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Clean joke needed- please, pretty please

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Looking for a shortish funny clean joke for a group of about 100 Probus people aged 58-78.  Can't be anything religious, racist or filthy in case someone gets offended!  The ones on google are naff or American, just unfunny. Help!!!

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Don’t think this is racist?

5 men in a boat off the coast of Hawaii. A Russian, a Cuban, an Irish man  a Japanese and an Hawaiian. 

The Russian takes a swig of vodka from his bottle and throws the rest away into the sea, when  asked why did you waste all that vodka says plenty more vodka in Russia where I come from.

Next the man from Cuba smokes a bit of his cigar and throws the rest into the sea, when asked why did you do that says plenty cigars in Cuba where I come from.

Then The Irishman takes a good drink of his Guinness and throws the rest into the sea. Asked why, plenty of Guinness where I come from.

Next the man from Hawaii picks up the Japanese man and throws him overboard.

He says plenty more Japanese where I come from

We were  actually told this joke by a Japanese who thought it was funny so hopefully no one would take offence

Edited by ramot
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54 minutes ago, ramot said:

Don’t think this is racist?

5 men in a boat off the coast of Hawaii. A Russian, a Cuban, an Irish man  a Japanese and an Hawaiian. 

The Russian takes a swig of vodka from his bottle and throws the rest away into the sea, when  asked why did you waste all that vodka says plenty more vodka in Russia where I come from.

Next the man from Cuba smokes a bit of his cigar and throws the rest into the sea, when asked why did you do that says plenty cigars in Cuba where I come from.

Then The Irishman takes a good drink of his Guinness and throws the rest into the sea. Asked why, plenty of Guinness where I come from.

Next the man from Hawaii picks up the Japanese man and throws him overboard, and just, says plenty of Japanese where I come from

We were  actually told this joke by a Japanese who thought it was funny so hopefully no one would take offence

You should embellish this joke for all the men except the Hawaiin.   eg the Russian throws up his hands and says but in my country there is so much vodka we can afford to throw it away

The point is at the end it’s short and sharp.

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6 hours ago, ramot said:

Don’t think this is racist?

5 men in a boat off the coast of Hawaii. A Russian, a Cuban, an Irish man  a Japanese and an Hawaiian. 

The Russian takes a swig of vodka from his bottle and throws the rest away into the sea, when  asked why did you waste all that vodka says plenty more vodka in Russia where I come from.

Next the man from Cuba smokes a bit of his cigar and throws the rest into the sea, when asked why did you do that says plenty cigars in Cuba where I come from.

Then The Irishman takes a good drink of his Guinness and throws the rest into the sea. Asked why, plenty of Guinness where I come from.

Next the man from Hawaii picks up the Japanese man and throws him overboard.

He says plenty more Japanese where I come from

We were  actually told this joke by a Japanese who thought it was funny so hopefully no one would take offence

Depends how PC the audience might be.

I always find Ian Hislop funny

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I heard the three legged turkey joke last night for the first time in probably 20 years......its clean.....has a festive undertone and always gets a larf. Ive just copie and pasted it but you can add bits too it, like when he askes why did you breed a 3 legged turkey, one leg for granny......one leg for aunt bessy and one leg for cousin bruce........

A man was driving along the motorway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 60 mph. He accelerated to 70, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, but the chicken overtook him. 
 
Then the man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken, speeding all the way, and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens on the farm had three legs.
 
When he spotted the farmer he asked him, "Where did you get these chickens?" 
 
The farmer replied "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." 
 
The man was impressed and asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, "Don't know, I haven't caught one yet."
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These days maybe substitute Chinese for Japanese. The Japanese people have all gone. Have to be careful in Australia though because people are very sensitive and there are  people of Chinese origin in Probus .

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You are asking PIO? Good luck with that. The chicken joke is funny though.

 

Are you looking for a joke or an ice-breaker, at the start? If the latter, something about death by PowerPoint (if you are using PowerPoint), might work.

 

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I like the chook joke but I think a lot will have heard it.  Found a surgeon joke about politicians being the easiest to operate on because they have no brains, guts, balls etc and interchangeable head and bum. Might go for that one and adapt it to our local scene. Some of the audience wouldn't know what powerpoint is- not very technologically advanced.

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I walked into a bakery to buy a cake and saw they were all 50 cents except one that was $1. I asked the baker why it was more expensive and he replied “that’s Madeira cake”

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