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sanctuary18

Glasgow or Perth - where's our future??

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Hi all,

We (family of four, 2 kids primary school age) relocated back to Glasgow last May after spending 2 years in Perth. We have PR, visa end date Nov '19.

It was on a whim (all mine) while we holidayed in Glasgow, meant to be for 3 weeks!

1 year on, myself and hubby still cant decide where to put roots. Kids are wanting to go back to Perth. They like it here, love seeing family but still prefer Perth.

Our main concerns are:

1 - We had 1 date night in our two years in Perth and started drifting apart. We're just glad we could see it happen and saved us in time!

2 - It was hard for me to get a job (about 1 year in before I got a decent job), while hubby settled in new job after first week, making friends etc... Did that affect my experience??

3 - We have no family in Perth, so no backup plan if kids get sick/we need a break/(back to point 1). We're only young so still best pals and keen for date nights.

So, we know in Scotland we get our more frequent date nights due to an abundance of grandparents, we both got great jobs straight away (thank goodness) and kids are happy in school. Finances are looking good and we could now buy our first home. But........it doesn't feel right. We're sad about ''settling'' because it's easier here (we're both from Glasgow). 

I need someone (not biased family members) to lay it straight for me please. Am I doing the classic 'grass is greener' cliche because Scotland is all I remember and more (a bit of an unwanted culture shock and god if I here my 5 yo son one more time saying ''naw am no dain it'' ) or is it really more suited for us?

Also, if anyone has time to help out with this question. For those of you who dont have family, have school aged kids who cant babysit themselves and still enjoy date nights. What are the options? Do you just suck it up and take the kids everywhere or it there a secret club of highly trusted babysitters for anxious and 'new to babysitters' parents??

Thanks so much to anyone wanting to weigh in on my current dilemma. It consumes our days, day in day out. It's miserable.

Have a good one :)

 

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Posted (edited)

Your children are very young.  We all tend to get a rosy glow about our memories, but adults are mature enough to know that and make allowances.  Children are not, so I would take their opinion of Australia with a large pinch of salt - they're remembering the best bits and nothing else.

If you go back to Perth, you'll be back to having no support.  There is no secret club of highly trained trusted babysitters.

You drifted apart in Perth. 

The job market is depressed in Perth now.

Those are the negatives.  So, what are the positives about going back to Perth?   What are you looking forward to, if you go back? 

You say it's "easier" in Glasgow, which means you think Perth is a harder, but more rewarding, thing to do.  The question is, what do you think will be more rewarding about Perth, that will make the "harder" worth the sacrifice?

If you can think of things you're looking forward to, then by all means go back to Perth.  But don't, whatever you do, move to Perth just because you're running away from Glasgow.  

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Years ago when our two lads needed babysitting we were pretty lucky that the young lass opposite our house was available for babysitting whenever we went on a night out.  Friends of ours formed a babysitting club so babysat each others kids which was handy.

I can't answer your question about where you should live though.  Yes the grass is always greener.

Had to smile at your wee boy with his Scottish dialect.  My two used to pick it up when we went back to Scotland to visit Mum.  😄  It was funny listening to them.

 

 

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Does it have to be Glasgow or Perth? Could it be Edinburgh, Perth (UK) Stirling ? Could it be Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide... etc? Also wondering why you're thinking Perth if you didn't have great experiences there to start off with. What would change this time? I think it sounds like your minds are possibly made up that 'settling' in Glasgow is not what you want to do. That's ok! But it's a big ol world out there! What's more important to you, to you as a family? Remember that nothing is permanent pretty much these days. I bet you didn't think you would be back in Glasgow when you were setting off to Perth the first time. Living abroad can be great, but, as you know, does have downfalls.

Only you can decide what is right for you, for you as a family. If someone took away the right to ever live out of the UK again how would you really feel? If you don't like the sound of it but in the big picture could live happily with that decision then there's your answer. Perhaps, as you say finances are good, take some really fun family holidays to experience the world but still have the stability of jobs, family and finances back home.

Wish you the best.

  • Like 3

I believe that one of the modern forms of bravery is to say, OK I will start again from scratch.

Doing something new, learning new things requires great strength, great humility and great courage.

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It’s probably the notion of “settling” and no more adventures which is bugging you. That I can relate to, I will settle when I die. Nothing has to be forever.

On the surface though I’d say it’s probably a no brainer - you struggled to find work in WA and that will likely be worse now given the downturn, it took a toll on your relationship and you and the kids were quite isolated. You say you have good jobs, family support and in line to buy a home - unless you have something better than that in WA why bother?  I had to chuckle at the dearth of date nights - we never had them, being in a similar position in Canberra when our kids were young. The kids came everywhere and we only got date nights back when they were old enough to be left alone. Now we are caring for a 94 year old and even though we’ve been married 45 years next month, a date night (or even a date lunch!) every now and again would be bliss! 

I wouldn’t worry about the kids - If you took them back to Perth they’d likely be saying they wanted to go back to be with the grandparents before too long. One first world country is much like any other.

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Thanks so much for the replies everyone.

A big pull back to Perth is family (although we love our babysitters). Ours (parents) come with so much drama and opinions I suppose in Oz it wasn't our problem so we lived in ignorant bliss. Issues can arise pretty much on a weekly basis and we're like WTF, can you not just live life and stop moaning. It sounds childish typing that actually but that's what our life is. 

When we arrived in Glasgow last year I was so happy to see everyone and was getting on great with everyone that when it was suggested we don't go home I done the usual impulsive choice and declared we were staying here. By the August I started regretting my rash decision.

I got a better job in Glasgow than what I've had before so thought I could bring my new skills to Perth and have a better shot. Husband has been offered his old job back if we ever return.

We would be returning to Perth as we know the area (basically moving back to exact same suburb as we liked it there) and it's familiar and kids went to school there. I'd be happy to return there. Husband actually has 1 cousin there (although his kids are high school so we didn't want to reel him back in to babysitting days, maybe we would 2nd time round as he was really supportive for us).

Thanks guys, I thought I'd wake up and hopefully see a reply and be like 'yes, that's our answer' but I'm still as confused lol. I appreciate all your time with helping me. 

Happy UK Fathers Day

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After I asked my husband to move back to UK I realised after a short time it was a terrible mistake. He is ozzie and would of loved to come back to oz straight away but he said we should wait for 12 months so I could be sure of what I wanted and to save up the money to move again. When the time was up I was definitely wanting to move back to oz so we did and life has been wonderful ever since. Even though I hated waiting the extra year it was a good thing to do. Maybe wait and see how you and your family feel in 12 months from now. 

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With regards to babysitters, could you not ask for recommendations from other school Mums or work colleagues?
That's what we did and we now have several that we can call on

If your husband is going to get his job back and you can get the kids back into their old schools and you can afford to move again, I would go for it.
You'll lose your RRV next year and after that it will be much harder to get back in

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Posted (edited)

Only you can decide. No-one will write on here (I think) you should definitely stay or you should definitely go. People will try to help by giving advice but only you know what is right. Best thing I find it to write up the pros and cons - even if it's pages long. What if someone took 'x' away, what would you be more upset about? It's a challenging decision, wish you the best in making it.

Edited by Ozzie
  • Like 1

I believe that one of the modern forms of bravery is to say, OK I will start again from scratch.

Doing something new, learning new things requires great strength, great humility and great courage.

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