Wanting to move back to Australia

[Nemesis]

16 hours ago, Antipodista said:

There are no rights and wrongs and I don’t think it is black and white. Both parties need to go into an expat marriage with eyes open - to say “well I told you I never wanted to live there!” might give you the moral high-ground but it won’t give you a happy and loving marriage.

Oh so true.

Any expat marriage needs both people to go in to it with their eyes open knowing that their lives will always have two countries involved. No one can predict at the start of a relationship what they will feel in 10 or 20 years time about living in one particular country. People change, what people want from life changes, and both people have to be ready to adapt and change. 

[Quoll]

4 hours ago, Parley said:

Unfortunately that isn't true if born before 1983.

However she can probably register as a citizen. But it might be expensive.

Mothers used to be treated differently to fathers.

I beg to differ! 

The rules changed and the right of citizenship through mothers has had the birth date removed entirely. It's a very simple process using the form  UKM and it costs about £80 for the citizenship ceremony (not £800!). 

My son was born end 1981 and when the 1983 ruling came in there was a sort of grandfathering over the period between announcement and commencement of the automatic period and my son has had a UK passport since birth. Even if that boat is missed the UKM process is quick, cheap and painless. My DH born 1949 has his citizenship by descent through his mother.

Edited January 27, 2019 by Quoll

[Saurer Pfirsich]

On 24/01/2019 at 23:25, Violetcrumble said:

Got a big big issue going on at the moment. I'm Australian and have lived in the UK for nearly 16 years, I moved here for a man who I've been married to for 7 years and we have 2 children together. 

I don't dislike living in the UK, sure it has things I don't like but on the whole I enjoy it. However it's not home and I never thought I'd live here forever. 

My hubby revealed last week that he doesn't ever want to live in Australia, we've been on holiday twice, once at Christmas so he has experienced summer. 

My urge to go home has become stronger and stronger since having children. My young sister also has children now and I'd love mine and hers to grow up together (my children will only ever have my sisters 2 children as cousins). My whole family are in Australia and I miss them terribly. 

I know it's not easy moving, especially with children and it's not something I'd want to do in like a year but to know he never wants to move is heartbreaking. 

I've always wanted to give it a go and if it didn't work out then that's fine, we tried but to never try will always have me wondering, what if. 

I'm trying to find ways to accept that I made the decision to move here for him and now I have to accept I will never return home to live. 

How do people do that? 

Hi VC, I strongly sympathise, speaking as an Englishman who made the reverse trip for an Australian wife. I think that the key to a sucessful resolution (or as successful as can be hoped for) to a situation like yours has to be compromise. As other posters have commented, if you enter into a relationship with someone from another country then it's unrealistic to imagine that you'll be able to stay in your own country permanently. You have to be open (I reckon) to spending a tangible period of time in your other half's country providing that that can achieved when you have children, careers, other family commitments etc. Would your husband not be open to perhaps a time-limited stint in Australia? A kind of 'try before you buy' type arrangement? That way, even if he hated it here there would be a guaranteed end point for him somewhere on the horizon.

We came out to Australia in 2008 due to my wife experiencing Depression and homesickness in England. At that time we didn't know how long we were going to be here, but I was determined that my wife had some tangible time in her country to assist with her mental health. About 5-6 years in we were ready to return to the UK but the public sector cuts over the past decade meant that we'd never get the same well-paid jobs back home. We're happy to stay here now until retirement though as we lead comfortable lives here.

Re your husband, what is it about Australia that makes him so clear that he'd never want to live here? You mentioned that he's been over on holidays here, were they bad experiences? From personal experience, visiting my wife's family in Brisbane and the Gold Coast on our first trip out here led me to immediately conclude that Australia wasn't for me. But, visiting Melbourne during our second trip made me think living here was do-able. Different environments. You mentioned that he preferred Adelaide to Perth, would that work for you all as a family, particularly if it  was proposed initially as kind of a long working holiday for say 2 years? That way, he'd at least be making some degree of sacrifice of his own in recognition of the years that you've put in in the UK.

Hope it works out for you all. 

[Parley]

2 hours ago, Quoll said:

I beg to differ! 

The rules changed and the right of citizenship through mothers has had the birth date removed entirely. It's a very simple process using the form  UKM and it costs about £80 for the citizenship ceremony (not £800!). 

My son was born end 1981 and when the 1983 ruling came in there was a sort of grandfathering over the period between announcement and commencement of the automatic period and my son has had a UK passport since birth. Even if that boat is missed the UKM process is quick, cheap and painless. My DH born 1949 has his citizenship by descent through his mother.

That is what I said. It is not automatic if your mother is British rather than your father.

They will give it to you but you have a register, and pay a fee.

You can't just apply for a passport until you do this first.

[Tulip1]

5 hours ago, Saurer Pfirsich said:

Hi VC, I strongly sympathise, speaking as an Englishman who made the reverse trip for an Australian wife. I think that the key to a sucessful resolution (or as successful as can be hoped for) to a situation like yours has to be compromise. As other posters have commented, if you enter into a relationship with someone from another country then it's unrealistic to imagine that you'll be able to stay in your own country permanently. You have to be open (I reckon) to spending a tangible period of time in your other half's country providing that that can achieved when you have children, careers, other family commitments etc. Would your husband not be open to perhaps a time-limited stint in Australia? A kind of 'try before you buy' type arrangement? That way, even if he hated it here there would be a guaranteed end point for him somewhere on the horizon.

We came out to Australia in 2008 due to my wife experiencing Depression and homesickness in England. At that time we didn't know how long we were going to be here, but I was determined that my wife had some tangible time in her country to assist with her mental health. About 5-6 years in we were ready to return to the UK but the public sector cuts over the past decade meant that we'd never get the same well-paid jobs back home. We're happy to stay here now until retirement though as we lead comfortable lives here.

Re your husband, what is it about Australia that makes him so clear that he'd never want to live here? You mentioned that he's been over on holidays here, were they bad experiences? From personal experience, visiting my wife's family in Brisbane and the Gold Coast on our first trip out here led me to immediately conclude that Australia wasn't for me. But, visiting Melbourne during our second trip made me think living here was do-able. Different environments. You mentioned that he preferred Adelaide to Perth, would that work for you all as a family, particularly if it  was proposed initially as kind of a long working holiday for say 2 years? That way, he'd at least be making some degree of sacrifice of his own in recognition of the years that you've put in in the UK.

Hope it works out for you all. 

Great post. The problem with the try it for a 2 years is people then often don’t really try as it’s a short term stay in their mind. There’s also the uproot of the children again and worst of all and really important in the decision making, if he the husband agrees to try it and after 2 years the wife says me and the kids are settled here so we are not moving then that 2 year long working holiday becomes permanent as he couldn’t force the kids back to the UK. Im not suggesting the OP would do that, she sounds very resonable and caring  (she quoted she could never take the kids away from their father) but no one ever knows exactly what others will do when desperate. The worlds full of people who will never get over it believe what someone they once loved is/was capable of. If the other party (her husband in this case) agrees to go then he really need ms to think of it as a very likely stay for good (the OP is unlikely to be begging him to return to the UK anytime soon). It’s a horrible situation and often the only answer is one party to the relationship lives where they don’t want to. I hope they can sort something out. 

[ali]

On ‎27‎/‎01‎/‎2019 at 18:10, Tulip1 said:

Great post. The problem with the try it for a 2 years is people then often don’t really try as it’s a short term stay in their mind. There’s also the uproot of the children again and worst of all and really important in the decision making, if he the husband agrees to try it and after 2 years the wife says me and the kids are settled here so we are not moving then that 2 year long working holiday becomes permanent as he couldn’t force the kids back to the UK. Im not suggesting the OP would do that, she sounds very resonable and caring  (she quoted she could never take the kids away from their father) but no one ever knows exactly what others will do when desperate. The worlds full of people who will never get over it believe what someone they once loved is/was capable of. If the other party (her husband in this case) agrees to go then he really need ms to think of it as a very likely stay for good (the OP is unlikely to be begging him to return to the UK anytime soon). It’s a horrible situation and often the only answer is one party to the relationship lives where they don’t want to. I hope they can sort something out. 

I do think the try it for 2 years timescale is a throw back to when you could (like us) get citizenship after 2 years residency.  I don't think there's anything magical in 2 years - for some, it's just a case of prolonging the agony of living/working in a place they don't enjoy.

[Marisawright]

27 minutes ago, ali said:

I do think the try it for 2 years timescale is a throw back to when you could (like us) get citizenship after 2 years residency.  I don't think there's anything magical in 2 years - for some, it's just a case of prolonging the agony of living/working in a place they don't enjoy.

Actually, I think there is something magical about 2 years. 

For one thing, you hear it quoted by psychiatrists when talking about the time taken to adjust your thinking about something, e.g.  it takes about 2 years to fully get over the death of a loved one, or any other traumatic event.  

For another, I notice a difference myself, now that I've been in Melbourne for two years.  I liked the place straight away, but I'd say it was at about the 2 year mark that I realised I felt at home.  It also takes that long to form friendships.  

Having said that, I think if someone arrives and truly hates the place, then enduring it for a whole two years isn't likely to change their mind. 

Edited January 29, 2019 by Marisawright

[Bulya]

It takes at least 3 years if not 5 to get a handle on Australia 

[ali]

7 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Actually, I think there is something magical about 2 years. 

For one thing, you hear it quoted by psychiatrists when talking about the time taken to adjust your thinking about something, e.g.  it takes about 2 years to fully get over the death of a loved one, or any other traumatic event.  

For another, I notice a difference myself, now that I've been in Melbourne for two years.  I liked the place straight away, but I'd say it was at about the 2 year mark that I realised I felt at home.  It also takes that long to form friendships.  

Having said that, I think if someone arrives and truly hates the place, then enduring it for a whole two years isn't likely to change their mind. 

I've never heard the psychiatrists I've worked with quote 2 years and to be honest I deal with people who way exceed the 2 year after experiencing trauma.  You have piqued my interest though from a professional view point, it's not something I've said/quoted in assisting people's recovery  

[SteveandKirsty]

On 24/01/2019 at 12:25, Violetcrumble said:

Got a big big issue going on at the moment. I'm Australian and have lived in the UK for nearly 16 years, I moved here for a man who I've been married to for 7 years and we have 2 children together. 

I don't dislike living in the UK, sure it has things I don't like but on the whole I enjoy it. However it's not home and I never thought I'd live here forever. 

My hubby revealed last week that he doesn't ever want to live in Australia, we've been on holiday twice, once at Christmas so he has experienced summer. 

My urge to go home has become stronger and stronger since having children. My young sister also has children now and I'd love mine and hers to grow up together (my children will only ever have my sisters 2 children as cousins). My whole family are in Australia and I miss them terribly. 

I know it's not easy moving, especially with children and it's not something I'd want to do in like a year but to know he never wants to move is heartbreaking. 

I've always wanted to give it a go and if it didn't work out then that's fine, we tried but to never try will always have me wondering, what if. 

I'm trying to find ways to accept that I made the decision to move here for him and now I have to accept I will never return home to live. 

How do people do that? 

Unless I have missed it on this thread - how old are your children?

Their age and whether it would effect their schooling etc, how they would feel and whether they would settle has to be a factor too?

My grandparents moved from Ireland to England.  My Nan always wanted to go back, my granddad didn't and after he passed away my Nan was not in well enough health herself to go back. 

A very common situation to be in and will become more so.  As you say you met via the internet before it was the thing but I think all of us wherever we are now know at least one couple that are one half from overseas.

We wish you well and think logically. 

[Jon the Hat]

On 29/01/2019 at 03:53, Bulya said:

It takes at least 3 years if not 5 to get a handle on Australia 

Nonsense, the country is fine, it is the Australians in it which take a long time to get used to! 

[bug family]

 a horrible situation to be in ...... I am in the same situation only on opposite sides of the planet, we moved to Perth some 8 yrs ago  from the UK (my wife and little boy) and now I am getting ready to return to the UK in the next couple of years as I find it so boring here (Perth) and just not for me, however you have guessed it....my wife loves it and will not want to leave....it sounds like you will have to cross the same bridge as me ...and that will not be easy good luck

[Bulya]

6 minutes ago, bug family said:

 a horrible situation to be in ...... I am in the same situation only on opposite sides of the planet, we moved to Perth some 8 yrs ago  from the UK (my wife and little boy) and now I am getting ready to return to the UK in the next couple of years as I find it so boring here (Perth) and just not for me, however you have guessed it....my wife loves it and will not want to leave....it sounds like you will have to cross the same bridge as me ...and that will not be easy good luck

Perth is fairly boring and isolated.  Australians in general simply don’t understand why anybody would move there.  I’ve had great times there for race meetings, but under no circumstances would I live there

[Jon the Hat]

2 hours ago, Bulya said:

Perth is fairly boring and isolated.  Australians in general simply don’t understand why anybody would move there.  I’ve had great times there for race meetings, but under no circumstances would I live there

As has been said before, it depends entirely on what you do for fun.

[mukden]

I think the "new world" is better than the old world -europe, Aisa to some extent. You can create new rules and new patterns of life. 

Nation of immigrants like Oz, it is full of new opportunity and the new challenge.

[Marisawright]

51 minutes ago, mukden said:

I think the "new world" is better than the old world -europe, Aisa to some extent. You can create new rules and new patterns of life. 

Nation of immigrants like Oz, it is full of new opportunity and the new challenge.

Not really. Australia is an established country now and the opportunities are not that different from Europe 

[mukden]

16 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Not really. Australia is an established country now and the opportunities are not that different from Europe 

yes, Oz is an established country. However it is soooooo young regarding modern civilization, Inheritance of traditional culture and etc. 

The life trajectory could be different if you are a  new immigrant.

[Jon the Hat]

On 11/03/2019 at 10:46, Marisawright said:

Not really. Australia is an established country now and the opportunities are not that different from Europe 

I still think there is a different mentality in a migrant nation - people who generally made the decision to chuck it all in and head off to the other side of the world have something about them.

[Bulya]

4 hours ago, Jon the Hat said:

I still think there is a different mentality in a migrant nation - people who generally made the decision to chuck it all in and head off to the other side of the world have something about them.

I believe it used to be called ‘bottle’ 

[Marisawright]

10 hours ago, Jon the Hat said:

I still think there is a different mentality in a migrant nation - people who generally made the decision to chuck it all in and head off to the other side of the world have something about them.

But the majority of the Australian population now is second, third or more generation, not migrants 

[mukden]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

But the majority of the Australian population now is second, third or more generation, not migrants 

not really. As per ABC news, the proportion of 1st and 2nd generation of immigration is over 50% now for the whole country.

Edited March 13, 2019 by mukden

[Paul1Perth]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

But the majority of the Australian population now is second, third or more generation, not migrants 

Not in Perth.

[starlight7]

The other day I was having lunch with a few friends and we realised only 1 of us was actually born in Australia though we had all been here many years. We all had Australian accents except for the Scot- it is not always obvious the number of migrants around!

[mallan82450]

6 hours ago, Marisawright said:

But the majority of the Australian population now is second, third or more generation, not migrants 

That's not correct information.

[SteveandKirsty]

1 minute ago, starlight7 said:

The other day I was having lunch with a few friends and we realised only 1 of us was actually born in Australia though we had all been here many years. We all had Australian accents except for the Scot- it is not always obvious the number of migrants around!

Indeed.

My friends mum is as (apparently) Australian as they come.  Only she was actually born in Sunderland in England! Moved as a child but still makes her "born overseas" obviously.

Australia's population's growth in recent years has come from another big wave of immigration (457 visa etc), not a big birth rate.