Moved back to the UK and now depressed

[Ema]

I’ve just recently moved back to the UK after spending nearly 7 years in Melbourne. I’m trying to slot back into my old life but it’s not easy. I miss Melbourne, the way of life and mostly my friends. When I explain this to people they don’t seem to understand and get defensive of Liverpool. They tell me all the great things about it here but they don’t understand that I’ve come from something so much better. It’s also hard making new friends. In Melbourne people are without family so they make an effort to find and keep good friends. Here it’s not like that. I’m also struggling to find people I have things in common with. I want to just go back to a Melbs but I don’t want to take my kids away from our families as they are so happy. I’m stuck and I need help and advice  on what to do and how to move forward 

[ali]

I'm sorry to hear you're not settling Ema, how long have you been back in the UK? 

[Tricky]

How long have you been back?

When you say 'you've come from something better' can you explain what you mean. Why do you think that Melbourne is better (genuine question)? 

What was the reason for you return? Family? 

We returned back in August. It took me 3-4 months to actually adjust back to the UK having been away 7/8 years. When I got back everything felt cramped, small and a bit different. However now I'm just used to it and have adjusted. Personally I think it may take some people a while to adjust, hence why we couldn't just do a long 4-6 week holiday here to see if moving back was the right thing for us. Perhaps you will feel differently a few months down the track?

[Quoll]

I think part of the problem is that you're expecting to slot back into your old life and very few people can do that. You have to treat it like a move forward, as if you are emigrating to a new place - its harder work but worth it. Find the things you want to do and go for it. I doubt one place is inherently better than the other (neither would really appeal to me I must admit) and what you're probably experiencing now is the anticlimax feeling / like the adventure is over, now what??? 

[Ema]

I’ve been back 4 months now. 

I liked Melbourne so much more because of the great shops/ malls/ outdoor activities/ coffee/ food/ beaches/ city life and my friends. 

I have one friend here. She’s busy with work and it’s hard to relate to her as she has no kids and doesn’t do many kiddie things. She likes to go out drinking a lot. I guess we’ve grown apart. 

Here I don’t feel there’s a lot on offer. Our local town/ shopping strip is empty with a few charity shops. It feels like the walking dead whereas Melbourne was full of life, cafes, small independent businesses etc. I just liked it so much more. 

I have tried to get involved with mothers groups etc but I don’t feel like I fit in. 

What’s bizarre is I have all of my family around me yet I’ve never felt more alone. 

Im planning to join a netball team and hope to make friends that way. I guess I’m looking for answers that don’t exist. Time like you say may make things better. I can only hope that’s the case.

Thanks for your reply X

 

 

 

[Ema]

Just now, Ema said:

I’ve been back 4 months now. 

I liked Melbourne so much more because of the great shops/ malls/ outdoor activities/ coffee/ food/ beaches/ city life and my friends. 

I have one friend here. She’s busy with work and it’s hard to relate to her as she has no kids and doesn’t do many kiddie things. She likes to go out drinking a lot. I guess we’ve grown apart. 

Here I don’t feel there’s a lot on offer. Our local town/ shopping strip is empty with a few charity shops. It feels like the walking dead whereas Melbourne was full of life, cafes, small independent businesses etc. I just liked it so much more. 

I have tried to get involved with mothers groups etc but I don’t feel like I fit in. 

What’s bizarre is I have all of my family around me yet I’ve never felt more alone. 

Im planning to join a netball team and hope to make friends that way. I guess I’m looking for answers that don’t exist. Time like you say may make things better. I can only hope that’s the case.

Thanks for your reply X

 

 

 

 

[Ema]

Yes I think I defo need a fresh start. I don’t think trying to slot back into this life was or is a good idea. I’ve tried explaining this to my husband but he wants to be really close to family. I’d like to move to a different town and make it our own. I think I’ll revisit that idea with him X

[tea4too]

Do your research Ema, put as much effort into making this relocation work as you did when preparing to migrate to Aus. Look at areas that might provide what you are looking for, take weekend trips to check places out, google local authority websites to see what is on offer or available, think about how far you would be happy to live from extended family, draw a big research circle on a map and use that to check out house prices, schools, commute to work and such like.

 We relocated within the UK and couldn’t be happier. Life is very different now, we live on the coast, have learnt a bit of the language (Welsh!), love the  culture, the people and the easy access to beautiful countryside and quirky towns. Family are 200 or so miles away which means we do not just pop in for a cup of tea, but we are there for all the important stuff and my child has grown up as part of her wider family.

Fwiw I too would struggle if I had to go back ‘home’ to live because physically and emotionally I have moved on, however it is not always necessary to move 1000s of miles to be happy, sometimes a quick peep around the corner is enough to make good things happen. Good luck.  T x

[LKC]

Completely agree with the couple of people who've mentioned not trying to go back to your old life.  It's easy to forget that whilst you were away, people moved on, so your old life doesn't exist any more. I would definitely explore the possibility of moving somewhere else. We did this when we moved back, moved to Scotland, where we'd never lived before, and it is honestly the best thing we've ever done!

[Amber Snowball]

I moved back last June after 13 years in Melbourne. I moved to a different part of the UK to where I am from, in Cheshire now and I work in Knowsley. Where I live couldn’t be more different to where I work! Not sure where in Liverpool you are but there are some lovely places not too far away. 

[Ema]

Thanks so much for everyone’s suggestions. I am definitely looking at relocating to a new place for a fresh start and have already started some conversations with my husband. Amber I was actually going to look at Chester. I need to get out and about and start to explore the area to see what’s out there. The more I think about it the more I dislike this place and after living somewhere that I love I don’t think I can just settle. My husband doesn’t seem convinced however that a new home town is the answer. Looks like I’m going to have to convince him to give it a try somehow X 

[Amber Snowball]

2 minutes ago, Ema said:

Thanks so much for everyone’s suggestions. I am definitely looking at relocating to a new place for a fresh start and have already started some conversations with my husband. Amber I was actually going to look at Chester. I need to get out and about and start to explore the area to see what’s out there. The more I think about it the more I dislike this place and after living somewhere that I love I don’t think I can just settle. My husband doesn’t seem convinced however that a new home town is the answer. Looks like I’m going to have to convince him to give it a try somehow X 

Good for you! As quoll said, you can’t go back. Look for a new adventure! There are some lovely places that you wouldn’t be far from family. You really don’t sound like you are going to settle very well where you are now so better to try somewhere else. That’s the trouble with migration, it opens your eyes! Good luck!

[s713]

I agree with your friends, Liverpool's way better than Melbourne. Sorry haha.

[Toots]

1 hour ago, s713 said:

I agree with your friends, Liverpool's way better than Melbourne. Sorry haha.

My OH has cousins in the Woolton area of Liverpool.  We visited them often and it's a nice area.  We lived near New Brighton when we were first married.  I really like Liverpool.

Hope Ema manages to settle happily whether it is in Liverpool or surrounding area.  

[can1983]

Of course it would be hard to leave a world city for the north of England. It would be just as hard to leave London and move to Ballarat....

The only thing better in Liverpool than Melbs is the standard of football

Oh and the medical treatment for headbutts and other GBH injuries is far superior in Scouse land due to the experience the local health professionals have in dealing with this sort of injury.

Chester isn't a bad option if you are looking to get a part in Hollyoaks???

[s713]

You sound like you need anger management counselling. Now that's probably something better in Melbourne for sure.

[Paul1Perth]

25 minutes ago, can1983 said:

Of course it would be hard to leave a world city for the north of England. It would be just as hard to leave London and move to Ballarat....

The only thing better in Liverpool than Melbs is the standard of football

Oh and the medical treatment for headbutts and other GBH injuries is far superior in Scouse land due to the experience the local health professionals have in dealing with this sort of injury.

Chester isn't a bad option if you are looking to get a part in Hollyoaks???

Liverpool would be on par with Melbourne in World City terms. I like Liverpool but the people are certainly different to Melbourne. Like Ema says, she doesn't have a lot in common with her friend who's childless and drinks a lot. Fairly par for Liverpool and the UK  in general. I had a friend out here at Christmas and in comparison to me and my wife he drank loads. I love a pint and a lot of friends here think I'm a big drinker. He brought a bottle of gin with him, polished it off in a couple of nights and would have got through a bottle every 3rd day. On top of that we were out at pubs and wineries loads.

He said to us that him and his wife got the gin and tonic out as soon as they got in from work and got through a bottle every couple of days.

Liverpool has some great pubs and nightlife and that is one of the good things about it. Getting out there, mixing with other Liverpudlians and having a laugh. 

If the OP has kids now, lives on the outskirts, which can be grim, then it's going to be hard.

[Toots]

53 minutes ago, can1983 said:

Of course it would be hard to leave a world city for the north of England. It would be just as hard to leave London and move to Ballarat....

The only thing better in Liverpool than Melbs is the standard of football

Oh and the medical treatment for headbutts and other GBH injuries is far superior in Scouse land due to the experience the local health professionals have in dealing with this sort of injury.

Chester isn't a bad option if you are looking to get a part in Hollyoaks???

I take it you are from the south of England?   Just from your tone I can guess that you are.

Liverpool has some lovely areas as well as the not so nice ones - just like most cities.   I enjoyed the four years I lived in the area very much.  Met some of the nicest people too.  

 

[can1983]

13 minutes ago, Toots said:

I take it you are from the south of England?   Just from your tone I can guess that you are.

Liverpool has some lovely areas as well as the not so nice ones - just like most cities.   I enjoyed the four years I lived in the area very much.  Met some of the nicest people too.  

 

is it that obvious

The problem with the North is its too cold, rains significantly more than the south especially in the NW and vast swathes of the North were well and truly shafted by their own strike actions in the 1970s and by the demon PM in the 1980's

So whilst there's not much than can be done about weather or the past the fact remains its a lot less appealing than the south to live and work. That is the reason for the north south divide. I can't even bear the south let alone the north that's why I live in Australia now.

If the OP is struggling with Liverpool its possibly because Liverpool is just one of those cold wet previously oppressed Northern cities which has tried so hard and done so much to improve its lot but remains, in my opinion, a place which is tough to live.

Melbourne is a completely different bag. Rich and vast sport on offer, great weather apart from a couple of stuffy weeks in the summer, ample employment, excellent public transport, great culture I could go on.

[Toots]

52 minutes ago, can1983 said:

is it that obvious

The problem with the North is its too cold, rains significantly more than the south especially in the NW and vast swathes of the North were well and truly shafted by their own strike actions in the 1970s and by the demon PM in the 1980's

So whilst there's not much than can be done about weather or the past the fact remains its a lot less appealing than the south to live and work. That is the reason for the north south divide. I can't even bear the south let alone the north that's why I live in Australia now.

If the OP is struggling with Liverpool its possibly because Liverpool is just one of those cold wet previously oppressed Northern cities which has tried so hard and done so much to improve its lot but remains, in my opinion, a place which is tough to live.

Melbourne is a completely different bag. Rich and vast sport on offer, great weather apart from a couple of stuffy weeks in the summer, ample employment, excellent public transport, great culture I could go on.

True enough.  After living there for 4 years my Aussie OH was ready to leave but he very much enjoyed Liverpool whilst we were there - especially his extended family who are a really lovely bunch of people.  All with good jobs - never been unemployed.  One of his cousins has 4 daughters and 1 son.  All went to uni and all still working in and around Liverpool.

I had a good job the whole time I lived there but OH found it a lot harder (construction).  When times were tough he would go to London and even over to Germany for work.  All this is far easier without children.  We didn't have children until we had been in Australia for 4 years.  By that time we felt far more settled.

I won't have a bad word said about Liverpool.  

[Amber Snowball]

6 hours ago, Toots said:

My OH has cousins in the Woolton area of Liverpool.  We visited them often and it's a nice area.  We lived near New Brighton when we were first married.  I really like Liverpool.

Hope Ema manages to settle happily whether it is in Liverpool or surrounding area.  

Woolton is still nice. Leafy and smart!

[starlight7]

Liverpool is great if you are a certain sort of person. I used to love it when I was young because of the nightlife but I wouldn't want to live there.  Have a good look around for somewhere less grungy and depressing!  Good luck.

[Fisher1]

1 hour ago, starlight7 said:

Liverpool is great if you are a certain sort of person. I used to love it when I was young because of the nightlife but I wouldn't want to live there.  Have a good look around for somewhere less grungy and depressing!  Good luck.

Liverpool is great if you are a certain sort of person? Wow, don’t hold back will you. 

[Fisher1]

On 19/03/2019 at 06:09, Ema said:

Thanks so much for everyone’s suggestions. I am definitely looking at relocating to a new place for a fresh start and have already started some conversations with my husband. Amber I was actually going to look at Chester. I need to get out and about and start to explore the area to see what’s out there. The more I think about it the more I dislike this place and after living somewhere that I love I don’t think I can just settle. My husband doesn’t seem convinced however that a new home town is the answer. Looks like I’m going to have to convince him to give it a try somehow X 

That is so funny, I was reading your post and thinking I must write and suggest Chester ...    Now listen. I was born in Walton and lived in Old Swan till I was twelve, when my family moved to Christleton, just outside Chester. We then moved to North Wales. since leaving school I have lived in Birmingham, Luxembourg, Brussels and Wales again. I’m now settling in Kiama, NSW. There is one thing I can tell you about moving to a new place - it can be exciting, but it is nearly always difficult and can be depressing. It sounds to me as though you are a bit down and everything’s getting on top of you.  I think you might want to look outside Liverpool at some of the great places to live that are also within easy reach for family events etc. There are lots of nice places on the Wirral, Chester is a fantastic city and North Wales is only sixty miles away. It depends what you are after in the way of leisure activities. I can’t deny the weather is a pain, but there are compensations ... you don’t get ancient buildings with hundreds of years of history in Melbourne. My recent knowledge of Liverpool is limited to shopping trips and the odd theatre visit because my last home in the UK was in Llandudno. I have a friend who lives in Greasby and she has a very active social life, often skipping over to Liverpool and to Chester.  I know it’s a drag, meeting new people and smiling your face off while you try not to wish you were with your old friends in the last place, but it does get easier. I’d say give it a couple of years and see how you feel then. Our rule of thumb has always been join everything and then drop the things you don’t like. You meet some surprisingly nice people along the way.

Good luck and try not to overthink it all. Just be nice to yourself. Chocolate is good.

[starlight7]

Great post Fisher1- so true!