Moved Back to the UK...6 Months on

[simmo]

If I was you I'd give it another summer.   See how you feel then.

[thinker78]

Definitely and remember your kids are bound to pick up on your negativity. largely mine has been very positive about the transition as i've consistently pointed out the awesome stuff we do in the UK, immersed ourselves in things unique to here, and the way of life here. she does moan about now in January but who doesn't?! but it would be the same if we were in 47 degree Adelaide- we'd be indoors watching movies except sweating. 

the more you look for positives the more you will find. can i just say also- it's our 4th winter and it's never been that bad. Because uk seasons don't last that long, and you know the next one will come around soon enough. winter 2018 was probably the coldest but that only lasted a few weeks. i have family in Poland who positively laugh at our winters so.....

[Toots]

3 hours ago, thinker78 said:

Definitely and remember your kids are bound to pick up on your negativity. largely mine has been very positive about the transition as i've consistently pointed out the awesome stuff we do in the UK, immersed ourselves in things unique to here, and the way of life here. she does moan about now in January but who doesn't?! but it would be the same if we were in 47 degree Adelaide- we'd be indoors watching movies except sweating. 

the more you look for positives the more you will find. can i just say also- it's our 4th winter and it's never been that bad. Because uk seasons don't last that long, and you know the next one will come around soon enough. winter 2018 was probably the coldest but that only lasted a few weeks. i have family in Poland who positively laugh at our winters so.....

Perhaps Wattsy has other reasons besides the weather.  Be interesting if he lets us know.  I also think the winter weather is something you would get used to and knowing how fed up Wattsy was here, he should give it another year or so before making any decisions about returning.

[Marisawright]

I was curious to see what @wattsy1982 had written before, because I didn't remember it. But here's a couple of good examples, which suggest to me that he is indeed looking at Oz with rose-tints (which doesn't surprise me, because it's human nature ).

On 10/01/2018 at 16:13, wattsy1982 said:

Over the past 5 years here I have lost count how many times people (brits and Aussies) tell me what/how bad the weather is in the UK....like I didn't live there for 30 years prior to moving here 

I had an Aussie person tell me the other day that "the UK is ALWAYS grey, rainy and looks like coronation street" at which point I switched off...as usual. Oh, and this person had never been to the UK....not even out of Australia....I rest my case!

I know everyones values vary but really, hand on heart, how important is the weather really...its just weather....for me its not important at all. We never let the weather stop us doing anything in the UK (unless is was raining hard prior to going out) but if it rained whilst out we just put on this great invention called a coat or used an umbrella....and they work marvellously! 

When I talk to brits and Aussies about home and they say "oh the weather is this or that" etc....like its actually matters or is important. I think to myself (and quite often say out load) is that all you can think of?? I sometimes think they say this as a knee-jerk/habit or trying to justify/make themselves feel good about moving overseas.

I can honestly say we need let the "constant" rain in the uk stop us doing anything, nor do we let the heat stop us here in QLD...although the kids are more reluctant to go our in the heat than they ever were in the rain or cold...anyway.....

 

On 03/04/2017 at 13:06, wattsy1982 said:

@TopTohScnal I think when you know you know. I started feeling like you at the 8 month mark, Aus wasn't impressing me how I thought it would and the novelty of the beaches and heat/sun had worn off and I started thinking about what I had given up and what I'd gained.

People on here said the same to me (probably the same people who have commented to you) it takes time, you will feel better in x months, making new friends here will help, new job etc........

fast forward 3 years and I still feel the same, if not worse as I am now thinking about the time ive wasted here (strong word to use...maybe not wasted but you get what i mean) Ive tried soccer clubs, gyms, golf clubs, both kids have started school here and not met any parents live clicked with, weve even built a house here hoping that would change things but no, still feel the same. 

The wake up call for me was when my wife found out we were expecting our 3rd child (due this july) I suddenly thought do i really want me baby growing up here, another child growing up not knowing family, not having grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins at their birthday parties and xmas, no extended family to watch their sports day or school play....and after those thoughts had it me I realised how i really felt, what I wanted and realised I wasnt ever going to settle/be content here.

We are going to apply for citizenship here in July then heads home. Its been an adventure but as a family unit home and family means more than sunshine and a beach.

Edited January 28, 2019 by Marisawright

[Toots]

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ 

Yes I remember a few of Wattsy's posts along similar lines so was very surprised indeed to read his post about the UK weather.  Will be interesting to read his response to the above comments he made when he was desperate to get back to the UK.

[wattsy1982]

Thanks everyone for your comments, advice etc.

Funny that old posts of mine were brought up as i regularly read then when i'm having up and/or down days. I can relate to pretty much all still.

For the first time I can see the positives (and negatives) in living in both countries but I think it comes down to what I stated in my original post in this thread. We've changed.

After all the dust has settled after the move i look at it now as I wanted to move back to uk for me, my home, my childhood memories etc but now im thinking about my kids and their futures. There is no right or wrong answer and one size doesn't fit all.

I can remember writing all the previous posts, the feelings that went with them etc but I kind of feel that we've done so much in our lives to end up back where it all started and the experience has changed us but the place hasn't changed (not that it needs to) but the 2 (us and the place) just don't quite click anymore.

I now need to think about the kids and whats best for them. They are really struggling with the cold and mud/rain. My middle child though is just praying for snow where as my eldest is about ready to hibernate i think.....i feel bad/guilty for bringing them back but like i say, at the time i was thinking about my home, my wishes etc (selfishly maybe) but  i needed to do this to see/compare both places.

I don't know what the answer is, where we will end up, im certainly not booking any flights any time soon and have things booked for September etc so we are at least 'living here' and trying to settle. 

Like others have said, i think it will be interesting to see if we remember winter once spring/summer comes and whether the thought of another winter is as daunting as the first one is or will we be more acclimatised to it.

Looking forward to May onwards tho!

 

[thinker78]

You do forget. What always mesmerises me about the UK is that you get seasonal amnesia. Like now, it's practically impossible to remember the long hot summer of 2018. It's hard to recall sweating it out in June-Sept, wishing for a bit of rain. Which, imo, we've barely seen really in the South East. The way you get through a UK winter is similar for me to the Aussie summer- get out when you can, wear appropriate clothing and enjoy doing indoors stuff. However, I've still been able to run outside for the most part of this winter. It's only snow which will stop me, but we barely get any of that. 

I've re-acquainted myself with the seasons and take them for what they are. I get a bit narky around March, but as soon as we hit double figures again it's all good. It does take a bit of time to get in the swing though. Take some Vit D cos that can help. 

 

Some positive things about winter - fires, walking in the woods, central heating, soup making, roast dinners, pubs, beautiful sunrises and sun sets, saving up your energy for spring summer and the longer days, going round people's houses, looking at nature, making plans, hot baths, hot chocolate after a chilly walk, museums, hats, coats, scarves and snow!!! 

xx

Edited January 28, 2019 by thinker78

[Amber Snowball]

3 hours ago, wattsy1982 said:

Thanks everyone for your comments, advice etc.

Funny that old posts of mine were brought up as i regularly read then when i'm having up and/or down days. I can relate to pretty much all still.

For the first time I can see the positives (and negatives) in living in both countries but I think it comes down to what I stated in my original post in this thread. We've changed.

After all the dust has settled after the move i look at it now as I wanted to move back to uk for me, my home, my childhood memories etc but now im thinking about my kids and their futures. There is no right or wrong answer and one size doesn't fit all.

I can remember writing all the previous posts, the feelings that went with them etc but I kind of feel that we've done so much in our lives to end up back where it all started and the experience has changed us but the place hasn't changed (not that it needs to) but the 2 (us and the place) just don't quite click anymore.

I now need to think about the kids and whats best for them. They are really struggling with the cold and mud/rain. My middle child though is just praying for snow where as my eldest is about ready to hibernate i think.....i feel bad/guilty for bringing them back but like i say, at the time i was thinking about my home, my wishes etc (selfishly maybe) but  i needed to do this to see/compare both places.

I don't know what the answer is, where we will end up, im certainly not booking any flights any time soon and have things booked for September etc so we are at least 'living here' and trying to settle. 

Like others have said, i think it will be interesting to see if we remember winter once spring/summer comes and whether the thought of another winter is as daunting as the first one is or will we be more acclimatised to it.

Looking forward to May onwards tho!

 

Good for you!

Give a fair go then if still nothing you can reevaluate where you want to be!

[tea4too]

2 hours ago, thinker78 said:

[Edit]    Some positive things about winter - fires, walking in the woods, central heating, soup making, roast dinners, pubs, beautiful sunrises and sun sets, saving up your energy for spring summer and the longer days, going round people's houses, looking at nature, making plans, hot baths, hot chocolate after a chilly walk, museums, hats, coats, scarves and snow!!! 

xx

I agree, all of the above! But I would add - reading books I haven't time for in the summer,  watching increased numbers of garden birds on the feeders, spotting the first shoots of the daffodils and snowdrops planted last autumn, listening to the rain/ wind/ hail batter a warm and cosy house, realising  after Christmas that it stays light for that little bit longer each day, hot water bottles, 13.5 tog duvets, cosy pyjamas, trips to the cinema and theatre, watching the dog run the length of a deserted beach, rosy cheeks, winter boots, woolen hats with a big pompom. T x

[Home and Happy]

On 26/01/2019 at 15:13, thinker78 said:

We've all been there but I honest to goodness think you'd find that a few years into Aussie life, the same problems would rear their heads. chances are you  may never feel settled (although many ping pongers get it out of their system at some point) and you've not even been here a year! There is no perfect place and kids take a while-  mine now embraces winter as much as the other seasons as we focus on other stuff. I appreciate that not everyone is into what we are and may prefer to outside doing sports, but never forget that a brisbane summer also renders some of the day useless too from heat. 

I did a few pings and when i ponged I knew i was done- it's a bit like when people describe having their last child and 'knowing' that's it for them. After going back and forth I knew where home was and knew i'd be happy to do a long UK stint. I dont miss Australia BUT even with this feeling it still took us about a year to get into the groove of UK life. We'd been away longer than you and felt like complete outsiders. However, 3.5 years on and it's all good. 

I'd personally give it a bit longer. If you've small kids it's no biggie. high school kids are a harder move. good luck. 

This is great advice, really.   Old problems always resurface.  

[Toots]

4 hours ago, tea4too said:

 

I agree, all of the above! But I would add - reading books I haven't time for in the summer,  watching increased numbers of garden birds on the feeders, spotting the first shoots of the daffodils and snowdrops planted last autumn, listening to the rain/ wind/ hail batter a warm and cosy house, realising  after Christmas that it stays light for that little bit longer each day, hot water bottles, 13.5 tog duvets, cosy pyjamas, trips to the cinema and theatre, watching the dog run the length of a deserted beach, rosy cheeks, winter boots, woolen hats with a big pompom. T x

 

Sounds like my life in Tassie during winter.    I enjoy the winters here but I'm always happy when spring comes around.

[Toots]

9 hours ago, wattsy1982 said:

Thanks everyone for your comments, advice etc.

Funny that old posts of mine were brought up as i regularly read then when i'm having up and/or down days. I can relate to pretty much all still.

For the first time I can see the positives (and negatives) in living in both countries but I think it comes down to what I stated in my original post in this thread. We've changed.

After all the dust has settled after the move i look at it now as I wanted to move back to uk for me, my home, my childhood memories etc but now im thinking about my kids and their futures. There is no right or wrong answer and one size doesn't fit all.

I can remember writing all the previous posts, the feelings that went with them etc but I kind of feel that we've done so much in our lives to end up back where it all started and the experience has changed us but the place hasn't changed (not that it needs to) but the 2 (us and the place) just don't quite click anymore.

I now need to think about the kids and whats best for them. They are really struggling with the cold and mud/rain. My middle child though is just praying for snow where as my eldest is about ready to hibernate i think.....i feel bad/guilty for bringing them back but like i say, at the time i was thinking about my home, my wishes etc (selfishly maybe) but  i needed to do this to see/compare both places.

I don't know what the answer is, where we will end up, im certainly not booking any flights any time soon and have things booked for September etc so we are at least 'living here' and trying to settle. 

Like others have said, i think it will be interesting to see if we remember winter once spring/summer comes and whether the thought of another winter is as daunting as the first one is or will we be more acclimatised to it.

Looking forward to May onwards tho!

 

It's your children's first winter.  They will get used to it.  As I mentioned before, we used to go back for 6 weeks during the winter and our boys were never bothered by the weather.  They played outside with the boys from the village every day.

[Paul1Perth]

On Tuesday, January 22, 2019 at 19:16, wattsy1982 said:

Once a year would be too much but once every 2 years would be fine. 

We could then pay for our parents to come out every other year. Cheaper than a family of 5 going back and less upheaval with school and jobs etc.

My wife has said maybe we should give it 2 years here, im thinking see it out until september this year then head back after summer holidays. 

Curse of a migrant i guess!

Fine if you've got money and holidays. Seeing parents and having them live under the same roof for a month or whatever is totally different.

We didn't go back for 13 years when we came. Couldn't afford it. I don't think the kids missed out not seeing their relations who were back in the UK. 

To the OP. I would be sorting out a flight back sooner rather than later.

[ali]

11 hours ago, wattsy1982 said:

Thanks everyone for your comments, advice etc.

Funny that old posts of mine were brought up as i regularly read then when i'm having up and/or down days. I can relate to pretty much all still.

For the first time I can see the positives (and negatives) in living in both countries but I think it comes down to what I stated in my original post in this thread. We've changed.

After all the dust has settled after the move i look at it now as I wanted to move back to uk for me, my home, my childhood memories etc but now im thinking about my kids and their futures. There is no right or wrong answer and one size doesn't fit all.

I can remember writing all the previous posts, the feelings that went with them etc but I kind of feel that we've done so much in our lives to end up back where it all started and the experience has changed us but the place hasn't changed (not that it needs to) but the 2 (us and the place) just don't quite click anymore.

I now need to think about the kids and whats best for them. They are really struggling with the cold and mud/rain. My middle child though is just praying for snow where as my eldest is about ready to hibernate i think.....i feel bad/guilty for bringing them back but like i say, at the time i was thinking about my home, my wishes etc (selfishly maybe) but  i needed to do this to see/compare both places.

I don't know what the answer is, where we will end up, im certainly not booking any flights any time soon and have things booked for September etc so we are at least 'living here' and trying to settle. 

Like others have said, i think it will be interesting to see if we remember winter once spring/summer comes and whether the thought of another winter is as daunting as the first one is or will we be more acclimatised to it.

Looking forward to May onwards tho!

 

Before my brother settled in QLD, he returned to the UK because he wondered if the grass was greener, he had great memories of childhood, mates etc.,  His return was very temporary as he said he realised that they were 'memories', people had moved on and whilst they were still mates it wasn't the same because as you say - he was the one who had changed and he had been wearing the rose tinted specs in remembering living in the UK.   

  I can't remember how old the children are, but certainly that might be something to consider (as if you were moving for the first time) from an educational point of view.  

[Saurer Pfirsich]

On 27/01/2019 at 19:13, simmo said:

If I was you I'd give it another summer.   See how you feel then.

I'd go along with that too. Wattsy, I followed the story of your journey home to England, and can recall how disconnected from your surroundings you felt, and subsequently how unsatisfied you were living in Australia. And that was what, a 5 year stint you had here? No one could ever accuse you of not giving it a fair crack mate. Maybe you need to give England a bit longer and give yourselves the kind of time it takes to acclimatise to Australia, but in reverse, if you like? 

I totally get the guilt thing btw. We started to make tentative plans to head home after 5-6 years here, and one of the reasons we abandoned those plans was opposition from our oldest daughter. If the whole family's not up for it then inevitably you start to second guess your decision. In our case, our daughter's resistance caused my wife to get cold feet, this coincided with increasing job cuts in our sector in the U.K. (Psychologist and Social Worker) leading me to conclude that without us all being on the same page I'd feel like the worst father and husband in the world if the UK wasn't perfect for them! Reading your posts it sounds like you're experiencing some of those 'what have I done?' thoughts right now? I imagine that that's not a great place to be emotionally, but there's a danger in possibly acting rashly and fleeing back to Australia because you feel guilty. 

I'd give it the rest of this year, and if you're still feeling the same way going in to 2020 then I think you can conclude that it's Australia which suits you best, but also that you gave the UK a fair crack too, but that it just doesn't work for you anymore.

Good luck mate, and keep posting. 

 

 

 

Edited January 29, 2019 by Saurer Pfirsich

[starlight7]

Interesting and relevant topic. I was talking to one of my daughters today and she said she knew of 3 families who had moved back to the Uk with families of primary school age within the last few years. We discussed this and both thought it might be the particular area they had settled in which is known for being cliquey - very middle class,upwardly mobile yuppie types. A lot is the luck of the draw because this area is very pretty, lovely houses and superficially extremely attractive.

[wattsy1982]

Thanks again all, i appreciate your support/advice etc.

We will certainly be giving it longer, even before this original post it was never a case of we were going to jump ship tomorrow.

Funny, an old friend/boss of mine in London messaged me out of the blue last night to say hes started a new company (conference/corporate events company) and having helped him set up his last one back in 2009 would i be interested in meeting up with him to discuss a few things....that has now given me something to think about and focus on which will take my mind off the weather as well as working to build up my own business.

Head down/bum up until may....

[Paul1Perth]

On Tuesday, January 29, 2019 at 01:19, thinker78 said:

You do forget. What always mesmerises me about the UK is that you get seasonal amnesia. Like now, it's practically impossible to remember the long hot summer of 2018. It's hard to recall sweating it out in June-Sept, wishing for a bit of rain. Which, imo, we've barely seen really in the South East. The way you get through a UK winter is similar for me to the Aussie summer- get out when you can, wear appropriate clothing and enjoy doing indoors stuff. However, I've still been able to run outside for the most part of this winter. It's only snow which will stop me, but we barely get any of that. 

I've re-acquainted myself with the seasons and take them for what they are. I get a bit narky around March, but as soon as we hit double figures again it's all good. It does take a bit of time to get in the swing though. Take some Vit D cos that can help. 

 

Some positive things about winter - fires, walking in the woods, central heating, soup making, roast dinners, pubs, beautiful sunrises and sun sets, saving up your energy for spring summer and the longer days, going round people's houses, looking at nature, making plans, hot baths, hot chocolate after a chilly walk, museums, hats, coats, scarves and snow!!! 

xx

You get that here too. It's just about perfect in Perth at the moment and there's no way I can imagine the sea and beach as anything but inviting and the place to be. In winter it can be rough, cold and windy. Just can't picture it like that at the moment.

[Captain_Tor]

I suppose the best thing about your situation is that being Aus citizens you always have the option to go back and that wherever you feel is home whether it be UK or Oz you have either option available to you.

Love the fact your son said 'I don't think I have another winter in me' - I think we can all relate to that 

Good luck with whatever you decide! 

[Sandgroper]

Wow that post surprised me to! you were very Anti Oz Pro UK before moving back...................thanks for being honest and best of luck for the future. 

[wattsy1982]

I needed to come back to compare like for like. We didnt have any kids at school in uk first time etc, different life situation

[Jemvin]

What did you end up doing? I’did Things get better? 

[bunbury61]

On 22/01/2019 at 11:00, wattsy1982 said:

Hi,

Ive not been on here for well over 6 months, probably nearer 9 months if I'm honest.

Some of you will know/remember me and some won't.

We (myself, my wife and our 2 young boys) moved to Australia, Gold Coast in 2013 after my wife got offered a job as a midwife. It came at a time where id had enough of commuting to London for work and things just felt a bit stale so when the chance to emigrate came about we though why not, our boys were only 3 and 1 at the time.

The initial job contract was for 2 years by which time our eldest would have been starting school whether we stayed in Australia or came back to Uk so the timings worked well also.

Those 2 years flew by and we decided to stay 'a bit longer'.

Shortly after making that decision in 2015 we got the opportunity to build our own house, something id always wanted to do in the UK but it was just never possible.

We moved into the house in March 2016 and then came back to the UK for a months holiday in july 2016 for my sister in laws wedding.

The holiday was great and we forgot how much we'd missed the late summers evenings....the kids asked "does it ever get dark here" 

Once we got back to Australia after the holiday we settled back into normal life after having our 'family fix' but by mid 2017 (after the birth of our 3 child, little aussie daughter) we started talking about moving back to the UK to be nearer to family etc.

Like anything, once you mention it it doesn't go away until you do something about it...so in July 2018 we sold our house, made a good profit and moved back as a family of 5 with an aussie dog in tow too!

The UK summer of 2018 was amazing, we didnt have any rain until early october and the days seemed to go on forever.

We visited the in-laws in France and all was good.

Then October came and boy had we forgotten the grey, cold, wet, mud, darkness and the depression that comes with it.

The kids are really struggling with the weather and when they do get outside they hate the cold and mud.......and must agree with them!

Were trying to buy a house with the large deposit we brought back from Australia and we just can't find anything we are content with to pour our life savings into...YES WE'VE CHANGED!

I never thought I'd changed after being away but what most people I know here put up with/accept i just can't bring myself to do it. 

The kids (eldest 2) miss the beach, sun, parks, our pool etc. 

I was the driving force behind the move home. (I can now see it was because I was feeling guilty for my parents not seeing the kids grow up) but at the time i thought it was the right thing for us a family.....now i don't think it is.

My eldest child (9) said "dad, i don't think ive got another winter in me"

It doesn't feel the same to be back, i don't feel settled like I though I would. What used to make me content before we moved now doesn't. 

When we lived in Australia we never felt we needed a holiday but after only 4 months back here we were craving a break, something to look forward to and some warmth on the skin!

Some of you may know I was the most pro uk person but even I am now seeing it through different eyes.

Not sure what the future holds for us but lets say we are all looking forward to the spring/summer!

...and yes, we are all Aus citizens so that leaves doors open that might not have been before.

Thats about it from me for now but I look forward to hearing others thoughts and comments.

The only thing you have to be careful of , is that you end up being incapable of happiness in either place .

You go back to oz , and that is not as you remember it , or as good , and so the cycle begins .