polrowrow Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Hello, I wasn't sure what to title this post but this basically sums up why I am hesitant to move back to Australia! To cut a long story short, my Australian husband and I moved back to the UK 1 year ago after a 2 year stint in Melbourne, where he is from. I am from London and I always thought this is where I wanted to be forever, where I wanted to raise my kids etc. But the last year has been so tough adjusting to the lifestyle in London again. We both miss the more laidback life, weather, finances and group of friends we had in Melbourne. We are lacking a social network so much for both of us here, and just end up feeling tired a lot of the time. I know people might suggest moving somewhere else in the UK, but if we're going to be a few hours away from family, we feel we may as well be in Melbourne near my husband's family. We are thinking of moving back, but being in our late twenties we would like to start a family in the next 2/3 years. We would like to avoid ping-ponging backwards and forwards a lot so would look to stay a minimum of 5 years to start with. This would mean having a child away from my parents and family (who I am close to), and I'd basically like to ask your advice on how this feels and how hard it is! Would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. We know we are very lucky to have the choice but sometimes I feel it makes it harder!Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 If you are pretty self sufficient and cope well away from your family, I’d hope you could cope ok with it all. Some women get a big urge to be near their family (their Mum) when they have their first. I didn’t have this feeling really (perhaps being older helps, no idea) but understand that for many women it does become a big thing and is not to be dismissed or ignored. However, if you have a good support network and life in a Melbourne you hopefully will find things ok and be able to build a Mum network with others from any parent and baby groups etc. You can’t plan for how you will feel or cope though. Best laid plans and hopes can go out the window once baby is here I can’t stress enough how much having a baby changes things in ways you didn’t know or think were possible. Not just for you but your relationship. That first year can really knock you for six but there is an end to it and things usually do get easier as time goes on. I think if you both want to move then give it a go. You can say about starting a family but can’t live life on what if’s and maybe’s. When the time comes you may get pregnant quickly, you may not. Until it happens, go live your life where you are happy and go from there. Hopefully if you did have a baby in Aus your parent/s would be able to come visit for a while and spend time. It may be you end up staying longer in Aus, you may move to the UK. I had my son in England, hubby is an Aussie and we moved back when son was 5. No regrets and it’s been lovely to have had a few years in England with my family (altho we didn’t live near them and didn’t see them much) and now the longer term future in Australia. I think you need a fair dollop of selfishness when married to someone from another country and living in their home country, not your own. More so when kids are involved. You as a couple, when kids come along, need to do what works for you both as a family, not what works for your respective families IYKWIM. That could mean longer term in Aus over the UK, cross those bridges as they appear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polrowrow Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Thank you Snifter - this was a really helpful answer and echoes a lot of what I feel! Kids aren't on the cards for a few more years so think we just have to follow our hearts for now and see what happens. Never expected to have to make such heart wrenching decisions when I started dating an Aussie 7 years ago! I feel very lucky to have the choice though 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Yup, agree with Snifter if you are self sufficient and selfish you should do fine. It’s a tough gig and it’ll be tough on your parents but hopefully they’ll cope. Don’t expect them to come and visit you, as the leaver it’s your responsibility to visit them and that takes its toll financially and energy wise. We had our kids far from both families which was fairer - it meant that our little family was more equal without one having everything and the other one, bugger all. It doesn’t take much of a hormonal blip for the resentment when you spend yet another Christmas with the kids at his folks place rather than at your folks’ place. Same goes for him being close to your folk - it takes a special kind of strength. The other thing you need to be really on top of is The Hague Convention. If, for some reason, your relationship goes bung after you’ve had kids and you want to go home, the Family Court will not allow your kids to leave if the other parent says they may not - the other parent can be the biggest drop kick in the world but if they say no, then there is no way the Family Court would let you take them - as many U.K. national women have discovered to their cost. Youre right, you don’t think of these things when you enter into a mixed marriage. It’s not easy. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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