Traceyk Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 I am 47 and have lived in Melbourne Australia for 18 years. My kids are grown mid twenties with there own busy. My youngest is 18. I am desperate to move back to the UK as I've never really felt settled or at home here. My kids think I should go back and be happy. My son thinks ill be back in a month! Because he wants to believe I won't go. Whereas my 2 daughters are OK he thinks I'm being ridiculous.. He will be staying with his eldest sister. I have been wanting to return for years now but wanted the kids to be independently living. Everyone else, everyone tells me I'm crazy to want to live in UK.. I'm so torn between doing what I want and what my son wants! Thoughts please? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 1 hour ago, Traceyk said: I am 47 and have lived in Melbourne Australia for 18 years. My kids are grown mid twenties with there own busy. My youngest is 18. I am desperate to move back to the UK as I've never really felt settled or at home here. My kids think I should go back and be happy. My son thinks ill be back in a month! Because he wants to believe I won't go. Whereas my 2 daughters are OK he thinks I'm being ridiculous.. He will be staying with his eldest sister. I have been wanting to return for years now but wanted the kids to be independently living. Everyone else, everyone tells me I'm crazy to want to live in UK.. I'm so torn between doing what I want and what my son wants! Thoughts please? I wont get into the u.k v aus debate - I love both places Family comes first - second and third . You are only missing memories - probably rose tinted. From someone at tbe coal face here in the u.k , put your children first . You may cause irrepairable damage - loyalty to your children ,above all . Maybe when your youngest is completely independent 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 For once I tend to disagree with Bunbury - its your life, live it (that's what everyone always says to those who want to move to Australia and take kids and grandkids away from parents - family doesn't seem so important then!). Your son can come with you if he doesn't want to be without you, ditto your daughters if they struggle with independence. I think at your age you've got a chance of making it work for the longer term but if you leave it much longer you will be past the point of no return and you might never be able to leave because of finances, family etc but now you have a chance of getting set up for old age in UK if that is what you want. I think it's perfectly ok to suck it and see. If it works, you win and if it doesn't then you move on. As long as you have citizenship you can come and go at will. Your kids might decide to follow you, who knows. Good luck! Sometimes being in a place you belong can work wonders on a struggling mental health. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 1 hour ago, Traceyk said: I am 47 and have lived in Melbourne Australia for 18 years. My kids are grown mid twenties with there own busy. My youngest is 18. I am desperate to move back to the UK as I've never really felt settled or at home here. My kids think I should go back and be happy. My son thinks ill be back in a month! Because he wants to believe I won't go. Whereas my 2 daughters are OK he thinks I'm being ridiculous.. He will be staying with his eldest sister. I have been wanting to return for years now but wanted the kids to be independently living. Everyone else, everyone tells me I'm crazy to want to live in UK.. I'm so torn between doing what I want and what my son wants! Thoughts please? There are some people who can move to a new country and settle in like a duck to water. I call them "nomads". Then there are other people who, as soon as they leave their homeland, feel like they've lost a piece of themselves. Nothing can fill the whole left by the place they were born. The only way to feel "whole" again is to get back on home soil - there's no other cure. And it sounds like you're one of those people. The thing is, it's almost impossible for nomads to understand your problem, because they've never felt that way. They'll think you're mad to leave the "better life" in Australia, but they're completely missing the point. It wouldn't matter if you were living in a palace in Australia, you'd still be happier in a maisonette at home It's just your nature and there's nothing wrong with that. I agree with Quoll. Get your Australian citizenship if you haven't already - that way you will always be able to come back to Australia if your children need you. Then go home. Your feelings are only going to get worse the longer you stay, and you don't want to be stuck in Oz in your old age. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 My immediate thought was how often have you been back to UK for a visit and how recently? If you have gone back regularly then fine, but if hardly ever then make sure you know what and where you want to go to, and are up to date with today’s UK. Will you be on your own? Do you have family there that you are close to still. Will you need to work. All things to consider. We moved to Australia without our children, youngest was 22, they coped because they were grown up, but definitely missed us and family life. Also I moved with a husband, and we retired here for a bit of adventure in retirement. We didn’t need to find work. 2 of ours followed us here unexpectedly so you never know what might happen. Just make sure you are realistic about moving back. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traceyk Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 I still have lots of family and close ties with the Midlands Gloucester /Bristol area, and but probably go back to devon area to live. I shall work, I work in aged care and there seems to be lots of jobs. My children all have dual citizenship and very busy, active lives. They travel regularly and sometimes I go 6 months without us all catching up, and they live 20 minutes away. Now my son is 18 he too is off and about with them too. My loyalty to them isn't really in question! I feel like I don't belong in Australia to be honest so should I just stay because my children live here? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 2 hours ago, Traceyk said: I am 47 and have lived in Melbourne Australia for 18 years. My kids are grown mid twenties with there own busy. My youngest is 18. I am desperate to move back to the UK as I've never really felt settled or at home here. My kids think I should go back and be happy. My son thinks ill be back in a month! Because he wants to believe I won't go. Whereas my 2 daughters are OK he thinks I'm being ridiculous.. He will be staying with his eldest sister. I have been wanting to return for years now but wanted the kids to be independently living. Everyone else, everyone tells me I'm crazy to want to live in UK.. I'm so torn between doing what I want and what my son wants! Thoughts please? Give it a crack. You might like it, you might not. You can always come back. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 1 hour ago, Traceyk said: I I feel like I don't belong in Australia to be honest so should I just stay because my children live here? Did you read my reply? You’ve given them so many years, it’s your turn to be happy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 1 hour ago, Traceyk said: I still have lots of family and close ties with the Midlands Gloucester /Bristol area, and but probably go back to devon area to live. I shall work, I work in aged care and there seems to be lots of jobs. My children all have dual citizenship and very busy, active lives. They travel regularly and sometimes I go 6 months without us all catching up, and they live 20 minutes away. Now my son is 18 he too is off and about with them too. My loyalty to them isn't really in question! I feel like I don't belong in Australia to be honest so should I just stay because my children live here? Well your children might not always live here. My two Aussie born sons don't live in Australia. They might be back. They might not. They are enjoying living and working in other countries. Think of yourself. Go where you want. It might work out or it might not. You can always come back. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rammygirl Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 How long is it since you spent some reasonable length of time back in the UK? It may not be how you remember. I would arrange to spend a few months in the UK before making a decision. Not that I think the UK is worse, but maybe you will be surprised by missing Australia, it happens......... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbpom Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 If you go, don't sell up until you are well an truly settled and you are sure that things will be OK with your son. After 18 years you are probably more Australian than you think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TazG Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 On 18/03/2019 at 18:10, Traceyk said: I feel like I don't belong in Australia to be honest After 30 yrs in Australia I feel the same way! I have never settled. It is your life... don't waste what is left of it only to die with regrets. It might not work out back home... who cares! at least you know that you tried. On the other hand... you may find that it is everything that you have been yearning for and more. You don't know unless you try. I am packing up later this year and finally making the move but taking my teenagers with me. I honestly don't know who is more excited... them or me. xx 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 31 minutes ago, TazG said: After 30 yrs in Australia I feel the same way! I have never settled. It is your life... don't waste what is left of it only to die with regrets. It might not work out back home... who cares! at least you know that you tried. On the other hand... you may find that it is everything that you have been yearning for and more. You don't know unless you try. I am packing up later this year and finally making the move but taking my teenagers with me. I honestly don't know who is more excited... them or me. xx I think you said you only had 77 days 'til you leave. Not long to go now Taz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TazG Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 5 hours ago, Toots said: I think you said you only had 77 days 'til you leave. Not long to go now Taz. 36 days!!! but that's just for a look see to check out if the kids will be happy us moving there in November. I can't believe how fast it is coming up now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 Personally I find it difficult to comprehend wanting to return after all these years. Having said that, I have a friend who returned after 30 years here and she has never been so happy. She never settled here really and became very depressed. When she hit Scotland her depression disappeared even though she has left all her children over here ( all adult). we are all different and you must do what makes you feel happy in yourself. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 On 18/03/2019 at 06:05, Traceyk said: I am 47 and have lived in Melbourne Australia for 18 years. My kids are grown mid twenties with there own busy. My youngest is 18. I am desperate to move back to the UK as I've never really felt settled or at home here. My kids think I should go back and be happy. My son thinks ill be back in a month! Because he wants to believe I won't go. Whereas my 2 daughters are OK he thinks I'm being ridiculous.. He will be staying with his eldest sister. I have been wanting to return for years now but wanted the kids to be independently living. Everyone else, everyone tells me I'm crazy to want to live in UK.. I'm so torn between doing what I want and what my son wants! Thoughts please? Depends where you move back to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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