How long before you feel settled/Happy ?

[Chasing a dream]

Hi, 

I have enjoyed reading this thread as have been wondering the same thing. We have only been here 5 months so early days and I am the type of person who can just get on with life. Happy with my UK friends and haven't made a huge effort to make friends here yet. But have been a little surprised as my daughter 12 is finding it hard, she has some girls she "hangs out" with at school but says they don't seem interested in her or even each other really. There have been no invites over. She has invited 2 over here. My son, 10 says he has loads of friends at school but as they all bus to and from school you never see the parents so impossible to organise get togethers. There is no after school sport, or any type of clubs offered where they could get together with like minded kids......any sport etc is done through a club/organization which can be hard to get them to when working! Daughter feeling lonely and wants to go back to UK! Hoping with more time things will feel better for her! 

Only time will tell I guess. 

[Skani]

1 hour ago, Chasing a dream said:

....any sport etc is done through a club/organization which can be hard to get them to when working!

Daughter feeling lonely

What sort of interests does she have?  I'm wondering about weekend activities you could take her to - assuming your work is during the week? - where she could meet others with similar interests.  I'm thinking dancing, gymnastics, drama etc....or wherever her interests might lie.

[Chasing a dream]

On 04/07/2018 at 18:24, Skani said:

What sort of interests does she have?  I'm wondering about weekend activities you could take her to - assuming your work is during the week? - where she could meet others with similar interests.  I'm thinking dancing, gymnastics, drama etc....or wherever her interests might lie.

Thanks Skani, I have managed to get her into dance and my son into rugby which they are both enjoying so hopefully they will make some good friends there!

[Wooba]

I arrived in the Gold Coast in Nov 2016 from Canada (originally from the UK, immigrated to Canada as a child) and I felt like I was "home" the first morning I woke up here while staying in a temporary AirBNB. There's things I miss from Canada (mostly food products/restaurants) and my old job as the standards for electrical here are so horrible. But I don't miss Canada, especially the weather. I don't have that many friends here, but I'm pretty good friends with a British family that I met through this website. My partner has met a few Brazilian friends here who by default have become my friends, but they are good people.

We don't have children nor do we have a super active social life. But to be fair, it's not really any different from where we came from. I once had a very active social life but most of my friends had kids and once that happened I hardly ever saw them. Both of us are very happy living here and neither of us are interested in going back to Canada. I would though if something bad happened here like a prolonged recession. I would never return to the UK though.

[Guest]

To answer your question, I'll let you know. Nearly a year and still feel very unsettled however perhaps more 'accepting'.

[Bulya]

10 minutes ago, Ozzie said:

To answer your question, I'll let you know. Nearly a year and still feel very unsettled however perhaps more 'accepting'.

3 years minimum and often 5.  You’re just getting over the jet lag 

[nicolesmith]

We've lived in a bunch of different countries, UK, Ireland, Isle of Man, Cyprus, New Zealand and now here, and I have to say that we've not had any problem finding a few good friends in any of those places.  However, in all those places our friends have mainly been expats (not just UK expats), but that's kind of understandable when you're trying to break into social circles where people have grown up together and known each other for years.

The place we stayed the longest was NZ (six years), and we had just started making friends with Kiwis and were starting to feel at home there when we left. 

We have been here six months and are starting that process again, but honestly I don't find it any more difficult than in any other place.

My husband is making some great friendships with guys at the gym he goes to, plus tradesmen who came to do some work for us, who he got chatting to.

I have been enjoying reconnecting with a couple of Australian friends I made when I was here on a working holiday back in 2000, so I feel pretty good about that.

I think that for us, we feel as settled here as we have felt anywhere else, and are finding it quite easy to fit in with the people and lifestyle.  I'm looking forward to making lots more friends here.

 

[Alltogethernow]

We're happy, 5 months in, let's not forget the 24 month pregnancy; though.

ATN

[SUPERSTARDJ01]

Sounds like everyone has a similar issue, if your all in similar areas why don't you arrange to meet up?

[avril]

On 29/01/2018 at 11:51, Clm said:

Hi , 

i have sincerely put myself out there - joined groups - fitness , school groups ect 

i just found myself with the same hurdle of - cliques and almost political friendships.

its not something I'm used to and just wondered if this was just me felling like this! 

I'm a very social person and my own company I like, but I do like to enjoy my friendships - have fun and do things - this to me is a healthy balance to have within my life. 

So much so - I feel very alone here 

yes I have my husband and kids but I do believe friendships and socialising is important too. 

Sorry to step in but I know how you feel I have just come over with my daughter and her family yes I have my husband but we both feel the same we had a really good social life back in Brum and now we have got to start all over again and we had really good friends ones that I would call true but  i suppose you have to start all over again

[ramot]

Sometimes when I read these posts I wonder how accepted other nationalities are if they move to UK.and into your area? Would you instantly welcome them into your group of friends? If you leave your long term home and friends then it is unrealistic to expect the same relationships in Australia. It takes time to build a friendship.

I say this as someone who has lived in 5 countries, and stopped counting after moving 17 times due to my husbands job, I have tried to smile at everyone, accepted any invites and hoped for the best. Took time but seemed to work.

[Bodsy]

When we came to Brisbane 35 years ago, I came to the opinion that Australians will make you feel very welcome at initial meeting, but the friendship does not seem to develop very easily from there.

After all this time I still feel the same.  Having said that, the friendships I made in the UK were early marriage/kids type of friendships - the type that have a long history and are difficult to replicate after a certain age.  When we return to the UK (which we do annually now that we are all reaching the 'dropping off the perch' stage of life) conversations seem to take up where they left off (as others have said) and the overwhelming feeling is of comfort - I feel that I belong and am not constantly labelled as 'different'.  I think that is why many migrants mix with others from the same culture - they understand each other and feel that they can relax and feel at home. 

I am sure that many, many UK migrants feel settled and that they belong in Oz, but for other first-generation migrants it will always be something that they struggle with.  I suppose that is why a number of retirees return to UK  - a very difficult decision when children and grand-children are fully settled.  However, I remind myself that our decision to emigrate in our mid-30s was not for our benefit, but for our children's future - and they seem happy and successful in their lives. 

 

[ABG]

We’re now living in our 3rd continent (South Africa, UK, Oz) and despite only being here 5 weeks, we feel very much at home. As a perpetual expat, we’ve found Australia far more welcoming than when we first moved to the UK. We’ve however been away from our homeland for more than 12 years so have long since acclimated to expat status.

[Bulya]

11 minutes ago, ABG said:

We’re now living in our 3rd continent (South Africa, UK, Oz) and despite only being here 5 weeks, we feel very much at home. As a perpetual expat, we’ve found Australia far more welcoming than when we first moved to the UK. We’ve however been away from our homeland for more than 12 years so have long since acclimated to expat status.

Who wouldn’t be happy here in God’s Country?  Nearly 52 years here myself.

[starlight7]

I have lived here since the early 1970s and can honestly say I have never had any problems making friends- still have some of those' originals' plus many more on the way.  I do think you have to put yourself out there, though and invite people over rather than wait to be asked. You would wait for ever if you don't. I have also found that the older you get, the more people seem to just chat with you and go for lunches, coffees etc- because they realise life is short and you might as well enjoy it! I live in the suburbs and I think perhaps it is easier than when you live in the CBD. I found it much, much harder to make friends in the UK once I had left home than I have ever done in Australia. I was friendly with a few people where we last lived and I well remember this poor woman from the US- no one would talk to her simply because she 'didn't fit in'- what a load of cows we were, looking back.  

[governedby nutters]

Why would anyone  English  want to Immigrate to Australia? Aussies in general are anti Pom It gives some a feeling of not belonging ..After 35 years here i should talk.But i have had that feeling for many years,now i've grown to hate the place.I could go into heaps of reasons why. But it's a myth that there is a better life in Australia ,Than in England. Unless you take in what a certain click,of want to be Aussies on here say,that rant on about how wonderful it is,That never stop tearing Britain down. Or put other Brits down that tell the truth.And rant on about their bad grammer or bad spelling.It says in the Rules that u have to be over 13 years old, to comment on this site. Yet the click of wanna be Aussies's, have a mentality of  less than 13 year olds. But you will have noted who these lot are. That think they own the site.And thousands are returning home. Maybe it's because of Brexit?, Or  just simply they Love they own  Country,warts and all it's still a great place.And home is where your heart is.

[Marisawright]

On 09/10/2018 at 23:46, starlight7 said:

I do think you have to put yourself out there, though and invite people over rather than wait to be asked.

I think you have to be careful how you phrase that.  It can too easily come across as, "Can't make friends?  It's all your own fault, you're not trying hard enough, silly cow".   

I am convinced it isn't the individual's fault, and it does depend on where you are - but it has nothing to do with the country you're in.  There are cities and towns where "incomers" are not welcomed, and they can exist anywhere, all over the world.   

I "put myself out there" a lot in Southampton and met with rebuffs everywhere - to the point where I thought it was all my fault and I'd never make a friend in my life again.  Moved to Melbourne and have already made lots of acquaintances and a few good friends.  Yet I have a friend who moved to Adelaide, stuck it out for two years and came back because she felt ostracized as an outsider.   

[Bulya]

1 hour ago, governedby nutters said:

Why would anyone  English  want to Immigrate to Australia? Aussies in general are anti Pom It gives some a feeling of not belonging ..After 35 years here i should talk.But i have had that feeling for many years,now i've grown to hate the place.I could go into heaps of reasons why. But it's a myth that there is a better life in Australia ,Than in England. Unless you take in what a certain click,of want to be Aussies on here say,that rant on about how wonderful it is,That never stop tearing Britain down. Or put other Brits down that tell the truth.And rant on about their bad grammer or bad spelling.It says in the Rules that u have to be over 13 years old, to comment on this site. Yet the click of wanna be Aussies's, have a mentality of  less than 13 year olds. But you will have noted who these lot are. That think they own the site.And thousands are returning home. Maybe it's because of Brexit?, Or  just simply they Love they own  Country,warts and all it's still a great place.And home is where your heart is.

What a strange post 

[Drumbeat]

2 hours ago, governedby nutters said:

Why would anyone  English  want to Immigrate to Australia? Aussies in general are anti Pom It gives some a feeling of not belonging ..After 35 years here i should talk.But i have had that feeling for many years,now i've grown to hate the place.I could go into heaps of reasons why. But it's a myth that there is a better life in Australia ,Than in England. Unless you take in what a certain click,of want to be Aussies on here say,that rant on about how wonderful it is,That never stop tearing Britain down. Or put other Brits down that tell the truth.And rant on about their bad grammer or bad spelling.It says in the Rules that u have to be over 13 years old, to comment on this site. Yet the click of wanna be Aussies's, have a mentality of  less than 13 year olds. But you will have noted who these lot are. That think they own the site.And thousands are returning home. Maybe it's because of Brexit?, Or  just simply they Love they own  Country,warts and all it's still a great place.And home is where your heart is.

Haven't you posted the same absurd comments before under a different name??

[starlight7]

Guess it takes all sorts, huh?  I haven't found the anti- pom attitudes anywhere here I have to say but I imagine they do exist  I tend to sound quite aussie though with a London accent- not too far removed from an aussie twang and living here so long it kind of develops. G by n has a rather jaundiced view of the whole country I think.  It is a huge place and attitudes vary just as they do everywhere else. I have met some really nasty poms who did nothing but whinge and criticise but equally I have met many who are delightful and a joy to be with with their sense of humour and attitude to life.  All part of life's rich pattern I think.

[PFC1975]

Settled immediately & love it 

the whole family do 

We live in Darwin & have done for 21 months now & it’s amazing 

i can only speak as I find & I can say in that time we’ve made friends that will be friends for life & we know that . 

I’ve two mates from UK one in Melbourne another on the Gold Coast & have had various struggles of making friends etc 

Now of course personality comes into this but I feel the main issue is location location location. 

Darwin is a small city isolated where all in the same boat . It’s hot , relaxed , easy going, friendly. A lot of people live here also don’t have family there from other parts of Australia & usually work has brought them here . 

 

You learn to to rely on each other. All our friends are Aussies & our social life of BBQ,s going out to water parks with the kids or camping. Going for a coffee to watch the sunset etc is just amazing 

 

Would this happen in a large Australian City I don’t think so . Life is more rushed hectic , people already have there established friends & family close by 

 

Darwin is a hidden gem in someways it’s great place to meet people just on how it is . I can’t recommend it enough but so few come here 

Plus it has one of the lowest unemployment rates in Australia 

 

As I think BobJ said he’s lived a lot of regional places in Australia. I think it’s best & the way to go if you can . You’ll experience the real Australia & not just a big city like any other in the world 

 

its a shame people don’t settle & if it’s that bad honestly look to move regional or Country Australia it’s a different feel 

[SUPERSTARDJ01]

We've been in Cairns for 5 weeks now, we made a friend on pomsinoz here before moving but other than him and his family, we haven't met anyone yet, once I start work in a few days I'll meet more people.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

On 14/10/2018 at 08:56, governedby nutters said:

Why would anyone  English  want to Immigrate to Australia? Aussies in general are anti Pom It gives some a feeling of not belonging ..After 35 years here i should talk.But i have had that feeling for many years,now i've grown to hate the place.I could go into heaps of reasons why. But it's a myth that there is a better life in Australia ,Than in England. Unless you take in what a certain click,of want to be Aussies on here say,that rant on about how wonderful it is,That never stop tearing Britain down. Or put other Brits down that tell the truth.And rant on about their bad grammer or bad spelling.It says in the Rules that u have to be over 13 years old, to comment on this site. Yet the click of wanna be Aussies's, have a mentality of  less than 13 year olds. But you will have noted who these lot are. That think they own the site.And thousands are returning home. Maybe it's because of Brexit?, Or  just simply they Love they own  Country,warts and all it's still a great place.And home is where your heart is.

Strange, you have lived in Oz 35 years but think the UK is a better place. I suggest you go and scratch that itch as soon as possible. 

‘I also suggest you take another read of the forum rules regarding personal insults, you have just called the majority of our membership stating they have a mentality of less than a 13 year old. 

‘Just because people don’t think of Australia the same as you doesn’t make them wrong. You should be happy for them like I’m sure they will be happy when you return back to the UK.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

13 hours ago, SUPERSTARDJ01 said:

We've been in Cairns for 5 weeks now, we made a friend on pomsinoz here before moving but other than him and his family, we haven't met anyone yet, once I start work in a few days I'll meet more people.

How are you enjoying Cairns. We loved it. We didn’t see many other poms but the Aussies were always very welcoming. Good luck with the new job.

[starlight7]

Oh Cairns is such a lovely place.  We have had some of our very best holidays up there, I would go there in a heartbeat.