Dilemma whether to stay or go

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, Tricky said:

So we've made the final decision to return to the UK. 

It won't be a rush as we already have visitors coming out for Easter and first two weeks of June so plenty of time to declutter, plan and tidy up the house/garden for sale. Hopefully have it on the market mid July. As we've got the toddler it will also help that we have 5 months as things can take twice as long ?

It's strange though that now we've made the decision, my head is already in UK mode and I'm concentrating on looking at areas to live, job ads, mortgage costs etc. I've sort of left the whole trying to 'fit' here alone now, which after 7 years I never felt I did. I love the place, don't get me wrong and we've met some great people but I've always felt reluctant to put down any roots which is what helped us make the decision, however the number one reason is our daughter having time with family, and they are all excited about us returning and we've got accommodation with the inlaws for as long as we need to find jobs and then somewhere to buy which will take a massive amount of pressure off, however not all of it, there's only so long you can live with the inlaws. 

Now to make the most of the time we have here before the next stage of the adventure we call life. 

I think the UK mode is a normal thing. Its been the same every time we've made a move within the UK or overseas. Once you have decided you are going wherever it is you are going, you simply move into the gear for it and start thinking ahead, planning and sorting. Its a good mode to be in. It also helps you focus on the things you need to wrap up before you leave and deal with all the leaving stuff. 

I did a fair few months with in laws when we moved this way and tbh it was a struggle. When you are an adult and living in someone else's home, it can and does grate (and we had our own space in the rumpus out back to boot). Even if I stay with my parents on holiday, I can only do a couple of weeks before I need my own space. I don't think its an easy thing and even if you get on with them, the sooner you can be in your own place the better. 

Good luck with it all. I'm sure it'll be fine and you'll enjoy being back. Its a lovely part of the world for the most part. Every country has its good and not so good areas and so on. Work wise I'd expect you to be able to find something pretty quick, even if its a starting point and you are looking to change jobs inside of 6 months. 

 

[Marisawright]

Congratulations!   You sound like you've got the right attitude. All the best for the next stage of your adventure.

[Scousers1]

On 19/01/2018 at 06:38, Geordie girl said:

Hi, well we lived in Australia for 28 years and moved back to the UK in December 2015 with our 2 teenage daughters.

Like most our circumstances changed in Australia and we missed family in the UK so we sold our beautiful home, most of our belongings, pulled our children out of their private school and away from the only life they ever knew and regret it every day.

It was by far the biggest mistake we have made in our lives.  Sad thing is though, our gut always told us we were doing the wrong thing, however we looked through rose coloured glasses and thought it would be great.

Don't get me wrong - this is just our story, others move back and settle - others like us don't.

 

Good luck - is it possible for you to come to the UK for a long trip instead - you know like try before you buy?

Can i ask why it was a mistake and what you thought it would be like? Compared to how it is. We have been in Melbourne 30 years and i am sinking into depression with feeling so isolatd and missing those who you know would be there forever for you.

[Marisawright]

32 minutes ago, Scousers1 said:

Can i ask why it was a mistake and what you thought it would be like? Compared to how it is. We have been in Melbourne 30 years and i am sinking into depression with feeling so isolatd and missing those who you know would be there forever for you.

I went back after 30 years and I didn't settle either.  To be fair, my family are scattered all over the south of England, so it was never a case of being able to see them every week.  But I found that they all had their own lives and I was lucky if I saw one or two of them once a month!  My former friends all had new lives (and they didn't live nearby either) so those friendships were never revived.  So in the end, it was like being in another strange country, having to make new friends all over again. 

If you can go back to your home town, and your family and old friends are all still there in close proximity, then that would be a totally different story.  

Edited February 9, 2018 by Marisawright

[Scousers1]

3 hours ago, Marisawright said:

I went back after 30 years and I didn't settle either.  To be fair, my family are scattered all over the south of England, so it was never a case of being able to see them every week.  But I found that they all had their own lives and I was lucky if I saw one or two of them once a month!  My former friends all had new lives (and they didn't live nearby either) so those friendships were never revived.  So in the end, it was like being in another strange country, having to make new friends all over again. 

If you can go back to your home town, and your family and old friends are all still there in close proximity, then that would be a totally different story.  

Thanks for the update. Yes, for me all my family and friends are still in one town and every time i go its like nothing has changed in those 30 years. So maybe it will work out.

[Bobths]

I'd defo try and move back to your home town. We had to relocate down south because hubby has to work in London whereas we're from the north west originally. All the friends that 'really missed us' are quite happy to catch up.....providing we travel the 4+ hours up north. Not a single one has come down to visit. Hubby's sister lives a 20 min drive away and has been to our house twice in nearly a year. Same with hubby's parents (the main reason we came back), more than happy to see the grandkids, but only if we go up north to them. Renting a 3-bed house to facilitate visits has been a complete waste of money. And 4+ hours in a car with two dogs & two pre school children is not a fun way to spend a Friday night or Sunday evening. We will be ponging back to Melbourne as soon as hubby can get a transfer back - at least there my kids had daily playdates with friends and fun summer-long visits from my parents. 

[Marisawright]

1 hour ago, Bobths said:

I'd defo try and move back to your home town. We had to relocate down south because hubby has to work in London whereas we're from the north west originally. All the friends that 'really missed us' are quite happy to catch up.....providing we travel the 4+ hours up north. Not a single one has come down to visit. Hubby's sister lives a 20 min drive away and has been to our house twice in nearly a year. Same with hubby's parents (the main reason we came back), more than happy to see the grandkids, but only if we go up north to them. 

We had the same experience.  

[Tricky]

We will be moving back close to family, maybe 20-30 mins away. We will actually have the opposite problem with family, we will have to try and keep them away, we always did when we were in the UK lol. 

The in-laws are even paying for the dog to return to help ease the financial pain that it international relocation. 

Got our first estate agent coming next week for an appraisal and to suss them out. 

The only thing we are stressing about is selling the cars and hoping they sell and if they do dealing without them for a few weeks. Sure we will cope. 

[Bobths]

We sold our car, no problem, if we hadn’t we had friends who were going to sell it after we left. Lol, my parents helped us buy our house in Melbourne and have offered to help us move back - complete opposite situation ? 

[Geordie girl]

On 2/9/2018 at 22:46, Scousers1 said:

Can i ask why it was a mistake and what you thought it would be like? Compared to how it is. We have been in Melbourne 30 years and i am sinking into depression with feeling so isolatd and missing those who you know would be there forever for you.

Hi dont be fooled when everyone says that they'll be there for you.........it sounded great while we were in Aus to come back to family and friends and everyone here said how much they miss us and how amazing it would be to be around again and how much everyone would help blah blah blah.........rubbish.  All the job offers people said they had for us, was a lie, all the help everyone said they would give us was a lie and all the visits and catch ups they said we would have was a lie.  My sisters live 15 and 20 minutes from me and i never see them unless i go to them.  My daughters struggled to fit in at school and one dropped out - something which never would have happened if we stayed in Aus and she is now in college doing a nice course but resenting it as she's academically behind others her age.  She missed out on school proms and amazing overseas trips and is often lost and lonely.

Hubby found work fine and is settled there, whereas i have gone from 1 temp role to a part time one now to a full time one that i hate. The wages here are really poor and i earn less working full time than i did working part time in Aus.  The cost of living is much higher here and the cost of everything is much more......especially fuel and food.

I miss the large shopping centres wandering around browsing and having everything handy (yes things are actually in easier reach than here).  Here i drive to a supermarket then have to drive somewhere else for clothes, then drive somewhere else for homewares etc......its a nightmare.

The weather is seriously depressing and the days are dreary.....leaving home in the morning in the dark and returning home in the evening in the dark is soul destroying.......and we are seriously missing the sun and warmth (not the 40 degree days - just the general warmth)

On the plus side, we are australian citizens and hoping to return to aus at christmas for a holiday - and fingers crossed back for good soon afterwards.

We wont have the huge house we had, or the high salary but we will have family and true friends and the lifestyle and sun we so desperately miss and want back.

 

Good luck - sorry if this sounds gloomy - it's just my honest opinion xx

 

[Bobths]

*hugs* to you, Geordie Girl. Sounds like you’re having the same experience as us. I hope we both get back to Aus sooner rather than later x

[tea4too]

2 hours ago, Geordie girl said:

Hi dont be fooled when everyone says that they'll be there for you.........it sounded great while we were in Aus to come back to family and friends and everyone here said how much they miss us and how amazing it would be to be around again and how much everyone would help blah blah blah.........rubbish.  All the job offers people said they had for us, was a lie, all the help everyone said they would give us was a lie and all the visits and catch ups they said we would have was a lie.  My sisters live 15 and 20 minutes from me and i never see them unless i go to them.  My daughters struggled to fit in at school and one dropped out - something which never would have happened if we stayed in Aus and she is now in college doing a nice course but resenting it as she's academically behind others her age.  She missed out on school proms and amazing overseas trips and is often lost and lonely.

Hubby found work fine and is settled there, whereas i have gone from 1 temp role to a part time one now to a full time one that i hate. The wages here are really poor and i earn less working full time than i did working part time in Aus.  The cost of living is much higher here and the cost of everything is much more......especially fuel and food.

I miss the large shopping centres wandering around browsing and having everything handy (yes things are actually in easier reach than here).  Here i drive to a supermarket then have to drive somewhere else for clothes, then drive somewhere else for homewares etc......its a nightmare.

The weather is seriously depressing and the days are dreary.....leaving home in the morning in the dark and returning home in the evening in the dark is soul destroying.......and we are seriously missing the sun and warmth (not the 40 degree days - just the general warmth)

On the plus side, we are australian citizens and hoping to return to aus at christmas for a holiday - and fingers crossed back for good soon afterwards.

We wont have the huge house we had, or the high salary but we will have family and true friends and the lifestyle and sun we so desperately miss and want back.

 

Good luck - sorry if this sounds gloomy - it's just my honest opinion xx

 

When my brother took his family off to Aus they went full of excitement for the adventure, while those of us left behind simply had to find ways to manage the huge gap their departure created. Over the years there have been visits, both ways, and we all remember birthdays, anniversaries and such like, there are plenty of phone calls and text messages. But we live on the periphery of each other’s lives now and the gaps they initially left have healed over as we adjusted to the absence. I’m not sure how realistic it would be for them to expect to slot right back in if they returned, if for no other reason than family and friends have since found other ways to fill their time.  We have all moved on to some extent I guess.

How easy it is to settle back into UK life after living elsewhere is possibly another matter. Personally I have a good life here, I actually like the climate and have never really worried about how hot, cold or wet it might be as the weather has rarely stopped us doing anything we wanted to do (possibly because, ever practical, I usually have a Plan B). I like the history here, the abundance of cities with their own distinct style, the villages, the coast line, the national parks, and the National Trust. I’m not keen on shopping but it’s easy enough to order groceries on line and have them delivered to my door, and any other shopping I tend to use as an excuse to make a day of it with lunch thrown in for good measure. Occasionally I venture to out of town retail parks as they have most of the big names, and I like the fact that the car parking is free.

It can be dark, wet and cold in the winter months, but with spring just around the corner it is lovely to see the daffodils starting to emerge, and I’ve noticed it already stays light that little bit longer each day. In a month or so the Cherry tree in my garden will be in full bloom and I’ll get to spend more time in the garden. My summerhouse will come into it’s own if it turns out to be a wet spring.

I am not in any way disagreeing with  @Geordie girl as our thoughts, views and experiences are personal to each of us, it’s just that sometimes there is more than one way to experience the same thing.  Any relocation is a risk and a MBTTUK is no different in that respect but, for me at least, it’s good to be here. T x

 

[bristolman]

2 hours ago, Geordie girl said:

Hi dont be fooled when everyone says that they'll be there for you.........it sounded great while we were in Aus to come back to family and friends and everyone here said how much they miss us and how amazing it would be to be around again and how much everyone would help blah blah blah.........rubbish.  All the job offers people said they had for us, was a lie, all the help everyone said they would give us was a lie and all the visits and catch ups they said we would have was a lie.  My sisters live 15 and 20 minutes from me and i never see them unless i go to them.  My daughters struggled to fit in at school and one dropped out - something which never would have happened if we stayed in Aus and she is now in college doing a nice course but resenting it as she's academically behind others her age.  She missed out on school proms and amazing overseas trips and is often lost and lonely.

Hubby found work fine and is settled there, whereas i have gone from 1 temp role to a part time one now to a full time one that i hate. The wages here are really poor and i earn less working full time than i did working part time in Aus.  The cost of living is much higher here and the cost of everything is much more......especially fuel and food.

I miss the large shopping centres wandering around browsing and having everything handy (yes things are actually in easier reach than here).  Here i drive to a supermarket then have to drive somewhere else for clothes, then drive somewhere else for homewares etc......its a nightmare.

The weather is seriously depressing and the days are dreary.....leaving home in the morning in the dark and returning home in the evening in the dark is soul destroying.......and we are seriously missing the sun and warmth (not the 40 degree days - just the general warmth)

On the plus side, we are australian citizens and hoping to return to aus at christmas for a holiday - and fingers crossed back for good soon afterwards.

We wont have the huge house we had, or the high salary but we will have family and true friends and the lifestyle and sun we so desperately miss and want back.

 

Good luck - sorry if this sounds gloomy - it's just my honest opinion xx

 

Yes it sounds as though you need to return, the move in either direction doesn't work for everyone of course. 

We are finding most things so much cheaper, especially food so I'm surprisèd you are finding food more expensive really. Yes fuel is more but we pay less for insurance and the equivalent of registration so that evens out. The short period of dark days is more than made up for by the glorious long Spring, Summer and into Autumn days.

It does seem as though you made a mistake which is a shame. 

[bristolman]

7 minutes ago, tea4too said:

When my brother took his family off to Aus they went full of excitement for the adventure, while those of us left behind simply had to find ways to manage the huge gap their departure created. Over the years there have been visits, both ways, and we all remember birthdays, anniversaries and such like, there are plenty of phone calls and text messages. But we live on the periphery of each other’s lives now and the gaps they initially left have healed over as we adjusted to the absence. I’m not sure how realistic it would be for them to expect to slot right back in if they returned, if for no other reason than family and friends have since found other ways to fill their time.  We have all moved on to some extent I guess.

How easy it is to settle back into UK life after living elsewhere is possibly another matter. Personally I have a good life here, I actually like the climate and have never really worried about how hot, cold or wet it might be as the weather has rarely stopped us doing anything we wanted to do (possibly because, ever practical, I usually have a Plan B). I like the history here, the abundance of cities with their own distinct style, the villages, the coast line, the national parks, and the National Trust. I’m not keen on shopping but it’s easy enough to order groceries on line and have them delivered to my door, and any other shopping I tend to use as an excuse to make a day of it with lunch thrown in for good measure. Occasionally I venture to out of town retail parks as they have most of the big names, and I like the fact that the car parking is free.

It can be dark, wet and cold in the winter months, but with spring just around the corner it is lovely to see the daffodils starting to emerge, and I’ve noticed it already stays light that little bit longer each day. In a month or so the Cherry tree in my garden will be in full bloom and I’ll get to spend more time in the garden. My summerhouse will come into it’s own if it turns out to be a wet spring.

I am not in any way disagreeing with  @Geordie girl as our thoughts, views and experiences are personal to each of us, it’s just that sometimes there is more than one way to experience the same thing.  Any relocation is a risk and a MBTTUK is no different in that respect but, for me at least, it’s good to be here. T x

 

 

 

I will admit that sometimes when I read some posts I wonder what country people are referring to as it just seems to bear no resemblance to the one I live in. I think the difference is when you become 'depressed' for want of a better word you start to see things differently, you see only bad and then you see the other place as the answer. 

[ali]

8 hours ago, tea4too said:

When my brother took his family off to Aus they went full of excitement for the adventure, while those of us left behind simply had to find ways to manage the huge gap their departure created. Over the years there have been visits, both ways, and we all remember birthdays, anniversaries and such like, there are plenty of phone calls and text messages. But we live on the periphery of each other’s lives now and the gaps they initially left have healed over as we adjusted to the absence. I’m not sure how realistic it would be for them to expect to slot right back in if they returned, if for no other reason than family and friends have since found other ways to fill their time.  We have all moved on to some extent I guess.

 

 

 

 

I really agree with this tea 4 too and that this is probably the reason like Geordie Girl says that the "we'll be there for you" - doesn't always materialise.  I think that things do change for people  and certainly over a long period.  Whilst we think things might be 'the same' they're going to be different.   I moved from my home town - only 50 miles away, but the trips back for nights out dwindled as friends/colleagues would be talking about things that I didn't have a part of or fit into. 

[ramot]

This relates to going back on holiday, but for some the same is true when you return permanently.

It's well known in the expat world that usually when you return for holidays having travelled half way across the world that almost everyone expects you to carry on travelling to visit them, so limit your driving if possible otherwise you end up not feeling you have had a holiday.

Some of the long lasting jokes include 'oh I can't see you on Wednesday I always do my shopping on Wednesdays, or it's the day I play bingo', in other words I can't or won't change my routine. Ok extreme examples but does sum up the reality. You are actually short of time but they won't change their routine.

The best advice we were given was to rent your own place, tell everyone where you are if they want to see you. It's an eye opener and sorts out your real friends. Mostly you hear 'love to see you when can you pop over'.

After 25 years we still luckily have good friends in UK, some take advantage of where we stay and visit, we always visit our old village, have a fantastic time, have a great catch up with all our friends but understand it wouldn't be like that if we moved back, life would return to them living full lives, and we would have to fill ours. 

Also although it hurts you have to accept people have moved on, that's life.

[bristolman]

11 hours ago, ramot said:

This relates to going back on holiday, but for some the same is true when you return permanently.

It's well known in the expat world that usually when you return for holidays having travelled half way across the world that almost everyone expects you to carry on travelling to visit them, so limit your driving if possible otherwise you end up not feeling you have had a holiday.

Some of the long lasting jokes include 'oh I can't see you on Wednesday I always do my shopping on Wednesdays, or it's the day I play bingo', in other words I can't or won't change my routine. Ok extreme examples but does sum up the reality. You are actually short of time but they won't change their routine.

The best advice we were given was to rent your own place, tell everyone where you are if they want to see you. It's an eye opener and sorts out your real friends. Mostly you hear 'love to see you when can you pop over'.

After 25 years we still luckily have good friends in UK, some take advantage of where we stay and visit, we always visit our old village, have a fantastic time, have a great catch up with all our friends but understand it wouldn't be like that if we moved back, life would return to them living full lives, and we would have to fill ours. 

Also although it hurts you have to accept people have moved on, that's life.

We have some really good friends here in the UK, friends that we have had for 30 years in a couple of cases. When we moved to the UK it was like we had never been away and we slotted straight back in. Those are the friendships we were never able to replicate in Australia, people just dont seem as open and dare I say it as genuine. My opinion only. 

[ramot]

22 hours ago, bristolman said:

We have some really good friends here in the UK, friends that we have had for 30 years in a couple of cases. When we moved to the UK it was like we had never been away and we slotted straight back in. Those are the friendships we were never able to replicate in Australia, people just dont seem as open and dare I say it as genuine. My opinion only. 

Lucky for me I seem able to make good friends any where I have lived, still in touch with friends I made in Africa in the 1960's RAF service life, UK village Brunei and now Oz. The years roll away whenever or wherever we meet up. Perhaps the Sunshine Coast is a nicer place than your background in Oz, but again have here a great supportive group of friends, we might not share long term memories but enjoy making new ones.

I shan't comment any more as it isn't really relevant to the thread.

Edited February 13, 2018 by ramot

[bristolman]

3 minutes ago, ramot said:

Lucky for me I seem able to make good friends any where I have lived, still in touch with friends I made in Africa in the 1960's RAF service life, UK village Brunei and now Oz. The years roll away whenever or wherever we meet up. Perhaps the Sunshine Coast is a nicer place than your background in Oz, but again have here a great supportive group of friends, we might not share long term memories but enjoy making new ones.

No we were in a nice area and many of the people were very nice but the friendships just never seemed as solid, almost superficial. 

[Toots]

On 12/02/2018 at 22:22, bristolman said:

We have some really good friends here in the UK, friends that we have had for 30 years in a couple of cases. When we moved to the UK it was like we had never been away and we slotted straight back in. Those are the friendships we were never able to replicate in Australia, people just dont seem as open and dare I say it as genuine. My opinion only. 

I have friends in the UK I have known since my school days and since my first job away from home - that's closer to 50 years ago.    How time flies!  When I go back it's like I've hardly been away.  Those friendships with all the history attached can never be replicated.  I'm still in touch regularly with friends I made when I lived in the USA, France and Belgium.  I never made any friends when I lived in Switzerland.  I do have very good friends here in Australia but of course we moved to Tasmania and they are in NSW.  Since I've been here I know lots of people socially and there are 3 women I have become good friends with.  One is originally from Germany, one from Scotland and the other originally from England but lived in Qld for 20 years.  I do think we have a solid friendship and I enjoy their company.   By nature I can be a bit of a loner and I don't seek friends despite finding it nice to have a few and it certainly is nowhere near at the top of my "disaster" list if I didn't have any. TBH, I find it rather tragic (for want of a better word) that some folk need other folk, the way they do but hey, that's just me.  My husband is my best friend.

 

Edited February 13, 2018 by Toots

[bristolman]

15 minutes ago, Toots said:

I have friends in the UK I have known since my school days and since my first job away from home - that's closer to 50 years ago.    How time flies!  When I go back it's like I've hardly been away.  Those friendships with all the history attached can never be replicated.  I'm still in touch regularly with friends I made when I lived in the USA, France and Belgium.  I never made any friends when I lived in Switzerland.  I do have very good friends here in Australia but of course we moved to Tasmania and they are in NSW.  Since I've been here I know lots of people socially and there are 3 women I have become good friends with.  One is originally from Germany, one from Scotland and the other originally from England but lived in Qld for 20 years.  I do think we have a solid friendship and I enjoy their company.   By nature I can be a bit of a loner and I don't seek friends despite finding it nice to have a few and it certainly is nowhere near at the top of my "disaster" list if I didn't have any. TBH, I find it rather tragic (for want of a better word) that some folk need other folk, the way they do but hey, that's just me.  My husband is my best friend.

 

I must admit I don't need other people, I would be more than happy with just myself and my wife. We don't live that close to our good friends but get to see them regularly. 

[Cascade]

On 18/01/2018 at 19:38, Geordie girl said:

Hi, well we lived in Australia for 28 years and moved back to the UK in December 2015 with our 2 teenage daughters.

Like most our circumstances changed in Australia and we missed family in the UK so we sold our beautiful home, most of our belongings, pulled our children out of their private school and away from the only life they ever knew and regret it every day.

It was by far the biggest mistake we have made in our lives.  Sad thing is though, our gut always told us we were doing the wrong thing, however we looked through rose coloured glasses and thought it would be great.

Don't get me wrong - this is just our story, others move back and settle - others like us don't.

 

Good luck - is it possible for you to come to the UK for a long trip instead - you know like try before you buy?

Can I ask why you regret it? I have lived in London for 25yrs and my hubby and I are planning on moving to Oz. He’s not from there and our kids range from 8-13yrs. We are happy in the uk but have a good opportunity to head back and if we don’t go now we prob won’t do it. Worried about the kids settling in though. Worried about regretting going / not going!!

[Home and Happy]

On ‎15‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 00:22, Tricky said:

 

sometimes we feel a bit isolated from the rest of the world and that it's tough to just 'pop' somewhere else 

One of the main reasons we got out of it.  Nothing can prepare you for the isolation you can face in Australia, nobody tells you all about that feeling before you leave.  

You can't really appreciate just how well located the UK is until you move away out there.  

You can have the nicest concrete Tuscany style McMansion on the street, but its all very pointless and unimpressive because its cut off from the whole world. 

[Marisawright]

5 hours ago, Cascade said:

Can I ask why you regret it? I have lived in London for 25yrs and my hubby and I are planning on moving to Oz. He’s not from there and our kids range from 8-13yrs. We are happy in the uk but have a good opportunity to head back and if we don’t go now we prob won’t do it. Worried about the kids settling in though. Worried about regretting going / not going!!

It's really hard to judge by other people's experiences, because everyone is different. However, I do think that length of time away is an important factor in whether you can settle or not. 

Leave Australia (or the UK) for five or ten years and not much has changed.  Leave the country for over 20 years, and it's a different story.  The country will have changed, because the world is changing, but you will have changed, too, probably more than you realise.

On top of that, the longer you're away, the more the memories of bad times fade, and memories of the good times gain a rosier and rosier glow.  So you may be going back with expectations of resuming a life that never existed in the first place, and that guarantees you'll be disappointed.

Finally, after 20+ years, your friends and family will have completely filled the you-shaped hole you left in their lives, and may not be willing or able to give up other friends or activities to make room for you again.

Those are all the possible negatives, some may apply to you and some may not.  

[Beckfield]

On 1/15/2018 at 11:22, Tricky said:

Just wondering whether anyone has been in a similar situation and can offer advice or offer advice even if you haven't. 

My wife and I have been in Adelaide for 7 years, and two years ago had a daughter. 

We like living here, and although sometimes we feel a bit isolated from the rest of the world and that it's tough to just 'pop' somewhere else we have no major issues with the place. We have a house here and are citizens. 

We have however started to talk about how our daughter is the other side of the world from family. Granted they have come to visit and we have been back there with her once, but it's still a limited amount of time and we can't really afford a European trip every year. 

We are now trying to decide whether we should head back. We didn't leave the UK because we hated it, we left for an adventure really. 

Obviously only we can work out whether it's worth it financially, whether we sell our house here or rent it out just incase, etc. We know that jobs aren't a guarantee straight away, as we knew when we came here however we were quite lucky in that regard. 

Has anyone had similar feelings, moved back and it has/hasn't worked out. Reasons as to why? We just wanna make sure we make as best educated decision as possible. 

We would be living 30-50 minutes from family as we would plan to move back closer to a city instead of country villages. We don't expect to see family every day and we realise that we will never know for sure if we made the right decision. 

Enough of my rambling. Thanks in advance. 

Hello Tricky, I really sympathise with that feeling of uncertainty as to what's best for your family and whether you should go back or stay in SA.  Personally, I would certainly go.  Bonds with extended family can't really be forged easily when the visits are few and far between, and your daughter is just a tot, so it would be really lovely for her to grow up knowing her extended family.  I was a child of a migrant family back decades ago, and we always missed our grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins so much.  Whenever there were weddings or other special family occasions we were always the ones who were stuck here unable to go, and to some extent it affects your identity because you're cut off from your relatives and feel removed from the clan, if you know what I mean.  We missed out on lots being so far away from everyone else we loved.  Living 30-50 minutes away is nothing, given the distances we all do living in Australia.  I travel an hour to the nearest major town.  So personally, I say Go, and rejoin your family.  Life's so short....  and the need to belong is so important.  All the best!!