Jump to content

You're currently viewing the forum as a Guest
register-now-button_orig.png
and join in with discussions   
ask migration questions
message other members

..and much much more!

L30GME

How often did you see family once immigrated?

Recommended Posts

Today I have been thinking ‘if we make the move how often will I see my parents’ so I thought I’d come on here and see how often people saw their families once in Australia.

obviously everyone’s circumstances are different as some may not be close to parents so rarely see them but others may have close bonds with parents and see a few times a year maybe - again depending on money, work etc. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My daughter came to Australia in 2004. We were lucky enough to be able to visit regularly and she was able to visit the UK so between 2004 and 2017 we saw each other on average about once a year. Longest time without a visit was 21 months but we met up twice in six months after that.  We moved over in 2017.

  • Like 1

103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, Fisher1 said:

My daughter came to Australia in 2004. We were lucky enough to be able to visit regularly and she was able to visit the UK so between 2004 and 2017 we saw each other on average about once a year. Longest time without a visit was 21 months but we met up twice in six months after that.  We moved over in 2017.

Lovely to hear you got to move out in 2017! 

Was once a year hard or did you both get use to it as time goes on?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At least once a year. Sometimes  twice. But they rarely come to Aus. We go back to the UK. 

Depends on the occasion as well. 

We left one of our sons to finish a PHd. We factored in the cost of bringing him to Aus. Twice a year at least. Cheaper than us going there 


So many wineries ......so little time :yes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We book a holiday there roughly once every two years. OH has been over an extra couple of times for personal reasons and I have been over for work at least once a year on average.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It will all come down to cost. How much do you spend on a holiday each year now? Would that be enough to pay for a holiday back to the Uk, if you were in Australia.

If so, then an annual visit, either you going back or bringing family out, is doable 

I couldn’t afford that so I went back every other year. You get used to the travel. It’s the fact that you never get to have a holiday anywhere else that starts to get annoying 

  • Like 2

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is there the opportunity for family to visit you too? That can make a real difference. I know when I got to Australia I was surprised by the “low annual leave entitlement” compared to what I received in the U.K. Some employers give you the opportunity to purchase additional weeks though

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Once every 2 years i.e. not enough. It's the main reason I'm moving back.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When Mum was alive I went back every second year for 6 weeks and she came for up to 4 months on the alternate year.  I only have my sister now and she comes here for a 3 month visit hopefully every year.  She is here just now.  🙂  

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, L30GME said:

Was once a year hard or did you both get use to it as time goes on?

Frankly, I would say that if missing family is a concern for you now, then I would think very, very, very seriously about whether you should migrate at all.  

"Missing family" is the number one reason why people end up going back home.  People who need close contact with their family never "get used" to not having it.   In fact, the attachment is so strong that we've seen several marriages break up here on PomsinOz, when the wife (or husband)  desperately wants to go home but the other partner doesn't want to leave Australia.

Bear in mind that when you first migrate, you will have absolutely no friends and no support network, so you're going to notice the absence of family even more.  It will take a couple of years to form new friendships so it can be a long haul.    The most successful migrants are people who are already used to coping without family support.

Edited by Marisawright
  • Like 11
  • Thanks 1

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

Frankly, I would say that if missing family is a concern for you now, then I would think very, very, very seriously about whether you should migrate at all.  

"Missing family" is the number one reason why people end up going back home.  People who need close contact with their family never "get used" to not having it.   In fact, the attachment is so strong that we've seen several marriages break up here on PomsinOz, when the wife (or husband)  desperately wants to go home but the other partner doesn't want to leave Australia.

Bear in mind that when you first migrate, you will have absolutely no friends and no support network, so you're going to notice the absence of family even more.  It will take a couple of years to form new friendships so it can be a long haul.    The most successful migrants are people who are already used to coping without family support.

I wish I could like Marisa's post 10 times over.  

For me, leaving family and very good friends was the hardest part of migrating even though I had left home very young and lived in 3 different countries.  It's also hard when your parents are older as you worry about them more.

i've been here nearly 38 years now and don't really feel any close ties to the UK.  Some migrants however never feel Australia is home and yearn to return to their homeland.  Thankfully for me (and my Aussie husband) I don't have those feelings and Australia is now where I am happy and content.

  • Like 7
  • Congratulations 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

Frankly, I would say that if missing family is a concern for you now, then I would think very, very, very seriously about whether you should migrate at all.  

"Missing family" is the number one reason why people end up going back home.  People who need close contact with their family never "get used" to not having it.   In fact, the attachment is so strong that we've seen several marriages break up here on PomsinOz, when the wife (or husband)  desperately wants to go home but the other partner doesn't want to leave Australia.

Bear in mind that when you first migrate, you will have absolutely no friends and no support network, so you're going to notice the absence of family even more.  It will take a couple of years to form new friendships so it can be a long haul.    The most successful migrants are people who are already used to coping without family support.

The best post of yours I’ve read yet.  A proper dose of reality, which is sorely lacking from so many immigrants...

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
On 17/03/2019 at 22:53, L30GME said:

Lovely to hear you got to move out in 2017! 

Was once a year hard or did you both get use to it as time goes on?

It’s difficult to say. We did get used to it ... sort of ... and made longer visits once we retired, but the last days of visits were always horrible. I once burst into tears in the middle of buying a souvenir in a shop in Sydney - mortified!  It does get easier though,and this may sound hard but you stop howling more quickly. I cried halfway to Singapore after our first visit, but by then end I was usually okay by the time we got on the plane. I know it’s a cliche but Skype and FaceTime really do help as well.   Something you might want to consider is meeting “half way” We all met in Thailand a couple of times, shares the cost and the travel. 

Something I would add though, which was a big part of our reason for moving out here. I didn’t want to get used to it. I didn’t want to forget about my daughter for chunks of time while I went about my daily life. I’d rather get used to missing friends and the life we had in Europe ... much less painful!

Edited by Fisher1
  • Like 5

103 visa application lodged February 2013. 143 visa application submitted January 2016. Police checks and form 80 submitted February 29th 2016. Visa granted April 4th 2016.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Completely agree with Marissa! We weren't close to our parents, and we didn't move back because we missed them, but if this is a worry for you now, then I wonder if migrating is for you. I saw my mum (dad died 20 years ago) twice in nine years. My ex's parents (we separated when we got back) came out to see us about every other year, so we saw them a little bit more often. We certainly didn't see them often.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, LKC said:

Completely agree with Marissa! We weren't close to our parents, and we didn't move back because we missed them, but if this is a worry for you now, then I wonder if migrating is for you. I saw my mum (dad died 20 years ago) twice in nine years. My ex's parents (we separated when we got back) came out to see us about every other year, so we saw them a little bit more often. We certainly didn't see them often.

I never mentioned anything about being worried - it was just a question 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, L30GME said:

I never mentioned anything about being worried - it was just a question 

Good to hear. Usually when people ask a question,they have a reason behind it, glad to hear that’s not so in your case


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm very close to my family so we do a family trip home every second year on average, and I've undertaken additional solo trips, so it generally works out at a trip every 15-18 months. I've encouraged family and friends to visit, but generally found that there is resistance to that from them on grounds of cost, distance involved or just not fancying visiting Australia very much. Either that, or they just don't like me! 

  • Like 3
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not close to my family.  Saw them about once a year in England and it was only a 90 minute drive.  I always went to them as that was where I had come from.  Wasn’t sure they had ever seen where I live.....then I recalled a couple of visits in the past.

Anyway, 4 years in and I skype or call about 4 times per year.  They have initiated one call in that time.  My OH has had one return trip last year (on business) and fitted in visits to her family and friends and will do so later this year when she has another business trip.  I have no plans to visit yet but tentatively thinking next year (but I thought that this time last year and changed my mind as the time approached).

I can be absolutely certain that they will never visit Australia - which some may think is sad but I find a relief as it would entail spending a huge amount of time with people I don’t have much in common with.

I must admit that I do find it easy to move on which has helped me greatly with the transition.

  • Like 3

Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
36 minutes ago, Saurer Pfirsich said:

I'm very close to my family so we do a family trip home every second year on average, and I've undertaken additional solo trips, so it generally works out at a trip every 15-18 months. I've encouraged family and friends to visit, but generally found that there is resistance to that from them on grounds of cost, distance involved or just not fancying visiting Australia very much. Either that, or they just don't like me! 

I've encountered the resistance you mention. It is understandable though, look at it from their perspective; it costs a fortune to get here, it costs a fortune when you get here, you're staying with rellies so it doesn't feel like a holiday anyway, after a couple of times it's all very samey and you could have about 4 European holidays for the same cost.

Hard to blame anyone not being that keen after a couple of trips. Or at least thinking twice.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When we first came in 92 with a 2 year old and no jobs to come to it was like starting again financially. We had made some money on the UK house sale but that mostly went on getting here, expenses, car, rent. 

We rented for a year before we were settled in jobs so we could get a mortgage. There are so many places to go on holiday that are a lot cheaper than going back to the UK just in WA. We didn't go back to the UK  for 12 years.

My wifes and my parents, Sisters and other relations came out to see us. My Sister and family loved it so much they applied to emigrate but didn't get in.

Going back to the UK is not really a holiday either. You spend so much time travelling, trying to catch up with people and not upsetting anyone that you're knackered at the end of the trip and feel like a proper holiday yourself.

We've had to do the trips everyone dreads when my Mum and Dad died and my wifes Mum.

My parents were both 93 so had a good innings. Luckily my Sis and her kids got my parents to move closer to them and saw them often.

My wifes Mum had dementia for the last few years so she felt pretty guilty about not being there.

You only have one go at life though and it's been the best thing we could have done for us and our kids. Lifestyle is second to none for very little cost once you are here. Weather, beaches good group of friends are a massive factor for us.

I think it's harder for women than guys. Guys don't overthink stuff.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, s713 said:

I've encountered the resistance you mention. It is understandable though, look at it from their perspective; it costs a fortune to get here, it costs a fortune when you get here, you're staying with rellies so it doesn't feel like a holiday anyway, after a couple of times it's all very samey and you could have about 4 European holidays for the same cost.

Hard to blame anyone not being that keen after a couple of trips. Or at least thinking twice.

Lot like that going the other way too. Bali is cheap and excellent. Loads of places to go here without leaving the state, whatever time of year.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When we first came it was 10 years before we went back but parents came to see us after about 3 years. After that we had more money so we used to go over every 2-3 years. We haven't been back for 17 years now since parents have died and we are not close to other relatives.  We did meet a cousin in Amsterdam a couple of years ago but we didn't bother to go to the UK. No ties now except husband's brother and they are not at all close. We have a big family of our own here now that we started!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been able to go every 2nd year where I have paid (single parent) and on special occasions like the births of my granddaughters,  my daughter and son-in-law have purchased me a ticket. I have the best son-in-law ever I was not due to go out again as I am very close to getting my visa granted - he bought me a ticket for me to surprise my daughter for her 40th. 

For them it is cheaper for me to visit as it is just 1 ticket and whereas they pay for 4 adult fares and my annual leave entitlement is much better.

 

  • Like 1

30th Oct 2015 173 lodged;   02nd Nov 2015 - Acknowledged;  6th Feb 2019 - Request for additional documents ; 2nd Mar 2019 Submitted to PVC Team 1; 24th July - Request to pay 2nd VAC ;  25th July 2019 - VISA GRANTED;  One Way Ticket booked to Sydney for 10th September.

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have 3 sons back in the UK and have only been back 3 times in 15yrs. I have back problems and by the time the plane lands, it's buggered. I'm done with that now. If they want to see me they can come here. I won't do the trip again for a number of reasons and apart for the back issue, there is the fact that they have more disposable income than me to pay for the trip.

  • Like 4

See my art here: https://kevindickinsonfineartphot.smugmug.com/

Copies free to PIO members. PM me for details.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×