,  I never said it was Melbourne's fault so not sure what you mean to be honest....  it was Can1983 that was making the comparison...as for living in difficult countries I to have lived in a number of locations around this great planet including Africa during the apartheid era, so i also have some idea of what different countries have to offer, I am not rude in the slightest just honest..sorry if that upsets you

I’ve only just read your thread from February, I had no idea how hard you have found living in Australia, I wish you nothing but good wishes  and hope you resolve things and continue to enjoy your change of career. xM

[Fisher1]

15 hours ago, ramot said:

Amazes me that posters can’t accept that places are just different. You aren’t going to find Liverpool in Australia it’s a different much younger country, with a totally different vibe, pointless comparing it. Fair enough if you don’t like living in Australia, nothing wrong with that, or being homesick for where you left, no law says everyone should be happy anywhere, but it’s not really Melbournes fault that you don’t like it. It’s just not the place for you. Honestly I’ve lived in some difficult countries, and Australia isn’t one of them, but I’ve never stooped to being rude about them.

To be fair to the bug family, it was Can1983 that began the criticism. I found Can1983 offensive because Liverpool was my original home town and I spent my first twelve years there. I try to ignore posters who rubbish my home city, or the city I lived in for many years (Birmingham) - but I understand why some feel the need to make a strong retort. Particularly if some sort of snobbery seems to be at play. 

[Home and Happy]

On 18/03/2019 at 09:53, Ema said:

I’ve just recently moved back to the UK after spending nearly 7 years in Melbourne. I’m trying to slot back into my old life but it’s not easy. I miss Melbourne, the way of life and mostly my friends. When I explain this to people they don’t seem to understand and get defensive of Liverpool. They tell me all the great things about it here but they don’t understand that I’ve come from something so much better. It’s also hard making new friends. In Melbourne people are without family so they make an effort to find and keep good friends. Here it’s not like that. I’m also struggling to find people I have things in common with. I want to just go back to a Melbs but I don’t want to take my kids away from our families as they are so happy. I’m stuck and I need help and advice  on what to do and how to move forward 

Hang  in there and be patient.  It’s too easy to want to go back to what’s familiar, but the same things would just drive you out all over again.

[starlight7]

One thing I have noticed is that when you move many people really don't like to talk about where you lived before- probably shakes their world too much. Not everyone is like that obviously but it can be a problem.  Most think wherever they happen to live is the best thing since sliced bread ( even when it clearly isn't) but I guess that is a good thing really!

[Fisher1]

Nobody wants to be a "when I" but I  find most Australians I've met have been quite interested to know why I moved and where I came from. I'm glad to report that nobody  seems to have their world unduly shaken by my revelations about the fleshpots of Llandudno.   As for thinking that your home town is the best thing since sliced bread, even when it clearly isn't ... I tend to find that you get out of a place what you are prepared to put in, and that some people can live happy lives just about anywhere. Good on them.

Edited April 3, 2019 by Fisher1

[Ema]

I envy people who think Liverpool is the best city in the world. That’s what I used to think and I was quite happy. I left because I was curious about the world but I didn’t expect to fall in love with another place so much. I’m trying to explore, find places I’ll enjoy and meet new people through netball and Mother’s groups but (obviously) it’s going to take time. I just miss Melbourne so much. My heart feels like it’s torn in two. It’s pretty crap to say the least and I’m fed up of feeling down about it. I’ve stopped talking about it to family and friends to try and focus on the positive things and to try not bore people to death with my moaning. I’m going to give it a couple of years. If I still feel like this in 2 years I may have to think about going back although I honestly don’t want to. Time will tell I guess.

[Fisher1]

6 hours ago, Ema said:

I envy people who think Liverpool is the best city in the world. That’s what I used to think and I was quite happy. I left because I was curious about the world but I didn’t expect to fall in love with another place so much. I’m trying to explore, find places I’ll enjoy and meet new people through netball and Mother’s groups but (obviously) it’s going to take time. I just miss Melbourne so much. My heart feels like it’s torn in two. It’s pretty crap to say the least and I’m fed up of feeling down about it. I’ve stopped talking about it to family and friends to try and focus on the positive things and to try not bore people to death with my moaning. I’m going to give it a couple of years. If I still feel like this in 2 years I may have to think about going back although I honestly don’t want to. Time will tell I guess.

I honestly believe that the place is only part of feeling content and happy. You can be happy anywhere, but if you are missing another place, it’s hard. I’ve done the homesick thing and it really hurts, I know. I’ve actually lain in bed in the morning with my eyes shut tight (aged twelve) and pretended I was in bed in my previous bedroom. I’ve moved as an adult and felt totally displaced and unhappy just two hours travel from my former home. Believe me it does pass ... it depends on how happy your life is apart from the move. I found Australia tricky at first, being SO far from everything I had before, but I was so happy to be near my daughter, the rest just slotted into place. Have faith, you’ll get your head round it if everything else fits. Good luck with it all.